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01-20-2013, 04:45 AM
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#1
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Literotica Guru
switchbitch is offline
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 2,520
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What form would you call this piece of poetry
Never me nevermore
always outside the door
the way is lost
a life is cost
lost all the way to my core.
A shadow busy painting others’ lives
replacing others’ drives
a rat on a wheel
so I don’t have to feel
clawing at bleeding hives
Me, I, heart shattered empty fool
tears streaming forming a caustic pool
working hard so others can’t see
that I no longer wish to be
responsibility my sole remaining rule
the tunnel has no light it just goes on
there is no end in sight I just go on
untouched , untouchable
undesired, undesirable
and yet I continue to go on
by Switchbitch
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01-20-2013, 02:06 PM
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#2
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Literotica Guru
darkmaas is offline
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: cyberia
Posts: 865
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I might call it a Truncated Hexaquintalet, but that would probably be wrong. Best ask Angeline or Tzara.
::
__________________
no subtext
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01-20-2013, 05:10 PM
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#3
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Literotica Guru
Neonurotic is offline
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Moab
Posts: 547
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darkmaas
I might call it a Truncated Hexaquintalet, but that would probably be wrong. Best ask Angeline or Tzara.
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Heeey, I was just going to say the same thing so it can't be wrong. Truncated Hexaquintalet it is, switchbitch!
p.s I agree about asking Angeline or Tzara's opinion.
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01-21-2013, 09:03 AM
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#4
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Literotica Guru
switchbitch is offline
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 2,520
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darkmaas
I might call it a Truncated Hexaquintalet, but that would probably be wrong. Best ask Angeline or Tzara.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neonurotic
Heeey, I was just going to say the same thing so it can't be wrong. Truncated Hexaquintalet it is, switchbitch!
p.s I agree about asking Angeline or Tzara's opinion.
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thankyou guys  |
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01-23-2013, 04:29 PM
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#5
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Gerund Whore
UnderYourSpell is offline
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 10,835
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goodness I hope she didn't believe you !
__________________
Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
Sestina slut
Annie submits
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01-23-2013, 09:18 PM
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#6
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On reflection.....
Tristesse2 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: where you'd like to be
Posts: 10,351
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderYourSpell
goodness I hope she didn't believe you !
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Would you please stay here for more than one post! You're sorely missed. |
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01-23-2013, 10:15 PM
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#7
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Literotica Guru
switchbitch is offline
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 2,520
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderYourSpell
goodness I hope she didn't believe you !
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LOL I kinda think its a limmerick  sans humour |
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01-23-2013, 10:29 PM
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#8
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Dandy
Tzara is offline
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 5,605
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Quote:
Originally Posted by switchbitch
LOL I kinda think its a limmerick sans humour |
The stanza form resembles the limerick, though a limerick has thematic requirements your poem does not (in my opinion) meet. The meter is irregular as well.
I wouldn't agonize over it.
You wrote a poem that basically conforms to a form, though not an established one. At least not one I'm aware of.
Doesn't matter, ultimately, unless you were trying to write a particular form, which you obviously weren't.
Welcome, anyway. Talk to us.
__________________
Not a drop of her blood was human,
But she was made like a soft sweet woman.
—Dante Gabriel Rossetti
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01-25-2013, 12:38 PM
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#9
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Gerund Whore
UnderYourSpell is offline
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 10,835
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tristesse2
Would you please stay here for more than one post! You're sorely missed.
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awwwwww bless you sweetie  I've been back before but for the most part got ignored so left again
__________________
Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
Sestina slut
Annie submits
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