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Old 03-16-2011, 12:31 AM   #26
Missouribiguy
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Originally Posted by gayTopher View Post
Ok, thought you were asking for opinions. I guess you are all set.
Eh, I still wanted to get other people's opinion more than anything.
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Old 03-16-2011, 09:46 AM   #27
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Originally Posted by Pirate_Guy View Post

Also be prepared to talk intelligently about bisexuality in general. It takes even the most open-minded people a while to understand it and many just never get it. For example, despite decades of physical and emotional evidence to the contrary, my ex-wife is now simply convinced that I was gay the entire time.
I don't consider myself bi, I've sucked some dick and enjoyed it, as well as enjoy good gay and bi porn but always have been focused on women. When an ex-girlfriend got done telling me about how she had hooked up with other women, I told her about what I had done too and she was also convinced that I wasn't attracted to her and was gay as well. Fun times!
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Old 03-16-2011, 09:51 AM   #28
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Originally Posted by Missouribiguy View Post
Eh, I still wanted to get other people's opinion more than anything.
Well best then, it is a tough discussion I would imagine. Largely depends on who is receiving the news and how open minded they are. Even then, perception and reality don't always mix well.

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Old 03-16-2011, 10:26 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by Missouribiguy View Post
I disagree, I rather be honest to her or him about myself than try to pretend to be straight or gay.
I'm sorry, but I agree with gayTopher. This isn't about pretend. Rather, this is about whether you are looking for a priest/confessor or a wife/girlfriend.

In 12-step, they have a saying on one of the steps. Make amends except where to do so would harm another person.

There is an element of getting something off your chest, but note that the other side of the coin is that you then put the burden of acceptance on the other person. Make her the one to "approve" things that maybe you yourself aren't even completely comfortable with.

I'll give other examples. Lets say there was a time in your life that you crossed boundaries that society frowns on. For instance, had sex with a minor, had sex with an animal, used a date rape drug, beat someone up, stole some money, was in active military combat and actually killed someone(s) up close and personal, etc. Maybe you made peace with it, maybe you didn't. If you really put this behind you, and it isn't going to be exposed again, then why are you burdening a potential love one with all YOUR "dirty laundry"? In essence, you are asking her to also deal with your issues. Why? Is it test of love you are giving her? A true lover has no boundaries of tolerance?

What you have done in the past, is between you, those participants in the past, and if you are religious then also the God of your understanding. Don't make her bear your burdens.

Now on the other hand, if this is something that is going to affect you in your future relationship, then yes, you better tell you. If every time you go out, you are going to be scoping out guys (or for that matter other girls), maybe you better tell. If you plan on stepping out of the relationship (another man or another woman) she has a right to know. Even if you plan on using condoms and giving fake names, it still could come back to haunt you. Someone trick could threaten you; you could bring home crabs; someone you know could catch you; etc.

If what you are in essence is looking for in life is to have sex with whomever/whenever/whereever you wish, I would say either enjoy your singleness or look for an emotional partner in the swinger crowd. Perhaps even ask yourself why you are wanting to be tied down emotionally to someone else, if your body is still craving so much variety? Are you doing it for appearances in a rural/less-urban area? If so, I don't think that is a good reason to find a partner. If you think having a partner cures loneliness, think again. It doesn't. You have to seek the cure within yourself.
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Old 03-16-2011, 10:30 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by none2_none2 View Post
I'm sorry, but I agree with gayTopher. This isn't about pretend. Rather, this is about whether you are looking for a priest/confessor or a wife/girlfriend.
[quote]I know this isn't for pretend. However, I feel you are twisting my words and beliefs around. I don't need a priest/confessor in my girlfriend or wife.

Quote:
In 12-step, they have a saying on one of the steps. Make amends except where to do so would harm another person.

There is an element of getting something off your chest, but note that the other side of the coin is that you then put the burden of acceptance on the other person. Make her the one to "approve" things that maybe you yourself aren't even completely comfortable with.
They're is potentional that I might fuck up the relastionship. I admit and see this fully. However, I have talked with married bisexual men in the past who have cheated behind their wives back. I don't want to be one of these guys, and I rather tell her upfront about it then me being like them. Does that mean I want her to give me a open pass to go sleep with another man, no. I just want to be honest with her about it.



Quote:
I'll give other examples. Lets say there was a time in your life that you crossed boundaries that society frowns on. For instance, had sex with a minor, had sex with an animal, used a date rape drug, beat someone up, stole some money, was in active military combat and actually killed someone(s) up close and personal, etc. Maybe you made peace with it, maybe you didn't. If you really put this behind you, and it isn't going to be exposed again, then why are you burdening a potential love one with all YOUR "dirty laundry"? In essence, you are asking her to also deal with your issues. Why? Is it test of love you are giving her? A true lover has no boundaries of tolerance?
Last time I checked and mentioned several times, I AM A VIRGIN! Nor have I committed violence on anybody. As for airing my dirty laundry to her, I want her to know. I want to be honest with her, and not hold it in. I am afraid that if I do hold it in, I could wind up like those married guys I have mentioned above. To me, being honest works better than holding stuff in. My own personal reason is because I saw my parents' marriage (and relationship) crumble before my eyes. So, yes, I am doing this for no other reason but to be honest.

