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Old 07-09-2014, 12:11 AM   #1
nebtounge
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Tips on how to share our first girl?

My wife recently told me she is bi/lesbian and I can tell. If we are having sex and talk about her with another woman she just gets dripping wet! I actually find it very sexy and often imagine her with another girl and me watching or us playing together.

She feels guilty though and is afraid to try anything new. I'd love to find a way to meet someone who she can flirt with and maybe we can play with. We are totally new to this though and have no idea how to meet someone single who might be playful and into this kind of thing. Any suggestions on how to meet someone and take the proactive approach of helping make a connection between my wife and someone new for her to enjoy?
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Old 07-09-2014, 12:50 AM   #2
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That's a pretty big admission within a relationship. Is there a chance that she wants to be the one to make things happen so that they're on her terms?
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Old 07-09-2014, 12:52 AM   #3
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Maybe and we are open to that too. I just think she feels this is all her fault and going further would just make it worse so I think me taking some initiative to even make it possible might be a good way to at least see what it might be like.
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Old 07-09-2014, 01:50 AM   #4
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No suggestions, but we're having the same conversation at my house this week. I'll be following this thread. I could use the tips.

(If nothing else, the sex has been amazing since I brought it up to hubby.)
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Old 07-09-2014, 06:28 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nebtounge View Post
My wife recently told me she is bi/lesbian and I can tell. If we are having sex and talk about her with another woman she just gets dripping wet! I actually find it very sexy and often imagine her with another girl and me watching or us playing together.

She feels guilty though and is afraid to try anything new. I'd love to find a way to meet someone who she can flirt with and maybe we can play with. We are totally new to this though and have no idea how to meet someone single who might be playful and into this kind of thing. Any suggestions on how to meet someone and take the proactive approach of helping make a connection between my wife and someone new for her to enjoy?
This one comes up quite a bit. Some considerations:

M/F couples looking for a Hot Bi Babe to play with are sometimes nicknamed "unicorn chasers" because there are so many more couples than there are HBBs. This doesn't mean what you're looking for is impossible, but you do need to be careful not to limit your options any further than necessary.

The fantasy is finding a beautiful bi woman who's attracted to both of you, doesn't have any other commitments, and wants exactly as much contact as you do, whether that's a one-night stand or a long-term connection.

The reality is a real person who already has her own preferences that probably don't align exactly with yours; rather than imagining perfect compatibility you'll have to work out something that suits all of you, and given the supply/demand situation it's quite likely that you and your wife will need to be flexible.

Why does she need to be single? It doesn't sound as if you and your wife are looking to offer her a long-term emotional commitment, so why is it a problem if she's getting that elsewhere? (I'm not advocating getting mixed up in cheating, BTW - but there are quite a few HBBs out there in relationships that give them permission to play elsewhere.)

Is this about your wife exploring her attraction to other women, or is it about you enjoying a threesome? It's quite possible that you might find a lady who's interested in your wife but not in you, and perhaps not even in having you watch. Either way, be honest about what you're looking for; it's very bad manners to invite a woman for F-F play and then expect her to be cool with a threesome.

Would you consider playing with another couple? Or is this a One Penis Policy thing? Some guys are cool with their wife sleeping with other women because they don't view that as a threat to their manhood or their relationship; some of those guys end up very unpleasantly surprised when they discover that F-F sex is just as real a thing as M-F.
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Old 07-09-2014, 07:50 AM   #6
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She feels guilty though and is afraid to try anything new. I'd love to find a way to meet someone who she can flirt with and maybe we can play with.
If you are looking to find someone without her knowledge, I think you are making a big mistake. If she cannot trust you to live within her bounds, she may never tell you of her fantasies again. You guys are so impatient! I urge you to discuss your plans with her before you move forward.

If she has agreed to all this, then I would suggest you join a swinger site and begin attending some of the clubs. Your best chance of meeting someone will be in the clubs. As Bramblethorn said, there are a million couples looking for that one woman who fits, but there is only a handful of women looking for the same arrangement.
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Old 07-09-2014, 08:28 AM   #7
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Must be something in the air. My wife confessed to me recently that she thinks she is bi and wants to in investigate her desires further. After much discussion, I am nervously excited about this. I told her the decision is hers to make and pursue. How ever, if it is going to happen we need to have a discussion about it to make sure she is going to be safe. I would be lying if I said I did not feel threatened about this, but I love her and want her to be happy.

