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Old 03-18-2013, 05:48 PM   #1
Cyndeveaux
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Question How to amend a things with my b/f?

I need advice on an issue I'm having with my wonderful b/f. Some quick background info; I was in a long term relationship before, with a man who didn't do much in the b/r other than mostly wham bam thank you ma'am sex. After 13 yrs and when my daughter was 3.5 yrs old, I left the relationship.

During that previous relationship, I was young and was a virgin when I met him but I was definitely a curious woman, and read plenty of stories in magazines such as Penthouse Letters and Forum. I was intrigued but too shy to even approach ideas to that first long term partner.

Since then, I've met a wonderful man who has been very patient with me. He has opened me up in ways I never thought possible. He encourages me to explore my sexuality. We watch videos of DPs and gang bangs frequently. Some of the videos depict fantasies I'd never want to come to reality. I was raised very conservatively and the idea of another man along with someone I love in my bedroom at the same time was very taboo...and still is. In fact, I have a standing rule..No Sharing Me.

One time, last summer, early in our relationship, we were watching a gang bang and he was telling me how turned on it was to imagine me being the one gang banged. I asked him if he'd really like to see me do that. He hesitated, and said, honestly, yes. So I agreed to think about it as a possibility.

He even started to hint to someone who could set it up. Long story short, I backed out...realizing I could never really do this. I know its my fault for leading us down that path. I was just afraid of not appealing to him. He has a lot more experience in matters of the bedroom than I do, thus why I felt that way.

That was never brought up again other than for fantasy's sake. DPs have come up though. Watching them is erotic and goes to my fantasies...but again, I can't ever do that in reality. The subject of doing one via cyber has been approached. I told him I'm not sure I'd enjoy it that way, but I was willing to try it. My heart wasn't fully in it...and I know I can't do anything cyber unless he was involved. Besides that, he is bothered by the interest my post drew and me having shared them with him...and I don't blame him in retrospect. I didn't mean to hurt him.

Now I've backed out of that. He must think I'm nuts now. He thinks it is truly something I wanted, where I wasn't sure I could even enjoy is via cyber. Sure a DP interests me, but to the point of sharing it with another is not something I really want to do.

You may be wondering why didn't I tell him all this beforehand. Quite simply..FEAR. Fear of what? Fear of being an uninteresting or unadventurous lover. Fear of being a bore. I am truly a one man woman and have tried to tell him this but he doesn't seem to believe me.

I feel like I've made a huge mess of things all out of fear. So my question is, what do I do now? How can I amend things? He is quite upset with me atm for basically trying to cuckhold him by reading some of the msgs I got. How do I show him that was not what I was doing or meaning to do anyway? ANY thoughts would be appreciated.
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Old 03-18-2013, 06:02 PM   #2
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Have you told him all of what you are telling us?
First step must be communication.
Second, never do anything you are uncomfortable with, whether it be kissing or fisting. Only you know how you feel about things and he won't know unless you tell him.
Is this something that could be a deal breaker for him relationship wise? If it is, is this the right relationship for you?

Best of luck x
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Old 03-18-2013, 06:05 PM   #3
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To build trust be consistent and reliable. All of us at times are of two minds about different things, ambivalence, and we feint with actions we may or may not complete, stick the old toe in the water to test it, eat a bite of veggie that looks disgusting, whatever. Its common. And if okra or the opera or bell bottom pants arent for you, dont buy more.

Also my mother told me of the time she pestered her grandmother to bake an eggplant pie, because the egglant looked so beautiful, but one bite changed her mind. Your husband ought to know that we all bake eggplant pies and throw them out.
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Old 03-18-2013, 06:14 PM   #4
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You have been true to yourself in recognising your needs and voicing them before you had to live with regrets. I think you've done the right thing and your partner should really be supportive of that.

As for him thinking you have attempted to cuckold him, all you can do is explain your feelings about it all. You can't control what he will believe or what he will do with that information, all you can do is give it to him honestly and with sincerity.

