Old 01-26-2013, 12:59 PM   #3576
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Originally Posted by Desejo View Post
Hmmm. I was the last person posting here a week ago: is it worth continuing to do this?
I would almost rather see more comments on the poems. I think we would start to see more poems posted, and maybe better quality,that way.

Weigh in, poets. Be like the Lorax, and speak for the trees. (Never mind. That analogy did not work).
::

In his defense, Bronzage did a review, it just ended up in another thread. No doubt a modbot will clean up the mess in due time.

You raise the perennial question of the reviews ... do the benefits of the thread match the effort of actually reading, processing and commenting on poetry of ... er ... volatile quality. The issue is compounded by the fact that the benefits are distributed but the effort is borne by a few brave souls.

Once upon a time, there was commentary on the reviews in the thread. It cluttered up the thread and the commentary was moved to it's own thread where it is much reduced. Good archival practice but maybe we lost something.

d.

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Old 01-26-2013, 08:25 PM   #3577
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Desejo View Post
Hmmm. I was the last person posting here a week ago: is it worth continuing to do this?
Sorry -burnout - bracing for next week.
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Old 01-26-2013, 09:33 PM   #3578
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Recommending the recommenters

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tristesse2 View Post
Sorry -burnout - bracing for next week.
On a different note try this poem by Tristesse2: 2013 Challenge: One Poem a Week, page 2, post 36 Captive Audience. postcoital erotica/Recommended(smile)
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Old 01-26-2013, 11:14 PM   #3579
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That was my mistake. I go back and forth all day long until I have the post finished. I probably wasn't paying attention.

You and Your kitten by PlayfulLittle1

A delightful rhyming piece from PlayfulLittle1.


Lambent in the Sun by SweetOblivion

I give extra credit for any poem which makes me look up a new word, but this is a fine poem and does not need anything extra.

someday late or soon by seannelson

A very good reflective by the long time and prolific Seannelson.

He Calls To Me by Heidi123

A sweet first submission by new Lit poet Heidi123.


We have two submissions from the prolific Demure, today. I especially like the Museum poem.
Roads by demure101

In the British Museum by demure101
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Quote:
Originally posted by LostBaby
My beloved is perfect. He is strong, smart, well read, can & will do anything, tender, and totally adores me. The only thing that could make him better is if he was freak'n wealthy beyond words.
On the floor of a small room near the city wall, they found the source of the many fragments of wisdom this civilization had left the world.http://bronzeageworks.blogspot.com/

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Old 01-27-2013, 08:44 PM   #3580
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mudak View Post
Reviews are always a good thing and always welcome, whether it comes from one person or a hundred.

I wasn't going to say this until I saw this post, but I was wondering how you decide which poems to review, since I've received almost no feedback on my poem from a couple of weeks ago, which was, ironically, a parody of a Dr Seuss work: Oh, The Places You'll Cum!
Mudak:
There are volunteers here on the Forum for days of the week. Each person decides how they review on their own - I cover every poem on my day (friday) but not everyone does that.
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Old 01-27-2013, 09:17 PM   #3581
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Desejo View Post
Mudak:
There are volunteers here on the Forum for days of the week. Each person decides how they review on their own - I cover every poem on my day (friday) but not everyone does that.
If anyone is fortunate to post on a Tuesday, I review it. I will also honor requests. If someone wants to hear my opinion on their poem, just send me a link and it will be covered on the next Tuesday.
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Quote:
Originally posted by LostBaby
My beloved is perfect. He is strong, smart, well read, can & will do anything, tender, and totally adores me. The only thing that could make him better is if he was freak'n wealthy beyond words.
On the floor of a small room near the city wall, they found the source of the many fragments of wisdom this civilization had left the world.http://bronzeageworks.blogspot.com/
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Old 01-29-2013, 04:55 PM   #3582
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Oh! The Places You'll Cum! by Mudak

This is a Dr. Seuss parody and unlike most eroti-porn parodies, this one is well done. Everyone should read this, but not to any pre-schoolers.

