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Old 12-13-2012, 02:06 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by pmann View Post
That's not entirely fair though. I mean, there are certain things my wife wants done that she would never do to me or to anyone else. And vice versa. My wife would take it up the arse (on the rarest of occasions), but would be weirded out if I asked her to do that to me. It's not necessarily tit for tat. Or tit for ass.
It doesn't have to be tit for tat, but if one expects things from their partner, then they'd better be willing to grant similar requests.
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Old 12-13-2012, 02:06 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by NippleMuncher View Post
*snip*

Big difference, no? Hence the reason for the snippy comments by more than one responder.
It is a big difference and I completely understand what you're saying.

I think that a lot of the more prolific posters here are well educated, with a good firm grasp on what it takes to effectively communicate with others - yourself for instance. I think that you (we?) are a minority though. The op (or any other random user that has been unfortunate enough to invoke the ire of lit elite) may simply be guilty of choosing his words poorly? The english language doesn't come easily to a majority of it's native speakers, much less those that come to it as a second language - something we have no way of knowing unless someone asks or that information is given in the op.

I'm not really trying to convince anyone of anything here, nor am I trying to be the forum police. We're all free to post whatever the hell we want as long as we're following the forum rules. I'm just making the observation that I often see this kind of thing happening, and I have to wonder how many good, insightful people have been scared away by this kind of behavior. This is a good place by my estimation, with good people. You just wouldn't always know it to read some of the threads that I've read.
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Old 12-13-2012, 02:08 PM   #28
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In case some of you did not catch the part about the alcohol, the OP said a LOT of alcohol. Now if that does not sound like an attempt to incapacitate someone and impose thier will, what does? We are not talking about a soothing glass or two of wine to set the mood. A LOT of alcohol implies something more to me.
My gut reaction is to revile such ideas, but I'm not entirely convinced that that is what the OP is trying to suggest. Just playing devil's advocate here, but he did suggest that alcohol, plus some erotic reading might put her in the mood to try something different. Not that my opinion really matters, but I'd apply the principal of charity in this case. A "lot" of alcohol is a subjective term, but my impression is that the poster was using a bit of a hyperbole... If the poster felt that rohypnol was a viable solution, I doubt he'd be on the forum asking for advice on how to introduce a partner to a new experience.
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Old 12-13-2012, 02:11 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by monkeyman057 View Post
I think that a lot of the more prolific posters here are well educated, with a good firm grasp on what it takes to effectively communicate with others - yourself for instance. I think that you (we?) are a minority though. The op (or any other random user that has been unfortunate enough to invoke the ire of lit elite) may simply be guilty of choosing his words poorly? The english language doesn't come easily to a majority of it's native speakers, much less those that come to it as a second language - something we have no way of knowing unless someone asks or that information is given in the op.
Agreed, but there's still a big difference in the energy behind how the question is phrased, whether the OP is literate or not. I have seen just the type of question/posts that you speak of, and just like my examples a moment ago, you can tell when someone is merely incapable of clearly communicating their question and when it's an asshat who is also illiterate, the latter also tends to be the general definition of a troll who's only here for the wank factor, not to receive responses to anything.
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Old 12-13-2012, 02:12 PM   #30
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My gut reaction is to revile such ideas, but I'm not entirely convinced that that is what the OP is trying to suggest. Just playing devil's advocate here, but he did suggest that alcohol, plus some erotic reading might put her in the mood to try something different. Not that my opinion really matters, but I'd apply the principal of charity in this case. A "lot" of alcohol is a subjective term, but my impression is that the poster was using a bit of a hyperbole... If the poster felt that rohypnol was a viable solution, I doubt he'd be on the forum asking for advice on how to introduce a partner to a new experience.
Yeah, that's kind of my feeling on it. And my opinion doesn't matter much either, but it's kinda cool that people will read it anyway, don'tcha think?
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Old 12-13-2012, 02:18 PM   #31
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Finally. A girl who gets it. That's harder to find than an anchor in a hummingbird's arse.
Ok just what do you have against hummingbirds? They are sooo adorable. I am going to have to keep an eye on you mister.
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Old 12-13-2012, 02:23 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by NippleMuncher View Post
Agreed, but there's still a big difference in the energy behind how the question is phrased, whether the OP is literate or not. I have seen just the type of question/posts that you speak of, and just like my examples a moment ago, you can tell when someone is merely incapable of clearly communicating their question and when it's an asshat who is also illiterate, the latter also tends to be the general definition of a troll who's only here for the wank factor, not to receive responses to anything.
But to folks that don't frequent the boards, it's very difficult to spot the difference. That's kinda my point. Not that we should all be nice to the op because we're giving him the benefit of the doubt (though I would hope that that would be the default), but rather how does it look to the new guy or gal that's just checking out the forums?

