Sexless marriage ... just can't take it anymore!

[Veronica100]

Originally Posted by mouse_146

got tired of reading all the posts but wanted to reply

Just nice to know that I am not the only one in a sexless marriage. Nearly 2 years here.
You always here about all you have to do is hint at a possibility of sex and a man is ready and willing. That is not happening here. I have bought new lingerie only to end up sleeping in it --cold and alone

sorry to hear that mouse

the very last time my ex and i had sex i tried masturbating for him....he said he was bored....the remaining 2.5 years of our marriage involved nothing intimate, not even hugs or kisses.

[yorkshireitie]

I'm very sorry to hear that

[VA_Boy]

My second marriage ended up this way. Tried all the Dear Abby/Dr. Phil shit to turn things around, no luck. No kids, so me and the dog moved out, I filed for divorce. Re married now, much happier, much love, much more sex

[oldmarriedguy]

Originally Posted by LadyNina123

im in a similar situation. I get w bam thank you mam every 6 weeks or so. I think the wam bam is worse than celibacy. It becomes like a chore. It's like oh yeah we'll have to find time to do it. Kind of like mopping the kitchen floor

You must be too popular...I couldn't respond to your message because your mailbox is full. I look forward to more messages.

[foxseeker]

Not the dear ladies, but their full boxes........

[traveling69]

Originally Posted by LadyNina123

im in a similar situation. I get w bam thank you mam every 6 weeks or so. I think the wam bam is worse than celibacy. It becomes like a chore. It's like oh yeah we'll have to find time to do it. Kind of like mopping the kitchen floor

If you clear some space in your in-box, I may have some comments for you, Lady Nina

[mouse_146]

Originally Posted by Veronica100

sorry to hear that mouse

the very last time my ex and i had sex i tried masturbating for him....he said he was bored....the remaining 2.5 years of our marriage involved nothing intimate, not even hugs or kisses.

Wow, that sucks.
How could a guy be bored watching a woman masturbate. If you are not into watching, no worries...then join in right

There has been nothing here, no hugs or kisses even for over year and half. Not going to count up the months or will get mad

[nisha_in61]

I guess it is something that happens in almost all marriages in course of time.

[Porkwarrior]

Originally Posted by Veronica100

sorry to hear that mouse

the very last time my ex and i had sex i tried masturbating for him....he said he was bored....the remaining 2.5 years of our marriage involved nothing intimate, not even hugs or kisses.

Originally Posted by mouse_146

Wow, that sucks.
How could a guy be bored watching a woman masturbate. If you are not into watching, no worries...then join in right

There has been nothing here, no hugs or kisses even for over year and half. Not going to count up the months or will get mad

Wow, okay I do not know if I am fortunate or cursed, but we have lot's of hugs & kisses. But that's it, nothing more. Haa haa I even encouraged her masturbate more, and have loved to watch. But nothing below the waist for her anymore, going on...too many years.
Haa it took a major breakthrough for me to allowed to masturbate in my own house if she is home.

[sugna]

Originally Posted by ohwhynot77

Please do not judge me. I am 35, healthy, attractive and in a sexless marriage. My husband and I have not been intimate in over 3 years.

He has zero desire - you may speculate all you want but no I do not think he is gay, no he will not go to marriage counseling. I have gone on my own but it is hard to fix a marriage from one side. We otherwise get along, and yes there is a child which makes leaving very hard - especially since we otherwise function very well as a family!

That said, should I be complacent with with a life of celibacy? We are friends, get along but it is platonic? Maybe, maybe there is nothing really wrong with that?

I have has affairs - both long term and short and was left feeling empty, more alone than before.

Truly I want to LOVE(!!!) - hard, unabashedly, passionately, devotedly, endlessly. And I want to be so loved in return.

But maybe that isn't what marriage is about? Maybe what I have is as close to good as it gets?

Sorry for my late night and tipsy ramble ... I have had a few glasses of Pinot Grigio and I am waxing philosophic.

You haven't had sex with your husband in 3 years. You mentioned you have had affairs; short term and long term. Do you think that might be part of the problem? Do you think he doesn't know about them? Do you think he is happy about them? Maybe he too is in silent agony staying with a cheating wife for the sake of the kid? Time to come clean and straighten out your life and your marriage. They both sound fucked up. If you want LOVE, you have to know what it is and you have to make it yourself and give it to another person. Cheating on your husband is not loving your husband. It is not even showing respect or courtesy towards him. You are only interested in what you can get for yourself. As such, you will always be chasing a fantasy.

