Questions

[MentalMouse]

Hello.

Not sure the best way to introduce this so I'll just get right to it.

Over the past few years, I've discovered that I'm bi-curious. However, the last couple of years have also found me wondering what my life would be like as a girl. I'm not the completely girly type but I wouldn't mind wearing earrings, for example. As stated, I'm bi-curious; for most of my life, I've been sort of a shy loner interested in girls. I can't tell you at what point I was starting to let my mind wander but wander it most certainly does from time to time.

What I'm wondering, primarily I guess, is whether it would come off as strange or anything like that if I were to get a change. I would become a girl primarily interested in girls - but I would be formerly a guy. How odd is such a thing, or how accepted or unacceptable is that among other GLBTs? I know I'm probably blowing my own fears and curiosities way out of proportion in my mind but it would be nice to hear that I'm not a complete freak or something.

I'm also wondering what all getting the change would entail, how expensive it really is, and so on. I am anything but of means, yet I am finding more and more that I wish I was a girl - more specifically, a lesbian. But when I say that to myself, it sounds more like a masculine excuse derived from porn than anything else; it isn't but that's how it sounds to me. That's part of my worry, I guess.

I don't have a lot of experience...if you know what I mean. I am intrigued by and a very firm supporter of the GLBT community, especially since I've kind of joined it of late - if only in terms of my own interests rather than the social community part of it - and am considering...well, you see above what I'm considering. It's the point of this thread, after all.

My parents don't know. I'm what you might call a late bloomer, as far as my sexuality is concerned. I'm definitely not that attractive or...well, slim. But I do have questions and concerns, and not just monetarily. The nature of the thread is what prompted me to put it in here, which I believe is likely the best place for it. I don't know if there are other forums it would be better placed in but considering what the questions I'm asking and the concerns I have, the best place to get answers (in my humble opinion) is from people who might have faced similar issues in their own lives.

[Bramblethorn]

Originally Posted by MentalMouse

if I were to get a change. I would become a girl primarily interested in girls - but I would be formerly a guy. How odd is such a thing, or how accepted or unacceptable is that among other GLBTs?

There are certainly trans women who are primarily or exclusively interested in women - I know several.

[bluesky496]

Originally Posted by MentalMouse

Hello.

Not sure the best way to introduce this so I'll just get right to it.

Over the past few years, I've discovered that I'm bi-curious. However, the last couple of years have also found me wondering what my life would be like as a girl. I'm not the completely girly type but I wouldn't mind wearing earrings, for example. As stated, I'm bi-curious; for most of my life, I've been sort of a shy loner interested in girls. I can't tell you at what point I was starting to let my mind wander but wander it most certainly does from time to time.

What I'm wondering, primarily I guess, is whether it would come off as strange or anything like that if I were to get a change. I would become a girl primarily interested in girls - but I would be formerly a guy. How odd is such a thing, or how accepted or unacceptable is that among other GLBTs? I know I'm probably blowing my own fears and curiosities way out of proportion in my mind but it would be nice to hear that I'm not a complete freak or something.

I'm also wondering what all getting the change would entail, how expensive it really is, and so on. I am anything but of means, yet I am finding more and more that I wish I was a girl - more specifically, a lesbian. But when I say that to myself, it sounds more like a masculine excuse derived from porn than anything else; it isn't but that's how it sounds to me. That's part of my worry, I guess.

I don't have a lot of experience...if you know what I mean. I am intrigued by and a very firm supporter of the GLBT community, especially since I've kind of joined it of late - if only in terms of my own interests rather than the social community part of it - and am considering...well, you see above what I'm considering. It's the point of this thread, after all.

My parents don't know. I'm what you might call a late bloomer, as far as my sexuality is concerned. I'm definitely not that attractive or...well, slim. But I do have questions and concerns, and not just monetarily. The nature of the thread is what prompted me to put it in here, which I believe is likely the best place for it. I don't know if there are other forums it would be better placed in but considering what the questions I'm asking and the concerns I have, the best place to get answers (in my humble opinion) is from people who might have faced similar issues in their own lives.

hello and welcome ,you need to think long and hard about what you really are looking for ,it is a major step to transform yourself and having someone to talk to is always a help, the cost can be a great burden but acceptance of others is often difficult to find however if your parents truly love you they wil come round in time ,you sound a little confused if you dont mind my saying so so i would take some time to meet people in the GLBT community socially and talk to them ,i found that a great help and made some great friends as well.p.m. me if you would like to chat ,xo

[MentalMouse]

Yeah...I'm the child of a very Christian woman and a laid-back father. Still, it's not something I'm just going to come home one day and share with them. Nonetheless, it is something I have been seriously considering for several years.

