How do I persuade my friend to let me write an erotic story about her?

[tapeworm]

Now, I'm an amateur writer of erotica who has a close female friend whom I think is really pretty However, I have no intention of ever dating her because I realize that while we're excellent friends, we probably wouldn't be compatible as a couple. This also means that I have no interest in having sex with her or exchanging nude pics since I belief that these are activities that are best left to lovers. However, nevertheless , I'd still love to writer an erotic story featuring her as the main character. My friend in question is not a prude and actually reacts with amusement rather than outrage when her other friends post sexual innuendo on her facebook page, some of it rather explicit (for example, one of her friends actually asked her if her frequent sexual activity with her last boyfriend was leaving her tired to focus on her assignments. She's also posed photos of herself fondling the crotch of a leering, bearded pirate statue in a rather suggestive manner). Therefore, in light of what I've said, what would be the best way of introducing the subject to my friend? Thanks for reading this.

[GiggLeGasm]

You need to decide if you're writing a story "about" her or "inspired by" her. If you're detailing her life, her opinions might be different than if you suggest that she is your muse.

[NightL]

Originally Posted by tapeworm

How do I persuade...

drinks time

[MatthewVett]

Does she know you write erotica yet? That's probably step one, if not.

Also, shame on you for not making this thread at hilariously awful as I first hoped based on the name alone. I got my hopes up, and then you were reasonable about the whole thing. Damn!

[NippleMuncher]

Change the names and locations of the individuals involved and no one will be the wiser. If you're looking for her approval of your kink, that's a whole different story. You can use her for inspiration without writing the story about her.

[Eilan]

Originally Posted by NippleMuncher

Change the names and locations of the individuals involved and no one will be the wiser. If you're looking for her approval of your kink, that's a whole different story. You can use her for inspiration without writing the story about her.

I think this is the best course of action. I'm not sure that there's a way to broach the subject without coming across as a creeper, no matter how sexually open the friend appears to be on Facebook.

[Bramblethorn]

Originally Posted by Eilan

I think this is the best course of action. I'm not sure that there's a way to broach the subject without coming across as a creeper, no matter how sexually open the friend appears to be on Facebook.

I've asked a similar question (and gotten a "yes") but that's because she already read my erotica blog and recognising herself unexpectedly would've been creepier than getting asked in advance.

But the question has to be "how do I find out whether...?" not "how do I get her to...?" - even if she's happy talking about sex in other contexts, she might say no in this one. Don't ask unless you're willing to honour the answer.

[amofiga]

I have written erotic stories to and about women with whom I have had "real life" personal relationships as well as with those whom I have had only online relationships. It can be an interesting way to share aspects of each of your sexual thoughts, desires and fantasies. This could be helpful for opening lines of communication and improving your "real" relationships. It can also be a wonderful and interesting way to share yourself with someone with whom you will only remain at a distance. I know someone right now with whom I have such a connection and it's quite nice and I feel it helps us both in our respective real life relationships. However, both people in such a "verbal" relationship have to understand and respect the limits.

First off, if you're going to do this, it's important that this other person be absolutely clear about what your intentions are. You both have to be mature, understanding, and non-judgemental about it. This means that you have to have her permission to both send "impersonal" fantasies and especially ones that include the both of you. Be very careful because such communication can easily spark the desire to take it to the next step. If this could be a problem, then you may have to back off. Open communication and understanding of both partners in such an exchange must be in agreement and appreciate the intent.

Good luck. It can be a really nice experience, but be careful and respectful.

[tapeworm]

Originally Posted by Bramblethorn

I've asked a similar question (and gotten a "yes") but that's because she already read my erotica blog and recognising herself unexpectedly would've been creepier than getting asked in advance.

But the question has to be "how do I find out whether...?" not "how do I get her to...?" - even if she's happy talking about sex in other contexts, she might say no in this one. Don't ask unless you're willing to honour the answer.

Bramblethorn, given that she's a fairly close friend of mine, I wouldn't do something as as underhanded and deceitful as writing a story about her without first obtaining her explicit approval. I'll probably bring up the subject of erotica in general during my next conversation with her. If her response is a curious but positive one, I'll proceed further. if not, I'll leave the subject well alone.

