Old 02-26-2013, 04:53 PM   #3601
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Hook(er)ed by wolfcub99
An interesting rhyming piece from Wolfcub. Clever word play at the end created mixed metaphors which left me wondering what he means.


We have two delightful rhyming pieces from Quivering Quill. Both are worth the read.
Cowgirl Up!…. by Quivering_Quill
Fantasies, Fairy Tales, and Erotic by Quivering_Quill

I am yours by eroticslut
This is an interesting because it's written as a male character, but the forced rhymes give it a Dr. Seuss feel, but lacks a Dr. Seuss rhythm.

Harry’s Raincoat by HarryHill
A cute, but defiant couplet from Harry.

Public Sex and Nudity-Humor by erectus123
An Ogden Nash-esque

Life drops by sexnovella
I like sincere poems, such as this. The lack of punctuation makes for a awkward read, but still worth the read.

Mons Veneris by HeartnSole
A nice work from HeartnSole.

Intensive Care by mafia_patriarch
An address to a patient who is confined in a disturbing non-medical setting.


Demure gives us three poems today. I especially like Song #2. It is today's recommended read.
Song # 2 by demure101
Apprehension by demure101
Shivers by demure101
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Quote:
Originally posted by LostBaby
My beloved is perfect. He is strong, smart, well read, can & will do anything, tender, and totally adores me. The only thing that could make him better is if he was freak'n wealthy beyond words.
On the floor of a small room near the city wall, they found the source of the many fragments of wisdom this civilization had left the world.http://bronzeageworks.blogspot.com/
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Old 02-28-2013, 04:40 PM   #3602
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Too much of a good thing.
The couplet piece Love for you by Butterflies 152 is well meaning but consists of forced rhymes and clichés. When I read the first two verses my hopes were high but dwindled as I read on. Perhaps those two should suffice.

Whipping and slapping and bruising! Oh my!
Remembering by SweetOblivion is more rhyming verse describing some D/s shenanigans.

Epithet or epitaph.
It’s always hard to comment on such personal poems like Soren by first timer Sweetk1231, but is it personal? There’s no way for the reader to know, it could be referring to Kerkegaard, Bowie or Johnson (although, as far as I know they’re both still with us). Whoever it is has died and the writer knew him but the poem doesn’t engage the reader at all and tells us little else.

How many things can you rhyme with Sy?
Your mission, should you choose to take it, is to beat first time poet tnwriter. Sy by tnwriter is kind of fun in a porno kind of way.

The pulse at rest.
Heartbeat by lonelyhousewife32 has a repeating theme between the lines but it is more of a distraction than enhancement to the nice little slice of domestic bliss.

scents and sensibility.
The Bathrobe by freakyfreaky469 is really good in that it intrigues and draws the reader on. I looked up ff469’s bio and was surprised to find he’s male. It would have been nice to get a bit more about the relationship between the robes owner and the writer but, then again, maybe not. Recommended.

Confuzzled.
Who Am I? by JaxRhapsody confused me. Do most people refuse companionship? Is the protagonist lusting after sex or love? I did love the first two lines, what a great idea.

Voice male?
In Voice AmusingMusings describes a self-pleasuring to the receiver as the cats look on. Amusing but – was it good for you too?

Missing in action.
Do You Miss? by QuiveringQuill is pornographic poetry. It has no rhythm and little to interest the casual reader. Sorry folks but I WISH YOU WOULD READ YOUR POEMS ALOUD BEFORE SETTING THEM LOOSE ON US.

Madness takes its toll.
Confusion by jenyes has a nightmarish quality although it could well be real, a panic attack, P.T.S. or just paranoia. I found it compelling and disturbing. The broken format gives it a jerky, uncontrolled feeling. Well done, recommended.

Wanted, dead or dead.
I Want You Now by TheChameleon is more porno poetry but with a BDSM theme. ‘Nuff said.

Periods, commas and spacing! Oh my!
Daydreaming by Ashley777 is a very strangely punctuated piece, so much so that I had to re-read almost every line to get some understanding, and even then it leaves me cold when I’m meant to feel SOME thing. The wide spacing doesn’t help. “Glisten with lust” – nice line, bit only one.

Your wet what?
The Smell Of Your Wet by TheChameleon is more boring porn. Even if it wasn’t the last of thirteen pretty disappointing submissions today and I wasn’t a bit punchy I’d still not read it right through. FPS read some good poetry folks!
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Old 03-01-2013, 02:50 PM   #3603
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shenanigans.
Not much shenanigans in today's posts alas. Continuing the cover for Desejo, there are eleven new poems today.

