Old 12-27-2013, 02:28 AM   #1
my_lil_secret
Virgin
 
my_lil_secret is offline
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 21
how to...

Okay this is embarrassing. But I need to know what's wrong. I can't cum. I'm too embarrassed to tell my lover.. We've played together online and Skype for over a year and I haven't cum, not once. I do get so worked up I cream myself, and since as long as I can remember that's been my version of coming. But, I don't orgasm. I've only cum during sex three times total in my life. that's like a .5% success rate? Soon I'm going to marry that lover and I'm so so worried he'll find out. Its one of the biggest shames of my life, that I can't cum for him.
I've been told I have a very narrow cervix. And I am horny at the mere thought of my love. But I want to get to the point that he can tell me to cum and o cum! I feel broken..
Can someone tell me why I can't?
__________________
New writer on lit, check out my stories they are on average rated a 4.4

http://www.literotica.com/stories/me...ge=submissions
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-27-2013, 03:03 AM   #2
satindesire
Queen of Geeks
 
satindesire's Avatar
 
satindesire is offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: One does not simply QWOP into Mordor
Posts: 13,063
Quote:
Originally Posted by my_lil_secret View Post
Okay this is embarrassing. But I need to know what's wrong. I can't cum. I'm too embarrassed to tell my lover.. We've played together online and Skype for over a year and I haven't cum, not once. I do get so worked up I cream myself, and since as long as I can remember that's been my version of coming. But, I don't orgasm. I've only cum during sex three times total in my life. that's like a .5% success rate? Soon I'm going to marry that lover and I'm so so worried he'll find out. Its one of the biggest shames of my life, that I can't cum for him.
I've been told I have a very narrow cervix. And I am horny at the mere thought of my love. But I want to get to the point that he can tell me to cum and o cum! I feel broken..
Can someone tell me why I can't?
Do you masturbate?

Do you reach orgasm through masturbation?

If you can bring yourself to orgasm, then you can teach your partner how to help you during sex.

FYI, most women can't reach orgasm through penetration alone because the clitoris isn't located inside the vagina. God really dropped the ball on that one, in my opinion. Anyway, all joking aside, most women masturbate by stimulating their clitoris, and many women reach orgasm during sex by stimulating their own clitoris with their own hand during intercourse, or before it via manual or oral stimulation from their partner, or whatever works for them. But if you can only reach orgasm through your clitoris and you don't touch it during sex, obviously you aren't going to reach orgasm.

A lot of people think that porn is educational and that women are just going to be super orgasmic and responsive during penetration but I'm here to say that porn is like a video game-great for entertainment purposes and potentially really fun, but NOTHING like the real world.

If you can make yourself come, you can teach your partner.
__________________
Wave your Geek Flag high with The Nerd Herd!

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=756470

Are you cosmetically clueless? Do you want to learn how to look like a bombshell in the comfort of your own home? Come visit my Noble-Prize winning thread and ask your questions to The Makeup Fairy!

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=802027
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-27-2013, 03:28 AM   #3
suckonsimon
in the ring
 
suckonsimon's Avatar
 
suckonsimon is offline
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 3,082
Lil, I get this sense that you feel you must 'perform' well for this guy. If this is about love, about a relationship, you be yourself, open and vulnerable in honesty about your fears and longings, , and trust him to fulfil you.
__________________
no pleasure like pleasuring
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-27-2013, 10:28 AM   #4
SunDevilGirl
Literotica Guru
 
SunDevilGirl's Avatar
 
SunDevilGirl is offline
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: I'm here.
Posts: 1,147
Quote:
Originally Posted by my_lil_secret View Post
Okay this is embarrassing. But I need to know what's wrong. I can't cum. I'm too embarrassed to tell my lover.. We've played together online and Skype for over a year and I haven't cum, not once. I do get so worked up I cream myself, and since as long as I can remember that's been my version of coming. But, I don't orgasm. I've only cum during sex three times total in my life. that's like a .5% success rate? Soon I'm going to marry that lover and I'm so so worried he'll find out. Its one of the biggest shames of my life, that I can't cum for him.
I've been told I have a very narrow cervix. And I am horny at the mere thought of my love. But I want to get to the point that he can tell me to cum and o cum! I feel broken..
Can someone tell me why I can't?
Have you and your lover been together in person? You mentioned playing online and not being able to cum. Sometimes it takes a bit to be able to reach orgasm with a new partner. It can take a while to figure out how to get to that climax. Nobody is built the same, moves the same or makes you feel the same way. I have to be really comfortable with someone to be able to get THERE.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-27-2013, 10:35 AM   #5
NaughtyNicoleUK
Really Experienced
 