I get what you're saying - and I understand the reaction that this post recieved. I just think that it's unfortunate to see it happen so often. It sets a particular tone that rings sour to me almost every time I hear it. I keep thinking to myself... if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I'm certainly guilty of throwing the occasional verbal jab, but I hope that for me it's the exception and not the rule.
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Old 12-13-2012, 02:36 PM   #33
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But to folks that don't frequent the boards, it's very difficult to spot the difference.
I blame it all on pmann, it's usually his fault!
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Old 12-13-2012, 02:36 PM   #34
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Ok just what do you have against hummingbirds? They are sooo adorable. I am going to have to keep an eye on you mister.
They just have tiny arseholes. And for that reason, I find it interesting to imagine pulling large things from them.

But my no stretch of the imagination do I condone getting a hummingbird drunk and filling its arsehole with anything.
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Old 12-13-2012, 02:38 PM   #35
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I blame it all on pmann, it's usually his fault!
Oh, so easy to blame on me. Almost as easy as pulling a nutria out of NM's arse.
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Old 12-13-2012, 03:32 PM   #36
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Your wife sounds just like my wife. She's fun, spontaneous, and can be an adventurous little kitten in the bedroom. She also wants little to do with, and doesn't care much for people either. They could be sisters.

Which brings me to my dilemma. I think she would love being in a gangbang. She says no way Jose, and objects to the bukkake videos (she calls them butt-cake videos - I told you she was fun!) I play for her. But I just know she'll love it.
I'm thinking of surprising her this weekend. Have her try a little everclear to loosen the panties, and when she's all slurry and googly-eyed, invite a couple blokes over, pop in a face-paste video, and pull a train on her.

I just know she'll thank me after. She'll be so happy I didn't listen to a single word she said, or give two shits about what she might be saying.

I don't have to tell you racer6X, bitches is crazy and don't know what they want!
Sincerely the best answer I've seen a awhile. Think he GETS it? When I was looking thru the index yesterday, I saw this title and thought "oh Jesus Christ.. ANOTHER?" And I apologize, I don't mean to offend anyone with the blasphemy ...
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Old 12-13-2012, 04:20 PM   #37
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A "lot" of alcohol is a subjective term, but my impression is that the poster was using a bit of a hyperbole...
Quite possibly, and if that's the case, then maybe he's getting treated more harshly than his intentions deserve.

But against that, there's the possibility that he's one of the MANY guys out there who really do think getting a woman drunk and pressuring her into unwanted sex is an acceptable way to behave. We have to balance the risk of hurting a guy's feelings with the risk of enabling rape - not just with the OP, but with any other guy who might be wandering past and wondering whether it's acceptable to do that.

So I think it's quite reasonable to come down hard on the idea. If it wasn't really what he meant, well, his feelings are hurt and maybe he's learned something about the limitations of communication on the net. That seems like a much more minor thing than the other risk here.
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Old 12-13-2012, 05:05 PM   #38
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Originally Posted by Bramblethorn View Post
Quite possibly, and if that's the case, then maybe he's getting treated more harshly than his intentions deserve.

