Go Back   Literotica Discussion Board > Main Literotica Forums > BDSM Talk

Reply
 
Thread Tools

Old 11-12-2012, 08:10 AM   #2276
gypsy*seer
Barefoot sage
 
gypsy*seer's Avatar
 
gypsy*seer is offline
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Near the lakes, forest, & ocean, on a river by the bay....
Posts: 4,141
Quote:
Originally Posted by mitchell67 View Post
Nobody has ever gotten needs met by expecting the other partner to become a mindreader.
Gawd! This has become my theme song...you hit the nail on the head, mitchell.
__________________
"You were born with goodness & trust...you have wings. Learn to use them & fly." Rumi

“Blessed are the weird people, poets, misfits, writers, mystics, painters and troubadours for they teach us to see the world through different eyes.” -Jacob Nordby
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-12-2012, 08:53 PM   #2277
eastern sun
hungry little creature
 
eastern sun's Avatar
 
eastern sun is offline
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York
Posts: 2,672
Quote:
Originally Posted by mitchell67 View Post
Nobody has ever gotten needs met by expecting the other partner to become a mindreader.
That's true. But when you know someone really well, it's nice to wake up to a cup of coffee or a blow job just the way you like it.
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-12-2012, 09:32 PM   #2278
Stag of Oberon
confabulous
 
Stag of Oberon's Avatar
 
Stag of Oberon is offline
Join Date: Sep 2000
Posts: 2,529
Quote:
Originally Posted by Netzach View Post
I'm trying to decide how I would feel about a hire who was dancing to the tune of their spouse and I can't come up with anything good.

If it makes them happier I guess that's good but I sure the hell do NOT want to have ANY insight into that. If I'm writing a check, I'm putting a name on it for a reason.
when you write a check, you put two names on it. Payer & payee. The payee's dominant spouse is not on the check & not part of the agreement. I think that may be at the crux of this.

If the "payer" had wanted to subcontract someone to have their employee do it, they'd have done that in the first place, and the names on the check might be different.
__________________
"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so." ~ Mark Twain
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-12-2012, 10:09 PM   #2279
Red Sonja
Literotica Guru
 
Red Sonja's Avatar
 
Red Sonja is offline
Join Date: May 2005
Location: First Star on the Left and Straight on til morning... (J.M. Barrie-- Peter Pan) attribution is important. :)
Posts: 1,257
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastern sun View Post
That's true. But when you know someone really well, it's nice to wake up to a cup of coffee or a blow job just the way you like it.
That's definitely true... but then, aren't those needs already known because they were made known earlier?
__________________
And if the ocean turns to coffee, then bury me at sea.

+++++++++++

I've got a chip on my shoulder and a halo on my head,
I'm an angel with an attitude and my favorite color is red.

The Diddy Bop Sisters

Red Sonja
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-13-2012, 10:15 AM   #2280
eastern sun
hungry little creature
 
eastern sun's Avatar
 
eastern sun is offline
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York
Posts: 2,672
Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Sonja View Post
That's definitely true... but then, aren't those needs already known because they were made known earlier?
Yes. You're making me think of what a Chinese father once told me about his expectations of his son's academic performance . . .

Whenever his son makes a mistake on a test, he asks "did your teacher teach you this material?" (His son usually says, "yes.") "Then why didn't you know it?"

And that is the question, isn't it?

If we have been taught, shown, experienced, or told something . . . anything . . .

why don't we always know it in the time and place we need to know it?

I contemplated this for a few years, and could only conclude that my mental distractions are numerous and carry a force of their own. So I started meditating which helped . . . a lot.

With my increased work load, I stopped finding the time for regular meditation.
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-13-2012, 10:20 AM   #2281
eastern sun
hungry little creature
 
eastern sun's Avatar
 
eastern sun is offline
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York
Posts: 2,672
Yesterday, we discussed the possibility that my newly formed company should probably take a back seat to his company due to its relative (i.e. lack of) profit margin. I genuinely agreed.

So, in return for sexual reward, it seems I am willing to let go of my personal ambition.

It's a bit of a relief, to be honest.

Last edited by eastern sun : 11-13-2012 at 10:31 AM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-13-2012, 11:00 AM   #2282
ownedsubgal
lost little girl
 
ownedsubgal is offline
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Dee Cee-ish
Posts: 2,996
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastern sun View Post
Yesterday, we discussed the possibility that my newly formed company should probably take a back seat to his company due to its relative (i.e. lack of) profit margin. I genuinely agreed.

So, in return for sexual reward, it seems I am willing to let go of my personal ambition.
sexual reward?
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-13-2012, 01:08 PM   #2283
Netzach
>semiotics?
 
