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What Would You Do if Contacted by an Old Lover?

SusanJillParker

SusanJillParker

I'm 100% woman
Joined
Oct 29, 2011
Posts
2,155
What would you do if an old lover contacted you out of the clear blue, sent an e-mail, saying that he wanted to meet you?

He broke it off bad when he dumped me for someone else. I never saw it coming. I thought he loved me. I thought we were getting married. I thought we'd have children together. We were so happy together. He seemed to be so happy with me. I was completely blindsided.

I cried for months. I hurt for a long time after. I didn't date anyone until I met my ex-husband and he turned out to be the biggest disappointment in my life, other than my whore of a mother and my four abusive brothers.

My question is, should I meet him? I haven't even responded to his e-mail yet. He's going to be in the neighborhood. He has a client in Hershey. I'm wondering what he looks like now after 15 years.

What would you do? Ignore him? Arrange to meet him just to see what he looks like without him seeing me and leave? I'm so confused. Half of me wants to meet him but the other half wants to stay home.

"Susan? What happened to your torso? Where's the rest of you?"

"Well, to be honest Tony, half of me wanted to meet you but did other half wanted nothing to do with you."

"Well, it's a shame that you didn't bring your pussy and ass along but at least you still have your hands, your big tits, and you mouth."

I make light of it, but it's a serious situation. What if he's divorced? What if we hit it off? What if he wants me back? What if he just wants to use me for sex? I don't know what to do.
 
It happened to me last year. I was contacted by a woman who was briefly my girlfriend 50 years ago. She had dumped me for the man she married and they were about to celebrate their Golden Wedding. Would I like to join them?

Apart from the distance and cost of going there, why would I?

She was two-timing me with him for the whole of our brief relationship which had only lasted a few weeks. Apart from her oldest sister, now living in Australia, I wouldn't know any of her friends or relations.

I pleaded a prior appointment.

But why would she want to see me? After 50 years we are no longer the people we were then. We hadn't been in contact, or even within 100 miles of each other, during the whole 50 years.
 
She's old and fat, been married four times...tell her to go away, I'm happy with the old, fat woman I have.
 
I've seen 3 gals I dated 40 plus years ago. They were lovely then but those days are gone. Old women look like shit.
 
The woman who dissolved our engagement when I became sick tends to call me when things aren't going well for her. And that's always fun.

On the rational, "head" level, I know she's a total fucking loon who is self-absorbed and incapable of empathizing with any other human being. Contacting me is less 'I still have feelings for you' and more 'nobody else will talk to me.'

On the heart level, despite everything she's said and done, I just can't figure out how to stop loving her. There's just no "off" switch for that--and it fucks with me.
 
"R. Richard, this is Fifi la Vavavoom!"
"I still remember you, Fifi. I remember your long, silky blonde hair, your pretty, unlined face, your athletic, lingerie model body, your long. sexy legs, do you still look like that? ... Hello? ... Hello? ... Hello?"
 
I wouldn't meet an ex-lover after all that time.

We always build things up much higher in our memories, end up disillusioned and disappointed.

This is the same reason why I may flirt and even have an intense love affair online, but won't take it to RL. I have only had one of those work out - and now I'm divorcing him after 10 years.

Keep your bright memories, let the rest go.
 
Run like the wind. Once at a safe distance you can fantasize about what might have happened.
 
Asper the other thread.

This time I'd like a clear awnser on why you used the term "Secretaries." I considered it sexist and deeply offensive.
 
Setanta84 said:
The woman who dissolved our engagement when I became sick tends to call me when things aren't going well for her. And that's always fun.

On the rational, "head" level, I know she's a total fucking loon who is self-absorbed and incapable of empathizing with any other human being. Contacting me is less 'I still have feelings for you' and more 'nobody else will talk to me.'

On the heart level, despite everything she's said and done, I just can't figure out how to stop loving her. There's just no "off" switch for that--and it fucks with me.
Click to expand...

You dated her too!
 
Thank you for all of your kind and helpful comments.

I decided not to contact this person.

He sealed his fate when he ended the relationship for another.
 
It happened to me too recently, I was contacted by the first girl I was ever with -- We were each other's "first time". She was a slightly crazy hippy from a very upper-class family. She'd married an artist and moved into a cottage in the country, where they lived a very simple life. Then the artist became an invalid and she had to look after him. Then the sex stopped. She was clearly sad, lonely and miserable. And still attractive.

I remember my fumbling effort with her when I was 17. I'd never even seen a pussy before her, let alone fucked one. I spent a long time fingering it, mainly out of scientific curiosity. Apparently, 40 years later, that was what she remembered -- and liked -- about me.

