Companion to the 5 Senses Challenge

[Desejo]

Reviving this thread - because I just have to ask REMEC about this:

Caught

My mother's kitchen clock
was how I knew I was out
of time. A series of hoots from
some unknown owl echoed
through the quiet house. I
sprayed the carpet once more,
crisp orange scented mail-order
cleanser still sickly sweet but
passable instead of bludgeoning
my brain via my nostrils, and did
my best to finish wiping up the
blotched furry rug we'd inherited
when I was still a child. The tell-tale
glow of headlights reflected
off the dining room's mirrored wall
from the kitchen window, and made
me stand up to face the music. I
swallowed nervously as the front door
opened, eyes rolling back for a moment
at how much puke taste, even after
thirty minutes, was still in my saliva.

OK - What's the story here? Dipping into the parent's liquor cabinet
Really liked it, in any case. It reads almost like a prose poem, but not quite.

[Remec]

Originally Posted by Desejo

Reviving this thread - because I just have to ask REMEC about this:

OK - What's the story here? Dipping into the parent's liquor cabinet
Really liked it, in any case. It reads almost like a prose poem, but not quite.

*smiling*
Heh...something like that. A slight twist on something that had happened when I was much younger, only instead of there being vomit involved it was grape soda on an almost pristine off-beige carpet. *rolling eyes*

[PandoraGlitters]

Originally Posted by Desejo

Reviving this thread - because I just have to ask REMEC about this:

Thanks, Desejo, for bringing this Remec poem to the fore. I love the narrative structure of it, plus the poem reminds me of an early incident of my own. I am sure many readers would connect to it.

[Desejo]

Originally Posted by Minervous

Election Night

Electric bright confetti falls
from the infinite ceiling
of the ballroom. DJ Britewing
scratches LPs
and monologs
on our long walk
over the slackwire strung
between Here and I want to be.

Fear still doesn’t taste any better
than an energy gel—

and, God, burnt popcorn is no flavor
anyone seeks

even while trying to avoid the thrust
Dr. Smithson makes
under my skirt.

There are a couple of lines in this one that are really interesting.
"fear still doesn't taste any better than an energy gel" is one. I have not tasted an energy gel, but even without that input - a strong line. This poem is vivid, but mysterious. I'm still not quite sure I get it - but it got my attention!

[Desejo]

This is another great one on the 5 senses....

Originally Posted by Neonurotic

Impermeable

The sky is wide open as is my mouth
while her unrequited love falls
and splits the ground.
Thunderstruck in the snow in the
only place in the world where it can.
This salty land, blowing wind
and ice that stings my eyes. Laughing,
or crying, I don't really know,
don't care, she confessed .
Sunrise sweet coffee and cake sits bitter,
like words that should've been said
long ago. It's too bad I already moved on,
coat tails waving at the shins, snapping
in step, one step at time until gone.

Neo, as is usually the case for your work - this is powerful. But a couple of things I don't understand/confuse me.
these lines: Thunderstruck in the snow /n the only place in the world that it can. Are you playing on Thunder struck the verb vs/ thunderstruck the adjective? and why the only place in the world? Confused. Same with coat tails vs/ coattails. Intentional, or not? Another interesting thing about this is that it's not completely clear who the rejected partner is - the narrator or "she". Which I really like. Anyway - just wanted to share those impressions. I will shut up now.

[PandoraGlitters]

Desejo, your Meanwhile in Gaza is riveting. Publish that somewhere.

[Desejo]

Originally Posted by PandoraGlitters

Desejo, your Meanwhile in Gaza is riveting. Publish that somewhere.

Thank you. But I wouldn't know where to start.

[Neonurotic]

Originally Posted by PandoraGlitters

Desejo, your Meanwhile in Gaza is riveting. Publish that somewhere.

Agreed.
As far as where to Desejo, isn't there a thread here that gives suggestions on where to submit poetry for publication? Somewhere... I will look-see.

Originally Posted by Desejo

This is another great one on the 5 senses....

Neo, as is usually the case for your work - this is powerful. But a couple of things I don't understand/confuse me.
these lines: Thunderstruck in the snow /n the only place in the world that it can. Are you playing on Thunder struck the verb vs/ thunderstruck the adjective? and why the only place in the world? Confused. Same with coat tails vs/ coattails. Intentional, or not? Another interesting thing about this is that it's not completely clear who the rejected partner is - the narrator or "she". Which I really like. Anyway - just wanted to share those impressions. I will shut up now.

Oh, well, glad you like the poem. 5 Senses has always been great to invoke some interesting poems from me and everyone else too.

As far as you questions, I'm not sure what I meant to be honest. However, Utah does lay claim to be the only location with some wickedly unique beautiful thunder and lightening during snow storms, calling it "thundersnow". So that is where thunderstruck derived, wrong word choice I guess? Although, I had meant for it to be both verb and adjective, to literally mean thunder struck and amazed.

Coat tails was just a misspell ;p
and the rejected partner, well that's just a mystery, even to me.



Also, thanks all for keeping 5 Senses alive.

[Desejo]

Darkmaas

I loved that last one. I would link it here but I am hopeless at internal links.

[Desejo]

Seriously, someone PM me the inside scoop on internal links (between posts in the forum). It's not math, so I should be able to do this!

[champagne1982]

Originally Posted by Desejo

Seriously, someone PM me the inside scoop on internal links (between posts in the forum). It's not math, so I should be able to do this!

The easiest way I find to do this sort of post quote is to copy the quote string into my paste buffer and then paste it into the reply box of whatever thread I'm answering, as shown below.

[quote=darkmaas;43007057]

[darkmaas]

Desejo said:

Darkmaas

I loved that last one. I would link it here but I am hopeless at internal links.

Thank you. Take a bit of the credit. Your "senses" lurk behind the poem.

I love this thread. It has a charm because the poems flow from someone else's "vision" without being a collaborative effort. Strange things happen.

::

[Desejo]

My words may have been hard but yours were easy!

one glove - I was thinking more of a lost glove. Like the mysterious lost shoe that one sees on the road seemingly everywhere in the world. Didn't think of a prom glove, nor of Michael Jackson!

That's why I love this thread. It's so interesting to see what people come up with

[Angeline]

Darkmaas, your poems are rocking the thread. You have some wonderful writing there of late. And they fit well as a group. I'm really enjoying reading them.

[beetrootjesuit]

Originally Posted by Angeline

Darkmaas, your poems are rocking the thread. You have some wonderful writing there of late. And they fit well as a group. I'm really enjoying reading them.

You shouldn't encourage him with flattery. It goes to his head. Next thing you know ... lavalamps.

[Angeline]

Originally Posted by beetrootjesuit

You shouldn't encourage him with flattery. It goes to his head. Next thing you know ... lavalamps.

Hmmm, yes dear Beet. I do see your point.

[darkmaas]

Originally Posted by Angeline

Hmmm, yes dear Beet. I do see your point.

People in glass houses ... Check out post #17

This place has come a long way, Babe. Or maybe not...

[Angeline]

Originally Posted by darkmaas

People in glass houses ... Check out post #17

This place has come a long way, Babe. Or maybe not...

I totally forgot about this. It took me a moment to remember who "Lar" is: long way indeed.

Anyway it's an oval here, right? So we sort of go in circles. Maybe.

(I could make that poem work....a little nip here, tuck there.)

Amazing: there was a lava-lamp poem trend before that thread. I don't recall the particulars, but I know it was the fish's fault. I do remember that part!