But against that, there's the possibility that he's one of the MANY guys out there who really do think getting a woman drunk and pressuring her into unwanted sex is an acceptable way to behave. We have to balance the risk of hurting a guy's feelings with the risk of enabling rape - not just with the OP, but with any other guy who might be wandering past and wondering whether it's acceptable to do that.

So I think it's quite reasonable to come down hard on the idea. If it wasn't really what he meant, well, his feelings are hurt and maybe he's learned something about the limitations of communication on the net. That seems like a much more minor thing than the other risk here.
I managed to not be a jerk to the guy while telling him multiple times that he needs to respect his ladies boundaries and back off if she says 'No.' I also gave him some advice that has worked quite well in the past for me, much to the quivering orgasmic delight of several women.

For the record - it's possible to give good advice, not be a jerk, and be an advocate for mutual respect all at the same time. It wasn't hard either - and someone else with a simillar question might find the response useful.
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Old 12-13-2012, 05:08 PM   #39
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But against that, there's the possibility that he's one of the MANY guys out there who really do think getting a woman drunk and pressuring her into unwanted sex is an acceptable way to behave. We have to balance the risk of hurting a guy's feelings with the risk of enabling rape - not just with the OP, but with any other guy who might be wandering past and wondering whether it's acceptable to do that.
Point taken. I personally think that it was a bit of a misstep for the OP to bring up alcohol, or assume that a person might be willing engage in behaviors that they are otherwise reluctant to do when sober. I also think there are a number of other issues with the post that have yet to be raised, but, speaking for myself, I avoid jumping to conclusions. Either way, I think your post deals with the issue in a constructive and useful manner.

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Old 12-14-2012, 02:19 AM   #40
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What is with all these cries for coddling posters? Am I missing something here?

I have read some of the most heart-felt responses from folks here (on these boards). Responses that make you check yourself, evaluate shit in your life. I've read things that made me go "Ahhh, now I get it." I've read things here that made me want to kiss my wife and hug my kids, thankful for the opportunities I've had and the times I live in.
I've read stuff that made me laugh until tears rolled off my cheeks, and stuff that has filled me with anger and bitter disappointment at how some people treat other people.

There are some incredibly empathetic and kind folks here who will share their fears, thoughts, and embarrassing experiences to assist a fellow poster. A fellow poster who may be a complete stranger, a veteran Lit member, or one of those "long-time listener, first time callers" that show up every so often.

Most of these fine, kindhearted posters also have a keen eye for the bullshit, the idiotic, and don't suffer the wearisome mouth-breather. And why should they?

Suggestions that we must treat all posts from posters - including the asshateous opener of this thread - with delicate care so as to not offend or frighten is just silly. It's thinking like this that has the kid who picks up my curbside garbage cans calling himself a Sanitary Engineer. Engineer... he didn't even finish high school.

Silly and pointless thread starters may alert the sharks. But poor punctuation, flippant posting, and neglecting to even read what you wrote before hitting "Submit" chum the waters.

Asking everyone to hold hands and sing "Every Sperm Is Sacred" while we try to discern some deeper meaning or hidden cry for help in a shitty, poorly thought-out post is oversensitive foolishness.

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Old 12-14-2012, 09:59 AM   #41
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What is with all these cries for coddling posters? Am I missing something here?

I have read some of the most heart-felt responses from folks here (on these boards). Responses that make you check yourself, evaluate shit in your life. I've read things that made me go "Ahhh, now I get it." I've read things here that made me want to kiss my wife and hug my kids, thankful for the opportunities I've had and the times I live in.
I've read stuff that made me laugh until tears rolled off my cheeks, and stuff that has filled me with anger and bitter disappointment at how some people treat other people.

There are some incredibly empathetic and kind folks here who will share their fears, thoughts, and embarrassing experiences to assist a fellow poster. A fellow poster who may be a complete stranger, a veteran Lit member, or one of those "long-time listener, first time callers" that show up every so often.

