Feel free to jump in.

As she sat on the table in front of me, I knelt betwen her thighs. Lifting the thin piece of fabric she called a skirt I revealed her clean shaven sex. Sliding my hands up her thighs I enjoyed the feel of her muscles beneath her soft warm skin. Reaching the junction of her legs I slid my hands even higher until I could part her lips with my thumbs. Lowering my head slightly I slid my tongue from the slight stubble of her shaven hair, down to the parting of her sex. I could smell her excitment as well as feel my own as I slowly worked my way further down, tracing her outer lips until I reached the area between her pussy and her ass. Moving even further down I gently touched her tightest hole with just the tip of my tongue, feeling her twitch when I did this. Moving slowly up again I slid my tongue further into her, tasting her ooze as I passed her hole.

jumping... in

Suddenly, she pushed me away and jumped down, the bushy tail moving gracefully behind her with the motion. She walked a few steps away from me. My gaze, hypnotised, on the tail - brown fur, swaying from side to side as she moved her hips tantalisingly with each step. A few feet away she turned. My eyes swept up her beautiful form, her whiskered face, eyes made up into black wing-tips on either side. She narrowed her eyes and looked at me through the slits. I moved my gaze upwards, to the pale pink plastic ears she was wearing on her head. I had to agree, the get up was perfect. Just as the thought swirled in my brain, she leaned forward, giving me a small glimpse of her cleavage... and growled. A low, earthy, needy sound which made the hair on my arms stand on end.

Taking the one step that separated us she placed her hands (paws?) on my naked chest and pushed me, staggering, to pin me back against the kitchen wall. Her roughened(?) tongue licked upwards from my throat to my lips, my nose, to flatten against my forhead, she pushed her furred chin into my face making the back of my head hit the wall with some shock. Then she began to undulate slowly, sliding delicately , all the while keeping me pressed into the pattern of the paper. On the way back from the delicious sensation of her breasts around my groin, pressing harder, her silk shift began to tear and fall from her shoulders. I instinctively moved my arms to embrace and shock hit me as nails unsheathed in warning, piercing. I looked down, fascinated at 8 tiny carmine droplets.






Edited to change the last three words.

I could hardly believe I’d drawn blood. I ripped off my Puss-n-boots mask (Venetian of course) and licked his white thigh clean, "meowing" as tenderly as I could. He sighed with some relief, I think, then went into a basso groan, sounding a bit like Paul Robeson in his cups, as I sucked rather hard just the tip of his Gentile cock. I clutched his nearly absent arse and pulled at the cheeks (so called). He whimpered knowing what came next.

continuing the tale

"Please no," he trembled, "be gentle with me!"

She looked up at him, eyes glinting and a smudge of blood across her incisors. She knew he loved it really.

"This is going up your ass," she said, waving her tail around.

"But it's so big and wavy," he pleaded.

But there was no stopping her. Gently she guided him, with a firm grip on his cock, until he was lying face down. She then sat astride him, and eased his buttocks apart. The tip of her tail tickled his tight hole, and he murmered in pleasure. As she reached a padded paw under his tummy, to his tumescent cock, she wiggled her tail through the initial resistance of his asshole.

"God, that feels delightful," he stammered.

"It's barely in yet," she scoffed.

"You're not going to stick your whole tail in my ass, are you?"

"You are going to shove it my ass?"

He wriggled, but he could hear no reply.

I think I'm liking some of the imagry here.

Hearing a sigh he turned his head and looked up and behind himself to see something he had never though to see before. His lover was sitting on his back, just the tip of her tail pressing into his anus, and she was moaning in delight. Wondering what could be causing her to react so much he turned a little bit more. There he saw standing behind her another felinoid form, this one male. Also naked he had grasped her upper arm in one of his his paws and was holding her still while he ravaged her mouth with his tongue. As he was doing this he was gently raking his other paw, claws extended up her downy belly to her chest where he started roughly massaging the nipples on her flat chest.
As she arched her back in reaction he could feel her tail burrowing further and further inside of him, stretching him even further open than he had ever imagined possible.

the pov is all over the place so the first guy=I, the fem=she and the feline male=he

Just then Mom walked into the kitchen and stopped in mid-stride.