[tapeworm]

Originally Posted by NippleMuncher

Change the names and locations of the individuals involved and no one will be the wiser. If you're looking for her approval of your kink, that's a whole different story. You can use her for inspiration without writing the story about her.

That's a valid point and probably one that I'll consider in the event that she dosen't find the idea favorable.

[tapeworm]

Originally Posted by LiquidMatthew

Does she know you write erotica yet? That's probably step one, if not.

Also, shame on you for not making this thread at hilariously awful as I first hoped based on the name alone. I got my hopes up, and then you were reasonable about the whole thing. Damn!

lol, now that's certainly some useful advice! Yeah, as I mentioned in a previous post, it's probably a good idea to bring up the subject of erotica in general and then gauge her response to the genre in general. As for the disappointing nature of my thread , I have to admit that I was striving consciously not to sound like a horny 15 year old with a major crush on his friend.

[tapeworm]

Originally Posted by amofiga

I have written erotic stories to and about women with whom I have had "real life" personal relationships as well as with those whom I have had only online relationships. It can be an interesting way to share aspects of each of your sexual thoughts, desires and fantasies. This could be elpful for opening lines of communication and improving your "real" relationships. It can also be a wonderful and interesting way to share yourself with someone with whom you will only remain at a distance. I know someone right now with whom I have such a connection and it's quite nice and I feel it helps us both in our respective real life relationships. However, both people in such a "verbal" relationship have to understand and respect the limits.

First off, if you're going to do this, it's important that this other person be absolutely clear about what your intentions are. You both have to be mature, understanding, and non-judgemental about it. This means that you have to have her permission to both send "impersonal" fantasies and especially ones that include the both of you. Be very careful because such communication can easily spark the desire to take it to the next step. If this could be a problem, then you may have to back off. Open communication and understanding of both partners in such an exchange must be in agreement and appreciate the intent.

Good luck. It can be a really nice experience, but be careful and respectful.

You've done an excellent job of encapsulating the sentiments that motivated me to explore this possibility in the first place. Although neither of us sees the other as a potential romantic partner, we nevertheless share a close emotional relationship. It also goes without saying that I would never betray her trust by including her in any of my stories without first having obtained her approval or permission.

I also see your point about being careful not to take it to the next step. To be honest however, I have no intention of including myself in any potential story that features her. Truth be told, I actually would like to dedicate this story to her as a tribute to our friendship and therefore wish to incorporate her fantasies as well as mine. If this story ever gets written, I intend to email her a copy, prior to deleting the existing ones on my computer. This will be to ensure that she alone gets to decide the potential readership of my tale.

Also, I'd like to thank everyone who was kind enough to reply. Some of your responses have been very illuminating indeed.

[tapeworm]

Originally Posted by Eilan

I think this is the best course of action. I'm not sure that there's a way to broach the subject without coming across as a creeper, no matter how sexually open the friend appears to be on Facebook.

I see your point. Would it help if I were to somehow bring up the subject of erotica in general and then assess her reaction? That way, I might be able to ensure that I can raise this topic without appearing too creepy.

[satindesire]

Originally Posted by tapeworm

I see your point. Would it help if I were to somehow bring up the subject of erotica in general and then assess her reaction? That way, I might be able to ensure that I can raise this topic without appearing too creepy.

Have you thought about approaching this in stages? As in, perhaps telling her that you'd like to use her image and personality as inspiration for a character you're writing for a romance story, but don't use her real name or exact location or exact image and personality, but use parts of truths instead of the whole truth. Safer that way for her, anyway.

Maybe go light on the extremely explicit erotica, then if she reacts favorably to it, gradually make it more explicit as the story goes on?

Nothing wrong with easing folks into it on both her count and the readers.

[MatthewVett]

Originally Posted by Bramblethorn

I've asked a similar question (and gotten a "yes") but that's because she already read my erotica blog and recognising herself unexpectedly would've been creepier than getting asked in advance.

