Swinging suggestions

[markuslovesit69]

hi all, I'm new here. I would appreciate some advice on how to try out swinging parties. I've managed to get myself on a few dist lists for local parties in the Boston area and haven't yet built up the courage to attend one. I'm a pretty good looking guy and I have an active sex life, but something about this idea really gets me going.

I'm just worried that it's not what I expect and will be disappointed or I'll offend someone somehow if there is ettiquite I'm supposed to be paying attention to.

Has anyone here actually been to one of these parties? Are there any things I need to look for while choosing which one to attend as a way to make sure it's safe and healthy?

Thanks for any advice or personal stories that would be helpful in making this fantasy of mine as real and positive as possible.

Cheers,
M

[soflabbwlvr]

Originally Posted by markuslovesit69

hi all, I'm new here. I would appreciate some advice on how to try out swinging parties. I've managed to get myself on a few dist lists for local parties in the Boston area and haven't yet built up the courage to attend one. I'm a pretty good looking guy and I have an active sex life, but something about this idea really gets me going.

I'm just worried that it's not what I expect and will be disappointed or I'll offend someone somehow if there is ettiquite I'm supposed to be paying attention to.

Has anyone here actually been to one of these parties? Are there any things I need to look for while choosing which one to attend as a way to make sure it's safe and healthy?

Thanks for any advice or personal stories that would be helpful in making this fantasy of mine as real and positive as possible.

Cheers,
M

Your profile says that you are married and have a kinky wife, while your post talks only about you. So which is it? Are you going solo, or as a couple? It makes a huge difference.

[markuslovesit69]

Originally Posted by soflabbwlvr

Your profile says that you are married and have a kinky wife, while your post talks only about you. So which is it? Are you going solo, or as a couple? It makes a huge difference.

I haven't decided yet. I thought maybe I would check it out once to meet people and see if it's cool before inviting her.

[soflabbwlvr]

Originally Posted by markuslovesit69

I haven't decided yet. I thought maybe I would check it out once to meet people and see if it's cool before inviting her.

OK. Where to start? Let's start with the basics. Swinging is primarily a couples activity. Most couples are looking for other couples so that they can swap spouses and enjoy the thrill of extra-marital and group sex with their partners. Single females (especially bi) are always a welcome addition because, let's face it, who doesn't have the fantasy of an MFF threesome?

Single males operate on the periphery of the swinging lifestyle. There are couples who are into MFM threesomes, and for them a single male is just what the doctor ordered. However, for every couple seeking a single male, there are probably 500 single males offering to fill that position. Before even discussing single male etiquette, you have to understand that single males are a dime a dozen, and most of them are unwanted in the lifestyle. Why? Because swinging is primarily about couples.

Moving on. Perhaps the most reviled creature in the swinging lifestyle is the married male who wants to play alone. Every married couple has stories to tell about making a date with a couple only to show up and find the other wife missing because "something came up," she "didn't feel well," or the husband was "checking out the scene so he could report back to the wife." We have heard these lines dozens of times. Couples in the lifestyle welcome other couples who embark on the journey together. We despise cheaters. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but if you're found out, you will be ostracized.

The best thing you can do is take your kinky wife with you. Everyone will have a better time.

[TeaforMe]

Originally Posted by markuslovesit69

I haven't decided yet. I thought maybe I would check it out once to meet people and see if it's cool before inviting her.

How does she feel about you attending sex parties without her?

[NightL]

Originally Posted by soflabbwlvr

Your profile says that you are married and have a kinky wife, while your post talks only about you. So which is it? Are you going solo, or as a couple? It makes a huge difference.

Originally Posted by markuslovesit69

I haven't decided yet. I thought maybe I would check it out once to meet people and see if it's cool before inviting her.

Have you decided if you are actually married?

OK - moving on - next question - why, if you are married, do you believe this is a decision only for you to make?

So I take it, if the people are cool, you will then give permission for your wife to attend?

I suppose if you finally let her go along she will be able to see there are indeed choices she can make all for herself - of course providing that her attending is actually a choice you allow her to make.

[markuslovesit69]

Originally Posted by soflabbwlvr

OK. Where to start? Let's start with the basics. Swinging is primarily a couples activity. Most couples are looking for other couples so that they can swap spouses and enjoy the thrill of extra-marital and group sex with their partners. Single females (especially bi) are always a welcome addition because, let's face it, who doesn't have the fantasy of an MFF threesome?

Single males operate on the periphery of the swinging lifestyle. There are couples who are into MFM threesomes, and for them a single male is just what the doctor ordered. However, for every couple seeking a single male, there are probably 500 single males offering to fill that position. Before even discussing single male etiquette, you have to understand that single males are a dime a dozen, and most of them are unwanted in the lifestyle. Why? Because swinging is primarily about couples.

Moving on. Perhaps the most reviled creature in the swinging lifestyle is the married male who wants to play alone. Every married couple has stories to tell about making a date with a couple only to show up and find the other wife missing because "something came up," she "didn't feel well," or the husband was "checking out the scene so he could report back to the wife." We have heard these lines dozens of times. Couples in the lifestyle welcome other couples who embark on the journey together. We despise cheaters. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but if you're found out, you will be ostracized.

The best thing you can do is take your kinky wife with you. Everyone will have a better time.

thanks for the response. What you've said makes a lot of sense, and I'm definitely reconsidering my original feelings about it. Seems like a pretty fragile environment for people and I'd basically be a tourist, which I could see not being welcome.