NaughtyNicoleUK is offline
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: England
Posts: 177
I think the others have said it well. Be yourself and if you and this guy are meant to be together he will understand and do whatever is needed to be able to bring you to orgasms.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-27-2013, 03:13 PM   #6
1Browneyedguy
Literotica Guru
 
1Browneyedguy's Avatar
 
1Browneyedguy is offline
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NY tri-state area
Posts: 616
Smile

With paitience ! sex ! time ! and more sex ! you'll cum ....
__________________
Please click the link to read my stories
http://www.literotica.com/stories/me...ge=submissions

In a fantasy world, I could and would be a Jedi Knight and teach others.

In real life, I am a very paitient, laid back guy. I can be silly and a little sarcastic. I've been told that I'm a very good kisser. I like most things in the City and outdoors.. I consider myself as someone who's concerned with the enviroment... and I am also involved with local animal shelters and rescue groups.

It would be nice to meet someone to chat with, flirt and exchange emails.
I would also consider myself to be a romantic. I am respectful and know how to treat a woman.I have and like a good imagination. I dislike vain. aggressive and ill mannered people. NOT into pain or humiliation.

I've written a few stories here on Literotica. 1Browneyedguy

Message me if you'd like.

Thank you, good luck in your searches and welcome to Literotica
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-28-2013, 03:36 AM   #7
my_lil_secret
Virgin
 
my_lil_secret is offline
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 21
I know he'd understand, I'm not concerned about 'pleasing' him (other than sexually). When we are able to get together (yes, we haven't met in person yet), I believe that he and I will have sex and I expect to be able to orgasm (he's very talented )once I've gotten comfortable with him. In the meantime I'm worried that I won't be able to cum for him, and he'll think it's his fault or something..
I'm moving out of country to be with him, too. So I feel conflicted all over the place. I decided to just let him do his thing, and not worry too much about it. But in the meantime I'm trying to perhaps help my situation a bit, to make the transition easier.

I'm embarrassed because I haven't told him that I'm merely creaming myself while edging, not orgasming. I don't really fake it, but I sorta do. I don't want him to think all those times I was tricking him, because I wasn't. I came in the same way I have with every other guy since the day I started having sex, it's just me and who I am. I do feel fulfilled in knowing he came, and that makes me fulfilled mentally and more often than not: physically--till I'm alone and cum really hard thinking about what we just did. It's just frustrating, because everytime I try, I fail. Everytime I fail, I wonder why. Even when I don't wonder why or worry about it, nothing changes.

What I'm wondering is, if there's some sort of psychological block in me or something. I've always only been able to cum if I'm imagining myself being.. ehm. Forced.
I have been forced before, since I was a kid and as a teen, as well. So this is why I wonder.. and want to know if there's anything I can do to make myself more--normal? I enjoy this type of RP and so does he, I'm not looking to get rid of it, I just want to know why the &#^@ I can't cum like normal girls.

I can reach orgasm by one of two things, clitoris stimulation or forced clit stimulus (hardcore vibrator, not just touching), or I have a couple times just cum without any stimulation whatsoever, both times by reading something explicit. I have to be really really relaxed, and alone.

Thank you for your replies, I appreciate any feedback you have to give.
__________________
New writer on lit, check out my stories they are on average rated a 4.4

http://www.literotica.com/stories/me...ge=submissions

Last edited by my_lil_secret : 12-28-2013 at 04:06 AM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-28-2013, 01:25 PM   #8
SunDevilGirl
Literotica Guru
 
SunDevilGirl's Avatar
 
SunDevilGirl is offline
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: I'm here.
Posts: 1,147
Quote:
Originally Posted by my_lil_secret View Post
I know he'd understand, I'm not concerned about 'pleasing' him (other than sexually). When we are able to get together (yes, we haven't met in person yet), I believe that he and I will have sex and I expect to be able to orgasm (he's very talented )once I've gotten comfortable with him. In the meantime I'm worried that I won't be able to cum for him, and he'll think it's his fault or something..
I'm moving out of country to be with him, too. So I feel conflicted all over the place. I decided to just let him do his thing, and not worry too much about it. But in the meantime I'm trying to perhaps help my situation a bit, to make the transition easier.