Sweet nothings Hot Pussy ! by Prasa
This is a very interesting piece. Most of Praxa's submitted work is not in English. This probably accounts for the skewed syntax and grammar and in this case frees him from the cliches which plague this kind of poem and makes for a delightful read.

Sister by thecummingman
An unapologetic ode to incestuous love.

The Effect by rose butterfly
A charming rhyming piece from Rose Butterfly. There should be more poems like this, posted everyday.

Today, we have three poems from Cavu, who apparently is homesick. Special attention should be given to the third one.
Red Red Wine 2 by cavu182
NYC by cavu182
The Doorman by cavu182
An excellent piece by Cavu. This is today's must read.

All the Stars are Brighter Now by Scheherazade73
A very nice piece by Scheherazade. A recommended read.

Grief by Pshhhh
The title never tells it all. Pshhhh has one to the world's second oldest well for inspiration and brings back fresh water.


Today, two of our Pain Princesses check in with a paean to the paradox of the hurting kind of love.
Lullaby of pain by Beautifullfreak
For Him by IsabelleAngel


Death and the Maiden by demure101
A ballad from Demure. It strains over some forced rhymes, but clever word play in the last stanza saves the piece.

The Instrument by Svenskaflicka
Orchestral metaphors of love from Svenskaflicka.

Needing by Lola0714
A sweet first submission from a new Lit poet.

Black Coffee , White Moon by Ashesh9
Ashesh contrasts black coffee with the moon which can be seen when looking down.
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Quote:
Originally posted by LostBaby
My beloved is perfect. He is strong, smart, well read, can & will do anything, tender, and totally adores me. The only thing that could make him better is if he was freak'n wealthy beyond words.
On the floor of a small room near the city wall, they found the source of the many fragments of wisdom this civilization had left the world.http://bronzeageworks.blogspot.com/
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Old 01-31-2013, 02:25 PM   #3583
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So, here we are, the last day of the first month of 2013 and there are eight new poems for us today.

First is A Secret Place by, relatively new poet, Lola0741. It is an ode to open air masturbation and nicely done but the rhyming is shaky in places, it’s difficult to do well and this only misses by a sliver.

Then we have kokshur with blue-gray clouds , again the theme is self-pleasuring but this time indoors while a storm rages outside. I like the slow build and the way “outside” is used in the line breaks.

To My Past by Hyde86 is a sweet, sad little peace full of regrets about lost love. Nicely done.

Next SweetOblivion presents Flirting for Fun , a lighthearted piece that ends with a spanking. There are some nice internal rhymes.

Hugs to You by demure101 is a delightful little piece in sonnet form dedicated to “Karen B” who obviously put a spring in the poets walk and caused a goofy smile – as this poem did me.

Lucky Karen B get’s another sonnet from demure101 but I prefer the former to this one . It is less fluid and a bit forced in places, perhaps a re-write is in order?

Demure101’s last poem for today is No Place Like Home , a sad piece about disappointing married life, not quite bad enough to merit drastic action. “Making do” as so many have done – or do.

Lastly we have Morning dilemma by mr_sexybeast. It’s hard to get up on a cold morning with a woody but, after a long argument with himself – (spoiler alert!) - he does.

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Old 02-01-2013, 10:04 PM   #3584
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Friday Feb 1 - Recommendations

Today's number, poets, is 6. Can you spell that? S-I-X. Frankly with only SIX you should read them all, and comment. But here are my thoughts:

F-O-U-R of the 6 are non-erotic:

oneira gives us the brilliantly titled Snack Begets Vacancy which I found really clever. Read it more than once. Highly recommended.

HarryHill submits Elements. He gets immediate points for a new scrabble word for me: aether (love those alternate spellings). The Three (3) stanzas tie together nicely. Recommended .

mitchawa gives us Love I loved the first stanza of this poem, which drew me in. The rest of the poem is less strong, but there is potential here.

Angelscuck gives us Just Can't Stop Thinking Of. Nice idea, interesting layout, nice use of rhyme are the strong points in this one. Aside from the burping farting line..I liked this. Take a look and see what you think.

