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Old 12-15-2012, 06:33 AM   #6526
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Thank you, Desejo, for the mention of "Mona's Song" in NPR as well as your comment.

Thanks also to Angeline for her note about a suplus of pronouns, which prompted me to edit the first stanza.
 

Old 12-29-2012, 03:11 PM   #6527
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I find myself in arrears offering thanks to those who have commented on my poems this month.
..
Drunken Poets: http://literotica.com/p/drunken-poets
Thanks to Erectus123, Desejo, Ashesh9, Tazz317
..
Two Green Fairies: http://literotica.com/p/two-green-faries
Thanks to Erectus123, Tazz317
..
Snakhaiku: http://literotica.com/p/snakhaiku
Thanks to Tazz317, Ashesh9
..
Balance: http://literotica.com/p/balance-12
Thanks Erectus123
..
Revolution: http://literotica.com/p/revolution-2
Thanks to Cinner, Tazz317, Desejo
..
Three for Thee: http://literotica.com/p/three-for-thee
Thanks to Desejo, Njoyjade, Underyourspell, Ashesh9, Tazz317, MisterSade
..
In addition, I must thank Cinner who has been crawling my vaults and commenting. Happy holidays to you all.
Harry

Last edited by HarryHill : 12-29-2012 at 03:14 PM. Reason: Meeh!
 

Old 01-03-2013, 08:56 PM   #6528
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Much thanks to demure101, Angeline, H² and tazz for the comments on my poem today, "Impermeable". This poem is from the 5 Senses thread. The thread is such a wellspring of inspiration.

Ange, this is my 'it', so you're close on it feeling like an ocean:
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Old 01-26-2013, 09:50 PM   #6529
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Thank you for the recommend Desejo
 

Old 02-12-2013, 02:21 PM   #6530
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Thumbs up

Thank you tazz for commenting on my poem "caduceus in a box", not once but twice. Often your comments are a mystery, are fun to decipher but all are appreciated, especially the latest.
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Old 02-14-2013, 06:08 PM   #6531
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tristesse2 View Post
It’s unfortunate that Is she Sub or Dom??!! by Ashesh9 fell into Thursday’s box because I’m not a fan of Asheh9 or much BDSM themed poetry, so two thumbs down from me in spite of 1201’s 5.
well, tess i love you
give you credit for wading through the crap
but my "hey bongo butt" comment was hardly a rave
if i give less than a 5, I feel obligated to tell them why, frankly it's not worth it.
I think that may have been his tenth spanky poem.
As for Ash-9, I think I saw him in Mysore pounding away on a ass shaped tabla
"I shall now turn my pink tabla red", amazing trick, the Amazing Randi should look into it.

Anyway, hats off to the NPR people. A shame your commentary is often better than the "poetry".
 

Old 02-15-2013, 10:36 AM   #6532
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Bdsm makes for terrible poetry as it's a fetish. Writing a poem describing a fetish is going to make for a weak poem 9/10 tries.
 

Old 02-16-2013, 05:17 PM   #6533
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Originally Posted by SweetOblivion View Post

A third of Hands on Hips 8, one of Kokshur's three, is a repetition of slippery and soapy. Why not try some synonyms, similes or metaphors around these terms to add variety: slippery - glassy, greasy, icy, lubricious, oily, perilous, skiddy, slippy smooth, unsafe, unstable, unsteady; and/or mix it with the other definition of slippery - crafty, cunning, devious, dishonest, duplicitous, evasive, false, foxy, shifty, sneaky, treacherous, tricky, two-faced, unpredictable, unreliable, untrustworthy?
thou art the better man than i, o sweet 0.
My advice would have been, why don't you go jerk off in the corner, and shut the door. Nobody wants to see this shit. Problem is, maybe there are....
*shudder* and double *shudder*
allowing for the fact that we do all have to start somewhere, after that I feel an effort has to be made...
but then Kokshur is a Malaysian parasitic disease that can be acquired from pissing in contaminated rivers and he does show the classic symptoms.
 

Old 02-16-2013, 06:42 PM   #6534
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Bdsm makes for terrible poetry as it's a fetish. Writing a poem describing a fetish is going to make for a weak poem 9/10 tries.
Confusion about source material and execution...sst? One of the last from you under an alt was about a homicide most fowl. Of course the "Goose" could have been a metaphor.

Now I read the thread(what makes a poem good); one word "engagement", simple really.
Writer>poem<reader
reader finds something, he's engaged
moronic writer>moronic poem<moronic reader
it's a great poem. it all works out.
so it hinges on the reader, if the reader can't or won't see, their valuation will be poor regardless of whether there is something actually there. The converse is also true, sometimes the reader "sees" what isn't there.
 

