Old 03-28-2013, 08:49 PM   #1
Sailorsgirl123
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Safety tips?

Hello all you wonderful Lit people,
I have returned after a several year hiatus (under a different name) and am happy to be back. I recently met a local Dominant who has expressed a desire to play with me and I'm thinking about it...

My question to you all is....what should I do as far as safety precautions? I don't just mean safe sex practices, I mean back up measures in case things were to go badly...

I'm also wondering what YOU, dear posters of Lit, would look for in a Dominant-vise versa, how can I best present myself as a submissive?

Thank you!!

E
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Old 03-28-2013, 11:29 PM   #2
CutieMouse
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sailorsgirl123 View Post
Hello all you wonderful Lit people,
I have returned after a several year hiatus (under a different name) and am happy to be back. I recently met a local Dominant who has expressed a desire to play with me and I'm thinking about it...

My question to you all is....what should I do as far as safety precautions? I don't just mean safe sex practices, I mean back up measures in case things were to go badly...
What would you do in a non-kink/BDSM based relationship, to keep yourself physically/mentally/emotionally safe? Safety is safety.

For example, would you 100% trust your date, on the first date just because he said he was a good guy, or would you want to get to know him and increase trust/vulnerability as you grew to know & understand one another? If a guy you met online [kink based site or not] said to meet you in a dark alley, would you? Why or why not?

Quote:
I'm also wondering what YOU, dear posters of Lit, would look for in a Dominant-vise versa, how can I best present myself as a submissive?

Thank you!!

E
That is so freaking broad of a question. I noticed you started a thread in BDSM Personals asking for an online dominant to help prep you to be a good submissive... why? I have rarely met two men looking for the same thing in a partner (even if said "partner" is a source of casual sex), so how exactly would cyber-dom A help you learn to be a good submissive to real-life-dom B?

IMO, a better use of time would be working through what submission means to you. How do you define it? What does it look like? What skills would you like to develop that might be benefit a future partner? Are you interested in sexual submission or are you looking for something that extends outside the bedroom? Have you considered bottoming, instead of submitting? What criteria do YOU require, in order to submit to someone?
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Old 03-28-2013, 11:34 PM   #3
kyleliamharris01
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safety tips

Two safety things I find most important are; having a safeword or someother form of saying "ok that's not ok" and talking about and finding out what the doms plan is, and understanding what you are getting into, for example, if they say they wanna do electric play, and your not sure what that is, you should get a full understaning, prior to doing it, and be sure you are ok with trying/doing it. I'm a fairly new dom so I can't help much more than that but I hope that helps a bit
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Old 03-28-2013, 11:41 PM   #4
CutieMouse
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Ok, but here's my question re: safewords...

Yes, it's a popular BDSM "safety theme", but they are only as good as the person you expect to honor them. If you are tied up in a secluded location with someone you may not know very well, are you 100% SURE they will stop everything the second you say "purple bunny"? What's plan B, in case they ignore your safeword in the moment/heat of passion?
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On the nightstand, in the process of being read:

The Mood Cure by Julia Ross
Sugar: A Bittersweet History by Elizabeth Abbott
Water for Elephants by Sarah Gruen
Wheat Belly by William Davis, M.D.
Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed by Jared Diamond
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Old 03-29-2013, 12:33 AM   #5
Stella_Omega
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My suggestion is to have a couple of vanilla dates first, and see if there is a sense of vanilla mutual sexual attraction.

I like to bring my partners to a play party first, if they are willing-- it's actually safer for the bottom or anyone who is getting tied up or done unto. The DMs are pretty concerned for your safety, and often the other players as well.

And I agree with CutieMouse, that safeword is only as safe as your top is.
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Old 03-29-2013, 01:38 AM   #6
Netzach
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If I'm not feeling safe globally, like get into your car, have drinks alone with you, let you watch my cats, we're definitely not playing outside of some kind of public play context or at a commercial dungeon where there are people looking over your shoulder or within shouting distance.

That's a question of patience, observation, and sadly, a dollop of luck.
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