Now, if you swap out the I (or i, if you are of that ilk) in our original SIX and replace it with a joyous E for erotic, you get...Yes! That's right. Two of those:

ArjayEiff submits Tanka #27 which is a 5 (f-i-v-e) lined double spaced piece, so with the lines in between that makes 9. Normally I am not a fan of doublespaced poems, but I think it works here. This is nice. Recommended.

SusanJillParker submits My Valentines Day Gift which is a 6 (S-I-X) stanza saucy piece about a shirt with strategic ventilation. The rhyme is forced at times for me, but it's very cute and worth reading. Recommended.

[COLOR="rgb(72, 61, 139)"]Toodles, poets. I should be able to do the review at least next week - and after that Sweet Oblivion has offered to cover for me until I return. [/color]

-D
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Old 02-05-2013, 03:23 PM   #3585
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My Magic Fingered Masturbation Man by SusanJillParker
A delightful poem from a prolific Lit author and poet.

Ravage Me by elphaba69
This poem by Elphaba is similar to the piece by Susan, but serves as a prologue and ends in the imperative.

The Molloch Ballet by seannelson
This is some kind of allegory by the very prolific Lit author Seannelson. It has nice alliteration and clever word play, but the meaning is shrouded in arcane symbolism. I believe Molloch(in one spelling or another) refers to a pagan Old Testament God who demanded child sacrifice. This sets a bleak tone, but I prefer the straightforward.


We have two submissions by another very prolific Lit author.
hell yes by kokshur
A fast paced narrative, where feet are foreplay.

Chinese Fast Food by kokshur
A fantasy about feet while waiting in line for an order of toe main.

Raining on her Parade by SweetOblivion
A very nice piece from Sweet Oblivion. This is today's recommended read.
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Quote:
Originally posted by LostBaby
My beloved is perfect. He is strong, smart, well read, can & will do anything, tender, and totally adores me. The only thing that could make him better is if he was freak'n wealthy beyond words.
On the floor of a small room near the city wall, they found the source of the many fragments of wisdom this civilization had left the world.http://bronzeageworks.blogspot.com/
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Old 02-07-2013, 03:37 PM   #3586
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  1. A bumper crop of new poems today, nineteen in all.

  2. 1. You by Angelsuck is an ode to “that certain person” we all hope to meet.

  3. 2. Companionship by ncpete is an interesting slant on a happy ending just out of reach.

  4. 3. Lust and Love is the first piece by Thevirginwriter to appear in Lit. It focuses in the eternal yin and yang of the two “L”s. I have to say, if you choose to use archaic language as in the final two lines here be careful, “thee” should be “thou”.

  5. 4. Death is demure101’s view of our last moments, time heals, or at least, blurs the pain.

  6. 5. Nymphomania by DaturaBlossom who elegantly uses classical myths as her muse.

  7. 6. For my father by Marshmallow08 is sadly sweet. Finding the right things to say at the right moment – one of my recommendation for this week.

  8. 7. Erotic? by HarryHill is interesting, he’s written in a rhyming format which, for some reason, seldom works as erotica but this, erotic or not, works as a poem. I think “beacons” in the first line should be “beckons”.

  9. 8. Fine and Mellow by demure101 is a snapshot of a jazz singer, nicely done.

  10. 9. First time by the brave not_quite_sirius who, publicly and willingly, gives up his poetic cherry. The whole story in nine words.

  11. 10. Thirteen by Marshmallow08 is her second and, although powerful, not as affecting as her first today.

  12. 11. Code F23 by the busy Marshmallow08 had me baffled until I Googled the title.

  13. 12. one night stand by Marshmallow08 has her usual emotional jolt, she is able to put in words the agony of insecurity.

  14. 13. Icarus by M’mallow08 is interesting , couping the legend to a life experience, nicely done.

  15. 14. Glimmer on snow is M’mallow08’s final offering today and I love it. She evokes the heart-stopping moments and the sadness so well. Recommended.

  16. 15 -18. hands on hips , h o h , h o h and hands on hips 7 by kokshur are all erotic encounters and all are clipped and transparent but manage to convey the passion involved.