I'm embarrassed because I haven't told him that I'm merely creaming myself while edging, not orgasming. I don't really fake it, but I sorta do. I don't want him to think all those times I was tricking him, because I wasn't. I came in the same way I have with every other guy since the day I started having sex, it's just me and who I am. I do feel fulfilled in knowing he came, and that makes me fulfilled mentally and more often than not: physically--till I'm alone and cum really hard thinking about what we just did. It's just frustrating, because everytime I try, I fail. Everytime I fail, I wonder why. Even when I don't wonder why or worry about it, nothing changes.

What I'm wondering is, if there's some sort of psychological block in me or something. I've always only been able to cum if I'm imagining myself being.. ehm. Forced.
I have been forced before, since I was a kid and as a teen, as well. So this is why I wonder.. and want to know if there's anything I can do to make myself more--normal? I enjoy this type of RP and so does he, I'm not looking to get rid of it, I just want to know why the &#^@ I can't cum like normal girls.

I can reach orgasm by one of two things, clitoris stimulation or forced clit stimulus (hardcore vibrator, not just touching), or I have a couple times just cum without any stimulation whatsoever, both times by reading something explicit. I have to be really really relaxed, and alone.

Thank you for your replies, I appreciate any feedback you have to give.

Be careful, please.

If you can orgasm alone, you can do it with him too. Just get to that same place mentally.....and use your hand.

Last edited by SunDevilGirl : 12-28-2013 at 03:03 PM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-29-2013, 05:03 AM   #9
my_lil_secret
Virgin
 
my_lil_secret is offline
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 21
Thank you miss sundevil, I will be I wrote this response for a friend here on lit with the same concerns ..

I'm all too familiar with all the red flags that are raised between us, and I do understand the naivety of our situation from an outside perspective. We've been up and down in and out and around all the hard stuff, though. And he still wants to be with me! lol.
Plain and simple, I love him and he loves me. No matter what. Plus, we've both seen eachother naked We Skype for four hours a day 2-3 x a week, watch movies together, frequent forums together and message eachother on IM 2x a day with texts inbetween. He's my best friend, and the sweetest, most loving and kind, mature and completely sane man I've ever had the privelage of meeting We've been inseparable since we met, 15 months ago I do know what a hard path we've chosen as a couple to move in together, but honestly I'd live in a box with him and be happy, even if he snores has smelly feet and doesn't put the toilet seat down. He's my Master, the one I choose, my one and only, and I'm an adventurous girl what can I say? I don't expect it not to, but if it doesn't work out between us, we will still always be friends--as cliche and naive as it sounds, we will. And honestly I'd prefer living in Australia to where I am living now. I'd probably just stick around OZ. I have the little dog, too, and everything!

I just want to make him happy, the rest of my life. I also want to cum for him, and I have hopes that my body just wont cum unless I'm giving my all to my partner. I was infatuatedly in love once, and for that man I did come. Now I'm really in love and I am hoping that's all we need. I will take your advice though, and talk to him about it. We are currently messing around with a book our doctor friend gave us on hypnotism. Maybe I can be hypnotized into coming? Worth a try..
__________________
New writer on lit, check out my stories they are on average rated a 4.4

http://www.literotica.com/stories/me...ge=submissions

Last edited by my_lil_secret : 12-29-2013 at 05:15 AM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-29-2013, 09:36 AM   #10
amofiga
Literotica Guru
 
amofiga is offline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Eastern USA
Posts: 1,447
Lil Secret

For one thing, the notion of a man "telling you to cum and you cum" is pure porno movie crap. Nobody cums on cue. If/when it happens, it just does. As I guy, I know I can sometimes postpone my orgasm as long as I can, but at some point, it just can't be stopped and I can't just define that point by somebody saying "cum". I would suspect the same is every bit the same for women.

I'm not sure what you mean by saying you can "cream" but not orgasm. Are you just talking about lubricating/getting very wet or are you actually talking about female ejaculation which would be a significant release or gush of fluid? IF you are reaching that point and not feeling an orgasmic "pleasure wave" and release, then perhaps there is some nervous system disorder that you really do need to see a doctor about.

If you DO have orgasms when you masturbate alone but just not with your boyfriend, then that's a whole different matter that can be addressed with time and caring and communication and trust. Many women seem to have an issue with orgasming with a partner when they have no problem doing it themselves. That's more of a conditioned inhibition that has been pushed at women for centuries. Too many women seem inhibited about letting a partner see them "lose control" because they some how have the mistaken notion that it would not be proper or lady like or would be embarrassing.