Quote:
What you have done in the past, is between you, those participants in the past, and if you are religious then also the God of your understanding. Don't make her bear your burdens.
What burdens? It's all about honesty, not burdens.

Quote:
Now on the other hand, if this is something that is going to affect you in your future relationship, then yes, you better tell you. If every time you go out, you are going to be scoping out guys (or for that matter other girls), maybe you better tell. If you plan on stepping out of the relationship (another man or another woman) she has a right to know. Even if you plan on using condoms and giving fake names, it still could come back to haunt you. Someone trick could threaten you; you could bring home crabs; someone you know could catch you; etc.
There is always going to be temptation whenever I go. That's why I want to be upfront with her. Remember, I want to be honest about my feelings.

Quote:
If what you are in essence is looking for in life is to have sex with whomever/whenever/whereever you wish, I would say either enjoy your singleness or look for an emotional partner in the swinger crowd. Perhaps even ask yourself why you are wanting to be tied down emotionally to someone else, if your body is still craving so much variety? Are you doing it for appearances in a rural/less-urban area? If so, I don't think that is a good reason to find a partner. If you think having a partner cures loneliness, think again. It doesn't. You have to seek the cure within yourself.
Being judgement much! Dude, I am single! I'm just asking this cause if I want to be in a relationship, I was seeing how it would work.
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Old 03-17-2011, 01:19 AM   #31
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Originally Posted by Missouribiguy
Being judgement much! Dude, I am single! I'm just asking this cause if I want to be in a relationship, I was seeing how it would work.
Where am I being judgmental? Everything I said was in the form of "if" you are doing it for this. Or in the question form "are" you doing this because.

However, I will say that I'm concerned that you are doing this to put the burden of your own desires on her. You say you don't want to end up like the married guys who lie and cheat on the side. Ok, you tell her your bi. Then what is her question going to be? What if she says: "What does that mean? Do you want guys on the side, girls on the side, both on the side, or just an appreciation of both body types, but that you will be faithful?"

Ok, so lets say that 20 years later (when you are my age) the gay part of the urge is SO strong. What then? Just because you told her 20 years earlier, doesn't mean that if you act out on it then that it won't hurt if she finds out (either because you honestly tell her you cannot keep it to just fantasy anymore or because she unfortunately finds out ).

Before you go spilling your guts about yourself to a potential partner, perhaps you need to figure out what you truly want. Do you really know at this point? If deep down inside you eventually want multiple partners, then THAT is what you need to figure out how to achieve and be honest about. If you want ONE partner, then you need to find out if you can live up to that.

Lets say you were 100% straight, but you had a fetish for blond, tall, small breasted slender women. However, the woman who complemented everything you represent on the inside was dark haired, average height, curvy, and big breasted. If you find yourself falling in love with her, wouldn't you hold back and first figure without within yourself if she would be enough for you? As to telling her, what is she supposed to do with the information you could give her about your ideal?

1) Walk away?
2) Accept the fact that some point in the future you may stray?
3) Have her constantly wonder if she is inadequate unless she modifies herself to be your ideal?


Realize that I don't self-identify as bi for a few reasons. First of all, I see bi's falling into 3 groups:

1) The people that use the term as a way to have whatever kind of sex gets them off.
2) The people that are gay, but cannot deal with defining themselves that far off the norm.
3) People who are truly able to love someone regardless of gender.

Many gays think most bi's or all bi's are in group #2. I think that is naive. I admit that I haven't known many in the third camp, but they are the ones I have the most respect for. I would like to say I was in the third camp, but I would be lying to say I don't lean more for the need of a man's love.

However, if you have read many of my posts, you know that I have my own quirks. I really never had a strong desire for penises. Do you think it would serve any purpose to tell my partners that penises just aren't my thing? Men as a group may not be as sensitive about their body image as women (perhaps more a social thing than an XX vs XY thing). Nevertheless, most men are very self conscious about their cocks. How many of us have wished we had longer, thicker, bigger, harder, etc cock. I've never known a guy who said he wish he had less.


It would serve no purpose to tell a guy, your hot, but I wish you were impotent or had a pussy instead? I play with penises because that is what the people I love come attached with.