  17. 19. party girl again by kokshur , takes a right angled turn. The honed down style is still there but it’s less effective in this piece.
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Old 02-08-2013, 09:48 AM   #3587
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Friday's Poems

Covering for Desejo's absence, there are seven new poems so far today.

My favourite - Tanka#5 byArjayEiff has nicely, understated form.

Maya Dark Zero Suit by wolfcub99 is an interesting variant on tradition. Too much variance in the line length spoils the rhythm for me at times, particularly in the final couplet. The rhyme made me think of Old Possum's Practical Cats: pouncing Mayan pumas painted in jungle settings by Gauguin in this case.

I'm a bit ambivalent about the subject matter and the collapse of form towards the end of SilkStockingLover's Ambivalence. The first four stanzas set out the situation, but the long envoy doesn't really resolve any of the issues posed; and the final line is a bit of a damp squib.

The Brahmachari & the Cuckold is my preference of the two poems Ashesh9 has posted today. It combines traditional Indian love poetry with some endearingly modern slang.

I'm less keen on the posts by ShaineGabrielle and Robbin_Young, which don't say much to me apart from, respectively, rap requires rhyming words and unlit nights can lead lovelorn poets to stop writing; so will leave others to give their own reviews.

Sweet O.
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Old 02-12-2013, 05:14 PM   #3588
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Regrets...by demure101
An insightful meditation. This is today's must read.

Two nice winter descriptives from Demure.

Frost in the Suburbs by demure101
Winter Morning by demure101

Red Headed Women by mitchawa
A cute ode to redheads, but rhymes are pushed a bit hard.

Ashesh gives us two fun pieces today, which are always worth the read.
In the History ...... by Ashesh9
The Saint & the Magistrate by Ashesh9


Eating Well by HarryHill

A staccato rhyming piece from Harry.

We have two submissions by new Lit Poet AmusedMusings. The first is a sweet reverie about a soon to come strapping and the second is a cute Dr. Seuss style rhyme.
Belts by my bed by AmusedMusings
A Muse by AmusedMusings

On the Turnpike to Dallas by SarabethW
Sarabeth gives us a naughty limerick, which is fine, but I think every possible permutation of Alice, Dallas and phallus has already be tried.

Obedience by subclara
A loving narrative about the satisfaction of a job well done.

Fuck x 100 by erectus123
This piece gets the Tuesday WTF, Dude award.

caduceus in a box by Neonurotic
A very well stated warning about the hazards of living for someone else's goals.


Two pieces from new Lit poet TheMogul.
he kissed her by TheMogul40
This poem is about a kiss, which lacks passion. It falls into the trap of short lines and stark narrative. It's a very difficult technique and very seldom succeeds.
The Raindrops of a Queen by TheMogul40
This piece does much better. There is real substance in the imagery.

Pellucid Pet by SweetOblivion
I always give special consideration to poets who send me to the dictionary and discover it is not only a word, but also, it has been used cleverly.
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Quote:
Originally posted by LostBaby
My beloved is perfect. He is strong, smart, well read, can & will do anything, tender, and totally adores me. The only thing that could make him better is if he was freak'n wealthy beyond words.
On the floor of a small room near the city wall, they found the source of the many fragments of wisdom this civilization had left the world.http://bronzeageworks.blogspot.com/
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Old 02-14-2013, 10:39 AM   #3589
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetOblivion View Post
Maya Dark Zero Suit by wolfcub99 is an interesting variant on tradition. Too much variance in the line length spoils the rhythm for me at times, particularly in the final couplet. The rhyme made me think of Old Possum's Practical Cats: pouncing Mayan pumas painted in jungle settings by Gauguin in this case.
this one bothers me -a good sign, everything seems wrong; heavy end stop rhyme, basically rhyming couplets of varying lengths. However two variants in the rhyme break if up nicely...and in the lines

Maya is Eve and inquisition...
Which preys and plays....
Making design and desire mesh;

if nothing else wolfcub99 has a killer instinct

a second and a good one to comment on.
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Old 02-14-2013, 02:45 PM   #3590
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Ghosts by jenyes is first up. It begins promisingly enough but degenerates to something like a Wham lyric which is a shame after such an emotional ride.