What exactly is the process? How expensive is it, really? And - although this may sound strange - will my voice become feminine enough that it'll be a complete change? These are the main questions I have, I think...

[Stella_Omega]

Wellp-- the questions you've asked right now-- yes, there are plenty of trans women who are lesbians. No it's still not easy, as you have been raised male and have a lifetime of male experiences and none of female-- getting used to being a woman in the company of women is a difficult process. But it can be done.

The hormones will change your voice but i couldnt tell you how much or little.Most ladies become whiskey-voiced contraltos, I think -- there are operations to physically change the larynx (and reduce the adams apple) if you have the money to spend.

You Might not go for the operations. They are fuckall expensive. Lots of women retain their penises, which become pretty much non-penis-functioning. This can be problematical if your lesbian love interest hates penises, I won't lie. However I see a lot more tolerance for non-op trans women than there used to be-- and women in general really understand what life is like without enough money.

You are going to have to do a lot of research. There are far too few trans people on this forum to give you the help you need.

Here's a site I like very much;
http://www.transgendercare.com/guidance/index.htm
Also,
http://www.ntac.org/

There is much, much more out there. Male-to-female is heavily catered to-- google will be your friend, as well as coming back here to discuss things.

[stickygirl]

Hi Mouse

Lit is a good place to be open about sexuality but maybe not so good for gender talk: I'd recommend finding a specialist counsellor to help you make sense of all the confusion in your head. Do make sure it is someone who specializes in TG issues - a local TG support group will probably be the best place to get some names and you may need referral from your regular doctor.

Don't worry about the lesbian thoughts: MtFs can feel guilt because they think if they are a girl then they ought to feel attracted to men. Our brains are already wired a little off-beat so any comparison to the general population should go right in the trash

A good way to clear your thoughts is to imagine a world without orgasms, without sex and then see if what is left is what you want… I know - that notion may take some effort!!

Transitioning is not the easy option: it's a bitch, so you have to put up with a lot of negative things but still see no alternative to being a woman.

You are most definitely not a freak ((hug)) and you'll find both support and understanding here.

That's a great link Stella :
http://www.transgendercare.com/guidance/index.htm just learnt a few new things there!

[MentalMouse]

My head was screwed up to begin with. Strange wiring is nothing new to me.

@Stella: I read through your first link but I haven't gotten to the second one yet. It seems like you've considered transitioning ftm but have decided not to.

It does seem to be a much longer process than I thought. But this is something that I've been considering but very closeted about for a few years (for obvious reasons). It's a lot to think about. Is there anyone on here in particular that you might recommend talking to, any mtf transgenders? There's stuff on YouTube, people talking about their experiences, but identity is kind of a per person thing. It's good to hear other peoples' stories, though.

[Little Bird]

Yes, it's quite common. Especially the doubts and slight feelings of guilt. I wouldn't even be suprised if pretty much all of us had some lingering doubts of just being narcistic and attention craving. I think for me the happiness and exitement about comming to understand how I really feel and see myself also carried some doubt that I talked myself into seeing myself as special or even superior for quite some time.

Overall it all sounds very similar to me.
When really putting some serious thought into my gender, I quite soon came to the conclusion that I don't really want breasts and I certainly wouldn't want to part with my penis, so sexual reasignment surgery (are they still calling it that?) was out of the question very early on. Though the possibility of transsexuality was on my mind for a time.
But I also didn't feel the need for people to regard and treat me as a woman, that also isn't really me. So in the end the outcome with which I now live quite happily, is to see my gender as a blend of masculine and feminine elements. I see neither myself nor other people as either male or female, just as people with traits I like in a person or don't. My ideal would be that people regard and treat me as completely androgynous, but beeing seen as a somewhat effeminate pretty man is also completely fine for me. If I see myself as more masculine or feminine depends entirely on the situation, and I have no problem at all viewing things from either perspective.

