The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Artina Heartflash]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and you have time on your hands.

I put in a potted Digitalis...

and you get a foxy woman's glove.

I put in a feather boa

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Artina Heartflash

and you get a foxy woman's glove.

I put in a feather boa

and you get constricted, but it tickles.

I put in a feather duster...

(Hello, Artina !!

[Artina Heartflash]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and you get constricted, but it tickles.

I put in a feather duster...

(Hello, Artina !!

Hi Tio.

You get back a kinky filter mask

I put in a mini dirt devil with a bag of dirty dust bunnies

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Artina Heartflash

Hi Tio.

You get back a kinky filter mask

I put in a mini dirt devil with a bag of dirty dust bunnies

and you get a herd of smutty plot bunnies, you dirty devil!

I put in an anthology of vacuum cleaner porn...

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and you get a herd of smutty plot bunnies, you dirty devil!

I put in an anthology of vacuum cleaner porn...

but instead of sucking, it blows.


I put in a 1948 calendar, celebrating the local Girl Guides.

[Saxon_Hart]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

but instead of sucking, it blows.


I put in a 1948 calendar, celebrating the local Girl Guides.

And you get chased by a group of geriatric feminists.


I put in a can of pitted cherries.....

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Saxon_Hart

And you get chased by a group of geriatric feminists.


I put in a can of pitted cherries.....

and they all sink in the pit


I put in a can of 'past its date' Orange juice

[Saxon_Hart]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

and they all sink in the pit


I put in a can of 'past its date' Orange juice

And it mixes just fine with some vodka from Chernobyl.


I put in Mrs Butterworth.

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Saxon_Hart

And it mixes just fine with some vodka from Chernobyl.


I put in Mrs Butterworth.

But they took away too many of her calories.



I put in a Sunny morning.

[Saxon_Hart]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

But they took away too many of her calories.



I put in a Sunny morning.

And the singing birds wake a grouchy old bastard and he ruins everybody's day.


I put in aloe vera gel.

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Saxon_Hart

And the singing birds wake a grouchy old bastard and he ruins everybody's day.


I put in aloe vera gel.

and Vera says: "Can I have it back, now, please?"


I put in a signal generator

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

and Vera says: "Can I have it back, now, please?"


I put in a signal generator

and it generates indeicpherable signals.

I put in a it of excitement at S.E.T.I. HQ...

[Saxon_Hart]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and it generates indeicpherable signals.

I put in a it of excitement at S.E.T.I. HQ...

But the aliens took a look around and decided there is only deviants here and leave.


I put in a satellite dish.

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Saxon_Hart

But the aliens took a look around and decided there is only deviants here and leave.

I put in a satellite dish.

but it wasn't popular with the customers so it was taken off the menu.



I put in a ball race

[Saxon_Hart]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

but it wasn't popular with the customers so it was taken off the menu.



I put in a ball race

But the dick in front hampers their progress.

I put in the key to a '67 VW Beetle

[NekoParks]

Originally Posted by Saxon_Hart

But the dick in front hampers their progress.

I put in the key to a '67 VW Beetle

and everyone's email is attack by the love bug...

I put in the key of awesome..

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by NekoParks

and everyone's email is attack by the love bug...

I put in the key of awesome..

and it gets transposed to Mixolydian Mode.

I put in a mixer with Lydia...

[Saxon_Hart]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and it gets transposed to Mixolydian Mode.

I put in a mixer with Lydia...

But she mixes too much salt in and the cake tastes like shit.


I put in an old fashioned egg beater.

[NekoParks]

Originally Posted by Saxon_Hart

But she mixes too much salt in and the cake tastes like shit.


I put in an old fashioned egg beater.

and you get old fashioned runny meringue.

I put in rusty nail cocktail

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by NekoParks

and you get old fashioned runny meringue.

I put in rusty nail cocktail

and you get spontaneous intestinal hemorrhaging.

I put in a variety of synthetic clotting factors...

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by NekoParks

and you get old fashioned runny meringue.

I put in rusty nail cocktail

and keeping the toilet window open is a necessity thereafter.



I put in a hot curry

[NekoParks]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

and keeping the toilet window open is a necessity thereafter.



I put in a hot curry

And you get a hot yellow tongue.

I put in box of Cracker Jacks...

[ms.read]

Originally Posted by NekoParks

And you get a hot yellow tongue.

I put in box of Cracker Jacks...

And you get a big bowl of semen.


I put in a big bowl of Ramen soup beef flavor.

[SwitchMami]

Originally Posted by ms.read

And you get a big bowl of semen.


I put in a big bowl of Ramen soup beef flavor.

and you get a first season DVD collection of the original Dr Who

I put in my old crocheted stocking cap ...

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by SwitchMami

and you get a first season DVD collection of the original Dr Who

I put in my old crocheted stocking cap ...

half-eaten by something mysterious


I put in a 13mm spanner