"JUST WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, HARRY? THIS IS MY HOUSE AND AS LONG AS YOU LIVE HERE, I WILL HAVE NONE OF THAT, YOUNG MAN!" she yelled. "Hmmph!!"

I blushed. Well, she had that effect on me.


sorry, feel free to ignore this if you want. I couldn't help myself.

re

The imaginary feline forms disappeared. Harry could not believe he'd been caught by his mom while he was dildo fucking his own ass.

"Mom I..." Harry trailed off. There was nothing really that he could say. He'd been caught lying prostrate, easing a 9" rubber dildo into his own backside.

However, instead of leaving, Harry's mom stayed put, as if she was enjoying his disomfiture.

Harry looked at his mom. He could see the glint in her eye. I wonder how she lost the other one? thought Harry.

Harry's mom adjusted the gold lame patch and glared balefully at her son. Harry was in a quandary. Should he continue to arouse himself with his mother watching or should he stand sheepishly and make himself look even more foolish than he obviously did already?

He eventually decided on the middle road and force his mom to make that decision.

Harry rose slowly letting the dildo slide from his distended anus, carefully keeping his back towards his mom who was still staring, with her one good eye at her mischevious son. Then he nonchalantly turned to expose his full erection to her watching eye, which widened to take in everything available, which was quite a lot.

Witnessing the lustful expression in her eye, Harry stood erect to allow her time to come round to an idea that had just entered Harry's head.

"So what do you think mom?" Enquired Harry "Eleven inches long and seven around."

“I think you need a cold shower, son. C’mon, up stairs. Right now!”

“Fuck, well that was a mis-read,” thought Harry as he climbed the stairs, still fully naked, and suddenly limp as an empty glove.

Still, he could feel his mother’s breath on his arse; she was only one step behind him all the way. Mayhaps he had not mis-read her singular glint.

“Nevermind the cold shower, darling boy. I’ll run you a cool bath instead and wash you myself. I so miss how I used to bathe and powder you. Come, brush your teeth first.”

She did not kneel, but bent over to turn on the taps. Now Harry had a view that caused his tumescence to begin anew.

“Hunnybun, reach over me and grab the lavender oil, please.”

"Here you go." Harry leant over and the tip of his tumescence stroked against mom's backside. She pretended not to notice and carried on bubbling up the bath. She was wearing a short skirt and it had ridden up, showing off her sensible, white knickers.

"I'm glad you're not my real mum," Harry said.

"Oh, why's that dear?"

"She never poured me such bubbly baths. And I'm not a fan of incest."

"Well, you seem to be quite a fan of beastiality, from what I've seen of the magazines under your bed."

"Oh no, things like that aren't allowed around here!"

"Well, you're only fourteen too. Surely that's not allowed?"

"Yes, but nobody knew about that, you frigiot! Besides, have you seen the size of my purple-headed trouser snake?"

By now Harry's pork sword had regained its full girth and length. Mom looked over her shoulder as she leant over the bath. Her panty covered posterior touched softly against the love truncheon, and Harry responded. He pushed back against her pearly opulence and all was good.

But then....

...With a scream of anguish, kicking and clawing at the fur covering which served as bedclothes in this misbegotten Woden denied hell hole, Harald woke up.

The wench at his side cowering beneath the remains of the pallet stared doe-eyed at her king.

"I AM HARALD" He screamed, his lungs fit to burst. "HARALD HADRADA AND THIS LAND WILL BE MINE"

As the pale moon slid below the far horizon to escape the new day Harald roared about the Viking camp waking all within earshot and bringing to full alert the nightwatch of King Harold's Army encamped on the far side of the fast flowing Derwent.

The wench at his side reached immediately towards the club on her bedside table and gave Harald a big lump to think about when he next awoke.

"I am Haralda," she said demurely, batting her eyelashes. "Haralda Hadrada and I will not tolerate this big-bear-of-a-man's shouting into my ear while I'm sleeping. I don't care about his land either."

As the same pale moon slid below the same far horizon to escape the same new day, Haralda inserted the narrow end of the same club into herself and began making noises which would have seemed better coming from Harald, if he had been conscious. There was a gleam of satisfaction in her doe-like eyes.

lol

Harald Hadrada drifted fitfully back to his somewhat unlikely dream...

