Old 11-29-2013, 05:18 PM   #126
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I can identify with this although I'm not married. I date from time to time but always end up getting the "you're a great guy I just don't feel a spark" speech. I go the escort route from time to time, maybe once a year or so... and that's it, that's my sex/love life.
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Old 11-29-2013, 07:17 PM   #127
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Originally Posted by Scattered_Ice View Post
married celibate guys? what the hell am I reading, why don't you get an escort if it's legal where you are
It is legal where I am, I don't because I love my wife and the lack of the purely physical sensation is a very small part of what I'm missing. If you've never slept with someone who you love and shared the connection that creates, you have my sympathy.
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Old 12-01-2013, 04:52 PM   #128
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hmm

I did the celibacy thing (no marriage, no sex) for a while... idk maybe a decade ago. it was close to a year.

I gained a lot of focus. I also gained a lot of anger that didn't dissipate.
Had to learn new coping skills. Sex is a very easy way to walk away from other things.
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Old 12-01-2013, 06:17 PM   #129
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Originally Posted by emma_the_librarian View Post
I did the celibacy thing (no marriage, no sex) for a while... idk maybe a decade ago. it was close to a year.

I gained a lot of focus. I also gained a lot of anger that didn't dissipate.
Had to learn new coping skills. Sex is a very easy way to walk away from other things.
I have to admit than when I abstain from masturbation, coupled with my celibacy, I find my focus and imagination improves greatly in the various creative outlets I enjoy.
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Old 12-03-2013, 01:28 PM   #130
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Originally Posted by whisperman71 View Post
That's all fine and dandy if you don't have kids. Blowing up a kids life because you aren't getting laid on a regular basis is pretty damn selfish. I never knew a time when my parents were married and growing up with divorced parents sucked. [...]
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Originally Posted by Eilan View Post
[...]You and your wife owe it to your children to model healthy relationships. Guaran-fucking-teed that your children know what's up--they're not stupid. I knew when I was three years old that my parents' relationship was not "right."
This. So much this...

I don't comment much on these boards, but I just had to do my two cents on this one.

My biological father left when I was very young and I grew up with a single mother who struggled to make it. In my mid-teens she remarried - a marriage that lasted until my mid-twenties when she got divorced again.

So I've seen both sides of the coin and while I certainly agree that it sucks to grow up in a "broken" household, it sucks much more to see the love your parents used to share die.

I knew the second divorce was coming long before it happened. And it was the primary reason why I hardly visited my parents during the last year of their marriage. The house had turned "cold", metaphorically speaking, and there was a feeling of "wrongness" that was highly unsettling. The last Christmas - which I could not avoid - was one of the strangest and most awkward experiences I've ever had.

Oh yes, I knew what was happening. And I hated it!

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[...]So while you may find it abusive not to divorce I would find it abusive to divorce and expose my kids to the pain and suffering of a broken home when the only part of my marriage that is dysfunctional is what happens or I should say doesn't happen in my bedroom. And that part of my marriage does not concern them.
Believe me, your children know that something is wrong.

And yes, it does very much concern them. You're unhappy. The love has died. That is certainly of concern to them!

Sorry if I sound harsh, but having seen my mother go through the second divorce, I'm now of very firm the conviction that there is a point where divorce becomes inevitable; the marriage unsustainable. And that's the point when you have to cut your loses and get the hell out of there. Much better to show your children two parents living fairly happily - through apart - than showing them two parents who might live together but clearly no longer love each other.


Of course, I don't know if your marriage has gotten to that point yet. It sound like it from what your saying, but what do I know...?