Mafia_patriarch's pink panties are true to the Haiku form, even if they lack the association with nature or any of the subtlety normally accorded the art of Haiku.

Waking down's In Decline makes an effort and has good, consistent, rhythm and form; but, it seemed a little wordy to me. Shorter, more pithy constructions might have more power; but do have a bonus for ending in oblivion, which is, of course, always sweet in my eyes.

None of today's efforts grabbed me, but that is personal taste, rather than any axe to grind. I leave you to look and review them yourselves. Try not to be too judgmental.
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Old 03-06-2013, 03:45 PM   #3604
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Sheawaitstruelove is a new Lit poet and has two pieces for us, today. Both are delightful rhyming pieces and recommended reads.
The distance between us by sheawaitstruelove
True Love by sheawaitstruelov

So Called Creativity by EgyptsGoddess
This is a prose style poem which might be best characterized as stream or consciousness, or perhaps a rant. The weakness of this kind of piece is the fingers are not always faithful to the thought and what appears on the page does not make sense.

AmusedMusings gives us both sides of the bedsheet with these two pieces.
The best sex I ever had by AmusedMusings
Ode to bad sex by AmusedMusings

My first by tnwriter
Following Amused's lead, tnwriter gives us an ode to self-sex.

His tousled hair by lonelyhousewife32
A quick paced rhyming piece for lonelyhousewife32. Worth the read.

a psalm for a silicon stone age by seannelson
This is an interesting piece, filled with allegory, imagery and metaphors about to blow a circuit breaker.

Dandelion Days by demure101
A brilliant piece from Demure. This is today's recommended read.

The Confession by DamnClassicist
A long and detailed confession. The penance should be frightening.

My anal fantasy by simboxonWhat can I say about a poem titled "My anal fantasy" which won't sound like too much information, but if this were a personal ad, I would respond.

Surfer Girl III by freakyfreaky469I like this piece. It took me back to a sunny morning on a hotel balcony, a couple blocks from Waikiki Beach.
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Quote:
Originally posted by LostBaby
My beloved is perfect. He is strong, smart, well read, can & will do anything, tender, and totally adores me. The only thing that could make him better is if he was freak'n wealthy beyond words.
On the floor of a small room near the city wall, they found the source of the many fragments of wisdom this civilization had left the world.http://bronzeageworks.blogspot.com/
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Old 03-07-2013, 05:20 PM   #3605
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Waking up down. Waking Down by wakingDown needs some line breaks, a long poem like this is hard, for me at least, to read right through. It’s odd, because, with his next submission, WD presents a very readable arrangement. This work is by way of explaining the user’s name who must suffer from depression because all the images point in that direction. It’s long and rambling, a shorter, snappier poem would have more impact.

Breaking up is hard to do. Body Breaking also by wakingDown is eloquent over kill. About half way through I found my attention glazing over as the poem lost its momentum. One is left wondering why the body is breaking but instead we get more and more descriptions of how it breaks. Top marks for rhyming and presentation, though.

Take on me. Taken by you by Kaneslollypop who appears here for the first time. It’s a nice effort in a Hallmark kinda way but rhyming doggerel is seldom emotional or erotic.

Rumours of randy rants. Ranting’s of a Randy Man by QuiveringQuill made me wonder if randy men should refrain from writing poetry. All tell and no show it was a chore to get through. A minor punctuation point, there should be no apostrophe in “Rantings”.

Tide is out. Surfer Girl V by freakyfriday469 is the last of a five part series of, what I call, “list poems”. In other words the poems are more or less just lists, little emotion and nothing to engage to reader. I’m only supposed to be commenting on this particular one and it does have some emotion and appealed to me more than the others in this series.

Gearing up for a walk on hot coals. Prelude to a Kiss and Burn Baby Burn both by Kiki_C, new to Lit, are pretty standard poems, not great with nothing new to excite - but well done for that genre.

Missing him like Hell? Hell by shewaitstruelove has a dramatic title but the poem has no punch. Also “justice” and “illustrious” is a stretch as rhymes go. I sometimes wonder if poets really know what certain words mean.

Cocksure, indeed. Kokshur has three for you today, Betsy and Veronica 5 the last of the B and V series, hearts and overbite . My fave of the three is the second one but the “heart” motif could be expanded on.

Domestic disappointment.
This Moment by lonelyhousewife is a powerful poem and, I hope, cathartic for the writer. The internal dialogue held my attention and the placid ending after the turmoil seem right. My choice for today.

Eve denied. Oh well by AmusedMusings is next. I liked this but wished the poet had refrained from using rhyme.