"You know, you don't look fourteen," said monocular non-mother.

"Well that's because I'm fourteen in tortoise years, wich makes me twenty-eight really." Harry's engorged puddin' pulveriser seemed to be growing as he spoke.

"I didn't know that tortoises lived that long."

"Well actually, a Madagascar radiated tortoise (Geochelone radiata) presented to the Tongan royal family by the British explorer Captain Cook in either 1773 or 1777 lived to the age of at least 188 years old! The animal was called Tui Malila. The venerated tortoise appears in a photo taken in 1953 when Queen Elizabeth and the Duke of Edinburgh visited the Tongan royal family." Harry's custard cannon was now stuck right up mom's sodden fuck-hole. It was so large that the tip of it poked out beneath her eye patch.

"That's interesting," Mom said, "now be a dear, and take your dick out of my eye socket."

Just then, Seacat floated in through the bathroom window. "Wow, I think I'm liking some of the imagry here!"

"For fucks sake! I've got this club jammed up my pleasure-cavern! Owww, it hurts somewhat!" Haralda Hadrada continued effing and blinding as she struggled with the hefty weapon.

Harald re-awoke owing to his wife's commotion. "I just had the weirdest fucking dream..."

"Fucking?" Enquired Haralda, picking splinters from her minge, "what's that?"

"That," intoned Harald in his best psuedo-intelectual tones "That: Used to refer to the one designated, implied, mentioned, or understood: What kind of soup is that?"

"Oh for Thor's sake." Spumed Haralda, spittle sliding down her chin from the extreme concentration required in de-splintering her puss. "What soup?"

"Soup!" Roared Haralda "Any fucking soup. Chicken and fucking vegetable fucking soup if you like."

"Well I don't like. I like a nice broth. None of this fancy-schmancy Norman quisine. I wouldn't feed it to the pigs."

"What fucking pigs?"

Just then a messenger entered with a quizzical look plastered across his countenance. Breathless, he sought his Lord's attention by poking him in the head with a handy halberd.

"What?" Said Haralda, quite annoyed at this untimely interuption (untimely because they hadn't invented clocks yet)

"Two things sire," quoth Breathless the messenger.

"And they are?" Demanded Harald rubbing his head.

"First: Who's been fucking pigs?"

"And the second?"

Crestfallen at the non-commital response Breathless resumed "Who says we haven't invented clocks yet?"

"What are you quothing about?" Inquired Haralda, resuming her bush inspection.

"Somebody just said we haven't invented clocks. How do they know? We might have clocks. We just might not want to bury them with our dead or leave them hidden to return later to be dug up in some farmer's field in the late 1980's and be declared 'treasure trove'."

Haralda stared Harald in his one good eye and said "And you thought you were having a weird dream."

"Yes, I did think I was having a weird dream. Now I'm just feeling confused."

"How so?"

"Well last night I was reading some Gauche, since apparently he's good to have a literary wank over. I value him for that. However, whenever I was about to cum, he said something unexpected and put me off of my stroke stride. I only ended up having half-a-wank and this morning I can barely see out of one eye!"

"Okay Harald dear, that's nice. But who is this Breathless bastard, saying cocks haven't been invented? What is a cock anyway?" Haralda extracted the last of the splinters from her fleshy cunt, wincing in pain as she did so. "God, I wish there was something better than wooden clubs to shove up my nunny!"

The day that had chased away the pale moon suddenly lit up a Crimson Red. The encamped army stirred restlessly, it was not happy about the sky smoking again. The face of God appeared, spluttering, coughing and wheezing.

"I have the right to die at home!" God roared. "No, that's not right. I meant to say I have the solution to lack of cock around here...."

"You should check out Lou's thread 'I need help', to give up smoking," muttered the camp army, restlessly.

Well, there goes another keyboard,

I just blasted a mouthfull of beer over it laughing.

SeaCat

The army turned their attention to SeaCat who had just come into the scene with that comment.

"Now what exactly is a keyboard?" one of them ventured.

