Originally Posted by joelafayette
You guys were a great help to me the last time, and I'd like to ask for feedback on my latest to see if I've learned anything. I'm light on received comments so far, and I want to get some input before I finish my next one which is a work in progress.
This my first f/f story, and I fully expect some flaming from actual women that have had sex with other actual women! I have no problem with honest negative feedback.
If you have knowledge of grappling sports you might appreciate it (or be annoyed if I wrote poorly). But this is not required.
Still thinking about your concept of 'actual women' having sex with other 'actual women'.
Read both parts of your story and like your writing and development of Amy's character and sexuality. I know precious little about women's BJJ and grappling sports so perhaps not qualified to critique - but I will give you my two cents anyway.
I thought you were rather self-indulgent in Ch 2. The sexual chemistry between the two girls seemed to be second to the grappling. I think you could have tightened your tale to 3 pages by reducing the sports reporting. The blow by blow action was a bit boring. Am I reading erotica or watching NBC Sports?