Mint flavoured masturbation. Wide Awake by mintylover28 could be entitled “female masturbation 101”, one sexual act after the other the better to fap to. Not my cuppa, might be yours, drink up.

Light at the end of winter’s tunnel. Lesser Celandine by demiure101 is my second recommendation for today. I like the somber early verses that burst into the joyous, hopeful finale.

A case for Esperanto? On March 1st Premonmayee joined Lit and has submitted two poems in – what looks like – an Asian language with which I am unfamiliar so I am not able to say anything – good or bad.
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Old 03-08-2013, 08:25 PM   #3606
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There are eleven new poems today.

None to my taste - but they may be to yours - so do take the time to review them yourselves.
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Old 03-08-2013, 09:42 PM   #3607
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There are eleven new poems today.

None to my taste - but they may be to yours - so do take the time to review them yourselves.
Ok, I will.

mouse slaps trap gets cheez pleez is one of seannelson's wild rides. This poet has an original voice and his poem is certainly out of left field, he uses language so well - just read his stuff aloud to really get the essence.

The Chase by HarryHill is one of those poems you read and wonder what you're reading about, a real hunter, a one night stand, unrequited love/lust? It really could be any of those. Loved it.

Loved 'em both!

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Old 03-09-2013, 10:03 PM   #3608
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Lonely Housewife32's butterfly haiku1 and butterfly haiku 3 may even entice you to try the form yourselves, so go for it.
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Old 03-12-2013, 06:22 PM   #3609
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There are 16 new poems posted March 12th and I have a dodgy internet connection. Watch this space and I will catch up as soon as possible.

I Am Yours Master by weepingangel88

Weepingangel is a new Lit poet who has posted quit a bit in a short time. This piece nice pledge of love and endurance.

Freakyfreaky gives us two spare pieces, sort of haiku, but clearly not.
Fat Joe by freakyfreaky469
His cock by freakyfreaky469

Urban Pastoral by HarryHill
A nice descriptive from Harry, seeing a forest in an urban landscape, but the choice of archaic words makes it seemed forced.

Lonelyhousewife gives us two today. When is the wisps is a sweet piece with a nice cadence.

When in wisps by lonelyhousewife32
Spring Haiku 2 by lonelyhousewife32

There was a thread a few weeks ago on the GB, titled "What do men want?" This honest and plaintive piece summarizes the answers.
Understand Me by skmccoy6

More to come.
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Quote:
Originally posted by LostBaby
My beloved is perfect. He is strong, smart, well read, can & will do anything, tender, and totally adores me. The only thing that could make him better is if he was freak'n wealthy beyond words.
On the floor of a small room near the city wall, they found the source of the many fragments of wisdom this civilization had left the world.http://bronzeageworks.blogspot.com/

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Old 03-14-2013, 03:43 PM   #3610
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Seventeen new poems today but I am pressed for time. Having read them all here are my recommendations……


A two-fer. Coda and Natural Order both by demure101 and both interesting, quite different one from the other.


Sand in the unmentionable? Summer Skin by BreeNoche, not because it’s particularly good (too many clichés and stale images) but because this new poet should continue writing.


Break out the Pepto…. Acidification by bogusagain is a bitter-tinted saunter through a flawed relationships and bitter memories, acquired and otherwise. Not a pleasant read but well worth the bile.
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Old 03-16-2013, 07:52 AM   #3611
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Continuing the cover for Desejo, there are fourteen new poems today. My three choices are:

Reflecting a liking for lonelyhousewife32's Haiku my fondness continues with her guileless spring haiku 4, even if I'm not sure if the Sun's in final verse quite works.

Bogusagain's my angel of redemption is superb - one of my two delights of the day, even if the poem is about irritation and annoyance at the perceptions of others: well formed, cynical and nicely targeted.

Two WorldsTX's Adam is pithy, precise perfection.

And to add to Tristesse's commendations from Thursday (that I wholly endorse), I suggest you put the following reads on your list, if you haven't already:

Lonely Housewife 32s clever silly little girl;

Feverman's intriguing only words; and

certainly not least ktfa1's famous last words.

I may not be around next Friday, so do hope someone else takes up the cudgel to celebrate the poetic repast on Desejo's behalf before his return in April.
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Old 03-19-2013, 08:20 PM   #3612
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The daytime internet connection problem should be solved soon.

I should have made that a haiku.
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Quote:
Originally posted by LostBaby
My beloved is perfect. He is strong, smart, well read, can & will do anything, tender, and totally adores me. The only thing that could make him better is if he was freak'n wealthy beyond words.
On the floor of a small room near the city wall, they found the source of the many fragments of wisdom this civilization had left the world.http://bronzeageworks.blogspot.com/
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Old 03-21-2013, 03:50 PM   #3613
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Eight new poems for you today, among them......