I will say that years ago I was heavily into 12-step for sex addiction. I fell for someone and told him everything. I did it because I thought that must be the honest to goodness thing to do. I told him about every temptation, every flaw, etc. I didn't think it would ever back fire. He took everything stoically. Just so you know, the only time I crossed any line, was a the very beginning. I thought my life had come to an end as he had in my mind been perfect. It isnt' too often that you meet a 48 year old gay virgin. So I told him and he didn't hold it against me. I never let myself cross that line again. However, I was always bombarded by temptation. (I think a lot of it was hormones in my mid-30's, a history of sexual addiction, and the fact that he wasn't very good at all in bed. I'm not making excuses, just expressing the demons that I dealt with.) He seemed so understanding. Then two years into it, he opened up and said he had never loved me. I was devastated. I had spent so much time being so honest, that he was almost like a secretary of my diary a role that he accepted, that it backfired. He hadn't. Now you could think that had he been as brutally honest from the start, that everything would have been fine. I doubt it. I had surrendered my own identity by telling it all, and he had built a wall to protect his. It would have been better to have been somewhat in between. In all honest, the relationship was doomed because he really didn't know what he wanted.

So before you do anything, you really need to look inside and figure yourself out. Sure you don't have a crystal ball, but you've lived in your own skin for 31 years. Odds are you have a good idea of the person you are and will become. You just have to own that knowledge.
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Old 03-17-2011, 03:31 AM   #32
Missouribiguy
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Originally Posted by none2_none2 View Post
Where am I being judgmental? Everything I said was in the form of "if" you are doing it for this. Or in the question form "are" you doing this because


However, I will say that I'm concerned that you are doing this to put the burden of your own desires on her. You say you don't want to end up like the married guys who lie and cheat on the side. Ok, you tell her your bi. Then what is her question going to be? What if she says: "What does that mean? Do you want guys on the side, girls on the side, both on the side, or just an appreciation of both body types, but that you will be faithful?"
Really, I don't know what to expect. It depends on her background and previous relationships. You making it sound like I haven't thought this through or anything. But, I have run the scenerios in my head countless time. And I am currently single. Let me counter your statement with, "Ok, I have found this girl that I really liked. She's a beautiful happy woman, and i love her. But, I feel burdened by hiding something inside."

How would you handle that situation? Because, that would put more of a burden onto me than what I would tell her.

Quote:
Ok, so lets say that 20 years later (when you are my age) the gay part of the urge is SO strong. What then? Just because you told her 20 years earlier, doesn't mean that if you act out on it then that it won't hurt if she finds out (either because you honestly tell her you cannot keep it to just fantasy anymore or because she unfortunately finds out ).
It's hard to say how it's going to be in 20 years. With my diet and stuff, I probably be dead in twenty years from now. Predicting future events is pretty useless after all.

However, you do have a point. What if she didn't approve my bisexuality twenty years earlier, but stayed with me regardless under a false view that she could convert me to the "straight" life. I mean, even if you denied those feelings, you will still have those urges. The married men in the past have had sex because of this issue, they gave into their urges.

This range from their wives/girlfriends not satisfying them in bed or past experiences. I do see the rationality of what you mean.

Quote:
Before you go spilling your guts about yourself to a potential partner, perhaps you need to figure out what you truly want. Do you really know at this point? If deep down inside you eventually want multiple partners, then THAT is what you need to figure out how to achieve and be honest about. If you want ONE partner, then you need to find out if you can live up to that.
Do we ever truly know what we want? Yes, I wouldn't mind soaking some wild oats before I settle down. I mean, I am 31 years of age, and not getting any younger. Add to that I am also a virgin, and sexual thoughts are magnified.

However, to be perfectly honest, I am scared about having sex with ANYBODY. It's not just because of STDs, but to me, sex is a strong emotional connection with that person as well as physical. So, I can't never really have a one-night stand. If I build a relationship with that person and we connect, then yeah, it works.

To me, that's why your statement above about me giving into my urges have some flaws. People tend to think differently at time.

Quote:
Lets say you were 100% straight, but you had a fetish for blond, tall, small breasted slender women. However, the woman who complemented everything you represent on the inside was dark haired, average height, curvy, and big breasted. If you find yourself falling in love with her, wouldn't you hold back and first figure without within yourself if she would be enough for you? As to telling her, what is she supposed to do with the information you could give her about your ideal?

1) Walk away?
2) Accept the fact that some point in the future you may stray?
3) Have her constantly wonder if she is inadequate unless she modifies herself to be your ideal?
Funny, you just described the opposite of what type of woman attracts me. I like a curvy dark haired girl. I never found those rail skinny super models that attractive anyway.

Again, to me, it depends how I connect with the person emotionally. As you suggest, she might walk away. She probably wouldn't agree of a future that I could stray and have a affair. If I like her personality and we get along, and I find her attractive, why would it matter what she looks like?

Again, you are generalizing. I would definately get know her before I tell her anything.


Quote:
Realize that I don't self-identify as bi for a few reasons. First of all, I see bi's falling into 3 groups:

1) The people that use the term as a way to have whatever kind of sex gets them off.
2) The people that are gay, but cannot deal with defining themselves that far off the norm.
3) People who are truly able to love someone regardless of gender.

Many gays think most bi's or all bi's are in group #2. I think that is naive. I admit that I haven't known many in the third camp, but they are the ones I have the most respect for. I would like to say I was in the third camp, but I would be lying to say I don't lean more for the need of a man's love.
I consider myself bisexual because I am attracted to men and women. Let's take love out of it, because really, that's what the term means. Hell, I could go into more depth and say that I am bi-curious, since I am a virgin.