[markuslovesit69]

Originally Posted by TeaforMe

How does she feel about you attending sex parties without her?

Haven't asked yet.

[markuslovesit69]

Originally Posted by NightL

Have you decided if you are actually married?

OK - moving on - next question - why, if you are married, do you believe this is a decision only for you to make?

So I take it, if the people are cool, you will then give permission for your wife to attend?

I suppose if you finally let her go along she will be able to see there are indeed choices she can make all for herself - of course providing that her attending is actually a choice you allow her to make.

There's a little aggression in your tone and I'm not sure why. This whole site seems to want to be welcoming, but I've seen several threads where people are kind of nasty to each other. I think it reveals some deep psych issues that make me wonder if the "openness" is more of a ruse.

Anyway- to answer your questions:

1) yes, I'm married
2) it's not a matter of permission, it's more of an informed invite. It's complicated. But I think it's interesting that "permission" entered the dialogue as though there is some power struggle being played out here. As I see it, I'm just a dude with a dirty mind and I find it interesting that I sometimes considering attending a swingers party. I'm not sure it's right for us though and I wouldn't want to say to her someday, "hey let's check this out" and not understand the scene at all. Hense my thought of attending first. You'll note that I did post the question here.


clearly the BEST thing to do is have a conversation about it, but I don't see anything wrong with asking a few questions on these boards.

[Eilan]

Originally Posted by markuslovesit69

There's a little aggression in your tone and I'm not sure why. This whole site seems to want to be welcoming, but I've seen several threads where people are kind of nasty to each other. I think it reveals some deep psych issues that make me wonder if the "openness" is more of a ruse.

People are usually pretty open-minded and welcoming here. That said, the people who post on the How-To forum don't, as a rule, condone cheating or behaviors that aren't consensual or may otherwise be harmful.

[Bramblethorn]

Originally Posted by markuslovesit69

There's a little aggression in your tone and I'm not sure why. This whole site seems to want to be welcoming, but I've seen several threads where people are kind of nasty to each other. I think it reveals some deep psych issues that make me wonder if the "openness" is more of a ruse.

Well, some people on the forums are just jerks.

But a lot of us get prickly because we're used to people coming on here looking for validation in doing sleazy things. Cheating on their partners at the drop of a hat, having sex with drunk people who can't give consent (aka 'rape'), using people for sex and then discarding them... basically, people who think their sexual urges are more important than consideration for other people. They come here expecting a supportive environment, and they get quite irate when they discover this isn't an ethics-free zone.

What's happening here is that people are trying to gauge whether you're one of Those Guys. You're married, but you're talking about going to a swingers' club alone, and you don't seem to be involving your wife in that decision until after it happens. That could be legit - maybe you and your wife have a relationship where you've both agreed to that level of independence, and if so, I have no beef with it. But as far as we know, it could also be a married guy who's looking for action behind his wife's back. For a lot of us that's unethical behaviour; I try to be polite to newbies, but sometimes it's more important to say "you are mistreating your partner and this isn't acceptable".

Hence the probing questions.

[markuslovesit69]

Originally Posted by Bramblethorn

Well, some people on the forums are just jerks.

But a lot of us get prickly because we're used to people coming on here looking for validation in doing sleazy things. Cheating on their partners at the drop of a hat, having sex with drunk people who can't give consent (aka 'rape'), using people for sex and then discarding them... basically, people who think their sexual urges are more important than consideration for other people. They come here expecting a supportive environment, and they get quite irate when they discover this isn't an ethics-free zone.

What's happening here is that people are trying to gauge whether you're one of Those Guys. You're married, but you're talking about going to a swingers' club alone, and you don't seem to be involving your wife in that decision until after it happens. That could be legit - maybe you and your wife have a relationship where you've both agreed to that level of independence, and if so, I have no beef with it. But as far as we know, it could also be a married guy who's looking for action behind his wife's back. For a lot of us that's unethical behaviour; I try to be polite to newbies, but sometimes it's more important to say "you are mistreating your partner and this isn't acceptable".

Hence the probing questions.

Thanks for the reply. Well put. I get it. And really, that's a good thing. It would be awful if this site turned into a place where people go seeking consent to do bad things to others. I respect that some of you have chosen to raise issues of morality.

I'd have a hard time reading someones rape fantasy without making sure it's just a fantasy not OK to realize.

From now on I will be more deliberate in how I post.

[Porkwarrior]

If you're looking to play as a "tourist", there are blogs & sites dedicated to couples that play in adult theatres. Not my cup of tea, but unlike lifestyle swingers they are more open to NSA fun with single guys in a group environment.


BTW -- It is even more fun to go to those places as a couple, even if it is only to play voyeur and gauge your comfort level "playing" together.

[bob53]

Since you are married I would suggest talking first that it has entered your mind and would it be something that the 2 of you could investigate further.
Being totally open that both of you would be looking into it together with no prejudgements or commitments to take any action beyond reading, talking, sharing ideas, etc.

Be honest that you are also not sure you can handle all the possibilities it could create BUT that you are willing to at least read to learn about it.

This way you are being a TOTALLY open book with her. Much more can be created from that point than sneaking around then springing it on her and she is then freaked out about EVERYTHING about your relationship.

Yes there is a LOT to learn and both of you have to be fully committed to each other with eyes wide open and total honesty. If you don't it WILL become a complete train wreck most likely.

[NightL]

Originally Posted by markuslovesit69

There's a little aggression in your tone and I'm not sure why.

Ya what?