Anyhoo, I already had a girfriend when she contacted me, so I had to pass. Otherwise I definitely would have met up with her. She stalked me for a few weeks afterwards, until she got the message.

Ah well.

On the other hand, I *did* get together with a woman I hadn't sen since my teen years. We went out for year or so. She was also slightly crazy. I detect a pattern.
 
loquere said:
Asper the other thread.

This time I'd like a clear awnser on why you used the term "Secretaries." I considered it sexist and deeply offensive.
Click to expand...

I'd like an explanation as to why you use the term "Awnser" when the majority of us do not speak or understand Russian?

SusanJillParker said:
Thank you for all of your kind and helpful comments.

I decided not to contact this person.

He sealed his fate when he ended the relationship for another.
Click to expand...

Good choice.

The best trait of humanity is its ability to adapt and change; the same is true about individual people.

The worst trait of humanity is its unwillingness to adapt and change; the same is true about individual people.

Sad, but true.

Q_C
 
I hate to admit it. But I was a pig after my first wife and I split up. At the time I had just had some serious medical procedure and wasn't cleared for work for some time. I sat at home, (at least she left me that, if not the furniture,) learning to play on line.

Chat rooms were fairly new then, AOL, Prodigy, Compuserve, all charged a base fee that included a certain amount of free internet time. Expensive to go over that as they charged per minute after the base time was used up. Dial up, 4800 bps, I think.

I met several women on line. Some became friends. I was a slut, and when I was feeling better bought some plane tickets, had visitors. Had fun, lots of fun. Four became very attached and started talking about the future. One was married and I thought she was 'safe' as far as a permanent relationship. One was extremely kinky and we acted out several or her fantasies and mine. And some that were really weird. But she was exciting. But then she started talking about moving to where I was, moving in with me I felt like puking. Then the married one started talking about leaving hubby. I felt trapped and sick.

That was scary. I hadn't thought I had said anything other than I was looking for fun. I did say I liked thm. Never used the "Love" word. Then I met the woman who eventually met my wife. I had to tell the others "No" and it didn't work. So I had to be very forceful. I hurt them, all of them. I hated to do it and got some really hateful mail, snail and 'e'.

One turned into a stalker, calling at odd hours, sending threatening snail mail, interspersed with loving snail mail. Followed me through two moves before she gave up. I stopped using a land line 'phone because of her.

I still feel bad about them. None knew about the other. I have to admit that there was a part of me reveled in the fact that they wanted me. But it was scary at the same. Keeping them separate, keeping from typing or saying the wrong name.

My phone bill pushed up toward a thousand dollars several times.

They all ended up hating me.

I told my wife what I did before we married. I felt like a heel. But she married me anyway. At least I had shut them out of my life before I ever got serious with her.

So to answer your question, if one of them contacted me, I would be scared. I'd see if was possible to get a restraining order. Or just run.
 
In reply to the OP, my exes are a part of my distant past and there are good reasons why contact wasn't kept after they became my exes. So, I'd be inclined to treat them as warily as more or less any other stranger.

OTOH the OP didn't get any closure so, in her shoes, I can see the appeal of wanting to get that. Not that I think meeting up would provide it; I'd want to clear the air before meeting up, even in a public place for one coffee.
 
Quiet_Cool said:
I'd like an explanation as to why you use the term "Awnser" when the majority of us do not speak or understand Russian?



Good choice.

The best trait of humanity is its ability to adapt and change; the same is true about individual people.

The worst trait of humanity is its unwillingness to adapt and change; the same is true about individual people.

Sad, but true.

Q_C
Click to expand...

Sad but true.

Thank you so much for your post and for the poem.
 
Penuche said:
In reply to the OP, my exes are a part of my distant past and there are good reasons why contact wasn't kept after they became my exes. So, I'd be inclined to treat them as warily as more or less any other stranger.

OTOH the OP didn't get any closure so, in her shoes, I can see the appeal of wanting to get that. Not that I think meeting up would provide it; I'd want to clear the air before meeting up, even in a public place for one coffee.
Click to expand...

At first the contact opened up a nest of forgotten thoughts and memories but now I'm okay with keeping that door closed.

Some things are better left dead. Where it took me so very long to get over him, why reopen the wounds?

Then, what if after seeing him, I was interested in him again but he wasn't interested in me? Perhaps like most men looking up old girlfriends, they're just looking for sex when old girlfriends, especially old girlfriends, are looking for so very much more.
 
My wife and I split up for a while. I dated lotsa women.

What I discovered was most of them simply wanted a steak and a fuck without an STD or the bullshit. Plenty of married gals liked this arrangement.
 