Unlike # 2, I know that I am bisexual. I look at men and women in a sexual way. Plus, that statement is usually made by uninformed or ignorant straight or gay people. What #3 is describing is basically what is called panisexual or omnisexual, which means you love ALL forms.



[quote[However, if you have read many of my posts, you know that I have my own quirks. I really never had a strong desire for penises. Do you think it would serve any purpose to tell my partners that penises just aren't my thing? Men as a group may not be as sensitive about their body image as women (perhaps more a social thing than an XX vs XY thing). Nevertheless, most men are very self conscious about their cocks. How many of us have wished we had longer, thicker, bigger, harder, etc cock. I've never known a guy who said he wish he had less.


It would serve no purpose to tell a guy, your hot, but I wish you were impotent or had a pussy instead? I play with penises because that is what the people I love come attached with. [/quote]

Um, ok. Now, you threw me off. we all have those quirks I guess. I still don't know why you brought this up though. Unless you are trying to point out something about sexual attraction or something.

Quote:
I will say that years ago I was heavily into 12-step for sex addiction. I fell for someone and told him everything. I did it because I thought that must be the honest to goodness thing to do. I told him about every temptation, every flaw, etc. I didn't think it would ever back fire. He took everything stoically. Just so you know, the only time I crossed any line, was a the very beginning. I thought my life had come to an end as he had in my mind been perfect. It isnt' too often that you meet a 48 year old gay virgin. So I told him and he didn't hold it against me. I never let myself cross that line again. However, I was always bombarded by temptation. (I think a lot of it was hormones in my mid-30's, a history of sexual addiction, and the fact that he wasn't very good at all in bed. I'm not making excuses, just expressing the demons that I dealt with.) He seemed so understanding. Then two years into it, he opened up and said he had never loved me. I was devastated. I had spent so much time being so honest, that he was almost like a secretary of my diary a role that he accepted, that it backfired. He hadn't. Now you could think that had he been as brutally honest from the start, that everything would have been fine. I doubt it. I had surrendered my own identity by telling it all, and he had built a wall to protect his. It would have been better to have been somewhat in between. In all honest, the relationship was doomed because he really didn't know what he wanted.

So before you do anything, you really need to look inside and figure yourself out. Sure you don't have a crystal ball, but you've lived in your own skin for 31 years. Odds are you have a good idea of the person you are and will become. You just have to own that knowledge.
Ah, you were a sex addict, that explains everything..........

Ok, now I am being judgemental. However, it sounds like you are transferring your own past demons onto me. But, I also feel that we aren't that different, but have different views.

I will be honest, with your statments and my own feelings of late, I am ASHAMED in being bisexual. Part of this isn't because society norms. No one expects me to have kids or anything.

Currently, this is how I define myself. I am a kind hearted young man, but I am very stressed out. I have little to no private life, I have no car, nor do I have local friends. My parents have had me tested since I was a kid to see if I was/am mentally retarded and can even live on my own. I work at a dead end job with dreams of doing something better, but I know that most of those are a pipedream.

Now, I have to be tested again to see if I am mentally retarded again, my job (a nursing home) are making some new rules that make no sense, my mother has MS and will evnetually have to be put in a home. She still loves my dad who moved out on her and slept with a ex-best friend of hers.

So, no, I have no idea what type of person I will be, because to me, I have no future. Actually, no, I take that back, I am a fucking manchild. That's all that I will amount to anyway.

Hell, I won't have a girlfriend or even boyfriend. With the way my life is, I will be a unemployed homeless guy with no future, and dying on the street only eating scraps.

Or so this is the future that people precieve me having. As I said, I inspired to be more than that. I do believe in hope, even through my hardships.

With that said, I'm sorry that one boyfriend of yours never loved you. However, let me ask, are you currently in a relationship? If so, are you honest with your partner or do you keep you sexuality secret from them.

So far, the only two (or three) people who have told me not to tell her that I am bisexual is you, Kevinkox, and gayTropher.

Last edited by Missouribiguy : 03-17-2011 at 11:25 PM. Reason: typos and misspellings.
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Old 03-19-2011, 10:59 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by Missouribiguy
What if she didn't approve my bisexuality twenty years earlier, but stayed with me regardless under a false view that she could convert me to the "straight" life. I mean, even if you denied those feelings, you will still have those urges. The married men in the past have had sex because of this issue, they gave into their urges.