What I am getting at is that there is a very broad range of options that might be best for you. Just not feeling 100% as a man does not mean that you also have to switch to 100% female. If a little fairy came to me and offer me to change everything so that I had been female all my life with no side effects, I would take that offer instantly without hesitation. But then I would still keep my same gender identity, just with a body that is sligtly more suited to the look I would prefer. However even the impressive medical procedures there are today are far from being magic with no side effects.
If living fully as a woman is what you really think is the right thing for you, this does not have to include surgical changes. Just the effects that can be achieved from the right dress, makeup, haircut, and most importantly behavior are amazing. Personally I think surgican changes are the right thing only for people who actually feel wrong within their current body. Which might, or might not be the case for you. But living as a women or having the body of a woman are two different things and while for many people both are needed to feel right about themselves, this is not the case for everyone.

[MentalMouse]

One thing I do have to ask...a lot of the people I'm seeing doing testimonials or talking about transitioning in general or whatever are skinny. Not rail-skinny but skinny. I haven't seen any TGs with a lot of fat on them or anything. Do I have to be skinny to do it? Is that a safety thing? Or is that just the ones that I'm seeing?

Plus it looks like the more I read, I basically would have to walk into a psychologist's office wearing a dress to be considered a candidate for a transition and I'd have to be, like, ten years younger and be extremely girlish or something. I get the feeling that just throwing on a pair of earrings and some lipstick wouldn't cut it. Or maybe I'm just getting the wrong impression from all the psychobabble I'm reading. Sounds to me like you have to jump through hoops just for someone to say, "Yeah, you can be a girl."

[stickygirl]

The skinny thing? I'm not sure: most TGs I know IRL are just average. Perhaps there's a vanity aspect to YouTube so only the skinny ones post? If you go onto hormones you'll be advised to think about weight because they carry some risk to your heart.

Age makes no difference: I think the majority of TGs discover themselves in their 40's and much of that has to do with dropping testosterone levels. How you present has nothing to do with the person inside and no professional therapist would be thrown by how their client dresses. They really are there to help and act as an an informed guide. They are not a coach to help you cram for an exam and in the end you may decide between you, that transitioning isn't the best option for you.

It sounds as though you are over-run with questions and I SO much sympathise with that, which is why you might want to reach out for some help soon before you get really down over it.

[Bramblethorn]

Originally Posted by MentalMouse

One thing I do have to ask...a lot of the people I'm seeing doing testimonials or talking about transitioning in general or whatever are skinny. Not rail-skinny but skinny. I haven't seen any TGs with a lot of fat on them or anything. Do I have to be skinny to do it? Is that a safety thing? Or is that just the ones that I'm seeing?

I knew one trans lady who was called "Bear", if that gives a clue...

Originally Posted by MentalMouse

Sounds to me like you have to jump through hoops just for someone to say, "Yeah, you can be a girl."

Yep, although the nature of the hoops varies a bit from country to country.

[Dyslexicea]

You can take this however you like it, I'm not trans, I'm a woman, I love being a woman, I would not be a man for one year, one month, one week, one day or even one minute.

No one seems to want to point out to you, but being I'm at times a rather unkind person, very outspoken and rather rude, I well. You seem to be thinking about the sexual part of being a woman. Trans MtF is not about SEX, it's about becoming a WOMAN. It isn't about some porn video you've watched, being turned on, later thinking wouldn't it be fantastic to have lesbian sex. First off what you see isn't real, most of those actresses aren't even lesbian, even the ones who are, are still acting. Those videos are made for MEN, if the producers had to depend on us lesbians to make money they'd go broke! To top that off we are, for the most part, just like every woman and contrary to the impression given by the internet we are not sex addicts who think about sex 24/7. So if you think becoming a lesbian is going to be sex, sex, sex, it isn't.

I don't want to be a complete bitch, so if you truly feel you're a woman trapped in a man's body, you surely must do something about that. Maybe it's a complete sex change, maybe just hormone therapy or maybe you stay just as you are but let your feminine side out. Only you, hopefully with help from a therapist, can decide that.

If you're unhappy with your life, which I think you are, but not a woman trapped in a man's body and you think becoming a woman is going to change your life it isn't going to happen. You may end up even less happy.

In either case I think it would be helpful to you if you'd seek out some kind of counseling. Just make sure whoever you choose you're comfortable with.

I do wish you luck and hope you find whatever it is you're looking for.