Never Left That Bed by Heartnsole is in freeform and tells of one night of bliss.

Fuck me by AmusedFeelings is more light fare, amusing in an “appetizer” way.

A Hermit on Love and sex by erectus123 was way too long and not engaging enough to finish reading. It’s a pity, a waste of another promising idea.

It’s unfortunate that Is she Sub or Dom??!! by Ashesh9 fell into Thursday’s box because I’m not a fan of Asheh9 or much BDSM themed poetry, so two thumbs down from me in spite of 1201’s 5.

Don’t Forget the Pink! by TheBadPenny is doggerel using quite a clever idea with ice-cream flavours and preferences as a theme and analogy for sexual mores.

Finally, The Rub by SweetOblivion is my pick for today even though I didn’t like it but because of the humour, it won me over. I am doubtful about the use of “serendipitous”, not an easy word to include in poetry.
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Old 02-15-2013, 02:02 PM   #3591
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Continuing the cover for Desejo's absence, there are six new poems today.

SusanJillParker offers us Where's my lover's letters. A look at poems about abandonment might help this slight piece motor along more effectively.

A third of Hands on Hips 8, one of Kokshur's three, is a repetition of slippery and soapy. Why not try some synonyms, similes or metaphors around these terms to add variety: slippery - glassy, greasy, icy, lubricious, oily, perilous, skiddy, slippy smooth, unsafe, unstable, unsteady; and/or mix it with the other definition of slippery - crafty, cunning, devious, dishonest, duplicitous, evasive, false, foxy, shifty, sneaky, treacherous, tricky, two-faced, unpredictable, unreliable, untrustworthy?

The rhythm of the couplets of KuffsnKeys A Monster's Fight shifts unevenly. Try reading aloud before you post. Think about the strength of each syllable. Repetition does not necessarily make a verse more powerful in itself.

Lovesick by lovesick lacks adventure - you sense senses - surely there is better language to be had?
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Old 02-19-2013, 12:25 PM   #3592
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New Poems? try thinking. cum flies says it all

Two thinks (whoops, Freudian slip) Stand out:
A Winter's Tale
bySweetOblivion

which is not another bloody sonnet

and

A Foot Fetish Sonnet
byWillOtheWisp

which is

both show real evidence of craft, thought and that dreaded four letter word
WORK

and A foot fetish sonnet is funny to boot (pardon)


Now Ashesh9 has a thing called Even i don't dig ya !, which I assume is directed at me, if so, he is perhaps a little off, true me no likee spankee poetry, but I do like some of his work, it is different and that certainly is a plus. I am reminded of what my old guru once said.

"When you piss into the wind, your foot gets wet."
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Old 02-19-2013, 03:14 PM   #3593
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Five Haiku I by thecummingman

Okay, there are five of them and they are haiku. Just a small point. Poetic license and the constraints of syllable poetry accepted, no one gets dressed in a locker room and fails to notice their own erection.

A spanking by NaughtyboyKevin83

A narrative and plea from someone who apparently has not learned the lesson.

Strawberry in the winter by lonelyhousewife32
A nice meditation on a strawberry.

A Siren's Song by Quivering_Quill
This is a rhyming piece that starts out as four line couplets, but each succeeding stanza stretches the line until the meter is out of bounds. It starts out well, but the extended lines chase the rhymes. It leaves me wondering how a mermaid keeps her strap-on from slipping down to her tail fin.


My Lover's Hands by AmusedMusings
A sweet love narrative.
Oral fun (or is it aural fun?) by AmusedMusin
I like piece and everyone else should, too. It's not everyday we get that rare form, the erotic limerick quintet.

Come Monday by cavu182
Short lines and quick rhymes about a pleasant interruption.

