The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and you get Sally going round the chimney pots.

I put in a London smog...

which does absolutely nothing good.
[I remember it. It resulted in the 'Clean Air' Act]


I put in a pile of smokeless fuel.

[Saxon_Hart]

You get five Rastafarians with a hookah....





I put in a small pocket watch.

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Saxon_Hart

You get five Rastafarians with a hookah....


I put in a small pocket watch.

but the pocket's far too small.



I put in a frozen pizza.

[Artina Heartflash]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

but the pocket's far too small.



I put in a frozen pizza.

and you get back a Tombstone which reads, "Too salty. Gone to meet Lot's wife."

I put in a rare, furry white lobster from the deep.

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Artina Heartflash

and you get back a Tombstone which reads, "Too salty. Gone to meet Lot's wife."

I put in a rare, furry white lobster from the deep.

Actually, it's type of giant squid and Big Mama is not happy, so comes looking for it.



I put in a fur coat.

[Saxon_Hart]

And you get a 60's throw back hippy chic who burned her razor along with her bra.


I put in some Nair.

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Saxon_Hart

And you get a 60's throw back hippy chic who burned her razor along with her bra.

I put in some Nair.

and there's no balm when she needs it.



I put in some astringent after-shave.

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

and there's no balm when she needs it.



I put in some astringent after-shave.

and the Captain tells the Bosun.

I put in an Old Spice Girl...

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and the Captain tells the Bosun.

I put in an Old Spice Girl...

But the sprightly, shapely blonde maiden is now a regular harridan.


I throw in a bottle of Channel

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

But the sprightly, shapely blonde maiden is now a regular harridan.


I throw in a bottle of Channel

and you get stuck in the Chunnel.

I put in a hovercraft...

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and you get stuck in the Chunnel.

I put in a hovercraft...

- but it sucks rather than blows.




I put in a laughing policemen

[Saxon_Hart]

But he shoots him self in the billy club..




I put in a five year old's artwork.

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Saxon_Hart

But he shoots him self in the billy club..


I put in a five year old's artwork.

And you get a Very Good Offer from the Tate Modern for it.



I put in the "modern art money" used to pay for it

[Saxon_Hart]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

And you get a Very Good Offer from the Tate Modern for it.



I put in the "modern art money" used to pay for it

You get Park Place and a community chest card.


I put in three red checkers and two white pawns.

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Saxon_Hart

You get Park Place and a community chest card.


I put in three red checkers and two white pawns.

and the Red Queen sits and sulks plotting someone's downfall.




I put in the ghost of Piers Gaveston.

[Saxon_Hart]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

and the Red Queen sits and sulks plotting someone's downfall.




I put in the ghost of Piers Gaveston.

And you get Piers Morgan's soul.


I put in an old top hat

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Saxon_Hart

And you get Piers Morgan's soul.


I put in an old top hat

but cannot find the white tie.


I put in the old tap shoes.

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

but cannot find the white tie.


I put in the old tap shoes.

and out pops Mr. Bojangles.

I put in a tapped keg of Mackeson's Stout...

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and out pops Mr. Bojangles.

I put in a tapped keg of Mackeson's Stout...

which, unfortunately, didn't travel very well, and is thus a bit limp.


I put in a tape measure

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

which, unfortunately, didn't travel very well, and is thus a bit limp.


I put in a tape measure

and you know just how long your tape is.

I put in an 8-track of Led Zeppelin...

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and you know just how long your tape is.

I put in an 8-track of Led Zeppelin...

but track 9 is missing.


I put in a 10.5 inch recording tape.

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

but track 9 is missing.


I put in a 10.5 inch recording tape.

and it doesn't set a record.

I put in a foot-long...

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Tio_Narratore

and it doesn't set a record.

I put in a foot-long...

which is slightly less that 11 inches.


I put in a frozen bread roll

[Tio_Narratore]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

which is slightly less that 11 inches.


I put in a frozen bread roll

and you get a pat of frozen butter.

I put in a warm scone...

[Saxon_Hart]

And you get crumbs on your clothes.


I put in a tea cup.