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Old 05-07-2013, 10:24 PM   #17751
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An amusing lunch time conversation about the First Noble Truth.
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Old 05-08-2013, 06:06 AM   #17752
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Hiked down the river to the waterfall and back today! YAY!
Oh, how I wish I could have joined you today, that sounds blissful.


My smile - creating 2000 golden words over two days on a subject I know little to nothing about for the other halves assignment and realising that I NEVER need to open that bloody dispute resolution textbook again.

Ahhh, life is now good again.
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Old 05-08-2013, 06:45 AM   #17753
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Old 05-08-2013, 10:49 AM   #17754
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Old 05-09-2013, 12:52 AM   #17755
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Old 05-09-2013, 02:40 AM   #17756
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My kids. Every single one of them had me laughing out loud today over something. They rock.
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Old 05-09-2013, 02:55 AM   #17757
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going to my home town today, long weekend off
Reason enough to float with happiness!

Only crap thing is the long drive back, bleh
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Old 05-09-2013, 03:01 AM   #17758
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Needing to ask for a compliment on my boobs more expressive than "nice", really whats the point of my showing you if I have to ask.
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Old 05-09-2013, 08:44 AM   #17759
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Quote:
Originally Posted by desireinyellow View Post
Needing to ask for a compliment on my boobs more expressive than "nice", really whats the point of my showing you if I have to ask.
*snicker*

Two quick possibilities popped right into my head here:
  1. A casual "nice" comes with the thought, "If I'm not too expressive, maybe she'll leave 'em out longer for me to drool over and maybe even wank off over later."
  2. "Being a bit casual may arouse *her* interest more, and encourage her to chase after *me* a bit instead of making me do all the work, and once she's chasing, I'll run just fast enough that she catches me."
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Legal Notice and Attorney's CYA Requirements: The author of this post is not an attorney, physician, or marital or sexual therapist or counselor (nor does he play any or all of the above on television). All opinions are offered only as the viewpoint(s) of an individual with a certain amount of life experience, and should not be considered to be legal, medical, or therapeutic/counseling advice.


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Old 05-09-2013, 10:13 AM   #17760
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Yesterday on the bus, a cute little old man came over and broke my personal space bubble by placing his hand on top of my head. He said, "You remind me of my late wife Meg with the big smile on your face. I bet there's a good fella waiting for you back home, isn't there?"

He made my day. And boy did he guess right
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Old 05-09-2013, 10:15 AM   #17761
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleSparks View Post
Yesterday on the bus, a cute little old man came over and broke my personal space bubble by placing his hand on top of my head. He said, "You remind me of my late wife Meg with the big smile on your face. I bet there's a good fella waiting for you back home, isn't there?"

He made my day. And boy did he guess right
Awww. That is sweet.
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I am aware that you think I am so very innocent, but I will never be your doormat.
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I love that all of this is a secret that only your body can coax, fuck and discern.


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Old 05-09-2013, 11:24 AM   #17762
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Though a tad frustrating when trying to work or get things done, having three tiny kittens desperate to snuggle with me 24/7 is pretty cool.
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Old 05-09-2013, 12:29 PM   #17763
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Look ye to this woman, verily, as an example to all ye aspiring cocksuckers.

writings of a true lady
Jounar's fat bottomed slut
And proud owner of his cock.
 

Old 05-09-2013, 01:01 PM   #17764
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleSparks View Post
Yesterday on the bus, a cute little old man came over and broke my personal space bubble by placing his hand on top of my head. He said, "You remind me of my late wife Meg with the big smile on your face. I bet there's a good fella waiting for you back home, isn't there?"

He made my day. And boy did he guess right
Awww! This did.
 

Old 05-09-2013, 03:03 PM   #17765
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BWA HA HA!

Cat owners will relate.

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Old 05-09-2013, 03:05 PM   #17766
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Thunderstorms!
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Old 05-09-2013, 07:30 PM   #17767
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Realizing the evergreen just outside my window looks like a Muppet tree.
 

Old 05-09-2013, 08:12 PM   #17768
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ok, stole this from face book, but thought you might like a giggle.

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
· The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
· My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching..
· My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
· I had no control over the drooling.
· Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
· I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!
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Old 05-09-2013, 09:21 PM   #17769
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Oh my God, NikiCole! And I thought hearing the term 'Dr. Fatknuckles' was funny. That is freakin' hilarious!
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Old 05-09-2013, 10:10 PM   #17770
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It gave me the giggles that wouldn't stop. I have one of those handy dandy tazers.
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Old 05-10-2013, 12:44 AM   #17771
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This is my go to whenever I need a laugh. I have watched it so many times I can't believe I still laugh.

Cat vs. Printer
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Old 05-10-2013, 12:50 AM   #17772
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blulilacgrl View Post
This is my go to whenever I need a laugh. I have watched it so many times I can't believe I still laugh.

Cat vs. Printer
That was awesome!!!
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I know that one day your goal is to ruin me for any other living man, imagine that!
I am aware that you think I am so very innocent, but I will never be your doormat.
I want your body, in every way imaginable, I burn ever brighter than a fire burns.
I love that all of this is a secret that only your body can coax, fuck and discern.


My Poem

Curiosity often leads to trouble.~~ I am Dangersexqueen, Nice to meet you..

DISCLAIMER: Asshat PMs will probably earn you a starring role in the PM Asshattery thread.

 

Old 05-10-2013, 03:43 AM   #17773
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I inherited what is probably an essential tremor from my daddy, who inherited it from his mother, my granny. Pretty much everybody on that side of the family has had it to some degree, which makes sense because Wiki says approximately half the cases are caused by a genetic mutation, blah, blah, autosomal dominant, blah, blah. My tremor is not terrible (usually undetectable, really), but my meds can make it worse, as can lack of sleep, low blood sugar, etc.

Ok, anyway. Daddy was coming into town tonight, and he asked if I wanted to get dinner with him. I said sure. His company (he is a long-distance truck driver) completely borked his schedule, and he got here some 10 hours after he first thought he would. I'd only been snacking all day because I wanted to be hungry when he got here. Needless to say when he did get here around midnight, I was starving.

We went to Waffle House because that was pretty much the only thing open at that hour. It was cold in the restaurant, which made me start shivering, and the low blood sugar made my shaking worse.

Right after the waitress brought us our food, I took a sip of my drink. My hands started shaking so badly that I couldn't keep a grip on the condensation-coated glass. It quite literally flew out of my hand and upended itself into Daddy's untouched plate. Fuck.

Anyway, this is in "What Made You Smile Today?" rather than "What Pissed You Off Today?" because the people working there were so freaking nice about it, though. The waitress rushed over to clean the table. (Luckily, the plate had taken the impact of my full drink glass, so I didn't hurl the whole thing across the table into Daddy's lap. ) As she was cleaning, the cook hurried to make a new plate for Daddy. Pretty much the instant the waitress got the table clean, the cook had the new plate ready.

They were super-nice about it and didn't seem at all irritated that I'd totally made a two-year-old mess in the middle of the damned restaurant. Given the fact that the people who normally work in Waffle Houses are often surly and completely unhelpful, the guy and girl working in there tonight were a very, very pleasant surprise.
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Old 05-10-2013, 08:24 AM   #17774
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Finding out the sex of my next grandchild. Yup, they're painting the nursery.........yellow. . Hurry up July. I can't wait to meet you little one.
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Old 05-10-2013, 11:33 AM   #17775
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Finding out the sex of my next grandchild. Yup, they're painting the nursery.........yellow. . Hurry up July. I can't wait to meet you little one.
I fully understand the pink and blue code. What the heck is yellow for?
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