It isn't a matter of "converting" you; it is the lifestyle it sounds like you want. If you are wanting a girlfriend/wife/whatever-you-want-to-call it, aren't you in essence wanting to live the "straight" life? If not, then please define what exactly is the "bisexual" lifestyle? If it is just the permission to have outside partners, there are heterosexuals as well as homosexuals who do that.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Missouribiguy
Do we ever truly know what we want? Yes, I wouldn't mind soaking some wild oats before I settle down. I mean, I am 31 years of age, and not getting any younger. Add to that I am also a virgin, and sexual thoughts are magnified.
I've known what I've wanted for decades. Basically, since I was a teenager I wanted to sire children, yet do it by impregnating a butch, hairy, muscular man who wanted to spend his life with me. I guess basically I wanted it all. Homosexuality with the reproductive capabilities of heterosexuality. Since it isn't the nature of things and because I'm practically sterile, I had to realize I'll never obtain all of what I wanted. thus I have to compromise and seek out the best of what reality has to offer.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Missouribiguy
Again, to me, it depends how I connect with the person emotionally. As you suggest, she might walk away. She probably wouldn't agree of a future that I could stray and have a affair. If I like her personality and we get along, and I find her attractive, why would it matter what she looks like?

...Um, ok. Now, you threw me off. we all have those quirks I guess. I still don't know why you brought this up though. Unless you are trying to point out something about sexual attraction or something.
I gave the example of the contrasting female looks to emphasize that you can slice and dice people more than by what toys they have in their groin area. People make a big deal about gender as if heterosexuals are attracted to ALL women and NO men, and visa versa for homosexuals. There are plenty of guys who would never sexually attract me in a million years no matter how kind they are because they are not physically attractive to me. Just like plenty of guys who I could never sexually attract me no matter how physically beautiful I find them because I cannot stand their personality. I would also be lying if I said that no woman in the world would ever attract me in a million years.

If you were str8, would there be some reason you need to tell her every single thing about her that may not be your ideal? I don't see the need to do a litmus test with a partner for all the templates of humanity that might trip my trigger. The important thing is if I have what it takes to stick with the person I'm interested in. If I don't, then that is why I may need to talk to that potential partner.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Missouribiguy
Ah, you were a sex addict, that explains everything.......... Ok, now I am being judgemental. However, it sounds like you are transferring your own past demons onto me. But, I also feel that we aren't that different, but have different views.
Sexual addiction isn't like being born with 10 toes. Even sex addicts run the gamut. If there is some transference, it is NOT about sex addiction, but about expectations that your potential partner needs to inspect and/or carry all your luggage.[/quote]


Quote:
Originally Posted by Missouribiguy
I will be honest, with your statments and my own feelings of late, I am ASHAMED in being bisexual. Part of this isn't because society norms. No one expects me to have kids or anything.

Currently, this is how I define myself. I am a kind hearted young man, but I am very stressed out. I have little to no private life, I have no car, nor do I have local friends. My parents have had me tested since I was a kid to see if I was/am mentally retarded and can even live on my own. I work at a dead end job with dreams of doing something better, but I know that most of those are a pipedream.

Now, I have to be tested again to see if I am mentally retarded again, my job (a nursing home) are making some new rules that make no sense, my mother has MS and will evnetually have to be put in a home. She still loves my dad who moved out on her and slept with a ex-best friend of hers.

So, no, I have no idea what type of person I will be, because to me, I have no future. Actually, no, I take that back, I am a fucking manchild. That's all that I will amount to anyway.

Hell, I won't have a girlfriend or even boyfriend. With the way my life is, I will be a unemployed homeless guy with no future, and dying on the street only eating scraps.

Or so this is the future that people precieve me having. As I said, I inspired to be more than that. I do believe in hope, even through my hardships.
Can you expound upon why you have the shame? I think we all have a phase where we are shamed about being different. However, their comes a time you just say fuck it. I got over being ashamed about being gay a long time ago. I do feel shame in not being fertile, not having a bigger dick, etc. Though I know I cannot change those things, I still wish they were different. Because I see siring kids as a desire independent of sexual preference, I didn't ever see shame in gayness for that reason. I suppose the only thing I felt negative in the past about being gay is that it meant that I had an emotional weakness for men when our society tells us that men are supposed to be strong and not needy -- especially for another man. However, I think once you finally have a good relationship, you just don't think in those ways about vulnerability.

I am not in the medical professional, nor to I know all the details. From your posts you seem articulate, so from that perspective I wouldn't think you were slow or retarded. Now plenty of people can be functionally and have mental issues (ie I have family members with bipolar disorder). I will say that when I lived with my Dad as a teen, he was really big on cruelty. He would say things like I was retarded to better himself. It was bull as when I escaped him, I went on to just fine. For instance I had a 4.0 grade point average in college. Note, we made our peace years before he died.

I'm, not saying that you may not have things you have to deal with, but make sure such diagnoses come from a professional -- not someone who may belittle you or like to keep you co-dependent.

I will say that my father kept no secrets at all. He spoke his mind no matter how mean it was. If you didn't do something like he wanted it, you were stupid. If someone got to a parking spot before he did, he would get out of the car and cuss them out. I could go on an on. Just note that when I saw it as an adult, I realized just how cruel it is to sometimes speak your mind.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Missouribiguy
With that said, I'm sorry that one boyfriend of yours never loved you. However, let me ask, are you currently in a relationship? If so, are you honest with your partner or do you keep you sexuality secret from them.