Old 02-16-2013, 08:54 PM   #6535
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Quote:
Originally Posted by twelveoone View Post
well, tess i love you
give you credit for wading through the crap
but my "hey bongo butt" comment was hardly a rave
if i give less than a 5, I feel obligated to tell them why, frankly it's not worth it.
I think that may have been his tenth spanky poem.
As for Ash-9, I think I saw him in Mysore pounding away on a ass shaped tabla
"I shall now turn my pink tabla red", amazing trick, the Amazing Randi should look into it.

Anyway, hats off to the NPR people. A shame your commentary is often better than the "poetry".
I love you too but my vote option is off because 5, 4, 3, 2, don't mean a thing. 1 is the loneliest # and - in Lit - the most powerful. Comments rule, rewards risk complacency - why should a "poet" try to improve if the votes are up?
 

Old 02-17-2013, 12:11 PM   #6536
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tristesse2 View Post
I love you too but my vote option is off because 5, 4, 3, 2, don't mean a thing. 1 is the loneliest # and - in Lit - the most powerful. Comments rule, rewards risk complacency - why should a "poet" try to improve if the votes are up?
Poets can improve?
Erode or corrode, maybe dissolve like slugs in seawater,
but improve?
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Old 02-17-2013, 03:34 PM   #6537
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Originally Posted by twelveoone View Post
Confusion about source material and execution...sst? One of the last from you under an alt was about a homicide most fowl. Of course the "Goose" could have been a metaphor.

Now I read the thread(what makes a poem good); one word "engagement", simple really.
Writer>poem<reader
reader finds something, he's engaged
moronic writer>moronic poem<moronic reader
it's a great poem. it all works out.
so it hinges on the reader, if the reader can't or won't see, their valuation will be poor regardless of whether there is something actually there. The converse is also true, sometimes the reader "sees" what isn't there.
A well executed poem reveals its value in its physical/verbal resonance and then by way of its emotive resonance with a myriad of readers. The weighing machine(that which ways aesthetic excellence) won't move for a poem built on quality of structure and dearth of emotive material. The reason bdsm poems are good for a laugh isn't because many readers find the acts of bdsm unnerving. The reader of a fetish poem finds the lack of emotive material unnerving or just wholly uninteresting.
 

Old 02-18-2013, 06:11 PM   #6538
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A well executed poem reveals its value in its physical/verbal resonance and then by way of its emotive resonance with a myriad of readers. The weighing machine(that which ways aesthetic excellence) won't move for a poem built on quality of structure and dearth of emotive material. The reason bdsm poems are good for a laugh isn't because many readers find the acts of bdsm unnerving. The reader of a fetish poem finds the lack of emotive material unnerving or just wholly uninteresting.
you have three varibles
A well executed poem reveals its value in its physical/verbal resonance and then by way of its emotive resonance with a myriad of readers. Rod Mckuen, Al Ginsberg (later) spring to mind...
The weighing machine(that which ways aesthetic excellence) won't move for a poem built on quality of structure what?an individual or collective weighing machine, if collective, what comes to the forefront, and how much does that change
The reader of a fetish poem finds the lack of emotive material unnerving or just wholly uninteresting.
as an example, gay anal sex and garden poems generally are #1, and #2 ON MY DON'T WANT TO SEE list, however, I have seen poetry in both. So this reader separates the source from the execution, or at least tries too.
 

Old 02-18-2013, 06:37 PM   #6539
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I love you too but my vote option is off because 5, 4, 3, 2, don't mean a thing. 1 is the loneliest # and - in Lit - the most powerful. Comments rule, rewards risk complacency - why should a "poet" try to improve if the votes are up?
agree, but here the comments generally suck also, and that is why I've said fans can be your worst enemy

sometimes a WTF are you doing serves a wake up call, but only if the writer wants to improve anyway.

you know in the express yourself crowd 'WORK' is the only four letter word they shy away from.
 

Old 02-18-2013, 06:39 PM   #6540
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Poets can improve?
Erode or corrode, maybe dissolve like slugs in seawater,
but improve?
nah, I just get worse, but it is tough to dissolve me
 

Old 02-18-2013, 07:26 PM   #6541
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nah, I just get worse, but it is tough to dissolve me
Whisky is a universal solvent. Best make mine a double. No ice thanks.
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Old 02-19-2013, 12:37 PM   #6542
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I love you too but my vote option is off because 5, 4, 3, 2, don't mean a thing. 1 is the loneliest # and - in Lit - the most powerful. Comments rule, rewards risk complacency - why should a "poet" try to improve if the votes are up?
advice taken, writers are shaken
what only a four
and darkmaas make mine a double...

ah, never mind

cum flies
shakes head and leaves the floor (new poems)
 

Old 02-19-2013, 02:10 PM   #6543
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advice taken, writers are shaken
what only a four
and darkmaas make mine a double...

ah, never mind

cum flies
shakes head and leaves the floor (new poems)
mops the floor clean, leaves the light on and the door unlocked.
 