"Keyboard. Umm... a keyboard is a set of keys, as on a computer terminal, word processor, typewriter, or piano," explained SeaCat.

They all looked at him blankly.

"Well, see, there's this thing called a computer, it has a screen-like thing on which you see things and then in front of that is the keyboard. The keyboard is made up of keys, of course. Many keys bunched together make a keyboard. Understood?"

The entire army nodded yes simultaneously. This was not because of SeaCat's explanatory powers but because the army didn't want to listen to any more of that crap.

One of them had a further doubt. "What is beer?" he asked. The others glared at him.

SeaCat sputtered. "Beer! BEER! You don't know beer? Oh you poor souls..."


edited because I still have to learn to end a question with a question mark.

Oh yu poor souls,

Beer, beer, you don't know what beer is? Oh you poor souls. Well let me explain.
With that SeaCat went into a short description of fermentation. As he did so he noticed the light of understanding go on in more than a few eyes.
"oh you mean this?" asked a sergeant as he hadned over an earthen ware crock. SeaCat tasted it and nodded.
"Not bad, although what I had in mind had a bit more flavor. We can work on that though."
As he handed back the crock he looked around and realised everyone around him was male.
"So any women around here?" When they looked at him blankly he continued. "You know, anyone of the opposite sex?" Still not getting a reply he worked it harder. "Um, ladies? You know, nice and soft, have tits, er bumps up here," he pantomined usng his hands, " and you can have ever so much fun with while sliding your cock in and out of them?"
When he looked around and saw the uncomprehending looks he was receiving he shook his head.
"What kind of place am I in this time?" He asked himself.
"You know, those you do a little of this with?" He asked as he thrust his hips forward.
"We do that with each other. " The sergeant replied with a smile.
"Ummmmm, Okay, and how do you make little ones?" Asked SeaCat while thinking this was a hell of a predicament.
"We're not allowed to have children. Only the overlords are allowed to do that. They have their own breeders for that. Why would you want to do that?

"So. How's the story coming Dampy?" enquired Mr Dampy, his flaxen mane catching motes of sunshine and re-directing them into Dampy's upturned squinting eyes.

"Erm... Is there such a word as distanculous?" she asked innocently.

"Let me see," said Mr Dampy, his golden brow furrowing in concentration. "Distanculous." he continued "Adjective: something gone awry. A masterpiece which follows no known pattern. A train of thought passed from one person to another without rhyme or reason."

"Right," enthused Dampy "right, this story is distinctly distanculous." And she smiled happily at the profundity and breadth of knowledge concerning arcane and invented verbiage.

"My my," laughed Mr Dampy "such erudition in one so... so... erudite"

"Why are you laughing?" Demanded Dampy "Is it because I'm a girl, a femme, a woman whose vocabulary should extend only to quisine or Versace or Rimmel? Is it? Is that why you laugh your manly laugh?"

"No no," said Mr Dampy, concern filling his heart and the beginnings of tears, his eyes. "I was merely attempting to lift your spirits by congratulating you on your use of words like 'profundity', 'arcane' and 'verbiage'."

"But I didn't use those words." Proclaimed Dampy "They were tags, descriptive of my speech pattern and thoughts or actions accompanying speech. Like 'proclaimed' just then or demanded previously."

"But... But" spluttered Mr Dampy

"Or spluttered"

"Why.. how.. who.. what." muttered Mr Dampy, shriveling a little at this third wall intrusion.

"Butter me no buts nor who me no hows." Chimed Dampy. "You know full and well that you are a character, with your mane of hair and your furrowed brow."

"How am I character if I can speak?" inquired Mr Dampy, puzzlement etching his face in to stark lines.

"Oh nearly all character speak, if not actual words then in their contribution to the silent backdrop."

"Then you," muttered Mr Dampy, enlightenment darkening his noble visage "you... you're... A Writer?"

"Just so." Said Dampy highlighting the text and hitting 'Delete'

I love it.

...

"Do you feel like bumping and a grinding?" Harald asked his wife.

"K, but not for too long, cos I'm about to have my rice and spinach."

God stubbed out his cigarette and stepped down out of the sky. He was actually quite short up close, a good head shorter than the army fellows in fact.