I imagine he is feeling disappointment, as he held high hopes of some kinky little adventures with you, but honestly if he can't respect you and applaud you for making a decision about your limits then I might re-think my choice in partners.
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Old 03-18-2013, 08:21 PM   #5
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I'm not sure if I'm correctly interpreting your post, so please tell me if I'm off track: It reads to me that the real issue is that you don't want to be shared in any shape or form, but that you might be open (no pun intended) to the idea of being doubly penetrated, if he's the only other participant.

If this is correct, there is a way that you could partially fulfill this fantasy (but ONLY if you truly have a desire to do this as well). He could use a dildo, in addition to his own cock. You guys would need to talk about it before hand, of course, and set some ground rules about exactly where and where not both "cocks" are allowed. And he would absolutely need to respect and follow your lead on this. If you say stop because of discomfort (emotional or otherwise), then he needs to be respectful of that. If not, I personally, would view that as a huge red flag regarding the future of the relationship.

Granted, it's not the full monty (as it were), but it IS a way to at least attempt to honor the spirit of his fantasy.

That said, if I'm totally off base here, feel free to tell me to take a long walk off a short pier.
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Old 03-18-2013, 08:56 PM   #6
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Bailadora is thinking the same way I am. And this topic has come up before in several posts where there is a desire for the DP experience but including an actual third person isn't in the cards. You might want to try my comments in this post: Anal toys for DP
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Old 03-18-2013, 09:02 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyndeveaux View Post

I feel like I've made a huge mess of things all out of fear. So my question is, what do I do now? How can I amend things? He is quite upset with me atm for basically trying to cuckhold him by reading some of the msgs I got. How do I show him that was not what I was doing or meaning to do anyway? ANY thoughts would be appreciated.
I understand not being sure if you want to do something and going back and forth for a bit. That's completely normal. You are torn between what you feel comfortable with and that need we all feel to stretch a little to satisfy our partners. But at some point we need to decide and set our limits. At the end of the day, only we can truly know what we are comfortable with.

What I am confused on, is this point. Should I assume you posted something in the personals advertising for a threesome? If so, was he aware of the posting? Or was this something you did on your own in an attempt to decide your own mind on the subject?

If done on your own, I can only second SweetDaisyMae and Rainshine. You need to communicate with him your fears. Not only about this one specific sexual act but also about not being sexually adventurous enough. He needs to be made aware of this and perhaps you two can find a word or a signal that says "I am uncomfortable with this, proceed carefully and slowly and let me adjust"

However if this was done with his knowledge and approval, I wonder at his reaction. Has he ever had a threesome before? Could it be possible that while the fantasy is great when it came down to it, he began to get a little jealous? Again I can't say for certain, this is just a thought and question I have.

And Bailadora already took my advice for having the "experience" without actually inviting another person into your bed. Perhaps that is as far as the fantasy needs to go right now.

Good Luck!

JBJ~ can I get that eggplant pie recipe?
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Old 03-18-2013, 09:43 PM   #8
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He wants to set up a gang bang for you, but got upset when you read some emails???? I must be missing something, here. If I'm not, he's at least half of this problem.
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Old 03-18-2013, 09:48 PM   #9
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You have a few different things going on here, and I wonder if it is the combination (you combining them all into one post / problem) that is stressing you. Break it down into its separate parts and deal with each in a manageable way, as needed.

You said your b/f is the bees knees - patient, wonderful, loving etc. If this is true, just be honest and open with your feelings. Not just about the sex stuff, but about your fears and what your thinking and feeling at those times youíve agreed to try something new, and when you changed your mind or backed out. If you are sensing frustration on his part, it may be because he is getting mixed signals from you.

Regarding the sex bit. Make sure you both are clear on what is fantasy, role-play, make-believe, and what is reality. It can be a fine line, but a huge step between the two. Though you may be comfortable talking about DPs and multiple partners, it is a different thing all together with all those living, breathing, horny bodies together in one room.

Donít use porn as the go-to for an example of norm. Though the porners look like they are having a grand time, they are collecting a check and moving on to the next gig. For you and your boyfriend there are a whole bunch of things to consider, like boundaries, feelings of jealousy and hurt, and how, if at all, your relationship may be different (not necessarily bad, or good - just different) after.

You also need to figure out what it is you are fearing. You think your behavior is being influenced by this fear. Is it a fear of him leaving you? Are you afraid that he may stop loving you or love you less? What ever it is you need to get your head around it if only to better understand your motivations and behaviors.