Make Love to Me by skmccoy6 is all tell and no show, a clinical description of foreplay well enough done but emotionally sterile.


Into the abyss
by lonelyhousewife32 has more depth to it (excuse the pun ). This poet creates an atmosphere; we see the dark waters, feel the chill and fear. A baptism, a beginning? A suicide, an ending? Very enigmatic. My pick for today.


Innocence by sexnovella is my last mention for today. I liked it in spite of the double spacing (a pet peeve).

No stomach for any more.
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Old 03-22-2013, 06:10 PM   #3614
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Continuing the cover for Desejo, there are fourteen new poems again today.

Maybe I'm feeling jaundiced, but I only recommend two of them to you:

The passion in leahcarr's verse comes out, even if the words in her yours mine ours are not quite earth shattering. The final stanza is the best one IMHO.

Ashesh 9s night and day is clean and crisp like a fresh, cool lhassi after a really strong curry.

Enjoy the rest of today's efforts - I hope you find something to your taste.

S.O
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Old 03-28-2013, 03:43 PM   #3615
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Ah! new poems , eleven today.

Rose of Sharon by susansnow is full of great lines…”The pink kiss mark in your favorite book” or “…The sandy texture and weight of bone.” in an interesting work, I will be looking for more from this poet. There are a few references that left me wondering but over all this is a recommendation.

Erotic_synchronisity has two on offer today, Image of the Self and The Writers Ferris Wheel , I mention them both because they are original ideas, if too wordy, some pruning would make them both more readable.

Finally I recommend Dream of Me by weepingangel88. I don’t usually like poems that repeat as this one does but the sentiments appeal to me, I think wa88 pulls it off.

I wish we were able to pick a worst for the day too, but that would be rude....
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Old 03-29-2013, 05:19 PM   #3616
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Ah! new poems , ... I wish we were able to pick a worst for the day too, but that would be rude...
Ah indeed!

And now my final Friday. Desejo, generous soul, returns next week. My stint ends, with ten new poems today.

I quite liked Harry Hill's two journeyman poems two unrelated for their simplicity.

It would have been nice to find more gems to relish over the last couple of months, but I will retire from these critiques with good grace, wishing all well in their continued efforts.

I may be back...

S.O.

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Old 04-02-2013, 11:40 AM   #3617
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New poems, recommends, reviews, whatever...
Two reasons to read new poems
Not to be missed! From yesterday.

The Bar Maids

byTristesse2©
excerpt
Hopeful young things from the hinterland
with stars in their eyes, chance call-backs
still a thrill,

and this is a sonic wonderland, but apparently beyond the excessive submission crowd.
she also has another
who has another right below

and the second, lesser reason, is the number guy sometimes leaves comments, of which it was once said are funnier than the poems, that is sad, sort of

There are more, I didn't read most of them, I've gotten quite lazy and self absorbed, like most of you, and have taken to writing lame sonnets and no comments
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Old 04-02-2013, 04:31 PM   #3618
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"Leo the Slob"- story poem by erectus123

This pieces works if you image Bob Dylan singing it.

My Trunk by susansnow

This is an interesting piece, but the straight paragraph format makes a difficul read. I don't think the word "trunk" has been used to describe the human body in a poem since Ozymandias.

Hair Care by HarryHill

A plea for better women's hair accessories.


Two fun pieces from Ashesh.
Cock & the Pussy ! by Ashesh9

Brand , recall , sales ........ by Ashesh9

My Life in You by MrFaithful
My Day Will Come by MrFaithful

Two pieces from Mr. Faithful, both of which have a plaintive tone, but rely on trite phrases and cliches.

Shivers # 2 by demure101
Disturbance of the Peace by demure101
Two fine pieces from Demure.

Heaven Knows by SweetOblivion
A short piece from SweetOblivion, worth the read.
How the balance turns by SweetOblivion
A sonnet from SweetO. It's a good effort and I won't call any of the rhymes forced, but a few were nudged a little.

We........ by friend40
A first submission by Friend40. It's more of a short essay than a poem.

Happy by Butterflies512
A nice love poem from Butterflies. Well worth the read.

I See Your Desire by TheChameleon
A rhyming piece with a few forced ends and clumsy wording.