I dated a friend in college for a while, and maybe that's the distinction worth pointing out: We were friends first. Though we truly cherished each other as people, she knew my heart belonged to another. That "other" eventually became my wife. When I announced my engagement, I lost a friend.

After nearly 20years, on the occasion of my 40th b-day, this old friend reached out to me via the Internet, wishing me happy b-day. We picked up our friendship, mostly via Facebook, and remain friends to this day. Yes, my wife knows. I told my wife as soon as I received that surprise 40th b-day greeting.

I was fortunate enough to be friends with a person who once became a lover, too. I'm glad she and I can be friends again, even if it took a long time for that happen.
 
49greg said:
I hate to admit it. But I was a pig after my first wife and I split up. At the time I had just had some serious medical procedure and wasn't cleared for work for some time. I sat at home, (at least she left me that, if not the furniture,) learning to play on line.

Chat rooms were fairly new then, AOL, Prodigy, Compuserve, all charged a base fee that included a certain amount of free internet time. Expensive to go over that as they charged per minute after the base time was used up. Dial up, 4800 bps, I think.

I met several women on line. Some became friends. I was a slut, and when I was feeling better bought some plane tickets, had visitors. Had fun, lots of fun. Four became very attached and started talking about the future. One was married and I thought she was 'safe' as far as a permanent relationship. One was extremely kinky and we acted out several or her fantasies and mine. And some that were really weird. But she was exciting. But then she started talking about moving to where I was, moving in with me I felt like puking. Then the married one started talking about leaving hubby. I felt trapped and sick.

That was scary. I hadn't thought I had said anything other than I was looking for fun. I did say I liked thm. Never used the "Love" word. Then I met the woman who eventually met my wife. I had to tell the others "No" and it didn't work. So I had to be very forceful. I hurt them, all of them. I hated to do it and got some really hateful mail, snail and 'e'.

One turned into a stalker, calling at odd hours, sending threatening snail mail, interspersed with loving snail mail. Followed me through two moves before she gave up. I stopped using a land line 'phone because of her.

I still feel bad about them. None knew about the other. I have to admit that there was a part of me reveled in the fact that they wanted me. But it was scary at the same. Keeping them separate, keeping from typing or saying the wrong name.

My phone bill pushed up toward a thousand dollars several times.

They all ended up hating me.

I told my wife what I did before we married. I felt like a heel. But she married me anyway. At least I had shut them out of my life before I ever got serious with her.

So to answer your question, if one of them contacted me, I would be scared. I'd see if was possible to get a restraining order. Or just run.
Click to expand...

Thank you. Even worse for a woman than it is for a man reaching out to someone after being contacted, I took your advice and chose not to start something that was over a long time ago.
 
NOIRTRASH said:
My wife and I split up for a while. I dated lotsa women.

What I discovered was most of them simply wanted a steak and a fuck without an STD or the bullshit. Plenty of married gals liked this arrangement.
Click to expand...

Steak? I'm more of a lobster girl (lol). I dunno, there's something's so sexual about sucking meat out of the shell..if you know what I mean?
 
BuckyDuckman said:
I dated a friend in college for a while, and maybe that's the distinction worth pointing out: We were friends first. Though we truly cherished each other as people, she knew my heart belonged to another. That "other" eventually became my wife. When I announced my engagement, I lost a friend.

After nearly 20years, on the occasion of my 40th b-day, this old friend reached out to me via the Internet, wishing me happy b-day. We picked up our friendship, mostly via Facebook, and remain friends to this day. Yes, my wife knows. I told my wife as soon as I received that surprise 40th b-day greeting.

I was fortunate enough to be friends with a person who once became a lover, too. I'm glad she and I can be friends again, even if it took a long time for that happen.
Click to expand...

I envy your relationship.

Friends are good. Friends are the best way to start a love away.

We were never friends. We were wild dogs. We fucked for hours like rabbits. I'm surprised he never got me pregnant.
 
SusanJillParker said:
What would you do if an old lover contacted you out of the clear blue, sent an e-mail, saying that he wanted to meet you?
Click to expand...

I think it would depend on the lover, and on what terms we'd parted.

At my advancing age, I hesitate to throw old friendships away. There are women who meant something to me once, I invested something of my life in them, and they in me. I would like to see how time has shaped them. They were my friends before they became my lovers, and I would like to see if we can be friends again, not that so many of the storms of life had passed us both by and left us different people than we were before.

There are others who I would hesitate to be in contact with, not because they were bad people, but because I was left with what I felt was unfinished business. The break-ups were not good for me. They left me in pain, and I'm not sure I'd want to be in a position to experience that sort of pain again. That's on me, not them.
 
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