So far, the only two (or three) people who have told me not to tell her that I am bisexual is you, Kevinkox, and gayTropher.
I've been in a relationship for over 8.5 years. I'm faithful, so I don't have anything thing to confess. Now would I have told him about all the hate and dark thoughts I had for the other guy for how it ended (a much longer story then I have time to write down)? No. I don't want my guy to think he was involved with a psycho. Plus he is my partner, not my priest nor my counselor.

Is our relationship perfect? Probably not. I have a lot of issues with finances. Plus we have different attitudes about work, etc. That part is VERY stressful. That doesn't mean I would ever stop loving him or want to dump him.

Just remember whomever you choose to get involved with is a human being with all the flaws that comes from being human. It used to be said that love is never having to say you're sorry. I don't agree. I think it goes farther than that. Love means avoiding something to be sorry for in the first place.

Finally as to how many responded and said what. Like you hear sometimes, if the crowd said jump off a cliff, would you do it? All these reponses are just individual opinions. The important thing is you think this out for yourself. I added my opinions because I felt there was a lack of hearing from the other side where "confessions" or "revelations" can also become a burden for the person you tell. I understand that you haven't done anything to physically confess. However, I would be cautious as to
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Old 03-23-2011, 07:06 AM   #34
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none2_none2,

Ok, let me ask you a question. What if I don't tell her that I am bisexual, and I do sleep behind her back, and she found out? Wouldn't that be more of a burden to her than if I had told her in the first place and didn't have sex with a man?

So, the answer is that I am basically damn if I do and damn if I don't.

As for me not understanding the lifestyle, I wouldn't mind having a open relationship, which she doesn't mind me having a boyfriend on the side. However, I've been told that I am essentially living a pipedream by that guy I have mentioned before.

I don't want to live the "straight" lifestyle because I know I am not straight. What straight guy thinks about sucking dick and taking it up the ass or vice versa. Hell, I'm not against having a boyfriend.

I guess it just depends on the girl that I date and fall in love with. If she open about sex and not gay people, than yeah, I would tell her. If she's the opposite, then no, I would never tell her.

I said that if I was attractive to her and our personalities don't class. I mean, I rather be in love with a girl who I get along with than one I don't.


My shame for being bisexual is because I know I won't be able to choose, and therefore, it could leave me to cheat. I think it would be easier to be just a straight man because I would at least know what's in my heart.

Ok, that's bullshit, no one really knows what's in their hearts unless they already know. Personally, I think being in a relationship would be a good and bad thing for me. Good because I would have someone I care about be with me, and bad because I have these feelings that might never be satisfy.

To me, this is probably why other men cheat. Not saying this is a excuse or anything, but I understand that feeling.

hmmm, I should reliterate and say that I have a learning disability, but might have mild to low mental retardation. This is because I was born with this birth defect called Cat Eye Syndrome. This article from Wikipedia explains it a bit better http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cat_eye_syndrome.

However, I should state that I don't have all those traits (I do have a anus for one). When I was younger, my parents thought I had autism, but it was more because of the CES. The good news is I am always progressing and never regressing. But, i have always been a few years behind my peers.

Hmmm, sometimes I wonder if I am bi-polar at times, but I think it's mostly stress.

I wouldn't jump off the cliff, and I am happy that people do disagree with some of my ideas. I just don't know....
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Old 03-23-2011, 08:22 AM   #35
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SOOOOOOO, Did you tell her yet?
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Old 03-23-2011, 09:20 AM   #36
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SOOOOOOO, Did you tell her yet?
I have to find her first man, still single.
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Old 03-23-2011, 09:57 AM   #37
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none2_none2,

Ok, let me ask you a question. What if I don't tell her that I am bisexual, and I do sleep behind her back, and she found out? Wouldn't that be more of a burden to her than if I had told her in the first place and didn't have sex with a man?

So, the answer is that I am basically damn if I do and damn if I don't.

As for me not understanding the lifestyle, I wouldn't mind having a open relationship, which she doesn't mind me having a boyfriend on the side. However, I've been told that I am essentially living a pipedream by that guy I have mentioned before.

I don't want to live the "straight" lifestyle because I know I am not straight. What straight guy thinks about sucking dick and taking it up the ass or vice versa. Hell, I'm not against having a boyfriend.

I guess it just depends on the girl that I date and fall in love with. If she open about sex and not gay people, than yeah, I would tell her. If she's the opposite, then no, I would never tell her.

I said that if I was attractive to her and our personalities don't class. I mean, I rather be in love with a girl who I get along with than one I don't.


My shame for being bisexual is because I know I won't be able to choose, and therefore, it could leave me to cheat. I think it would be easier to be just a straight man because I would at least know what's in my heart.

Ok, that's bullshit, no one really knows what's in their hearts unless they already know. Personally, I think being in a relationship would be a good and bad thing for me. Good because I would have someone I care about be with me, and bad because I have these feelings that might never be satisfy.