I hope that the move has done you good and wish you the best of all possible luck for the future.
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Old 01-20-2014, 07:58 PM   #131
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...I grew up with parents who should have divorced 17 years before they did, but they decided to "stay together for the sake of the children." Sorry, but that's bullshit--and abusive.
Same here... Made for resentments on all sides, then, and all throughout our lives. My mother had deep resentment toward us kids... she had no clue, though. And, she didn't do it on purpose. It's how she grew up... She did what she saw, what she knew... what her experiences had been. It's what she saw happening in her household. It didn't occur to her that is was unhealthy... or not right.
Quote:
You and your wife owe it to your children to model healthy relationships. Guaran-fucking-teed that your children know what's up--they're not stupid. I knew when I was three years old that my parents' relationship was not "right."
I had to ask myself... Do I want my kid to think my fucked-up relationship with his dad is what a normal, loving relationship looks like? Did I want to help perpetuate this disfunction onto the next generation? No, but... unfortunately, evolution... takes time... But, I'm still hopeful.
Best to all of you... really. Be true to your hearts.
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Old 01-20-2014, 08:36 PM   #132
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Celibacy: I was celibate for awhile, but we've recently started fucking again. Much better now.
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Old 01-20-2014, 11:55 PM   #133
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Oh yeah. That's right. This thread is about celibacy... Dang it... I had to go and remind myself, didn't I? *shakes head dejectedly*
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Old 08-12-2014, 07:22 PM   #134
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Originally Posted by AnnRann View Post
Thank you for answering my questions HussarVanburen.

I do disagree with what you are saying though as far as marriage goes. I believe that the structure of a marriage is unique and individual to the couple who are married and it is their right to decide what the purpose of the relationship is and how it is conducted.



And what if I changed this around a little bit....

"If a man truly does not wish for sex, then he cannot rightfully claim your sexual fidelity to him. I mean seriously. If he won't provide for your needs, then what basis can he object to you seeking that in another man?"

Its really quite simple... Both husband and wife vowed to be faithful to each other, they also really should take care of each others needs... there are plenty of ways to pleasure your partner even if your not quite in the mood. The problem is when one partner doesn't live up to the second part it really makes it hard for the other to keep tot he first part... So does relieving the tension looking at porn and chatting here count as cheating?
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Old 08-13-2014, 02:00 AM   #135
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celibacy in a marriage

I was celibate for the last seven years of my marriage. It was a miserable situation as far as intimacy goes, but I do not regret staying in the marriage until the kids were old enough to get out on their own.

In my new relationship, I find that there is a certain amount of pressure to get married, especially since we have now been together for many years. I resist this pressure. Extracting myself from a sexless marriage was difficult and costly. If your sex life is good in an unmarried relationship, and if there is no plan to have kids, what is the purpose of signing a contract with your state's marriage laws and risking the loss of a good relationship? You can handle the property issues with other legal tools and can handle the medical issues with a medical power of attorney.

The thing I really like about being in a long-term unmarried relationship is that you have to keep proving yourself. You don't get into this mindset of owning somebody or being owned, and there is a continuing incentive for both parties to make the sexual relationship work.

I do not miss celibacy.
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Old 08-25-2014, 06:47 PM   #136
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I am celibate by choice. I've had various experiences using hands and mouth, but not actual intercourse. I have my personal reasons for that (aside from being Asexual), and it doesn't really bother me.

As someone that identifies as Asexual, I really have no interest in actually having sex. I love talking about it, and I love having some phone fun. I'm attracted to women, I love their bodies and all of that, but the idea of actually having sex is not something that interests me.

I often read people talk about "oh if I don't have sex I'm going to burst" or whatever, but that's never been an issue with me. Maybe you have to actually have intercourse to feel that way? I dunno.

I've gone long stretches without coming as well, and then there'll be stretches where I constantly am masturbating for whatever reason. It comes and goes (see what I did there?).

Not sure if this makes me weird or not, but ...that's the way it is.
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Old 08-25-2014, 07:39 PM   #137
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Originally Posted by Asexualicious View Post
I am celibate by choice. I've had various experiences using hands and mouth, but not actual intercourse. I have my personal reasons for that (aside from being Asexual), and it doesn't really bother me.

As someone that identifies as Asexual, I really have no interest in actually having sex. I love talking about it, and I love having some phone fun. I'm attracted to women, I love their bodies and all of that, but the idea of actually having sex is not something that interests me.

I often read people talk about "oh if I don't have sex I'm going to burst" or whatever, but that's never been an issue with me. Maybe you have to actually have intercourse to feel that way? I dunno.

I've gone long stretches without coming as well, and then there'll be stretches where I constantly am masturbating for whatever reason. It comes and goes (see what I did there?).

Not sure if this makes me weird or not, but ...that's the way it is.
I don't think it's weird at all. I also don't think sex is as necessary as some people make it out to be.
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Old 08-25-2014, 07:44 PM   #138
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I don't think it's weird at all. I also don't think sex is as necessary as some people make it out to be.
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