But the question has to be "how do I find out whether...?" not "how do I get her to...?" - even if she's happy talking about sex in other contexts, she might say no in this one. Don't ask unless you're willing to honour the answer.

Hey, what's your erotica blog? I couldn't find a link on your profile.

[MsQuote]

Does she know you write erotica? Does she read your stories.

If she does, I would hold off on using her as a muse for one of your stories.

It's one thing to bandy around double entendres on Facebook. It would be creepy for me to read that one of my friends who I would never have any intention of having an intimate relationship with would use me as a protagonist in a story. That would be crossing the line.

However, you could probably safely use her as a muse if you change a number of identifiable features in your story (name, hair color, where she lives, hobbies, etc.) or fictionalize enough of the story to not have her wonder if you were writing about her.

But if you are this motivated to use her as a muse in one of your stories, are you really being honest with yourself in not wanting to take things beyond the friend zone?

[Cleophila]

Honestly, I think you need to be very careful about the way you approach this. Be pretty sure that you know she's going to approve of this idea before you broach it as it could well end up being something that could damage your relationship if not properly understood. I think you would be write to allow her as much input and editorial control as she likes if she did go for it, but you may be better off simply using her as the inspiration for a fictional character with a different name etc.

[geronimo_appleby]

stop being a cunt and just write it.

[satindesire]

Originally Posted by geronimo_appleby

stop being a cunt and just write it.

Yep. It's totally cunty to want/seek permission and to gauge the general social acceptability of something that could potentially completely destroy a deeply valued relationship.

[SashaGaga999]

Not saying this will work with everyone, but you might consider just being straightforward with her.

the original reason I joined lit was because someone from my dorm in college wanted to write a story with me as the main character. i got an email out of the blue (hadn't heard from him in a couple years I think), where he explained that he wanted the character in his story to look like me, and asked if i would come join Lit and post a few pictures of myself, so that the people reading his story would know what the character was supposed to look like.

Personally I was very turned on by this idea, and after hearing more about the story he was writing, I joined and have been posting on and off on here forever.

Again, not saying your friend will react the same way, but just being up front and honest is something to at least consider. Who knows, maybe shell even want to contribute...

good luck!

[geronimo_appleby]

Originally Posted by satindesire

Yep. It's totally cunty to want/seek permission and to gauge the general social acceptability of something that could potentially completely destroy a deeply valued relationship.

shit happens.

or don't fuckin' write it, then?

[satindesire]

Originally Posted by geronimo_appleby

shit happens.

or don't fuckin' write it, then?

Your avatar is extremely accurate. You really are an ass.

[geronimo_appleby]

Originally Posted by satindesire

Your avatar is extremely accurate. You really are an ass.

and i give a shit because?

[satindesire]

Originally Posted by geronimo_appleby

and i give a shit because?

Because being a generally unpleasant shithead for absolutely no fucking reason is a really fucking crappy way to live your life, you obnoxious turd sucker. Perhaps if you were a little more positive and pleasant, you'd understand that, but you seem to lack the basic human traits of empathy and compassion, so whatever.

[tapeworm]

Originally Posted by satindesire

Have you thought about approaching this in stages? As in, perhaps telling her that you'd like to use her image and personality as inspiration for a character you're writing for a romance story, but don't use her real name or exact location or exact image and personality, but use parts of truths instead of the whole truth. Safer that way for her, anyway.

Maybe go light on the extremely explicit erotica, then if she reacts favorably to it, gradually make it more explicit as the story goes on?

Nothing wrong with easing folks into it on both her count and the readers.

That's actually a very sensible suggestion and I have absolutely no intention of including any personal details that would compromise her privacy. Although she isn't aware that I write erotica , she is aware that I do write stories from time to time. Your approach sounds reasonable and it's probably the sort of request that she'd be comfortable with. I suppose that if I obtained her permission to write a story about her character inspired by her ( as opposed to actually transplanting her into the heart of my story), I might simply subsequently bring up the subject of erotica in general to see if the idea repels her. If it dosen't, then I might gradually ease her into the whole business, ensuring that she's comfortable with the whole idea before I decide to start writing.