To me, this is probably why other men cheat. Not saying this is a excuse or anything, but I understand that feeling.

hmmm, I should reliterate and say that I have a learning disability, but might have mild to low mental retardation. This is because I was born with this birth defect called Cat Eye Syndrome. This article from Wikipedia explains it a bit better http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cat_eye_syndrome.

However, I should state that I don't have all those traits (I do have a anus for one). When I was younger, my parents thought I had autism, but it was more because of the CES. The good news is I am always progressing and never regressing. But, i have always been a few years behind my peers.

Hmmm, sometimes I wonder if I am bi-polar at times, but I think it's mostly stress.

I wouldn't jump off the cliff, and I am happy that people do disagree with some of my ideas. I just don't know....
If you honestly think one person will never be enough, then I think it is more important to seek out someone who is open to an open relationship than the bisexual nature you have. The key to everything I'm saying is to know yourself. From the moment we leave our mother's wombs to the moment we die, we really area alone. We may be luckily enough along the way to have people who love us in between time, but still we are alone as no one can actually your universe that goes inside your head. While you may not be able to predict your actions 20 years from now, you should know your "template" -- meaning basically how you behave and react.

Case in point, I despise the smell of coffee. I always have and always will. It doesn't matter how it is brewed, who brews it, etc. I just never did. I had no childhood trauma, so all the counseling in the world won't change that. Now my partner loves the crap. When we moved to the farm, I had to compromise. I let him make it in the kitchen. Because I love him I had to make some accommodations. That didn't change my nature or his, but was a way of tolerating each other's differences.

Another part of my nature is that I can stew about things forever and that if I verbalized everything I was thinking at the very moment I am capable of saying things that would be very hurtful and that I could never take back. If I just hold back, I can get past those thoughts and not hurt someone I care about. I struggle with this on a daily basis when something is troubling me.

I still don't get the shame of bisexuality because you say you didn't choose it. I cannot imagine anybody being born with attraction to only one person on this earth. What difference does it make that in a relationship you may be attracted to someone else of the same sex, opposite sex, or both? Those are still temptations that you have to deal with. What if you were attracted to young people? What would happen as your partner grows older, do you spill your guts so that she knows 20 years down the line you may cheat on her with some young girl? Will knowing that make her feel better? Again, you need to know yourself and your limitations...

Opps, got to go. Mr coffee drinker is peculating his crud, and I need to see if I can get some more zzzz's. I have a lot of insomnia issues and right now a lot of left shoulder, neck issues. So I get up cause I toss & turn too much and don't want to bother him. I hate it as my favorite time with him is the few hours I can sleep next to him.
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Old 03-26-2011, 06:27 AM   #38
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If you honestly think one person will never be enough, then I think it is more important to seek out someone who is open to an open relationship than the bisexual nature you have. The key to everything I'm saying is to know yourself. From the moment we leave our mother's wombs to the moment we die, we really area alone. We may be luckily enough along the way to have people who love us in between time, but still we are alone as no one can actually your universe that goes inside your head. While you may not be able to predict your actions 20 years from now, you should know your "template" -- meaning basically how you behave and react.

Case in point, I despise the smell of coffee. I always have and always will. It doesn't matter how it is brewed, who brews it, etc. I just never did. I had no childhood trauma, so all the counseling in the world won't change that. Now my partner loves the crap. When we moved to the farm, I had to compromise. I let him make it in the kitchen. Because I love him I had to make some accommodations. That didn't change my nature or his, but was a way of tolerating each other's differences.

Another part of my nature is that I can stew about things forever and that if I verbalized everything I was thinking at the very moment I am capable of saying things that would be very hurtful and that I could never take back. If I just hold back, I can get past those thoughts and not hurt someone I care about. I struggle with this on a daily basis when something is troubling me.

I still don't get the shame of bisexuality because you say you didn't choose it. I cannot imagine anybody being born with attraction to only one person on this earth. What difference does it make that in a relationship you may be attracted to someone else of the same sex, opposite sex, or both? Those are still temptations that you have to deal with. What if you were attracted to young people? What would happen as your partner grows older, do you spill your guts so that she knows 20 years down the line you may cheat on her with some young girl? Will knowing that make her feel better? Again, you need to know yourself and your limitations...

Opps, got to go. Mr coffee drinker is peculating his crud, and I need to see if I can get some more zzzz's. I have a lot of insomnia issues and right now a lot of left shoulder, neck issues. So I get up cause I toss & turn too much and don't want to bother him. I hate it as my favorite time with him is the few hours I can sleep next to him.
I don't think a person's sexuality is as black & white as coffee. We all have our different tastes and feelings.

I'm looking for a open relationship, yes, but I was to be truthful with her, and I say I want to explore my bisexual side. Is she's bi too, it would be a bonus to me.

I didn't choose it, but the shame is more about different views on sex. Sometimes, I think about men, and other times I think about women. It's hard to make a definate answer to which I want. So, that's where the shame comes from.
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Old 04-17-2012, 06:34 PM   #39
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Ok, I decided to revised this thread again, because I am troubled about something.