Old 02-20-2013, 07:39 AM   #6544
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Originally Posted by twelveoone View Post
you have three varibles
A well executed poem reveals its value in its physical/verbal resonance and then by way of its emotive resonance with a myriad of readers. Rod Mckuen, Al Ginsberg (later) spring to mind...
The weighing machine(that which ways aesthetic excellence) won't move for a poem built on quality of structure what?an individual or collective weighing machine, if collective, what comes to the forefront, and how much does that change
The reader of a fetish poem finds the lack of emotive material unnerving or just wholly uninteresting.
as an example, gay anal sex and garden poems generally are #1, and #2 ON MY DON'T WANT TO SEE list, however, I have seen poetry in both. So this reader separates the source from the execution, or at least tries too.
It can't be that a bdsm or any other fetish genre poem is laughable because the information or emotion contained only resonates with like-minded fetishists. These poems probably aren't close to doing that, where Vanilla Paul says poor poem and Sub Peter says fantastic.

A goose can empathize and identify with relationships and feelings outside of the gander. But a gander specific description, maybe an inside joke, likely won't set the hearts and minds racing outside of the gander; yet the nuanced bit can still be a quality piece for the many within the community.
 

Old 02-20-2013, 04:43 PM   #6545
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But a gander specific description
You want to be careful there - such a description feels like propaganda to me - as Mr Thurber remarked long ago.

Also - thank you for the kind comments twelve one and green mountaineer and quivering quill - I do try not to be one trick pony - even though I do love iambic pentameter to excess...
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Old 02-20-2013, 06:04 PM   #6546
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It can't be that a bdsm or any other fetish genre poem is laughable because the information or emotion contained only resonates with like-minded fetishists. These poems probably aren't close to doing that, where Vanilla Paul says poor poem and Sub Peter says fantastic.

A goose can empathize and identify with relationships and feelings outside of the gander. But a gander specific description, maybe an inside joke, likely won't set the hearts and minds racing outside of the gander; yet the nuanced bit can still be a quality piece for the many within the community.
Some of my stories are aimed at specific fetishes. Although the story might be reasonably written, it is unlikely to appeal to an audience that doesn't like that fetish. I have had adverse PCs and Feedback because of the subject matter, not whether the writing is good or bad.

If a poem is written for a specific audience, I don't think it is reasonable to judge it except on its effectiveness for that audience. While great poetry may have universal praise because it produces an effect that everyone can appreciate no matter what the subject, good poetry can be more limited. For example I find some eras of English poetry very difficult to enjoy because the mannerism of that period is far removed from my understanding.

Yet I can read and enjoy Chaucer in the original despite the problems of the language, because Chaucer's characters have modern parallels and his humanity is real.
 

Old 02-20-2013, 07:28 PM   #6547
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Thank you Ange, Harry, SweetOblivion, tazz and Ash for your comments on my three Illustrated Poems "Coffee Code", "hollow" and "Aer" that flooded the New Poems page.
 

Old 02-20-2013, 11:25 PM   #6548
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Somebody needs to clean out their mail box pronto.............
 

Old 02-21-2013, 10:50 AM   #6549
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- even though I do love iambic pentameter to excess...
fetishist
as i said, #47 on my don't want to see list....
I allow for accents...just kidding,
in your case specifically, what stands out is the use of enjambment and the more important words are the ones that end on a stop. That is a neat trick.
I do question whether the sonnet is the best box to put your material in.

and I am kind of busting bflaggest's chops

It can probably safely be said that anyone of us is quite capable of flooding the gates with bullshit doggeral that would be of a higher grade than I often see.


Clue, newbs, if it takes me longer to type it then it took me to think of it, it's probably bullshit and it needs work.

It can also safely be said that what you see is probably less than 20% of what we wrote or thought of writing.

Clue, newbs, two key words THOUGHT and EDIT (another filthy four letter word, you might to incorporate along with fuck/suck and lick/dick, true is has two syllables, but THOUGHT and WORK and work is an easy rhyme as in work/jerk.

One more thing, newbs, deep down inside we all think of each other as assholes and the other's choices, values, approaches, etc. are all fucked up, we just think you are a bigger asshole and more fucked up if you refuse to think, edit, work. etc.

That hardly constitutes a clique.

So, as happened in the past, if I recommend somebody it is NOT because they are my girlfriend or an asshole buddy of mine. I recommend them because they are better then you. How do I know this? Well that is the dirtiest secret around.
Poetry is work.

One more thing. If you don't read, don't write.

PS. Ash, I asked you to read the "Bite me" thread and comment on that Shakuntala thing, just so you know where I am coming from.
 

Old 02-22-2013, 03:42 PM   #6550
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"your brain cums in to mine" was the worst line of poetry on 2/22
Worst Line of the Day
something new bflagsst?
besides lines also have to taken in context, who knows what the writer is thinking there

Worst concept of the week was "cum flies"

editted to add, just found out that line

your brain cums in to mine

was a reference to that sci-fi porn classic

Invasion of the booty snappers

surprised you didn't see it as such

Last edited by twelveoone : 02-22-2013 at 03:49 PM.
 
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