Jumble of rhymes by freakyfreaky469
The title says it and it's true. The rhymes are jumbled, but this is the kind of enthusiastic love poem, which I enjoy and we all should encourage. It's worth the read.
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Quote:
Originally posted by LostBaby
My beloved is perfect. He is strong, smart, well read, can & will do anything, tender, and totally adores me. The only thing that could make him better is if he was freak'n wealthy beyond words.
On the floor of a small room near the city wall, they found the source of the many fragments of wisdom this civilization had left the world.http://bronzeageworks.blogspot.com/

Last edited by bronzeage : 02-20-2013 at 03:00 PM.
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Old 02-20-2013, 11:07 AM   #3594
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1201 , it was NOT directed @ you but some other of ur fellow commentators !
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Old 02-21-2013, 02:57 PM   #3595
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1201 , it was NOT directed @ you but some other of ur fellow commentators !
Safe from me this week

To the business in hand.... Memories by demure101 is my favourite of today. I don’t really understand the lines 9 and 10 ..”and all that will rest you / as a reminder is”….. but on the whole I loved this.

Hand-Me-Downs again by demure101 is quite lovely but (and you just knew there was a “but” coming) if the line breaks were to be discarded it turns into a nice little essay on accumulated positions. I wanted an analogy or metaphor to add some interest, so close to perfection. Pity.

Long Distant Love by Scrubber is much ado about very little. It begins promisingly enough but runs out of steam and imagination well before the final lines.

The Hallmark couplets in Dance with Me by Quivering_Quill suck out any emotion conveyed here. It’s obviously meant to be deeply affecting but the rhymes lighten it too much to be successful.

My heart sank when I saw this title – TheBJ , Scrubber ‘s second poem today is, as 1201 says, porn but really not bad as the average porn-poem goes in here. At least it has rhythm and actual rhyming although unimaginative.

One of the things I’ve noticed doing these weekly posts is the number of great ideas that are wasted, Cigar Smoke – A Ballad by erectus123 is one of those. It is not a ballad and is far too long and disorganized but the idea of a good stogy and reminiscence holds such promise but this cigar went out half way through.

With Medical Marijuana Blues , ktfa1 has created some blues. I am no expert in the subject of lyrics but this seems well done, reading it aloud as a poem, thought, didn’t do it for me.

kiss2 by kokshur is a poetic lesson in the art of, yes, kissing. The repetition and meandering form reminds the reader of lovers lingering over their kisses only to come back for more of the same.
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Old 02-22-2013, 03:15 PM   #3596
bflagsst
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"your brain cums in to mine" was the worst line of poetry on 2/22
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Old 02-22-2013, 04:02 PM   #3597
SweetOblivion
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Friday's Review

Quote:
Originally Posted by bflagsst View Post
"your brain cums in to mine" was the worst line of poetry on 2/22
There will be worse - don't you worry. However, continuing the cover for Desejo, there are six new poems today.

My favourite is Waiting for theThaw by Neunurotic - I love the images conveyed and the suppressed eroticism of the piece.

I also like Oneiria's meticulously short In the Umbra of the Eclipse which sent me scurrying to remind myself what roiling meant.

Harry Hill's E.S. Stanza #1 has a good beginning, but meanders, saying too little with too many words. It rather lost my interest with a horrid inverted "search they" half way through and a final misspelt 'success' leading to an unambitious 'soft falling on lips' ending; but Harry has appeal and should slog on in my view.

The rest need some considerable revising in my view - 'nuff said.
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Old 02-22-2013, 08:27 PM   #3598
Ashesh9
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T-2,
Touche
---A9
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Old 02-22-2013, 10:57 PM   #3599
twelveoone
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetOblivion View Post

My favourite is Waiting for theThaw by Neunurotic - I love the images conveyed and the suppressed eroticism of the piece.
very strong second on this. the writer is in charge, takes it to an unexpected place, but points along the way, similar to a detective story. thought out.
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Old 02-24-2013, 04:16 PM   #3600
HarryHill
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Recommending other poems:

Remembered this one as it rose once again to the surface of the threads. It's called
VENOMOUSsssss
by chipbutty (no halo)
You can find it in the thread: a few of mine, diversity and regrets included
post 607
If you read no other poem this week, read this one Recomended? Hell yeah.
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