Beauty And The Beast by DistantShadow
I'm beginning to wonder if people are composing and submitting their poems by Iphone. It seems the only reason why there would be so little attention to how it appears on a full size screen. Enough comments have been made about prose appearing poetry, so I will ask for the simple act of respect, to make the work look like a poem, even if the words don't work as a poem.
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Quote:
Originally posted by LostBaby
My beloved is perfect. He is strong, smart, well read, can & will do anything, tender, and totally adores me. The only thing that could make him better is if he was freak'n wealthy beyond words.
On the floor of a small room near the city wall, they found the source of the many fragments of wisdom this civilization had left the world.http://bronzeageworks.blogspot.com/
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Old 04-02-2013, 06:04 PM   #3619
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I'll second the recommendation for My Trunk by susansnow. She doesn't use the sort of line breaks one expects to see in a poem: you get more of a feel of flash fiction from the shaping. There are things I'd change, yet this poem (like others of hers I've read) feels full of movement and action, feels exciting to read. To me this poet has a unique gift and is doing some very interesting things in her writing. She is definitely one to watch for imho.
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Old 04-03-2013, 01:09 PM   #3620
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Originally Posted by SweetOblivion View Post
I quite liked Harry Hill's two journeyman poems two unrelated for their simplicity.
A journeyman is someone who has completed an apprenticeship and is fully educated in a trade or craft, but not yet a master. To become a master, a journeyman has to submit a master work piece to a guild for evaluation and be admitted to the guild as a master.
1.) where is the guild?
2.) what is a master?

Doesn't matter, I question the title on this one, but see shades of Senna Jawa.
heartily seconded, comment is on the poem.
I may be reading too much into this, but the juxtaposition does exactly what Senna always espoused. Only Harry has more pointers.
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Old 04-04-2013, 02:58 PM   #3621
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Twelve efforts on tap today but I can’t find anything original or interesting, perhaps HarryHill’s In the Spring , with a few nice lines....

“while the parchment of the day
unfolds”


and the second verse, although the last line is redundant imo.

You might find something great right here .

I do wish, if people insist on rhyme they’d also use rhythm, if Hallmark jives so can you.. If you ain’t got no rhythm try going the free form route but just try for something higher – in skill, not odour.
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Old 04-07-2013, 04:39 PM   #3622
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The post bag wasn't opened on Saturday which makes for a bumper crop today with no one reporting so........

Random viewing producd The Tales I tell and Decisions by RizzeAllen

Worms by susansnow who also submitted Just To See You

All wortth your attention, there might be more here but time prevents me....
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Old 04-09-2013, 11:36 AM   #3623
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yesterday

I,I,I,
If anyone missed this -Don't

The Biographer
byTristesse2©
very brief excerpt
By now I know my way
through this holy hospice
and yet a shrouded sister
insists

hmm, what gave we here? Damn good sound pattern, for starters, my guess, my opinion best in months

Heterodoxy

bySweetOblivion©
interesting, as Tzara might say
a rhyme pattern I can't quite make out
these/seize
"these" this either forced or tipping to "suppurating"
you decide stealing from Lebroz who probably stole from O'Riley
but otherwise, evidence of craft, and a refreshing change.

Now I don't know if there is a most improved mention, but I'll will

Awakening
byQuivering_Quill©
keep up the good work

Why, Who, and Why, again
byHarryHill©
excerpt
because in the midst
of daily life
something calls to me
to write

which inspired the lowest man in literotica, but paradoxically the most powerful
the almighty Anonymous to pen this "verse?"
Just what the world needs

Another poem about a poet that doesn't know what to say.

yeh well, we could use alot more of you Yellow Duck
which you missed Anonymous, because MR. S.O. neglected to mention, instead preferring some haiku's that weren't

I'm assuming Bronzeage is having Internet problems, I apologize, if he isn't.

But Do Not Miss Tristess

now the I,I,I
check out Ms. http://www.literotica.com/stories/me...ge=submissions
susansnow
count the I's in the blocks O'text
but check out
Lillies and Cheese
first
but also ms susan, leave a few comments with the submissions, mainly because I,I,I, advised it
and I,I,I, can be a prick

Seriously it is probably better to do without too many I's in a poem, one poetical, the other statistical, BWTF, I smoke
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Old 04-09-2013, 11:55 AM   #3624
bronzeage
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Today finds only two submissions from Ashesh. Both are very short pieces, in a sort of haiku tradition. The second is enough by itself, but the first reads like the opening to a good piece.

Mother's Sacrifice by Ashesh

A cryptic message by Ashesh9
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Old 04-10-2013, 07:47 PM   #3625
Angeline
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4/10/13

There are a bunch of new poems that are well worth your reading time today. Especially don't miss Morrowing, Still from Greensparks. It is a tour de force!
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