[SimpleGifts]

Originally Posted by sugna

You haven't had sex with your husband in 3 years. You mentioned you have had affairs; short term and long term. Do you think that might be part of the problem? Do you think he doesn't know about them? Do you think he is happy about them? Maybe he too is in silent agony staying with a cheating wife for the sake of the kid? Time to come clean and straighten out your life and your marriage. They both sound fucked up. If you want LOVE, you have to know what it is and you have to make it yourself and give it to another person. Cheating on your husband is not loving your husband. It is not even showing respect or courtesy towards him. You are only interested in what you can get for yourself. As such, you will always be chasing a fantasy.

So much for asking someone to not be judgmental.

Seriously, this is what you choose as your first post on Lit? Go back under your bridge, troll, and let the real people here deal with their own realities. Nice try with your attempt to look moral and just--now you simply look ridiculous.

SG

[sugna]

Originally Posted by SimpleGifts

So much for asking someone to not be judgmental.

Seriously, this is what you choose as your first post on Lit? Go back under your bridge, troll, and let the real people here deal with their own realities. Nice try with your attempt to look moral and just--now you simply look ridiculous.

SG

This is not about morality. This is about sanity. It is irrational to complain about a sexless marriage if you are cheating on your spouse. You don't have a spouse, you don't have a marriage if you are cheating. Marriage is nothing more than a list of promises. These promises are only as good as your word. If you break the promises, you have broken the marriage - it is that simple. So, believe it or not I am not trying to troll you or anyone else. I am actually trying to help this sad lady see the truth. Her marriage is shot. Either because her husband's sex drive died before she went out cheating on him or because it died when he found out about her cheating. Either way, no one was willing to do their job in this marriage and they have let it go to ruin. Get over it and get a divorce. No judgement here, I am just trying to point out the 800 lbs elephant in the room that no one is willing to mention out of "political correctness", manners, fear or whatever.

[Porkwarrior]

Originally Posted by sugna

This is not about morality. This is about sanity. It is irrational to complain about a sexless marriage if you are cheating on your spouse. You don't have a spouse, you don't have a marriage if you are cheating. Marriage is nothing more than a list of promises. These promises are only as good as your word. If you break the promises, you have broken the marriage - it is that simple. So, believe it or not I am not trying to troll you or anyone else. I am actually trying to help this sad lady see the truth. Her marriage is shot. Either because her husband's sex drive died before she went out cheating on him or because it died when he found out about her cheating. Either way, no one was willing to do their job in this marriage and they have let it go to ruin. Get over it and get a divorce. No judgement here, I am just trying to point out the 800 lbs elephant in the room that no one is willing to mention out of "political correctness", manners, fear or whatever.

What's the word I am looking for here? Oh right, blow me.
There is more to a marriage than just sex, but a complete incompatibility in the bedroom can take a wrecking ball to everything that has taken years to create.


Nobody's home will ever be their completely finished dream house, but you can be happy with what you built. Even if you need a vacation from it every now & then to keep your sanity.
Which is the whole point of OhWhyNot's original post, this thread, and most of the comments in it. Which has flown completely over your pretty little, small horizoned, head.

[desiresmore]

Sexless marriages suck. I've come close but not quite as bad as some of what I'm reading in this thread. I'm so sorry for you ladies who have husbands who don't care about your sexuality. I'm in a passionless marriage but we do have what you might call "lots of sex". Although its not much more than masturbation for me.

Sex is a huge component of a successful relationship, not the only component but a major one. If only all relationships had both partners who were givers and more selfless in the bedroom.

[2ServeWoman]

Gives bullshit advice from outside the situation!

All your ignorance & crap that I have read here telling her what to do or not?

How dare you! Living in your happy, white picket fenced fantasy world probably more screwed up than hers! Or mine! Don't take it out on her!

She has a very real problem & unless you have walked in her shoes, BACK OFF!

I have one very similar, older, later but, her libido died almost 6 years ago, she gets viciously angry & almost violent @ the very mention of intimacy, sex saying such kind things as, "Whatever" or " You have hands or leave!

Really, pay some parasite we don't even know our hard "EARNED" money that will force us to sell/split all "we" worked for? And go where? Then owe him on top of having nothing? Really?

I'll get right on it, moron!

[periastron23]

Originally Posted by LadyNina123

im in a similar situation. I get w bam thank you mam every 6 weeks or so. I think the wam bam is worse than celibacy. It becomes like a chore. It's like oh yeah we'll have to find time to do it. Kind of like mopping the kitchen floor

clear out your pms love no more room to send

[rainsol]

Originally Posted by LadyNina123

im in a similar situation. I get w bam thank you mam every 6 weeks or so. I think the wam bam is worse than celibacy. It becomes like a chore. It's like oh yeah we'll have to find time to do it. Kind of like mopping the kitchen floor

Too bad you arent in Wa State.