Since many people have brought this up, what should I do if I tell her and everything goes to shit afterwards? Even if I try to tell her that I would never cheat on her or anything of that nature (unless if's a decision between me and her about having a sexual encounter with the same sex), how would I know she would even trust me? Or how can I trust her for her not to blab it out to her friends/family?

I mean, I know the main reasons I want to tell her that I am bisexual is to let my future girlfriend/wife know it. I want her to know because I feel she should, at the very least, know this side of me, even if I don't ever have sex with another man. It's more a honesty thing to me than even a sexual type of thing.
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Old 04-18-2013, 08:45 AM   #40
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Hey all,

I wonder what you all think of this? I am currently single, but I am looking for a girlfriend. However, I am a bi-sexual guy, and I do think about having sex with men.

Anyway, I decided to ask if you think that if I should tell her that I am bisexual and when should I do it?

I don't want to do it when we first start going out, but I would like to tell her before we get more serious.

And no, this isn't about if she lets me do it with a guy or not. It's more of a trust issue type of thing for me.
when you feel the time is right be open and honest with her .
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Old 04-18-2013, 09:13 AM   #41
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Hey all,

I wonder what you all think of this? I am currently single, but I am looking for a girlfriend. However, I am a bi-sexual guy, and I do think about having sex with men.

Anyway, I decided to ask if you think that if I should tell her that I am bisexual and when should I do it?

I don't want to do it when we first start going out, but I would like to tell her before we get more serious.

And no, this isn't about if she lets me do it with a guy or not. It's more of a trust issue type of thing for me.
opportunity too have your cake and eat it too...trust is earned...and can be forever broken....Tell her...weather she goes for it or not...you'll be much the wiser
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Old 04-18-2013, 11:02 AM   #42
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Tell her. Absolutely no question. She has to to trust you after all.
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Old 04-20-2013, 10:04 PM   #43
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Tell her. Absolutely no question. She has to to trust you after all.
and who knows, it might be a fantasy of hers.
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Old 04-21-2013, 10:58 AM   #44
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Ok, I decided to revised this thread again, because I am troubled about something.

Since many people have brought this up, what should I do if I tell her and everything goes to shit afterwards? Even if I try to tell her that I would never cheat on her or anything of that nature (unless if's a decision between me and her about having a sexual encounter with the same sex), how would I know she would even trust me? Or how can I trust her for her not to blab it out to her friends/family?

I mean, I know the main reasons I want to tell her that I am bisexual is to let my future girlfriend/wife know it. I want her to know because I feel she should, at the very least, know this side of me, even if I don't ever have sex with another man. It's more a honesty thing to me than even a sexual type of thing.
wow. Over two years later and you are still struggling with this issue. I feel for you because it is using up too much of your emotional energy I think. I am also guessing that you have made up your mind on what you WANT to do but lack the courage to act on it. If you are in fact bi sexual and this is not just a prolonged fantasy, what choice do you really have? You can tell her (present or future) and be who you really are, or..........you can keep this locked away inside of you and slowly go nuts. So again I ask, what choice do you really have? You have struggled with this issue for over two years. Put this to bed and start enjoying your life free of the inner burden that you have been carrying around for some time now. I kinda know what I am talking about if ya know what I mean.
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Old 04-21-2013, 05:40 PM   #45
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wow. Over two years later and you are still struggling with this issue. I feel for you because it is using up too much of your emotional energy I think. I am also guessing that you have made up your mind on what you WANT to do but lack the courage to act on it. If you are in fact bi sexual and this is not just a prolonged fantasy, what choice do you really have? You can tell her (present or future) and be who you really are, or..........you can keep this locked away inside of you and slowly go nuts. So again I ask, what choice do you really have? You have struggled with this issue for over two years. Put this to bed and start enjoying your life free of the inner burden that you have been carrying around for some time now. I kinda know what I am talking about if ya know what I mean.
Um, You didn't see my recent post, did you? I mean, the post you were replying to is a year-old and I have made a decision that I will tell her.
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Old 04-21-2013, 09:11 PM   #46
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Yeah I'll echo the "wow."
You're worried and hypothesizing about something that hasn't even happened.

You've been given some advice in this thread, after soliciting opinions. Pick and choose what will work for you, but jeez man get out and live your life. BF/GF - tell her/him//don't tell her/him whatever you want - but do something already!

Best and seriously I hope you work it out in your mind, but in the meantime get out and live your life!
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Old 04-22-2013, 12:11 AM   #47
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Yeah I'll echo the "wow."
You're worried and hypothesizing about something that hasn't even happened.

You've been given some advice in this thread, after soliciting opinions. Pick and choose what will work for you, but jeez man get out and live your life. BF/GF - tell her/him//don't tell her/him whatever you want - but do something already!

Best and seriously I hope you work it out in your mind, but in the meantime get out and live your life!
GOD, I hate when people start on me when I didn't even resurrect the stupid thread in the first place!

Look, I have made my decision, ok. DROP IT!
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