As to advice, I will echo what has been offered up above. Communicate with your B/F. Be clear, open and honest. If he is a keeper he will appreciate the honesty and this will be a great place to build a future from. If he is shallow and it is only about sex or fulfilling his needs and wants, you are better off apart in the long run.

Just curious, how long after the end of your long term relationship did you and the current B/F become an item?
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Old 03-18-2013, 11:37 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emerson40 View Post
You also need to figure out what it is you are fearing. You think your behavior is being influenced by this fear. Is it a fear of him leaving you? Are you afraid that he may stop loving you or love you less? What ever it is you need to get your head around it if only to better understand your motivations and behaviors.

As to advice, I will echo what has been offered up above. Communicate with your B/F. Be clear, open and honest. If he is a keeper he will appreciate the honesty and this will be a great place to build a future from. If he is shallow and it is only about sex or fulfilling his needs and wants, you are better off apart in the long run.

Just curious, how long after the end of your long term relationship did you and the current B/F become an item?
Good advice and you have given me some things to think about. Thank you.

Regarding your last question, I'm not sure the relevance of it, but I can say it was a long time..13+ years.
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Old 03-18-2013, 11:55 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Cyndeveaux View Post
Good advice and you have given me some things to think about. Thank you.

Regarding your last question, I'm not sure the relevance of it, but I can say it was a long time..13+ years.
Not really relevant if you didn't move right into this current relationship right after ending the long term one.

All the best moving forward.
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Old 03-19-2013, 09:48 PM   #12
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I think others have said all I can say, which is to communicate with your BF, and let him know what you are feeling. Fantasies are great things, and they is nothing wrong with keeping them fantasies,as pillow talk, role play and so forth. It is interesting that your BF was interested in you doing dp or the like, but then got jealous when you actually looked at responses to an ad (or at least that is the way I read it). That may be he is afraid you would cheat on him, or it could be he isn't the type to share, even if you wanted to.

You have the right to your own limits, don't ever apologize for those....if in this case you feel like maybe your hurt your BFs feelings, then apologize for that, but not for your limits. Keep in mind if you had a long term relationship that was as vanilla as cheap ice cream, then you very well can be scared by new things, that is natural. Talk to people into BD/SM on here, and they will probably tell you (hell, I'll tell you) that it is always scary, that once something that was a limit can become something you always want to do....when I started out, I was afraid to get flogged with a light flogger, I had all kinds of limits, would never think of doing a lot of things.......was absolutely freaked out by play piercing, now I have done sessions where I look like grandma's favorite pin cushion or something *lol*.

Give yourself time to sort things out, talk to your BF, keep the lines open, and if something new works out, tickles your fantasy, great.......if it is only a hot thought, that is cool, too.
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Old 03-20-2013, 01:08 AM   #13
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"I met a wonderful man."

"He wants me to have sex with several strangers."

"Now he's mad at me when I "backed out" of being talked into something that I didn't really want to do."

"How can I be a better doormat for this jerk?"

Not sure. Seems like you're trying pretty hard at it right now. The "I know it's my fault" thing is a red flag for me. Something just doesn't sound right. Do what you need to do to feel comfortable and safe. If the bf doesn't like it, then to fuck with him.

And especially if "amend things with my bf" is like he's threatening you with breaking up or something....that's just too damn manipulation and control to stick with.
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Old 03-20-2013, 01:52 AM   #14
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"I met a wonderful man."

"He wants me to have sex with several strangers."
Yes he is a wonderful man..and at our age..he does have baggage, as do I. But I work with them as he does mine.

