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Old 11-28-2013, 09:18 PM   #1
Luscara
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Question Unlikely Reactions

I'm not new to bdsm, I'm switch, but tonight I was roughhousing with my bf/dom and I completely freaked the F out. He was restraining me and biting on me. These are things I love, but when he used a wrestling technique on me, that can black you out, I freaked out. I started crying, and yelling for him to stop. I have never had a reaction like this. I love the things he was doing, and he stopped as soon as I said to. I can tell that my reaction freaked him out too. I need insight.
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Old 11-28-2013, 10:14 PM   #2
Stella_Omega
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Quote:
but when he used a wrestling technique on me, that can black you out, I freaked out.
Yeah, I would too. I don't like to black out, do you?

You have come across what we call a limit. Your limit is; "Wrestling holds that can black you out." Tell him, and make sure he doesn't go to that limit again. It's going to be all right, I promise!
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Old 11-28-2013, 10:39 PM   #3
Luscara
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:-S I will definitely talk to him, but I would never have imagined that would be my limit. I've done far more dangerous, and painful things. He's even blacked me out with the same move, though in a non sexual context, I enjoyed the rush.
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Old 11-29-2013, 02:07 AM   #4
IrisAlthea
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luscara View Post
:-S I will definitely talk to him, but I would never have imagined that would be my limit. I've done far more dangerous, and painful things. He's even blacked me out with the same move, though in a non sexual context, I enjoyed the rush.
Sometimes it's not that last thing that makes you freak out.
It can be a bad combination of things, like in this case that special move in a sexual context or it can be unfortunate timing with something else that goes on in life.
Also, limits can change as we change.
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Old 11-29-2013, 03:19 AM   #5
Luscara
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Thank you guys. I've thought about this, and what ya'll have said. It's an external problem I'm having with other stuff. I was just taken back by my reaction. I miss my bdsm friendly therapist. Glad I found this forum
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Old 11-29-2013, 04:27 AM   #6
Stella_Omega
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Luscara, that makes sense-- I've been there.
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Old 11-29-2013, 09:08 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luscara View Post
I miss my bdsm friendly therapist.
Then (s)he wasn't good.
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Old 11-29-2013, 11:17 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luscara View Post
.... I miss my bdsm friendly therapist. Glad I found this forum
Quote:
Originally Posted by Primalex View Post
Then (s)he wasn't good.
S/he wasn't good because s/he is no longer available? Or because s/he didn't *cure* Luscara of all her issues? I hope you meant the first, qp

Luscara, do you and your partner have a safeword set up???
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Legal Notice and Attorney's CYA Requirements: The author of this post is not an attorney, physician, or marital or sexual therapist or counselor (nor does he play any or all of the above on television). All opinions are offered only as the viewpoint(s) of an individual with a certain amount of life experience, and should not be considered to be legal, medical, or therapeutic/counseling advice.


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Old 11-29-2013, 04:41 PM   #9
Stella_Omega
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir_Winston54 View Post
S/he wasn't good because s/he is no longer available? Or because s/he didn't *cure* Luscara of all her issues? I hope you meant the first, qp

Luscara, do you and your partner have a safeword set up???
Because she didn't resolve the transference issue.

But therapists are not Freudian analysts. Different methods that produce much less in the way of over identification, at least for most people.

Her saying she misses them is much the same as someone saying they miss the mechanic that really understood their car.
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--Pliny the Elder, AD76

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Stella's stories on lit

An essay for BDSM Newbies; Top, bottom, dominant, submissive-- and the differences thereof Now rewritten with extra sparkle!
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