I sincerely hope things work out for you. But it may take seeking some true professional help and not just asking for a lot of opinions from Lit members.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-29-2013, 10:05 AM   #11
SkylarFalling
Really Really Experienced
 
SkylarFalling is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 425
Quote:
Originally Posted by amofiga View Post
Lil Secret

For one thing, the notion of a man "telling you to cum and you cum" is pure porno movie crap. Nobody cums on cue. If/when it happens, it just does. As I guy, I know I can sometimes postpone my orgasm as long as I can, but at some point, it just can't be stopped and I can't just define that point by somebody saying "cum". I would suspect the same is every bit the same for women.
Absolutely true. People don't cum on cue, it doesn't really happen... you're putting yourself under a lot of uncessary pressue that isn't going to help your situation at all, if that is what you are aiming for.

I'd say get good at doing it alone, and then start to incorporate that into sex. Very few women can orgasm just off intercourse. Me and my guy usually go one ay a time, just 'cause then he can put all his energy into helping me have one. Take your time. Get comfy.
__________________
Promiscuous Girl/Wherever you are/Iím all alone/And its you that I want
Promiscuous Boy/I'm calling your name/But you're driving me crazy/The way you're making me wait
Promiscuous Girl/You're teasing me/You know what I want/And I got what you need
Promiscuous Boy/We're one in the same/So we don't gotta play games no more


Ok, so if you send me a detailed PM about what you're gonna do to me and how many times I'm gonna orgasm and how I'm gonna beg you, I probably won't reply. Send me a PM if you have something to say, y'know, an actual topic of conversation. Dirty PMs with someone I know nothing about don't do anything for me.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-13-2014, 06:35 PM   #12
WishItsTrue_TG
Experienced
 
WishItsTrue_TG is offline
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 69
I wish some post were anonymous. I've done it twice with women who had never climaxed. One turned around with a very surprised expression to ask me, "How did you do that." Simple trick. From the back while I reached around with my right hand to stimulate the clit at the same time. Lips on the back of the neck are a nice added feature.

When I say simple trick, I assume the ground work is laid (pun unintended). You got to warm things up. Start high, before working low. You've got to remember, there more than one place to warm up. It takes a little effort, so the higher and sooner you start the better. Higher means hair, and sooner means before the bedroom. Lips are a good stopping off point, as well as the next port of call on the way down. There seems to be an inverse ratio between time spend above and below. And it's been my experience that a little lip work down below is well received.

But I'd say there is one gimmick -two- the grantee success: sloooooooow and g e n t l e. If she can just barely feel the touch of your fingers when you start, you're can sit back and start smiling at that point, cause you know where it will end.

My v e r y b e s t wishes for your success.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-13-2014, 06:58 PM   #13
GrrlFriday
Literotica Guru
 
GrrlFriday is offline
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 559
Quote:
Originally Posted by my_lil_secret View Post
Okay this is embarrassing. But I need to know what's wrong. I can't cum. I'm too embarrassed to tell my lover.. We've played together online and Skype for over a year and I haven't cum, not once. I do get so worked up I cream myself, and since as long as I can remember that's been my version of coming. But, I don't orgasm. I've only cum during sex three times total in my life. that's like a .5% success rate? Soon I'm going to marry that lover and I'm so so worried he'll find out. Its one of the biggest shames of my life, that I can't cum for him.
I've been told I have a very narrow cervix. And I am horny at the mere thought of my love. But I want to get to the point that he can tell me to cum and o cum! I feel broken..
Can someone tell me why I can't?
It's not uncommon for women not to learn how to cum for a while. One of the best resources I've found on learning how is http://www.the-clitoris.com/aerobic_orgasm_exercise - I hope it helps you.
__________________
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-19-2014, 05:22 PM   #14
greystardust
Really Experienced
 
greystardust's Avatar
 
greystardust is offline
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In high lands with electric skies
Posts: 179
Little Miss Secret, I want to add a view:

Clearly you are able to come, but perhaps your mood must be right for you to do so.

Coming has a lot to do with the energies of both people. There have been women who just could't cum with me, or who really battled to, and those who came at the easiest touch. In those instances I'd say, it's chemical.

But from personal experience, it's not a problem if the chemistry alone is not getting you off:
- If you let your mind go to the place that releases you, whilst with your partner and with your mind, you'll most likely get there;
- With time and familiarity, the pressure/stress will lift (that may be the current block - pun intented) and you will Cum and Cum

Relax, Enjoy your journey, Be happy to be well

x Grey


  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:15 AM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.