Tortured Innuendo

[MattWolf]

and very tasty biscuits they were

[Rother]

There once was a man from Dundee,
who dipped biscuits right into his tea.
He lost all of his sense-
chose a biscuit too dense-
now it's sunk like a rock in the sea.

[albi7469]

Wondering if you are around and would like a chat?

[MattWolf]

Originally Posted by albi7469

Wondering if you are around and would like a chat?

You'll need to let me and the world know more about you first albi7469. At the moment you are just a number.

[MattWolf]

Originally Posted by Rother

There once was a man from Dundee,
who dipped biscuits right into his tea.
He lost all of his sense-
chose a biscuit too dense-
now it's sunk like a rock in the sea.

Very nice Rother...

How about...

There was a young lady who said "Why,
"The biscuit that most makes me sigh,
"Is a Viennese Finger,
"For the taste does linger,
"And makes me want almost to cry."

[Rother]

Originally Posted by MattWolf

Very nice Rother...

How about...

There was a young lady who said "Why,
"The biscuit that most makes me sigh,
"Is a Viennese Finger,
"For the taste does linger,
"And makes me want almost to cry."

I think that this is my favourite

[MattWolf]

Originally Posted by Rother

I think that this is my favourite

I've just remembered: a finger of fudge is just enough to give a boy a treat.... how can that not be rude!

[Rother]

Originally Posted by MattWolf

I've just remembered: a finger of fudge is just enough to give a boy a treat.... how can that not be rude!

I think the 80's may have been the superior sweet food innuendo decade.

[Noor]

Ride a cock-horse to Banbury Cross,
To see a fine lady upon a white horse;
Rings on her fingers and bells on her toes,
And she shall have music wherever she goes

[MattWolf]

Thinking of nursery rhymes, I was told that this one was rude and about two courtesans:

Lucy Locket lost her pocket,
Kitty Fisher found it;
Not a penny was there in it,
Only ribbon round it.

[Noor]

Originally Posted by MattWolf

Thinking of nursery rhymes, I was told that this one was rude and about two courtesans:

Lucy Locket lost her pocket,
Kitty Fisher found it;
Not a penny was there in it,
Only ribbon round it.

It does seem to be about two ladies of the night but I don't see the rudeness of it. I think a pocket at the time was one that you tie on.

[MattWolf]

Originally Posted by Noor

It does seem to be about two ladies of the night but I don't see the rudeness of it. I think a pocket at the time was one that you tie on.

I thought a pocket was a purse and that the, somewhat tortured, innuendo was that when it came to 'ladies of the night' their purses had a double mean for both where they kept their money and how they earned it.

Not saying this is true, but I suspect lots of old rhymes have multiple meanings.

[Noor]

Originally Posted by MattWolf

I thought a pocket was a purse and that the, somewhat tortured, innuendo was that when it came to 'ladies of the night' their purses had a double mean for both where they kept their money and how they earned it.

Not saying this is true, but I suspect lots of old rhymes have multiple meanings.

I thought a purse in old slang was a man's bits. Although it could have referred to a client who started with Lucy and moved to an unsuspecting Kitty and didn't pay?

[Bad_Old_Man]

I know I shouldn't listen to the voices in my head
But
They suggest the most interesting things

[MattWolf]

Originally Posted by Noor

I thought a purse in old slang was a man's bits. Although it could have referred to a client who started with Lucy and moved to an unsuspecting Kitty and didn't pay?

Think it works better for women's bit... from the urban dictionary
That chick has a nice purse
I finally got some purse from that girl last night

[MattWolf]

good morning world

[Noor]

Originally Posted by MattWolf

good morning world

Good Morning!

[MattWolf]

Of course the wonder of the world mean it is always good morning somewhere on Earth.

[Scheherazade73]

Originally Posted by MattWolf

Words are of course inadequate for the joys of sex, but sometimes they are fun as we stretch our similes and torture our innuendos in the desperate attempt to avoid saying cock or pussy or moan or glistening every other sentence when indulging in a little erotic emailing.

In actual fact it is amazing how enthralling textual sexual sentiment can be, developing a buzz of anticipation each time the inbox is opened or whenever the messenger is turned on… I’ll admit to getting a small boner – and yes, sometimes it is fun to be crude as well – simply by the possibility of there being something tasty to read or arousing to look at.

So I’m a man, 38, English. Slim, but not as skinny as I once was. Probably a little over educated but with a good sense of the silly.

I’m looking for women who’d like to play with words, especially during these long northern hemisphere nights when it is dark outside and we huddle around the warm glow of our laptop or ipads and look for warmth and stimulation. And not just words, pictures, dares and games can be fun too, but let’s get to know each other first, otherwise it is just binary sex and who wants to be just a number?

Surely not a SMALL boner? Surely, in fact, a very LARGE and urgent erection? I find the overeducated are often generously endowed...

[MattWolf]

Originally Posted by Scheherazade73

Surely not a SMALL boner? Surely, in fact, a very LARGE and urgent erection? I find the overeducated are often generously endowed...

Ok a LARGE boner...

And as to the relationship between overeducation and being generously endowed... an interesting one, I wonder if anybody has done any research in that area...?

[Scheherazade73]

Originally Posted by MattWolf

Ok a LARGE boner...

And as to the relationship between overeducation and being generously endowed... an interesting one, I wonder if anybody has done any research in that area...?

Someone should get right on that. If only I had time for research...

[MattWolf]

Originally Posted by Scheherazade73

Someone should get right on that. If only I had time for research...

Anybody with the time right now like to engage in some appropriately rigourous and sweaty research activities?

[Noor]

Originally Posted by MattWolf

Anybody with the time right now like to engage in some appropriately rigourous and sweaty research activities?

I might

[MattWolf]

Somebody told me I was scary and intimidating today. I'm not am I? I'm a pussy cat me.

[MattWolf]

currently a frisky tom cat, any slinky feline like to play?