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Old 11-24-2013, 06:40 PM   #1
LadyofFlame
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Where do we go from here?

Hi all, I haven't posted here before (in fact, I very rarely post anyway) but I was hoping that you might be able to give me some wisdom.

I have been involved in an increasingly D/S sexual relationship for about 9 months. The sex is incredible but I know he could push me further. I'm finding it hard to gauge how far he's willing to take this. I trust him without question and know that he would never do anything that put me in danger but I don't know how best to show him that I could take more.

This is all very new to me. I'm just feeling a little bit lost.
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Old 11-24-2013, 06:51 PM   #2
KGBStuart1
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How far have you gone

thus far? If you're engaged in activities that lend to a vocal response...the simple word "MORE" can lend a great deal of direction!
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Old 11-24-2013, 07:10 PM   #3
twister947
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Talk, m'dear. That's the only way, awkward as it may be.
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Old 11-25-2013, 03:30 AM   #4
Malich
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From a Dom's point of view it can be hard, even after years, to get past that taboo of hitting someone you love. In the past I've struggled with this, with issues of trusting myself to be able to read my partner especially when what they are saying doesn't match what I think I am seeing in their responses. I've also had issues with, when there are long gaps between play sessions, remembering how far I pushed the time before.

It is possible to get past most of these in time but, even now after 15 years, I find myself sometimes struggling most with those I care about the most.

As the people before have said, it comes down to talk and to in scene encouragement.

Doms are not machines, we're not designed by nature to give pain and to accept total control of another person. A dom who cares for you will probably be fighting his desire to love and protect you every time you scene. Even a Sadist will, from time to time, be thinking to himself "Oh crap, was that a bit too hard".

Talk to us, make sure we talk back. Talk before, talk during, talk after.
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Old 11-25-2013, 02:51 PM   #5
Primalex
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyofFlame View Post
I have been involved in an increasingly D/S sexual relationship for about 9 months. The sex is incredible but I know he could push me further. I'm finding it hard to gauge how far he's willing to take this.
Are you talking about D/s or SM?

Unless you give a hint about where you are now (relationship-wise, not geographically) and what "more" means to you, I have no clue what kind of advice I should give (in the rare case that I feel compelled to write something helpful).

Are you talking about being hit harder or about getting your brains fucked out from random strangers in a gang-bang bar?
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Old 11-26-2013, 07:30 AM   #6
Relentless0ne
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyofFlame View Post
Hi all, I haven't posted here before (in fact, I very rarely post anyway) but I was hoping that you might be able to give me some wisdom.

I have been involved in an increasingly D/S sexual relationship for about 9 months. The sex is incredible but I know he could push me further. I'm finding it hard to gauge how far he's willing to take this. I trust him without question and know that he would never do anything that put me in danger but I don't know how best to show him that I could take more.

This is all very new to me. I'm just feeling a little bit lost.
In regards to the highlighted part of your post. No, you don't know he won't go too far, cross lines and/or damage you physically and/or mentally to some degree. It's simply not possible for you to know such things about another person. No " Sir Domly Master Esquire, the knower of all " .........can be expected to inheritly just know what or what not to do within scene. It doesn't drive out like that in the reality of hands-on D/s kink sexuality.

You, or any other little letter sexual being, has a responsibility to weigh in and directly, or indirectly via a checklist.......express their desires and limitations to their big letter partner. Thus they'll have parameters to safely work within during scene. Then realign and revisit old topics as dynamics change and priorities shift over thine. ( trust me, they will change as two people grow together in a full time/face time relationship )


As with any relationship, communicate, communicate and communicate a bit more........if you expect the relationship to flourish healthily within safe parameters.

Last edited by Relentless0ne : 11-28-2013 at 06:46 AM.
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