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Old 05-26-2013, 10:53 PM   #26
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My favorite is HOT WATER HEATER
How about an unexpected surprise?
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Old 06-06-2013, 09:37 AM   #27
robertreams
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redundances

how about :

stood up
sat down
circled around
got down off of
the fact that

many uses of the word "that" are redundant or unnecessary (my pet peeve) e.g.The house that he went into. ( I accept there may be certain times an author wishes to emphasize that particular house.)

Last edited by robertreams : 06-06-2013 at 09:40 AM. Reason: addition
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Old 06-07-2013, 02:59 PM   #28
SecondCircle
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Yeah like several have mentioned (there's the kudos) there are sometimes that the figurative and literal lines begin to blur. The verbs, for example, aren't always very literal in a story. It has been said in many stories how someone can smile "with their eyes" or something like that.

Shrugged the thought away doesn't mean the character stood there (or just stood?) thinking and then shrugged and walked on. It's sort of a creative or different way to say "dismissed the thought. But dismissed is plain and reads very cold instead of colorful, which is something subliminal that you don't even notice when reading, but it smoothies the flow of honey into the ear.

I honestly think the tense and POV matter as well. When I write first person, I try to use the mindset of the character, and even when I'm not writing their actual dialogue, I write the story the way they would state things. Like you were sitting with them and listening to that character recount the events. (Past tense obviously).

So if I'm putting you in the mind of a well educated mid 50's lawyer, I'm gonna tell you the story the way he'd say it. A college professor wouldn't say "I stood up" but Daniel the pool guy would. So fuck it. He stood up.
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Old 06-07-2013, 03:03 PM   #29
SecondCircle
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So... I guess the point of that ramble was that its all in context. Some of the examples are just plain wrong, but nothing in this world is purely black and white 100% of the time.
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Old 06-07-2013, 03:17 PM   #30
sr71plt
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Originally Posted by SecondCircle View Post
So if I'm putting you in the mind of a well educated mid 50's lawyer, I'm gonna tell you the story the way he'd say it. A college professor wouldn't say "I stood up" but Daniel the pool guy would. So fuck it. He stood up.
Yes, if your narrator is one of the characters--or even a character in him/herself outside of the context of the story. If the narrator is in the totallyomniscient mode, there shouldn't be those character quirks in the narration.
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Old 06-07-2013, 04:39 PM   #31
SecondCircle
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Originally Posted by sr71plt View Post
Yes, if your narrator is one of the characters--or even a character in him/herself outside of the context of the story. If the narrator is in the totallyomniscient mode, there shouldn't be those character quirks in the narration.
Right. There is no excuse for that kind of redundancy. Sometimes it can get a little nitpicky and all, especially if you're editing someone's story. But things like this need to be cut and cleaned.

I just hope we don't enforce this sort of rule too strictly, at least in places where it's not necessarily a problem. We can trim the fat, but we shouldn't get carried away because sometimes the fat can add some juicy stuff that may not be as obvious as it seems.
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