[TheMogul40]

How sexless is sexless???

[mydisguise917]

Originally Posted by ohwhynot77

Please do not judge me. I am 35, healthy, attractive and in a sexless marriage. My husband and I have not been intimate in over 3 years.

He has zero desire - you may speculate all you want but no I do not think he is gay, no he will not go to marriage counseling. I have gone on my own but it is hard to fix a marriage from one side. We otherwise get along, and yes there is a child which makes leaving very hard - especially since we otherwise function very well as a family!

That said, should I be complacent with with a life of celibacy? We are friends, get along but it is platonic? Maybe, maybe there is nothing really wrong with that?

I have has affairs - both long term and short and was left feeling empty, more alone than before.

Truly I want to LOVE(!!!) - hard, unabashedly, passionately, devotedly, endlessly. And I want to be so loved in return.

But maybe that isn't what marriage is about? Maybe what I have is as close to good as it gets?

Sorry for my late night and tipsy ramble ... I have had a few glasses of Pinot Grigio and I am waxing philosophic.

I feel for you! When did it stop? Did you notice a gradual stopping of sex before it just stopped all together, or was it just sudden? If you want, we can chat.

[norfolklad]

Originally Posted by ohwhynot77

Please do not judge me. I am 35, healthy, attractive and in a sexless marriage. My husband and I have not been intimate in over 3 years.

He has zero desire - you may speculate all you want but no I do not think he is gay, no he will not go to marriage counseling. I have gone on my own but it is hard to fix a marriage from one side. We otherwise get along, and yes there is a child which makes leaving very hard - especially since we otherwise function very well as a family!

That said, should I be complacent with with a life of celibacy? We are friends, get along but it is platonic? Maybe, maybe there is nothing really wrong with that?

I have has affairs - both long term and short and was left feeling empty, more alone than before.

Truly I want to LOVE(!!!) - hard, unabashedly, passionately, devotedly, endlessly. And I want to be so loved in return.

But maybe that isn't what marriage is about? Maybe what I have is as close to good as it gets?

Sorry for my late night and tipsy ramble ... I have had a few glasses of Pinot Grigio and I am waxing philosophic.

I think you would be utterly amazed how many people are in sexless marriages. My guess is that about 40-50% of marriages are like that! My ex-girlfriend was in one for 15 years, which was how she came to be my girlfriend. She didn't want to leave her husband - they'd been married for 30 years - but she wanted more to life. The impetus in her case was a serious illness from which she nearly died. It made her realise that life was too precious to waste in celibacy.

For 5 years we met every other weekend and had some amazing sex, but more than that we fell in love. Ironically, the good sex life made her home life a lot happier; the love rebuilt her confidence and made her a stronger person and more able to cope. In the end we drifted apart as her home life became more important to her. I still don't know whether her husband realised what was going on; I suspect that he may have done but it was a price worth paying to avoid the break up of his marriage.

You need to do something otherwise your unhappy marriage is going to drag you down and you clearly don't want that to happen. From what you say, you don't just need sex but a true lover as well. Finding someone who will give you good sex and love you, yet be happy to see you go off back to your husband, won't be easy. You are asking a lot of anyone. You will need to find someone who does not want a permanent relationship and commitment and is prepared to be the 'second person'.

Of course, the ideal would be that your husband would accept the situation and agree to you having a lover - but from what you say, Ohwhynot77, I can't see that happening.

I doubt that divorce is the answer in your case from what you say. Besides, you divorce doesn't automatically mean that you will find what you're looking for elsewhere.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you'll soon find the answer you're looking for.

[truckeredca]

Originally Posted by TheMogul40

How sexless is sexless???

Well once in the last 5 years sounds sexless to me...

[desiresmore]

My understanding of a sexless marriage is anywhere from 10 times per year or less.

[2ServeWoman]

According to YOUR self made rules, NO times a year for 5 YEARS, 8 months fits "YOUR" special criteria then??

Originally Posted by desiresmore

My understanding of a sexless marriage is anywhere from 10 times per year or less.

[Teddybarehead]

Woah, lots of trolls in here. smh.. Both ladies and gentlemen that have come to this thread to share your burdens, just wanted to say how sorry I am for your situation. I can't imagine how it must feel to be in love with someone, wanting to show them that you love them, and have that rejected time and time again. /ehugs for everyone.

[2ServeWoman]

don't come here with lefty & righty as their closest friends!

Originally Posted by Teddybarehead

Woah, lots of trolls in here. smh.. Both ladies and gentlemen that have come to this thread to share your burdens, just wanted to say how sorry I am for your situation. I can't imagine how it must feel to be in love with someone, wanting to show them that you love them, and have that rejected time and time again. /ehugs for everyone.