And it was ME who thought of the DPs quietly. He just went with what I was stating. And only via cyber, not in the real world!
Quote:
"Now he's mad at me when I "backed out" of being talked into something that I didn't really want to do."
He truly didn't know (nor was I even sure either) that was how I felt...till I backed out.
Quote:
"How can I be a better doormat for this jerk?"
I know you mean well, but I don't feel like a doormat for him AT ALL.
Quote:
Not sure. Seems like you're trying pretty hard at it right now. The "I know it's my fault" thing is a red flag for me. Something just doesn't sound right. Do what you need to do to feel comfortable and safe. If the bf doesn't like it, then to fuck with him.
I'm not trying hard to be a doormat and I resent the idea that I am being one. I can be quite an independent person, but do consider his feelings in all that I do. Or at least I try to. But I do agree with the last two lines...I should, as anyone should, do only what they need to feel comfortable and safe...and if the significant other, be it b/f or g/f doesn't like it, to hell with them. I totally agree there.
Quote:
And especially if "amend things with my bf" is like he's threatening you with breaking up or something....that's just too damn manipulation and control to stick with.
No, he never threatened me with breaking up... he just was very upset.
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Old 03-20-2013, 10:30 PM   #15
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Yes he is a wonderful man..and at our age..he does have baggage, as do I. But I work with them as he does mine....
Well then apologies...very sincere apologies...for coming across as kind of harsh or mean really, and not just a friendly-ish "do you realize how you sound?" kind of thing...and it's not always easy to tell how things should be read. I guess "making amends" could mean addressing his need, and perhaps yours as well, so I think I get that.

Unfortunately, I haven't a clue, which begs the question: why did I open my big mouth in the first place? Ahhh...well...let's move on, shall we?

Maybe it's just something that looks interesting on TV, and really doesn't work well for reality. Or else, like some suggest, you could experiment with toys and incorporate some play that would kind of allow you to explore the idea and especially how it feels, without the dynamic of another unknown personality that you'd have to deal with.

I think I can really understand your apprehension about it, if it's because of including someone...a "real" person...that you don't know that well.

Anyways, again I'm sorry for being way off, and I do appreciate your patience with me.
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Old 03-21-2013, 12:33 PM   #16
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What are your long term aspirations with this guy? Is he the one? Can you honestly say that he is not just a rebound boyfriend and the one for you is really on down the road more? You are in a little bit of a quandry here if you are wanting this to work out forever. I really don't know how you are going to convince him that you really don't want to do this because he will always think that you really, really want to, but are just too afraid to go down the road and all he has to do is convince you that you really do want this. Ignoring all that I would have to say that this is the road he really wants to go down himself and if you can't ever join him on this road he will never truly be happy. This is the kind of relationship where you eventually get married to live happily ever after and then a few years down the road he starts cheating on you because you were really never able to give him what he wanted.
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Old 03-28-2013, 09:41 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyndeveaux View Post
I need advice on an issue I'm having with my wonderful b/f. Some quick background info; I was in a long term relationship before, with a man who didn't do much in the b/r other than mostly wham bam thank you ma'am sex. After 13 yrs and when my daughter was 3.5 yrs old, I left the relationship.

During that previous relationship, I was young and was a virgin when I met him but I was definitely a curious woman, and read plenty of stories in magazines such as Penthouse Letters and Forum. I was intrigued but too shy to even approach ideas to that first long term partner.

Since then, I've met a wonderful man who has been very patient with me. He has opened me up in ways I never thought possible. He encourages me to explore my sexuality. We watch videos of DPs and gang bangs frequently. Some of the videos depict fantasies I'd never want to come to reality. I was raised very conservatively and the idea of another man along with someone I love in my bedroom at the same time was very taboo...and still is. In fact, I have a standing rule..No Sharing Me.

One time, last summer, early in our relationship, we were watching a gang bang and he was telling me how turned on it was to imagine me being the one gang banged. I asked him if he'd really like to see me do that. He hesitated, and said, honestly, yes. So I agreed to think about it as a possibility.

He even started to hint to someone who could set it up. Long story short, I backed out...realizing I could never really do this. I know its my fault for leading us down that path. I was just afraid of not appealing to him. He has a lot more experience in matters of the bedroom than I do, thus why I felt that way.

That was never brought up again other than for fantasy's sake. DPs have come up though. Watching them is erotic and goes to my fantasies...but again, I can't ever do that in reality. The subject of doing one via cyber has been approached. I told him I'm not sure I'd enjoy it that way, but I was willing to try it. My heart wasn't fully in it...and I know I can't do anything cyber unless he was involved. Besides that, he is bothered by the interest my post drew and me having shared them with him...and I don't blame him in retrospect. I didn't mean to hurt him.

