Domestic Servitude

[intothewoods]

Originally Posted by Netzach

Please tell me there is a submissive identified woman in the house who does NOT get off on it, has found herself incapable of eroticizing it, and hates every minute of it, or even, even...

just isn't that GOOD at it?


Something I have noticed about the Dominant men, though, is that those control freaks tend to throw less shit around the house. I envied their organized bachelor pads.

Um, if I were getting off on housework...well, it would be quite the day. I have become relatively good at it lately, but it has nothing to do with submission. I don't know what happened, but when pets and kids started outnumbering us, I had to take control. I am the control freak, and I am the one running the show. My alpha husband doesn't care about housework. He cares that his shit isn't fucked with too much, that he gets off and that the food tastes good. There are things he is a control freak about other than sex, but it's not a long list and housework isn't on it.

[intothewoods]

Originally Posted by Kim_Burly

While I like to think I am an Occam's razor kind of woman, the fact is I overthink pretty much everything. I think if the above were the answer I would love housework, and I don't, I hate it. But if cooking/cleaning/laundry pleases my man then I am happy because I have done it. I think that where I was begrudging and resentful towards my vanilla/wimpy husband and am more accomodating and respectful towards a dominant man it makes mundane chores more bearable. I can be OCD (duh, I know, right?) but pairing socks is fun, each one has it's mate. I'm sorry I'm so bad at expressing myself .

ETA: Is it bad to want to serve a man just to make him happy? It shouldn't be and I think that extreme side of feminism makes us feel guilty for thinking this way. I know some of my friends from college would kidnap me and take me somewhere to be deprogrammed if I told them of my submissive nature. I think I have the heart of a servant (not slave) and I am this way with my children too and I have to be careful so that I don't spoil them.

You are happy doing these things because it is part of your sex life right now. Trust me.

ETA -- sorry to have been blunt -- I realize you're not actually cumming after you clean a toilet. I'm just saying -- new relationship, lust, sex, and D/s, and he is happy when you do the housework. That's all part of the erotic package.

[Red Sonja]

It may be unique to my experience because it is a somewhat unique position to be in... if ddh needs something outside the norm specifically done, he tells me and I do it. If it doesn't get done, there's a pretty good reason because his needs are my priority.

Maybe because they are the priority, there's really no need to say, "Hey Sonja, you know what, I'm going to need clean underwear and socks tomorrow, and perhaps you should cook something". It goes without saying, and yes, while I don't enjoy the activity, I do enjoy his pleasure at having that done. In the same way when he wants to got to the local gun show/car show/boat show and I attend with him, I don't enjoy the activity but I do enjoy his pleasure.

It is definitely the same pleasure when he asks me to edit something he's written, or listen to his presentation before he gives it, or so and so forth. The domestic nature of chores is no more "hot" than those other things. As previously stated though, your mileage may vary and if it does... that's okay.

[Netzach]

Originally Posted by intothewoods

Um, if I were getting off on housework...well, it would be quite the day. I have become relatively good at it lately, but it has nothing to do with submission. I don't know what happened, but when pets and kids started outnumbering us, I had to take control. I am the control freak, and I am the one running the show. My alpha husband doesn't care about housework. He cares that his shit isn't fucked with too much, that he gets off and that the food tastes good. There are things he is a control freak about other than sex, but it's not a long list and housework isn't on it.

I get my non-cooking shit re-done or commented on whenever I do it. It's so much better when I just take out the garbage and back off.

I do have to nudge though, if I want it not to be clean-to-boy-ish-standards in some way. The bathroom has to be my province of clean.

I think whatever happens it's always going to "feel weird" for me now and then, to be the person who is served this way. This isn't something I'd struggle with if I had a penis. Housework may feel kind of verboten but with all the discussion of "new domesticity" believe me, saying "I'm not going to do it" remains almost impossibly taboo.

It's funny, I'm thinking back on times I've felt super submissive. Time is short, I've never been a live-in and never wanted to. I always enjoyed doing light butler-ish stuff (get him into his coat, make the reservations) and yet I don't think I'd be compatible with someone who wanted more than feather-duster cleaning from me because I'm the submissive. I'd feel sexually minimized or rejected in some way. Or more likely like I'm being set up to fail, because of how this went down with my family.

You can wave the banner of "well then you're not submissive" and I'll raise you a bit of a "duh" but still, it's interesting.

As a *friend* I'll roll up my sleeves and help you muck out a stable, though.

[welkin]

For me... If house chore is to be eroticized, then it should be part of sex play and we both would be turned on by it. But I've yet to hear a dom comment on how much it turns him or her on when the sub is cleaning the room or doing the laundry. They may enjoy it, but not in a sexual way, and to me that is not enough. My submissive side is so compartmentalized that I only really like to serve sexually...

[intothewoods]

Originally Posted by Netzach

I get my non-cooking shit re-done or commented on whenever I do it. It's so much better when I just take out the garbage and back off.

I do have to nudge though, if I want it not to be clean-to-boy-ish-standards in some way. The bathroom has to be my province of clean.

I think whatever happens it's always going to "feel weird" for me now and then, to be the person who is served this way. This isn't something I'd struggle with if I had a penis. Housework may feel kind of verboten but with all the discussion of "new domesticity" believe me, saying "I'm not going to do it" remains almost impossibly taboo.

It's funny, I'm thinking back on times I've felt super submissive. Time is short, I've never been a live-in and never wanted to. I always enjoyed doing light butler-ish stuff (get him into his coat, make the reservations) and yet I don't think I'd be compatible with someone who wanted more than feather-duster cleaning from me because I'm the submissive. I'd feel sexually minimized or rejected in some way. Or more likely like I'm being set up to fail, because of how this went down with my family.

You can wave the banner of "well then you're not submissive" and I'll raise you a bit of a "duh" but still, it's interesting.

As a *friend* I'll roll up my sleeves and help you muck out a stable, though.

I have stopped commenting. I actually thought he was being a dick by purposefully doing it wrong. Turns out I'm really detail oriented and he's going WTF I was being considerate!

I'm just calling it out that he and I don't really have some big D/s relationship outside of the bedroom. It more boils down to -- I'm a detail person but I get overwhelmed with the big picture. He's a big picture person but doesn't want to be bothered with the details. So he calls the big picture shots, and I get to control a lot of the details. Where there's overlap, I probably bend more, but maybe not. I'm not sure. Anyway, that's all right. Kinky sex still =s good times.

Oh, wait, if I'm not submissive then I guess that doesn't help your original question, lol. Or does in the bedroom still count? Ha.