I wish you and your wife luck.
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Old 07-09-2014, 08:28 AM   #8
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I have never wanted to watch; I would feel like an intruder in something that was none of my business. A man that wants to watch is baggage, of sorts, for a woman looking for female partners.
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Old 07-09-2014, 08:30 AM   #9
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A man that wants to watch is baggage, of sorts, for a woman looking for female partners.
Not for those of use who liked to be watched. The more the merrier!
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Old 07-09-2014, 09:02 AM   #10
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Not for those of use who liked to be watched. The more the merrier!
That's fine. If invited, I'm in. It just isn't on my bucket list.
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Old 07-09-2014, 09:12 AM   #11
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My gut feeling is the women should meet first.
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Old 07-09-2014, 09:46 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nebtounge View Post
My wife recently told me she is bi/lesbian and I can tell.
If she is indeed lesbian, you would know and probably be single.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nebtounge View Post
If we are having sex and talk about her with another woman she just gets dripping wet!
Maybe she just likes sex - does that trouble you?. This is your fantasy that you project, just maybe she has all number of fantasies that get her wet

Quote:
Originally Posted by nebtounge View Post
I actually find it very sexy and often imagine her with another girl and me watching or us playing together.
Me Me Me

Quote:
Originally Posted by nebtounge View Post
I'd love to find a way to meet someone who she can flirt with and maybe we can play with.
Me Me Me

Quote:
Originally Posted by nebtounge View Post
We
Love to hear from your wife on this thread....
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Old 07-09-2014, 11:58 AM   #13
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Maybe and we are open to that too. I just think she feels this is all her fault and going further would just make it worse so I think me taking some initiative to even make it possible might be a good way to at least see what it might be like.
This is like when you tell him that you feel fat..
and so he rids the freezer of ice cream for you

If you had a daughter who suggested that she was feeling guilty about anything sexually related.. anything at all..
do you think it would be a good idea for her cherished other to find a way to get her to do it anyway?

seriously.. you're thinking with your dick and pretending that it's about her

wait until she's ready. She already told you that she isn't.
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Old 08-04-2014, 03:04 PM   #14
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Smile ..

I am not bi/lesbian. I have had many erotic moments with my husband regarding other women, but for me, I get off on the excitement HE would experience. If we ever did make it a reality, I imagine my excitement would be stroking him while he is tonguing her pussy, or kissing him while he fucks her breasts, etc.. I would help him enjoy her thus enjoying myself.
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Old 08-09-2014, 04:35 PM   #15
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Not for those of use who liked to be watched. The more the merrier!
I concur completely! I enjoy being watched while enjoying a female, my husband is free to do to me as he wishes during, but the gal and I get full reign on each other.
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Old 08-09-2014, 06:56 PM   #16
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I'm calling bs. You guys are answering a post by a 13 year old.
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Old 08-09-2014, 07:57 PM   #17
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I'm calling bs. You guys are answering a post by a 13 year old.
Maybe. But plenty of grown-ups ask questions like this for real - I've been involved in situations like this IRL - so even if the OP is bogus, answers can still be useful to other readers.
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Old 08-10-2014, 01:42 AM   #18
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I have an overly-simplistic view of the work of pheromones. Something I read once and cannot find again so I have no idea if it is valid or something that works for me because I believe something that is not actually true.

Some compatibility research has been done to suggest that there are go, no-go attractors built into pheromones, If I have a genetic profile of "A" for certain genes, I will only be attractive to, and attracted by, those with the "B" set of genes. The theory being that biodiversity is healthy in offspring.

Anyway, correct or not, your wife is going to be most strongly attracted to someone that is not ideally attracted to you. Ex: You are an "A," your wife a "B" and the unicorn is an "A."

You, being a guy, will be OK with the 'A' unicorn even if you don't feel that vibe that you did when you met your wife. The unicorn is going to be off-put by you, likely. Your role should therefore be as minimal as possible.

I have experimented a bit with this with both unicorns and partners open to unicorns. There is always an awkward corner to the triangle. If both girls are adventurously bi-sexual and both into me they both report "meh' about the other girl. If a playmate is enthusiastic about some girl, I don't usually see it, and never is girl #2 into me as much as girl #1.

I think when this mythological tri-coupling happens it is only if the two girls are strongly attracted and the guy plays along because it is hot.

Last edited by query : 08-10-2014 at 01:47 AM.
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Old 08-10-2014, 01:59 AM   #19
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Quote:
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seriously.. you're thinking with your dick and pretending that it's about her

wait until she's ready. She already told you that she isn't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NightL View Post
Me Me Me


Love to hear from your wife on this thread....
That vibe hit me as well, but I answered on the assumption that he finishes wearing out his member with masturbatory fantasy and in the cold light of day considers this for what it actually is, a conflicted woman wondering if she dare explore some bi-sexual feelings.

Really the title itself is off. The likelihood that they will 'share' a girl in every sense is negligible. They may find a friend willing to play the unicorn just to check off a bucket list item, but it will be about the girls not about him. I suspect he would be fine with that. It's a worthy voyeuristic activity and he already voyeurs on just the imaginings in his head.

Back when I was married to an enthusiastic partner not at all shy about communicating fantasies desires and the like we had similar conversations. I think the most value to be had here is nurturing the openness that would let her share those conflicted feelings at all. Somethings are just fine to leave as fantasy fodder.
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Old 08-10-2014, 02:16 AM   #20
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All this talk of FMF and unicorns made me think of this.







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Old 08-10-2014, 02:23 AM   #21
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