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Old 03-11-2013, 09:04 AM   #1
dab10
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Talking questions i have answers about my story that is

hello i posted my story

http://www.literotica.com/s/footprints-in-the-snow

and as i seam to be getting the same questions over and over and complained to a friend (who will remain nameless unless i get pissed and then all bets are off) about it i will post here and wait for the questions to come in.
thank you for your time
Dab10
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Old 03-11-2013, 09:42 AM   #2
PennLady
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What exactly is it you're looking for?

I didn't get that the narrator was female -- the name "Matalan" seems pretty neutral to me -- and so I was surprised at the end to see it was supposed to be "f/f with a twist." The writing style and voice was definitely masculine, at least to my mind, which made me a) totally not get the twist and b) never consider that there might be one.

Anyway, I don't have any questions about the story, but am still curious as to what kind of feedback you're looking for.
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Old 03-11-2013, 02:15 PM   #3
dab10
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PennLLady,
i have received at least 2 -4 questions a day on this story. i complained to my friend who said i should answer questions here and when asked again i can just direct them here rather then repeat the same email.

Matalin seamed female enough to me.

and Al (Alice) the person who requested it is a very masculine and i was trying to catch her personality.
mostly this is a place i can collect the answers i give... i guess i am trying to be lazy lol
thank you for your responce
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Old 03-11-2013, 02:45 PM   #4
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Your friend had a good idea, I think, to direct people to any answers if they are asking the same questions. However, my thought is that if many people are asking the same question, then you as the author have not made things clear enough.

I realize that having a twist means providing and not providing, or hedging certain details, so that you are not locked in to one interpretation of things. I did this myself in a story called "Who Cares What I Wear?" The way I think of it, you need those details which may lead the reader in one direction, perhaps the conventional direction, but which on a reread can be seen to be more ambiguous. Also, the twist must be evident in the story.

However, your story has an almost complete lack of detail, particularly about the narrator, which is where your twist lies. Even the quick physical description of 5'5", 180lbs, is made so that we realize the narrator's skills make up for the lack of size against the taller opponent. There is nothing, except perhaps the lack of a sex scene, that makes me think, "Ah, I see the other way of looking at it ..." when I reread the story.

As for the name, "Matalan" struck me as male, perhaps of Spanish origin. Part of that is just me - I studied French and a couple of other languages, and "Matalan" simply looks masculine. And in my head, I pronounce it "Mat-a-lan" with all flat a's. I didn't think until much later it could be pronounced closer to "Madeline." Hence it wasn't until I read your author's note about writing f/f with a twist for your friend that I realized "Mat" was a woman. Otherwise, I never would have gotten that, and just gone away thinking it was a man and a woman.

I think this is why you're getting questions -- the twist is not clearly evident.
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Old 03-11-2013, 02:49 PM   #5
sr71plt
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Misspelling a word like "seem" twice in postings might also wave people off from reading something that probably greatly needed an editor before posting.
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Old 03-11-2013, 03:05 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dab10 View Post
hello i posted my story

http://www.literotica.com/s/footprints-in-the-snow

and as i seam to be getting the same questions over and over and complained to a friend (who will remain nameless unless i get pissed and then all bets are off) about it i will post here and wait for the questions to come in.
thank you for your time
Dab10
does your story have any punctuation in it you seem to just run one thing into another that can get really tedious for the reader do you know what i mean
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Old 03-11-2013, 03:44 PM   #7
dab10
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thank you for your responces

i caught an error some where as my copy has the name 'Matalin' i wonder where that got changed i don't see it in any copy i have.
as for the punctuation
damn i need lost of help
i keep trying.
the next story was checked with a free program online that i am trying hopefully
that helps
i thank you for your time and as i say i don't mind criticism as long as it is constructive
Dab10
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Old 03-18-2013, 10:07 AM   #8
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dab, congrats for the story but I think you miss a connection.

First, I think PL has nailed it well. I googled the two names and Matalan only came up as a surname and Matalin as a brand name. Also, if you post in LW a reader assumes a M/F story. I know you couldn't use 'Lesbian' but you need adifferent category.

You write a good lesbian story starring a dominant but, in my view, you spoil the tension and emotion by not developing Mat. All the way through, you go to extremes to hide her sexuality.

The comment that 'By an accident of birth, I can't make her pregnant' just pushes it too far.

New writers often forget that what is in their heads doesn't always connect with readers unless they give clues. Even knowing that 'Mat' was female, I read the story and was convinced Mat was a guy.
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Old 03-19-2013, 10:42 AM   #9
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I am often amazed at the number of stories where the gender of the central character isn't clarified until way too late. This is most common with first person perspective stories.

Names don't "sound" male or female, except within narrow cultural experiences your reader might not share. The closest thing to a gendered naming rule in the west is that a name ending in an A will be a woman, and a name ending in a consonant will be a man, but exceptions abound, and your made up female name ended in a consonant.
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Old 03-19-2013, 02:24 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ironiclaconic View Post
I am often amazed at the number of stories where the gender of the central character isn't clarified until way too late. This is most common with first person perspective stories.

Names don't "sound" male or female, except within narrow cultural experiences your reader might not share. The closest thing to a gendered naming rule in the west is that a name ending in an A will be a woman, and a name ending in a consonant will be a man, but exceptions abound, and your made up female name ended in a consonant.
The name thing is interesting. I agree with you, at least mostly. For American and European names, I think that very generally, if a name ends in a vowel, especially an A or E, the name is female. Otherwise, male. And of course there are exceptions. Marion is a woman's name (and oddly, the male spelling is Marian). Eugene is a guy's name.

I remember in college my bf at the time showed me a book with a character named "Lythande." It might have been the title. Anyway, he asked me what gender I thought that was. I immediately saw the character as female, and my clue was the E at the end of the name. However, apparently (it's been a long time) the character's gender was supposed to be in question, and my bf got upset when I correctly answered. I even explained my reasoning, but he was still huffy.

Now if I was reading a story with characters with Asian names, or Arabic or Middle-Eastern, I'd likely need the gender specified. But when I see a name like "Mat," as in this story, I will default to male unless the author either tells me otherwise, or leaves clues that make me wonder. "Matty" would likewise have me thinking male, where "Maddy" would make me think female.
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Old 03-19-2013, 03:58 PM   #11
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Most European languages descended from Proto-Indo-European, which linguists think had A endings for feminine nouns and consonant endings for masculine. That same structure still exists in a lot of modern Euro languages.

Looking at US baby names for 1990 (since a lot of erotica characters are in their twenties), only one boy name in the top 100 ended in A (Joshua, which is Semetic, not European, in origin). Several dozen girl names did, and most of the rest ended in other vowels (including Y). Lots of exceptions, though (Amber, Madison, etc.)
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Old 03-22-2013, 07:03 PM   #12
dab10
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sorry i was sick and out of it for a few days.
first off thank you for your time in replying to my post
i talked to AL(ice) and once again my phonetic spelling is to blame
Al's partner i named Madalyn i miss heard and spelled it the way i thought it was said and she does go by mat go figure.
there are a few things looking back that i probably pushed a bit far, but of all of them i have heard the "accident of birth" line from more then a few of my lesbian friends.
thanks for your help
Dab10
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