Netzach's Avatar
 
Netzach is offline
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 21,377
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastern sun View Post
Yesterday, we discussed the possibility that my newly formed company should probably take a back seat to his company due to its relative (i.e. lack of) profit margin. I genuinely agreed.

So, in return for sexual reward, it seems I am willing to let go of my personal ambition.

It's a bit of a relief, to be honest.
No real comment on your sitch, just resonated funny with me:

I have become a creature Ayn Rand would be proud of, while still deriving creative pleasure from my work - I constantly get in trouble when my ego gets in the way, and smarter when I go back to the question of $$$. I'll scope out some competition's voice sample, and then I'm left in the dumps - she sounds like Ann Bancroft and I sound like...Sarah Vowell! And then I get stuck in a giant morass of trying to deliver my least hypnonasal performance...losing money and sanity for days. DAYS. Turning into a creature I don't like very well staring at waveforms and reading the same thing over and over and over.

when truly...truly...not one client of mine gives a flying fuck.

Whenever I go wandering off into the forest of cost inefficiency, it's a dumb ego mistake.
__________________
If I had my way we'd sleep every night all wrapped around each other like hibernating rattlesnakes.

― William S. Burroughs

Last edited by Netzach : 11-13-2012 at 01:13 PM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-13-2012, 01:13 PM   #2284
intothewoods
Truth seeker
 
intothewoods's Avatar
 
intothewoods is offline
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 10,950
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastern sun View Post
Yesterday, we discussed the possibility that my newly formed company should probably take a back seat to his company due to its relative (i.e. lack of) profit margin. I genuinely agreed.

So, in return for sexual reward, it seems I am willing to let go of my personal ambition.

It's a bit of a relief, to be honest.
How are things for you guys post-hurricane? I should have asked earlier. I guess sometimes I forget my Lit friends exist in the real world. Seriously, though, hope you all are hanging in there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Netzach View Post
No real comment on your sitch, just resonated funny with me:

I have become a creature Ayn Rand would be proud of, while still deriving creative pleasure from my work - I constantly get in trouble when my ego gets in the way, and smarter when I go back to the question of $$$. I'll scope out some competition's voice sample, and then I'm left in the dumps - she sounds like Ann Bancroft and I sound like...Sarah Vowell! And then I get stuck in a giant morass of trying to deliver my least hypnonasal performance...

when truly...truly...not one client of mine gives a flying fuck.

Whenever I go wandering off into the forest of cost inefficiency, it's a dumb ego mistake.
Off topic but I've always wished I sounded like Sarah Vowell. I feel like some of these This American Life voices were made in a factory! They're just so perfectly unique and "off" in the best way.
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-13-2012, 02:03 PM   #2285
IrisAlthea
Literotica Guru
 
IrisAlthea's Avatar
 
IrisAlthea is offline
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,374
Quote:
Originally Posted by Netzach View Post

Whenever I go wandering off into the forest of cost inefficiency, it's a dumb ego mistake.
I wish I could honestly say that I have no idea what you're talking about here.
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-13-2012, 06:48 PM   #2286
Netzach
>semiotics?
 
Netzach's Avatar
 
Netzach is offline
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 21,377
Quote:
Originally Posted by IrisAlthea View Post
I wish I could honestly say that I have no idea what you're talking about here.
It's about making stuff to make money and its pitfalls. Sometimes when you're making some kind of creative output it's for the love of the idea. Sometimes it's about profit, without making something horrible. But when you're making something and you are working very very very hard...then sometimes examining your own motives yields answers that aren't necessarily flattering either - like wanting to stroke your ego, be validated by praise from other people, feel like you're sexy....in a way sometimes money is a pure motivation, and sometimes when the cost/benefit ratios are off you have a kind of "duh" moment of enlightenment.
__________________
If I had my way we'd sleep every night all wrapped around each other like hibernating rattlesnakes.

― William S. Burroughs
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-13-2012, 10:41 PM   #2287
eastern sun
hungry little creature
 
eastern sun's Avatar
 
eastern sun is offline
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York
Posts: 2,672
Quote:
Originally Posted by ownedsubgal View Post
sexual reward?
Yes, there are times when I feel sexual pleasure in slavery, which then serves as a reward for certain behaviors. I don't always feel pleasure, and a lack of pleasure is woven into my slavery too. It creates a reward/punishment system that has proven to be a very effective means of changing my behavior.
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-13-2012, 10:49 PM   #2288
eastern sun
hungry little creature
 
eastern sun's Avatar
 
eastern sun is offline
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York
Posts: 2,672
Quote:
Originally Posted by Netzach View Post
No real comment on your sitch, just resonated funny with me:

I have become a creature Ayn Rand would be proud of, while still deriving creative pleasure from my work - I constantly get in trouble when my ego gets in the way, and smarter when I go back to the question of $$$. I'll scope out some competition's voice sample, and then I'm left in the dumps - she sounds like Ann Bancroft and I sound like...Sarah Vowell! And then I get stuck in a giant morass of trying to deliver my least hypnonasal performance...losing money and sanity for days. DAYS. Turning into a creature I don't like very well staring at waveforms and reading the same thing over and over and over.

when truly...truly...not one client of mine gives a flying fuck.