[Safe_Bet]

Originally Posted by Dyslexicea

...First off what you see isn't real, most of those actresses aren't even lesbian, even the ones who are, are still acting.

What gave it away? The HUGE press-on nails, the poofy, blonde hairdos or the ever so realistic acting/moaning/stalking-pouncing?

Originally Posted by Dyslexicea

...To top that off we are, for the most part, just like every woman and contrary to the impression given by the internet we are not sex addicts who think about sex 24/7. So if you think becoming a lesbian is going to be sex, sex, sex, it isn't.

ummmmmmmm... speak for yourself, K?






All kidding aside, I actually agree with Diane. IMO (based upon absolutely nothing other than my own feelings) I think you probably should consider YEARS of therapy before you even THINK about sexual reassignment surgery or transitioning. It's not something that you "just decide to do" ya know? These women and men go through fucking HELL to get where they are going. Its never done lightly and it sure as fuck has to be one of the most challenging things I can think ANYONE could attempt. You need HUGE balls to want to transition into a different gender, regardless if you had them before or not. Even for those that DO, it is often a shortcut to suicide for many.

Enter at your own peril.

If you still venture in, good luck and goddess bless.

[Bramblethorn]

Originally Posted by Dyslexicea

No one seems to want to point out to you, but being I'm at times a rather unkind person, very outspoken and rather rude, I well. You seem to be thinking about the sexual part of being a woman. Trans MtF is not about SEX, it's about becoming a WOMAN. It isn't about some porn video you've watched, being turned on, later thinking wouldn't it be fantastic to have lesbian sex.

I didn't point it out because I didn't get that vibe from the OP's post. You seem to have read it as "I want to have lesbian sex so I'm thinking about transition". To me it came across as "I'm thinking about transition, but I'm attracted to women, does that mean I'm not really trans?"

[stickygirl]

Well Mouse - you've brought out lots of comments from people with 1000's posts but don't be overawed by us! I dare say whether folks are trans or lesbian or gay, we've all had times when we didn't know what to make of life or our bodies or our heads.... So do post again: we're here to help as best we can

[MentalMouse]

If it was all about sex or porn, I wouldn't be asking. From the testimonials I've heard on YouTube, I'm aware of the problems people face going through the transition. I'm not coming into this completely blind; I just have questions, is all. Sorry if I don't phrase things the best or if you don't like my questions.

[Stella_Omega]

Originally Posted by MentalMouse

If it was all about sex, I wouldn't be asking. Honestly, it has nothing to do with porn either. I'm well aware of the problems people face going through the transition. Sorry if my questions have agitated the chip on your shoulder.

I'm not taking this lightly, believe me. I'm giving it some serious thought.

Just -- its always worth checking on that, especially here on literotica. We get a lot of lets-pretend-ers.

[theDragnet]

It's definitely something not to be taken lightly and I think the "hoops" you are required to jump through are mainly there for that reason. Taking the irrevocable step of surgery is not to be done on a whim

I had similar feelings to you, I guess MentalMouse, when I was somewhat younger, in my teens, and I began to transition, initially rather dangerously via a "sugar daddy" then more sensibly by going to my doctor and doing it properly.

But part way through the process, I realised it wasn't for me. I had some development in certain areas, but I decided to stop before I did anything too irredeemable. The reasons for this are probably very complicated but basically I realised it "didn't feel right" for me.

Now I live on either side of the gender divide. I still self identify as trans, mtf, but can function both sides of the divide. In my normal day to day, I am pretty androgynous. I have no regrets and am pretty happy!

I think what I'm saying is there are all sorts of trans people and it takes time to decide what type you are, which is one of the reasons why there is a lot of psychological evaluation and the very long and (to some) painful Real Life test.

I found great support by finding a local group when I was younger, who helped me and gave me information when I was confused and scared. Later I had a group of very close trans friends. We were like a gang and we hung out together and were in a band together too. Those personal connections were so important to me and helped me contextualise what I was and wanted to be.

Of course there is the Internet and all the information and indirect human contact that offers, but sometimes, knowing someone who can understand and listen face to face is better than a million virtual friends.

Good luck and if I can be of any help, just shout x

[Stella_Omega]

Dragnet-- that's really interesting! I'm in the same boat, going the other way-- I wanted to transition for decades, then when I had the chance to, I decided not to.