Most of these fine, kindhearted posters also have a keen eye for the bullshit, the idiotic, and don't suffer the wearisome mouth-breather. And why should they?

Suggestions that we must treat all posts from posters - including the asshateous opener of this thread - with delicate care so as to not offend or frighten is just silly. It's thinking like this that has the kid who picks up my curbside garbage cans calling himself a Sanitary Engineer. Engineer... he didn't even finish high school.

Silly and pointless thread starters may alert the sharks. But poor punctuation, flippant posting, and neglecting to even read what you wrote before hitting "Submit" chum the waters.

Asking everyone to hold hands and sing "Every Sperm Is Sacred" while we try to discern some deeper meaning or hidden cry for help in a shitty, poorly thought-out post is oversensitive foolishness.
I'm not saying you or anyone else should coddle anyone. But there's a difference between coddling someone and being rude for the sake of being rude. It's much easier to just not post (and thus, not bump a poorly thought out thread). I'm simply making the observation that it's not very constructive to tear someone down just because they made a dumb post. That's not contributing - that's just being mean. While it doesn't surprise me to find that kind of behavior on an internet forum, I have to confess a little disappointment that I see it so often in a place that I otherwise really enjoy hanging out. There are some really intelligent and kind people here but you wouldn't know it sometimes.

If you think his post was shitty and poorly thought-out, it's certainly your right to think so. I happen to agree that the OP (and many others that make similar posts) probably didn't put a whole lot of thought into the post. Maybe he's a moron. Maybe he's a jerk. Maybe he's an asshat. Maybe he's an oversensitive fool, as you seem to think that I am. That's not the point. THIS is the point:

Quote:
A gentleman is one who treats his inferiors with the greatest courtesy, justice and consideration, and who exacts the same treatment from his superiors.
or this:

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You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.
There's certainly no shortage of dipshits on the internet - or in the world for that matter. To call them out every time you see them is rather like reading aloud the content of every sign you see while driving in the car. You may be entertaining yourself but you're probably irritating everyone else in the car that's trying to have an actual conversation.

I realize that I'm a bit outspoken on this matter. I really do respect everyone's right to post whatever they want and I don't expect my comments will change anyones posting habits one way or the other. For the most part, I like you folks and enjoy reading your posts - including yours Emerson40. I don't always agree with what you say but you often manage to say it with wit and style (as in the above post that I quoted) - two qualities that I respect and admire.
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Old 12-14-2012, 11:02 AM   #42
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Why do you feel the need to get her drunk first? Why not use a date rape drug? Better yet just do what my hubs does to me, slap me around and announce: "listen bitch this is how it's gonna be". If she is drunk or drugged she may not make the sounds that you want to hear. Sounds like, soft moans, oh baby and maybe even a few loud ear splitting screams. Why not introduce her to bdsm as well. That way you can tie her hands and legs so she cannot possible attempt to deny her silly self of the pleasure that you are so graciously willing to provide.
Better yet than rohypnol is the little known effect of the common drug scopolamine in the right dose. It makes her extremely agreeable and compliant, and she won't remember a thing!

If the OP goes the slap-her-around route, I recommend hitting her on the head with a club, like we did in the old days. Just a word of advice though - if you do this, drag her to where you want to fuck her by her hair. If you drag her by the feet, she'll fill up with dirt.
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Old 12-14-2012, 11:07 AM   #43
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not if you put

wheels under her ass
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Old 12-15-2012, 07:36 AM   #44
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OP, you've run afoul of the single most common thread type that ever gets created in this forum: how do i get my SO to x. your post follows the standard pattern for such posts: my SO has expressly told me she doesn't want to do x but i want to persuade/manipulate her into doing x anyway without any regard for her previously-stated wishes.

your idea of loosening her up with "a lot of alcohol" is troubling--again, par for the course with such threads--because when people say "a lot of alcohol" they invariably mean "drunk enough to impair decision-making". and in the legal system, that's also called rape.

this is why an idea you probably think is a bit of harmless fun is getting the kind of responses you're getting. don't do this. talk about it honestly. this business of getting her drunk is the kind of thing drunk frat boys think is a good thing.

be better than that. not just for your wife's sake, but also for your own.