Whenever I go wandering off into the forest of cost inefficiency, it's a dumb ego mistake.
Yeah, it's easy to lose track of what's important when the ego gets involved - especially in those moments when I'm comparing myself to someone else. No matter which way I go - up or down - I'm always on the wrong track.

(I've seen those waveforms, too. I've tried to record myself singing with myself. What an exercise in self-loathing/self-love that can become!)

Raised by hippies, I am so anti-money I don't know how to reasonably engage with it. I operate on 0 balances, and then volunteer my time. This is the behavior he hopes to change.
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-13-2012, 11:00 PM   #2289
eastern sun
hungry little creature
 
eastern sun's Avatar
 
eastern sun is offline
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York
Posts: 2,672
Quote:
Originally Posted by Netzach View Post
But when you're making something and you are working very very very hard...then sometimes examining your own motives yields answers that aren't necessarily flattering either - like wanting to stroke your ego, be validated by praise from other people, feel like you're sexy....in a way sometimes money is a pure motivation, and sometimes when the cost/benefit ratios are off you have a kind of "duh" moment of enlightenment.


(I sometimes go back and re-read this thread, and I can't tell you the number of times I have noticed how brilliant you are - hitting the nail right on the head - and then watched as I walked determinedly in the other direction. Though I am not always able to look in the direction you're pointing, cause I'm just uncomfortable with what I think I'll see, I have been able to look back later.

I just wanted to tell you that. Cause I'm going to walk in the other direction now...)
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-13-2012, 11:01 PM   #2290
eastern sun
hungry little creature
 
eastern sun's Avatar
 
eastern sun is offline
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York
Posts: 2,672
He corrects me. "You looooooove money."
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-13-2012, 11:12 PM   #2291
eastern sun
hungry little creature
 
eastern sun's Avatar
 
eastern sun is offline
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York
Posts: 2,672
Quote:
Originally Posted by intothewoods View Post
How are things for you guys post-hurricane?
We're ok, though one of our schools down in lower Manhattan has not been deemed safe to enter yet. An underground parking garage across the street filled with water and the cars just started floating to the surface. No one knows what impact the water, the fuel and the bobbing cars had on the foundation of the skyscraper above it.

The whole city is exhausted and on edge, facing circumstances they haven't known before. For most of us, not much has really changed; and it's hard to justify these feelings. But everyone I know is re-examining their priorities.
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-13-2012, 11:25 PM   #2292
intothewoods
Truth seeker
 
intothewoods's Avatar
 
intothewoods is offline
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 10,950
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastern sun View Post
We're ok, though one of our schools down in lower Manhattan has not been deemed safe to enter yet. An underground parking garage across the street filled with water and the cars just started floating to the surface. No one knows what impact the water, the fuel and the bobbing cars had on the foundation of the skyscraper above it.

The whole city is exhausted and on edge, facing circumstances they haven't known before. For most of us, not much has really changed; and it's hard to justify these feelings. But everyone I know is re-examining their priorities.
That city has really been shit on.
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-14-2012, 05:56 AM   #2293
eastern sun
hungry little creature
 
eastern sun's Avatar
 
eastern sun is offline
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York
Posts: 2,672
Quote:
Originally Posted by intothewoods View Post
That city has really been shit on.
That is one thing I haven't seen, though. No one is feeling sorry for themselves. Some people are angry, pointing to long-standing inequities in resource distribution; but I haven't met anyone who feels like the city got the raw end of the deal.

(A political rant - I've heard that our Senator, Chuck Schumer, held up the release of a post-Katrina FEMA report analyzing the potential impact of flooding in major cities across the nation. It was completed and ready for public release about five years ago. I'm wondering why he didn't release it - given the huge surge in waterfront development - and whether or not coastal communities in NYC would have taken the storm more seriously and/or been better prepared if the report had been made public.)
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-14-2012, 02:36 PM   #2294
IrisAlthea
Literotica Guru
 
IrisAlthea's Avatar
 
IrisAlthea is offline
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,374
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastern sun View Post


(I sometimes go back and re-read this thread, and I can't tell you the number of times I have noticed how brilliant you are - hitting the nail right on the head - and then watched as I walked determinedly in the other direction. Though I am not always able to look in the direction you're pointing, cause I'm just uncomfortable with what I think I'll see, I have been able to look back later.

