Originally Posted by Bramblethorn
I loved the premise. I think we can all relate to that "just one more day" in one way or another. I am cursing you a little bit because reading this has me thinking of other stories I could write based on the same premise, and you KNOW I already have a story to write :-) So I gave it five stars.
Thanks. I'm also massively looking forward to chapter 3 in my Inbox.
My only criticism is pretty mild: I think the twist loses some of its impact because I spent most of the story thinking "there's going to be a horrible twist, I wonder what it'll be?" and I didn't let myself get too attached to characters who were bound to meet with heartbreak.
Partly this is because the story puts a lot of emphasis on how special this day is and how unusual it is for Lisa to take the time out to focus on Ayomi this way. But TBH, a large part of it is the two words immediately following the title: "By LaRascasse" ;-)
Twist endings are your thing, and you do them well. You're very creative in coming up with devastating last-act revelations, and you have plenty of readers who love them; you're never going to be short of red "H"s. But I would be interested to see you try a few non-twisty stories; it might be a good way to build some muscles in different places.
TBH, I've been thinking of long-form romance myself. However, both when reading and writing, I find myself drawn to short stories. Even this short story took me well over a month to write in bits and pieces. Imagine the time investment if it had to be a multi-chaptered lesbian relationship romance like some of your works.... I can't even...
Nevertheless, thanks for the advice and I will give some serious thought to trying a story without a final act twist.