Now I've backed out of that. He must think I'm nuts now. He thinks it is truly something I wanted, where I wasn't sure I could even enjoy is via cyber. Sure a DP interests me, but to the point of sharing it with another is not something I really want to do.

You may be wondering why didn't I tell him all this beforehand. Quite simply..FEAR. Fear of what? Fear of being an uninteresting or unadventurous lover. Fear of being a bore. I am truly a one man woman and have tried to tell him this but he doesn't seem to believe me.

I feel like I've made a huge mess of things all out of fear. So my question is, what do I do now? How can I amend things? He is quite upset with me atm for basically trying to cuckhold him by reading some of the msgs I got. How do I show him that was not what I was doing or meaning to do anyway? ANY thoughts would be appreciated.
There are many things at play here but we don't need to go down all those roads.
You have made it clear that you are agoinst sharing yourself but you DID entertain the thought, considered it and just couldn't bring yourself to do it.
I would respect your feelings but there's nothing wrong with a good drtyyole fantasy Your "wonderful" guy needs to be understanding of that and stop pressuring you to do something that is causing you so much angst.
Who knows how you'll feel in the future if left to your own devices?
You CAN use toys in your play that may help indulge the fantasy in a way but I doubt he would be satisfied with just that.
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Old 03-28-2013, 10:49 AM   #18
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The fact that you opened up to your boyfriend and he accepted without judgement is a beautiful thing. You are lucky. The fact that you can recognize and accept your boyfriend's sexuality and fantasies/desires without judgement is also a beautiful thing. You already have something that many people don't have and wish they did.

The fact that you may not want to do these things for REAL shouldn't be something that bothers you. There are those who will say, "Try it you'll like it" but the truth is if it's not something that YOU really want to do for YOU, then don't do it. Doing something for somebody else that goes against your own self image could end up causing negative feelings. I always like to use the Chinese restaurant analogy. If you absolutely hate Chinese food and your partner loves it, is going to a Chinese restaurant going to make you happy? Will gagging down food you hate to please him when he sees that you're unhappy make him happy? I doubt it unless he enjoys inghis SO suffer. There are those who say that you shouldn't refuse to try something or make judgements if you don't at least "taste it", but perhaps the cyber fantasies or porno movies were enough of a "taste" to let you know how you'd react.

The thing that would really concern me is his negative reaction and him being upset with with you for reading PM's and messages. If he gets that upset with you reading messages from other men, how will he really react and what will he think about you having sex with other men, especially if you end up enjoying it? I've known of cases where (usually men) encouraged their wives to try swinging or opening a marriage because they themselves thought it will be a good way for them to have a little "strange" with the wife's permission. Then they get upset when the wife gets more (always easier for women) and wants more and suddenly the guy feels "left out". Then his "erotic thrill" turns to resentment. If your BF feels "cuckholded" by you reading messages on the internet, then it makes you wonder how he'll really feel if/when he sees you having a great time with other men in the flesh. In my humble opinion, a man who feels cuckholded by his wife's simple action of reading words on a computer screen isn't going to be secure enough to watch her fuck and suck the real live cocks of other guys.

You have to do what you feel is best, but I think you guys just need to keep your little fantasies of gang bangs and DP's and other such activity to fantasy, and just learn to enjoy that as part of your real life sexual activity. There are ways to do that for sure through various role play and "anonymous e-mail" and cyber between the two of you as if you were "secret lovers". It's possible to bring multiple dildos and vibrators and other things into play to role play the gang bangs and DP's without stepping into moral "gray areas" or having to fear STD's or other problems.

You seem to have a good thing going with this guy and your openess is something that a lot of people would be envious of. There are a lot of married guys who wish their wives would even be willing to watch DP and Gang Bang movies or discuss it openly without making them feel like dirty pigs. Enjoy what you have and build on it. You shouldn't need to feel like you have to do anything you don't like just to please somebody else. Likewise, nobody should feel like their significant other would have to do something that makes them feel uncomfortable just to please them. My wife long ago said she'd never get on my motorcycle with me and I've learned to accept that. It is what it is. At least my daughter likes it and life goes on.
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