Now I plan to request HRT not to completely transition, but to create a more androgynous person. Luckily, I live in a metropolitan city. The care is available.

[Safe_Bet]

Originally Posted by Stella_Omega

Dragnet-- that's really interesting! I'm in the same boat, going the other way-- I wanted to transition for decades, then when I had the chance to, I decided not to.

Now I plan to request HRT not to completely transition, but to create a more androgynous person. Luckily, I live in a metropolitan city. The care is available.

REALLY??? (= surprised "really", not a sarcastic one )

I'd had though you have jumped on doing that.

If its not to personal, mind saying why you didn't?

[Stella_Omega]

Originally Posted by Safe_Bet

REALLY??? (= surprised "really", not a sarcastic one )

I'd had though you have jumped on doing that.

If its not to personal, mind saying why you didn't?

Because... and you are going to love this-- I have recognised that it's better to be a butch alpha woman than a femmy beta man. As far as being masculine, I can be very masculine and also-- be a woman. And yeah, a bit of HRT will augment what already is going on in my brain. Shit's getting more and more precise.

I'm finding myself more and more separatist. I doubt it will last forever, but right now I don't care much for men-- certainly wouldn't want to be one. Especially at my age. Older woman get all kinds of respect and nookie from younger dykes, that older men don't get from younger women.

I still want to have a dick, though. The phantom one still shows up most mornings. Just-- retain my twat at the same time. hey, if I'm wishing for the moon, why not wish for two moons?

[theDragnet]

Originally Posted by Stella_Omega

if I'm wishing for the moon, why not wish for two moons?

I *like* you!

[Safe_Bet]

Originally Posted by Stella_Omega

Because... and you are going to love this-- I have recognised that it's better to be a butch alpha woman than a femmy beta man. As far as being masculine, I can be very masculine and also-- be a woman. And yeah, a bit of HRT will augment what already is going on in my brain. Shit's getting more and more precise.

I'm finding myself more and more separatist. I doubt it will last forever, but right now I don't care much for men-- certainly wouldn't want to be one. Especially at my age. Older woman get all kinds of respect and nookie from younger dykes, that older men don't get from younger women.

I still want to have a dick, though. The phantom one still shows up most mornings. Just-- retain my twat at the same time. hey, if I'm wishing for the moon, why not wish for two moons?

Heh. Yeah, I can grok that!

I briefly thought about stepping a little closer to that line, but then I had the epiphany that I don't LIKE men, so why the fuck would I want to be one?

I also think that its possible to be WAY butch, exhibit many/most of the characteristics & attributes that are (erroneously) solely allocated to "masculinity", while maintaining your gender identity.

Just my thoughts.

[Stella_Omega]

I also think that its possible to be WAY butch, exhibit many/most of the characteristics & attributes that are (erroneously) solely allocated to "masculinity", while maintaining your gender identity.

Exactly.

[Dyslexicea]

Originally Posted by Stella_Omega

Because... and you are going to love this-- I have recognised that it's better to be a butch alpha woman than a femmy beta man. As far as being masculine, I can be very masculine and also-- be a woman. And yeah, a bit of HRT will augment what already is going on in my brain. Shit's getting more and more precise.

What's more womanly than a butch dyke who's intelligent, witty, intriguing and wears her heart on her sleeve!

Originally Posted by Safe_Bet

Heh. Yeah, I can grok that!

I briefly thought about stepping a little closer to that line, but then I had the epiphany that I don't LIKE men, so why the fuck would I want to be one?

I also think that its possible to be WAY butch, exhibit many/most of the characteristics & attributes that are (erroneously) solely allocated to "masculinity", while maintaining your gender identity.

Just my thoughts.

As I said in one of my other posts, Butch means manly, FUCK NO, FUCK NO and I repeat FUCK NO. Actually I feel sorry for those hetero girls(no I won't use straight, I'm straight they're confused) who live in a world where it's taboo to show their butch side if they happen to be so inclined.

Feminine and masculine just doesn't cut it and if we didn't live in a cock centered world with cock centered languages we'd be much better off. But what do I know, I dislike the words Fe(male) wo(man), wo(men), (he)r, s(he) and so on and so forth and not to forget gayelle. I think I ranting. *Shrugs*

Originally Posted by theDragnet

I *like* you!

I think most of us agree with you Miss K.

By the way I love your photography. You're also very beautiful. *Blushing* Really HOT too!