I just wanted to tell you that. Cause I'm going to walk in the other direction now...)
Yes, like I said: It would be rally nice to not know what she's talking about.
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-14-2012, 06:57 PM   #2295
Netzach
>semiotics?
 
Netzach's Avatar
 
Netzach is offline
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 21,377
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastern sun View Post


(I sometimes go back and re-read this thread, and I can't tell you the number of times I have noticed how brilliant you are - hitting the nail right on the head - and then watched as I walked determinedly in the other direction. Though I am not always able to look in the direction you're pointing, cause I'm just uncomfortable with what I think I'll see, I have been able to look back later.

I just wanted to tell you that. Cause I'm going to walk in the other direction now...)
Oh, I keep going that way too. I'm parroting stuff said to me by a very smart lady who uses content photos, keeps her life simple and her bills paid better than I do. I'm trying to listen more to her.
__________________
If I had my way we'd sleep every night all wrapped around each other like hibernating rattlesnakes.

― William S. Burroughs
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-14-2012, 08:20 PM   #2296
Bandit58
Sir's wonder woman
 
Bandit58's Avatar
 
Bandit58 is offline
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: in Gil_T2's heart
Posts: 8,115
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastern sun View Post
On Sunday morning, he reintroduced proactive service as the ultimate goal.
"You need to be able to do what is required without being told to."

Proactive service without obedience is meaningless.
But obedience without proactive service is tiresome.

He wants to be pleasantly surprised.
My service is always proactive. It has to be, due to Sir's health and the treatments which need to be done regardless of how either he or I feel.

It's not always that either - I make sure our bills are paid on time, that He always has a good supply of meds, I go do the grocery shopping when we start to run out of stuff. I remind Him of appointments, call the ambulance if it's needed...lol if I waited for Him to tell me, He would have been dead several times over

Sir has deliberately encouraged me to be more proactive. Early in our relationship, I would always ask what He would like me to do, now I just do it
__________________
My Blurt and Vent Thread

Happily collared and married to my Master Gil_T2 on 9 December 2006

"D/s is how we express that we love each other, BDSM is how we make love with each other." from desertslave


I'm still hot...it just comes in flashes now!

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life!

The power of submission lies not in the ability to kneel before another, to give over one's body or in the wearing of a collar.
The power of submission can be found only in the heart of one who gives her love to another freely knowing what joy and pain will come of it - Roguer


  Reply With Quote

Old 12-17-2012, 08:17 AM   #2297
eastern sun
hungry little creature
 
eastern sun's Avatar
 
eastern sun is offline
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York
Posts: 2,672
I am still a disappointing slave, far more likely to protect my own interests than promote his. And the fundamental problem is always doubt.

I begin to doubt that this choice is healthy, wholesome. I begin to doubt the source of his intentions, the source of our intentions. I begin to think that he will destroy me and/or the things I cherish and that it is my responsibility to make sure I am not destroyed.

And that doubt turns the sweet honey of service and devotion into hot molten lead which - when cooled - transforms my normally flexible nature into a rigid, insensitive, and potentially toxic "shield."
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-17-2012, 08:29 AM   #2298
eastern sun
hungry little creature
 
eastern sun's Avatar
 
eastern sun is offline
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York
Posts: 2,672
Doubt, a status between belief and disbelief, involves uncertainty or distrust or lack of sureness of an alleged fact, an action, a motive, or a decision. Doubt brings into question some notion of a perceived "reality", and may involve delaying or rejecting relevant action out of concerns for mistakes or faults or appropriateness. Some definitions of doubt emphasize the state in which the mind remains suspended between two contradictory propositions and unable to assent to either of them.

The concept of doubt covers a range of phenomena: one can characterise both deliberate questioning of uncertainties and an emotional state of indecision as "doubt."

- from Wikipedia

If doubt stands at the fork between belief and disbelief, is it just a matter of "choosing" to trust? Is it necessary - as doubting Thomas did - to use empirical tests to verify your choice? How do you know when doubt is just the mask your fear is wearing? When do fear and doubt have merit?
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-17-2012, 10:07 AM   #2299
sweepthefloor
biting my oral cheek
 
sweepthefloor's Avatar
 
sweepthefloor is offline
Join Date: May 2010
Location: In a fucked novel
Posts: 10,087
I don’t know but usually when I am doubting, it’s for a reason that is not clear to me yet. This is because my belly knows the answer before my heart, or mind can comprehend.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-17-2012, 11:22 AM   #2300
Netzach
>semiotics?
 
Netzach's Avatar
 
Netzach is offline
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 21,377
Golden words from my professor.

"Other people work from success to success. You're at your best when you work from doubt to doubt."
__________________
If I had my way we'd sleep every night all wrapped around each other like hibernating rattlesnakes.

― William S. Burroughs
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:49 AM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.