Quote:
somehowyou quoth:
eilan – i have never read anything remotely related to advice come out of you. you have nothing constructive to offer but snarky comment
then your reading comprehension sucks ass you pompous fuck.

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somehowyou quoth:
...i will put you on ignore now.
have a frosty mug of get-the-fuck-over-yourself.

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NM quoth:
seriously? apparently you've not been spending much time in the HT and HT cafe.
that's pretty obvious from his posting history.

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emerson quoth:
i have read some of the most heart-felt responses from folks here (on these boards). responses that make you check yourself, evaluate shit in your life. i've read things that made me go "ahhh, now i get it." i've read things here that made me want to kiss my wife and hug my kids, thankful for the opportunities i've had and the times i live in.

i've read stuff that made me laugh until tears rolled off my cheeks, and stuff that has filled me with anger and bitter disappointment at how some people treat other people.

there are some incredibly empathetic and kind folks here who will share their fears, thoughts, and embarrassing experiences to assist a fellow poster. a fellow poster who may be a complete stranger, a veteran lit member, or one of those "long-time listener, first time callers" that show up every so often.

most of these fine, kindhearted posters also have a keen eye for the bullshit, the idiotic, and don't suffer the wearisome mouth-breather.
well said, sir. well said indeed.

ed
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Old 12-16-2012, 01:36 PM   #45
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Why does it seem like some of you want to make the poster the "bad guy" right away? I have all the best intentions in wanting my wife to enjoy a dildo in her ass. I love my wife dearly and look for ways to enhance her and my sexual pleasures when ever I can and I think she will enjoy this if she can get past her conservative mind set and try it.

You can try to make me the mean evil bad husband all you want but that simply is not true and alcohol is a tool to help people relax and feel more comfortable with situations.

With that said, what I really wanted to know was if any other women could relate their experiences with this here so I can tell her about them?
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Old 12-16-2012, 02:39 PM   #46
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You.

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My wife is fun in bed. She is open to many things except anything that deals with her ass (or other people).

I think she would enjoy a dildo in her ass while we fuck.

I think I may be able to get her to try it if she has a lot of alcohol and get her really horney with some Lit stories about hunky guys etc.

Should I get a special butt plug or a dildo?

Can any women relate their experiences with dildos/plugs in their ass while having sex?

Thank you!
Interesting question you pose. I don't think you will find many friends on here to offer ideas or encouragement, touchy subject that dildo in the ass stuff, because I know what is best for you. But really I think "Eilan", the other poster had a good idea, she meant it is a sarcastic manner, but you could try letting her be the one with the dildo and you being the one that is getting experimented on. It might work or you will be sure it is not going to work and move on.
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Old 12-16-2012, 02:54 PM   #47
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Originally Posted by racerXXXXXX View Post
Why does it seem like some of you want to make the poster the "bad guy" right away? I have all the best intentions in wanting my wife to enjoy a dildo in her ass. I love my wife dearly and look for ways to enhance her and my sexual pleasures when ever I can and I think she will enjoy this if she can get past her conservative mind set and try it.

You can try to make me the mean evil bad husband all you want but that simply is not true and alcohol is a tool to help people relax and feel more comfortable with situations.

With that said, what I really wanted to know was if any other women could relate their experiences with this here so I can tell her about them?
I'm guessing that a lot of the other posts relating to the content of the original post went straight over your head (especially the bits about how to have worded the post better, and the use of"a lot" of alcohol).

However, a guy I used to date and I have done this. He worked up to his cock as a progression from fingers, listened to how I responded, and took it from there (over the course of a few sessions - not immediately). If you have that kind of relationship with your wife, then great. But leave out the alcohol (glass to relax = fine; enough to incapacitate her = not fine. Ever).

