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Old 01-04-2013, 10:19 PM   #1
BuckyDuckman
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Story Start - Could use some suggestions

Okay fellow story idea perverts - I had one idea for a story... but as soon as I started writing it, the characters took a hard left turn and left me sitting in front of my computer going, "Wow, no shit?!" I'm going to post the opening as I have it written and I'm open to any suggestions anyone cares to make about where it should go:

Giving was a problem for Karen Burke. She wasn’t sure why she felt the need to take in strays and do good deeds. It was something about the way she was made. She liked to give. She liked the way it made her feel. She appreciated the attention it gave her. Making someone else happy made her happy. But after Rick “The Dick” Satterfield, Karen swore she was going to change when it came to men. He had taken all she had to give and was never satisfied. For Rick, she had swung on a pole in a G-string and nothing more to earn the money he needed to pay back loan sharks threatening to break his legs. For Rick, she had squirmed and pressed against hundreds of strangers’ hard dicks during lap dances to earn the money he needed to stay safe. For Rick, she had brought home other dancers and pretended to have fun while the three of them would smoke and snort away the money she had earned. She would watch him fuck these other women and try to feel good because he was happy.

For Rick, she had taken out a title loan against her car to buy the boob job he swore she needed to start making “real” money at the strip. “You’re too skinny,” he had convinced her. “You don’t have any tits. The girls who make the money are the ones with tits. You’ve got to get yourself some.” Regina was the real name of the big titted blonde who living with them. Regina knew a doctor who did good work for cash. Karen was stone cold sober the morning she had arrived for the surgery. Too bad the doctor wasn’t. She smelled the alcohol on him as plainly as she had any of the businessmen, last-night-bachelors or good ol’ boys who had bought lap dances from her. She excused herself from room, grabbed her clothes and thought she was leaving Rick and Regina sitting in the waiting room as she left out the side door. Instead, she had stood in the parking lot wearing a hospital gown and holding her clothes and watched him driving away in her car. Crying, she had called him on her cell phone.

“Where are you going?” she asked as tears began pouring down her face. “The doctor’s drunk. I don’t want to do this. Come get me.”

“Oh baby, don’t be like that,” Rick said. “Just get it done.”

Rick’s words didn’t make sense. “Didn’t you hear me? The doctor’s drunk!” she shouted into her phone.

“No way.”

“Yes way,” she said, wondering what his problem was. “Come get me.”

“Sure thing. In a minute. I need to drop off Regina at work.”

“Fuck Regina. Come get me!”

“Yeah, in a minute,” Rick said.

Karen Burke had too soft of heart for a sob story. She had collected bad boys since her parents first allowed her date. Rick “The Dick” Satterfield had given her a new definition of what it meant to be a bad boy when he didn’t come back for her. This is the story of the baddest of boy Karen ever met...

-----------------------------

Clearly, Rick "The Dick" Satterfield was a prick... and she's going to be on the look-out for the next guy treating her wrong... so how bad can he be? (I'm betting, pretty damn bad!)

Thanks team!
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Old 01-05-2013, 03:54 AM   #2
sirhugs
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He's not Rick's drug dealer.
He's not the loan shark who Rick borrows from to pay the drug dealer.
He's the guy that finances the loan shark. And he wants to get paid.
His goons broke the loan shark's knees to make the point to Rick.
And Rick has no money, but he has Karen.

And the finance guy also funds a human trafficking business.
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Old 01-05-2013, 01:15 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sirhugs View Post
He's not Rick's drug dealer.
He's not the loan shark who Rick borrows from to pay the drug dealer.
He's the guy that finances the loan shark. And he wants to get paid.
His goons broke the loan shark's knees to make the point to Rick.
And Rick has no money, but he has Karen.

And the finance guy also funds a human trafficking business.
Holy crap, that's a dark path...

...tell me more
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Old 01-06-2013, 05:42 AM   #4
sirhugs
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LordMhoram View Post
Holy crap, that's a dark path...

...tell me more
So he gives them three choices:

~ she can become HIS private "dancer"
~ she can become a dancer at a club he controls
~ she can be shipped on the international circuit of human slaves that rotate among the sleazier strip joints of the world
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