It also became apparent that he was female, a luscious one at that. He had Perdita's eyes, Lucky's hair, Damp's dress sense, Lou's puupies, Crimson's agile movements, destinie's booty, Charley's makeup, McKenna's knickerline, shereads' back, minsue's bandana, Icingsugar's bright red cherry, Colleen's whip, Pixie's juices, and probably a little bit of everybody else too. She also had Carl's dick and gauche's eyebrows. Never before had the army seen a sexier women.

I mean sure, they'd seen Haralda before, but she was nothing to look at compared with God herself.

"Are you okay?" God asked. Seacat was looking decidedly peaky after drinking the beverage the army had given him. He was also looking quite stunned at such beauty.

"Yeah. But let's get down to some fucking," said he.

"K, here's what's going to happen,"said the army,"we'll all watch as God fucks Haralda. In fact, let's tie Harald up and blindfold him too, see how he likes that!"

The reigning Hadradas were dragged out from their royal tent. Harald was tied up and had a big didlo wedged up his ass. God soon had Haralda on the floor, and Seacat and the army watched, entranced, as they fucked...


“I’m going to stick my fingers in your filthy cunt. Do you want that?” God looked at herself in the reflection from a shield. She looked stunning in her PVC and fishnets, positioned behind Haralda's wobbling posterior. She just wished she didn’t need to wee so much, but she couldn’t go just yet.

“Yes, fuck me with your mouth and fingers,” said Haralda. She had cottoned on that God was narrating for the army's benefit, who by now were squirming like a schoolgirls. Their dicks ached so much it was painful; they really needed to cum.

“I’m sticking my middle finger up inside you. Wow, it’s wet inside there! Your pussy juice is dripping down my wrist, and mmm, it tastes good. You’re such a horny slut!”

“Yes, I’m a fucking horny slut! Now lick me out you bitch, I want to feel your tongue licking me clean. Make me cum and then drink it, you filthy whore!”

“Harald, did you hear that? Your girlfriend is a slut, and I’m licking her out right now. Mmm, she taste’s sweet doesn’t she? I bet you’d like to taste her wouldn’t you, instead of bouncing about like a girl on that dildo of yours. And I bet you’d like to slide your tongue across her asshole like this…”

“Fuck, that feels good! That feels so good, God, I’m gonna come. God, fuck me, you bitch.”

God smiled, then wedged three fingers up Haralda's cunt and thrust hard. As Haralda's ass bounced about on her hand, God let her tongue sliver against Haralda's winking asshole.

“Oh god, rim my ass, you slut!” Haralda was bouncing about uncontrollably now.

“Oh yes, lick her ass, stick your tongue right up there, she loves it,” Harald chipped in.

God obliged. Her fingers where a blur inside Haralda's sodden cunt and her mouth sucked and salivated against her asshole. Her tongue forced its way past the puckered ring, and Haralda's buttocks squashed against her face. Harlald moaned blindly, wishing he could be part of the action.

“I’m coming, I’m coming, I’m coming!”

The tension inside Haralda had built up to a vibrating crescendo. Electric buzzes shot through her clit as the throbbing in her womb became unbearable. Her legs shook uncontrollably, sending waves through her buttocks. Her skirt had ridden up her back, her breasts hung out and she squeezed them desperately, and her hair was a matted mess. God continued to finger and tongue her as hard as she could, perspiration dripping freely from her face and her chin sticky with pussy juice...

(edited from something else I'm working on)

All the best to all those that could be bothered to read such a long and ridiculous post,

dl

The army continued to watch the show. They were so entranced they almost didn't realise that dirtylover had let the thread slip to the bottom of the page.

"You know," said one army man, "I think it's only dirty that's keeping us alive at the moment. Mind you, I don't blame everybody else, this is a really silly thread. And longwinded too."

"Yeah, but dirty likes it. So long as he keeps posting things about himself in the third person, I think we're okay," replied another army man.

"Maybe he should get out more."

"Hey Seacat, you're in the army now!"

"Is that a song?"

"Can you tell who's speaking?"

"No. But congrats to Raphy and Whisper on getting married, God blesses you."

But then someone unexpected posted...