Old 01-04-2013, 06:32 PM   #1
duckandbunny79
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Swingers Hotel

I've submitted parts 1 and 2, any tips on what you think so far or where I should take the story are most welcome.

Thanks

http://www.literotica.com/s/swingers-hotel-ch-01

http://www.literotica.com/s/swingers-hotel-ch-02
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Old 01-05-2013, 10:13 AM   #2
chocolatecookie3
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I suggest you get an editor to help with the grammar. It's a good story and good action, but it just feels like everything runs together and goes very quickly. More line breaks would help.
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Old 01-06-2013, 02:42 AM   #3
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Thanks Chocolate,

Quote:
Originally Posted by chocolatecookie3 View Post
I suggest you get an editor to help with the grammar. It's a good story and good action, but it just feels like everything runs together and goes very quickly. More line breaks would help.


I'll try to take it on board for the next chapter that I am going to write, my wife has agreed to writing chapter 3 as she really enjoyed the first 2 chapters. It's a tricky balance finding the pace of the story. I think the shortness is down to me not being particularly good at writing descriptive passages. ie things like the look of the hotel. The other issue is with people wandering around naked all the time, there is less of a chance to describe outfits and how they are removed. Hopefully this will be helped during the night scenes when people dress up a bit. It will give me some more detail to work with.

Thanks for taking the time to help me improve the next chapters.
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Old 01-08-2013, 05:58 PM   #4
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I really like the direction you are taking in the second chapter with the at first slightly hesitant or apprehensive wife now embracing the pleasures on offer and really taking control. It's very arousing while not heading in the cuckold direction that some stories take.

Looking forward to the next chapter.
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Old 01-08-2013, 07:05 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alwayslookingmf View Post
I really like the direction you are taking in the second chapter with the at first slightly hesitant or apprehensive wife now embracing the pleasures on offer and really taking control. It's very arousing while not heading in the cuckold direction that some stories take.

Looking forward to the next chapter.
Well the next direction maybe a little different, I'll let you know when it is posted as my wife is writing is so it may take a little more time. I have a few ideas for chapter 4 depending where the wife takes chapter 3.

There maybe some cuckolding going on later on, but at the moment that will be limited to other charaters. I've tried to think up a senario where the guy being cuckolded really gets what he wants but then has second thoughts but can't stop it. Sounds simple, but the senario has to have an element of realism. If a married couple really loved each other then if one wanted to back out I'm sure the other would not carry on. So I figure that they can't be in the same place as he would just ask for it to stop. So I've thought up a way around this with the help of another couple.

Anyway it is about group sex so sometimes we will be involved other times just reporting on what we see. When I told my wife, she really surprised me with some of the stuff she said she would like to do on this holiday, whilst we where fucking in bed, stuff I had not expected her to say, so who knows what will happen next.
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Old 01-11-2013, 10:37 AM   #6
Steel_n_Silk
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I am enjoying the story...
I agree it needs the touch of an editor, but the ideas are well done.
there were a few places that needed a little clarification but all in all it was a fun read.
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Old 01-12-2013, 03:31 PM   #7
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I do get a little over excited. So I may rush it along a little.

My wife is taking her time getting started, so I may write part 3 myself and just tell her to write her contribution as and when.
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Old 01-12-2013, 07:00 PM   #8
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You are doing fine.
Collaborating is hard, muses don't go at the same speed for everyone.
Be patient... I am sure we will all find it worth the wait
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Old 01-19-2013, 05:15 AM   #9
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The wifes point of view

Hi everyone, Bunny here, I've just submitted part 3 of the story so it should be available in a few days once moderated.

Mwah!
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Old 01-20-2013, 05:03 PM   #10
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I look forward to reading it!
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Old 01-27-2013, 03:14 AM   #11
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I'm afraid part 3 has been rejected, so Lis has done a re-write and we are looking to get it checked before we submit so a bit of a delay.
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Old 02-03-2013, 03:56 PM   #12
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My wifes contribution to the literotica world.

Hope you enjoy.


http://www.literotica.com/s/swingers-hotel-ch-03
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