With my fiance, we're more communicative, and have recently started to add more things in. That has been a talking thing, and watching how we both respond thing. I have to admit that the experience with him has been far, far better than the first time.

I would suggest the latter route to be the better way - if you can't talk about it, should you be doing it? Have you asked her why she doesn't want to do it? Has she done it before/had a bad experience/have a problem with the cleanliness aspect/worried that it will hurt (and I can guarantee if you go gung-ho in with a dildo, she will hurt, and it won't be nice)? My first time, I felt quite dirty (mentally) after, and that was a big hurdle for me to get across, and I'm only there now because I trust my SO not to hurt me like that.

Hope you find that helpful.
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Old 12-16-2012, 03:34 PM   #48
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Within a long term relationship, of any kind, you are generally going to come across a time where one of you wants to do something that the other one isn't into.

The question is, how much isn't she into it?

When you work together, and talk to each other, you will generally come to some sort of compromise. Partners will try things, for the other. Because they love each other, and even if it's not their dream kink, well, their partner wants to. So they give it a go, and see if they like it.

If it's a hard limit for her, then it's a hard limit, and you are going to have to respect that. Because as well as trying things for other people, partners respect the boundaries of their significant other.

Don't get her drunk, talk to the woman, have some respect for her. She's your wife.
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Old 12-16-2012, 10:02 PM   #49
NippleMuncher
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Originally Posted by racerXXXXXX View Post
Why does it seem like some of you want to make the poster the "bad guy" right away? I have all the best intentions in wanting my wife to enjoy a dildo in her ass. I love my wife dearly and look for ways to enhance her and my sexual pleasures when ever I can and I think she will enjoy this if she can get past her conservative mind set and try it.

You can try to make me the mean evil bad husband all you want but that simply is not true and alcohol is a tool to help people relax and feel more comfortable with situations.

With that said, what I really wanted to know was if any other women could relate their experiences with this here so I can tell her about them?
From our experience on this forum, the way you posed the question and offered a resolution is exactly that of an insensitive asshat, a label that you yourself are trying to refute, yet your words/plans say otherwise.

If you truly love your wife and want the best for her, then how about you try COMMUNICATING with her? If either of you are incapable of this simple thing, then what you propose is completely off the table and her conservative views on sex will continue to prevail. IF, however, you are able to communicate openly and honestly, then you will likely find some sort of compromise with the idea of toys, ass play, and anal sex.

Personally, I think that YOU must be equally open and willing for like reciprocation to be done to yourself. Maybe she wants to stuff things up your ass? Maybe she wants to do you with a strap-on? Maybe she wants to see you finger and toy your own ass, are you as willing to submit to these things as you are to making her provide them to you?

Think, for a moment, of your hard limits and about how you would feel is someone were proposing to stomp all over them for the "sake of your pleasure". You know, your wife is really into CBT, you gonna let her have her way with you? Oh wait, let her get you nice and drunk and drugged, because she's sure you'll love CBT once you are made to do it against your will a few times.

Do you even remotely understand where the vitriol towards you and your question comes from?
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Last edited by NippleMuncher : 12-16-2012 at 10:12 PM.
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Old 12-16-2012, 10:22 PM   #50
burntnorton
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Originally Posted by racerXXXXXX View Post

With that said, what I really wanted to know was if any other women could relate their experiences with this here so I can tell her about them?
Unless you didn't notice, many woman have shared their expereices. Here's a guy's perspective. I've been in a few relationships with girls who thought anal was just dirty, and more than a few of them did in fact try it. You start slow. Ramming a dildo or butt plug up there when you're both drunk is not the answer....in fact its downright unsafe. I have a friend who works in corrections, anal tears do happen and they are nasty. Start by just touching the outside when you're having foreplay. Eventualy, if she's cool with that maybe try your finger in there a little and gently work her up from there. If she resists...stop....if she finds it exciting then allow her to explore that at her own pace.

Last edited by burntnorton : 12-17-2012 at 07:48 AM.
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