How do I entice a married man?

[harry8copeland]

Originally Posted by Snakeeyes91

Bit of a touchy moral subject for some, but I'm 21 and have become friends with a married guy in his 40s. His kids are grown up but his wife is lovely. He flirts with me a little but what are some subtle ways to show I'm interested too without making a fool of myself? Any constructive advice please? Xx

OK, so reading through this thread, I see certain trends emerging, camps of don't do it, maybe do it, what the hell do it. I believe you need to elaborate on your intentions. Granted, anything could happen, but realistically, what is likely to happen, what would you like to happen?

Outcomes I could see:
1. He falls in love with you but you don't reciprocate.
2. You fall in love with him but he doesn't reciprocate.
3. Either party does something stupid to let his wife know, email, text, Facebook, etc.
4. You have a lovely tryst, mutually enjoyable, you keep it discreet, manage emotions, communicate expectations.

Hooking up with 90% of married guys ain't that hard. Take the flirting up a bit, pinch his ass, accuse him of looking at your tits and grin and tell him it's OK, tell him how bad you need to just get laid, whatever.

If a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, does it make a sound? If a guy fucks a girl half his age, shows her a good time (and she him), and they keep it quiet, does anyone get hurt? It's life, live a little.

[satindesire]

Originally Posted by nakdsub

And if robbing gas stations makes you happy, do it; and if you shoot someone in the process, hell, you have only one life, who cares if it destroys someone else's as long as it makes you happy.

Originally Posted by SurrealObsession

Yeah, this. People who encourage hedonism without consequences are always the first to cry foul when they are wronged, too. There is a difference between seeking fulfillment, and selfishly seeking pleasure at the cost of others.

How DARE you two Christian Fundamentalists come in here and rain on this parade? Go take your bible thumping holier-than-thou preaching elsewhere!

/somehowyou

[nakdsub]

Originally Posted by satindesire

How DARE you two Christian Fundamentalists come in here and rain on this parade? Go take your bible thumping holier-than-thou preaching elsewhere!

/somehowyou

I didn't know insane asylums allowed the inmates to have computers.

[SurrealObsession]

Originally Posted by satindesire

How DARE you two Christian Fundamentalists come in here and rain on this parade? Go take your bible thumping holier-than-thou preaching elsewhere!

/somehowyou

OK, I don't actually care about the arguing of this point that has been going on in this thread. But this still made me laugh.

[njlauren]

Originally Posted by harry8copeland

OK, so reading through this thread, I see certain trends emerging, camps of don't do it, maybe do it, what the hell do it. I believe you need to elaborate on your intentions. Granted, anything could happen, but realistically, what is likely to happen, what would you like to happen?

Outcomes I could see:
1. He falls in love with you but you don't reciprocate.
2. You fall in love with him but he doesn't reciprocate.
3. Either party does something stupid to let his wife know, email, text, Facebook, etc.
4. You have a lovely tryst, mutually enjoyable, you keep it discreet, manage emotions, communicate expectations.

Hooking up with 90% of married guys ain't that hard. Take the flirting up a bit, pinch his ass, accuse him of looking at your tits and grin and tell him it's OK, tell him how bad you need to just get laid, whatever.

If a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, does it make a sound? If a guy fucks a girl half his age, shows her a good time (and she him), and they keep it quiet, does anyone get hurt? It's life, live a little.

The last line sounds innocuous, and a lot of the time hookups like this can end up not making a difference in the marriage, but a lot of the times it does. For one thing, unless the husband is a total sociopath, he is going to feel guilty about doing this, and it can leave signs his wife will pick up on, often people who have even a fling become distant, angry, a lot of things towards the spouse. Or maybe she herself might feel guilty afterwords, you never know the impact. The thing about cheating is there often is impact even if no one knows about it directly, it comes out in other ways, and it is something for the girl to ponder (and no, I am not blaming her if this happens, the guy is involved, too). I am all for living life, doing what you need to do, I am no puritan, but I also think the attitude that if no one knows what is the harm has its problems when it involves a third party, in this case the spouse, is pretty cold and uncaring, it is like the thrill little kids get when they sneak extra candy or something past momma or something. The answer is there is no such thing as a 'no harm' situation here, even if they 'get away with it' I would bet that there is harm to the guy's marriage over it, could even be the seeds of its destruction, secrets like that fester IME.

[njlauren]

Originally Posted by nakdsub

I didn't know insane asylums allowed the inmates to have computers.

I think the post your were responding to was sarcasm.

[pmann]

Originally Posted by njlauren

I think the post your were responding to was sarcasm.

I believe so too. Her stuff is like Tolstoy. You gotta be reading somewhere around a 7 or 8 year old level to REALLY catch the brilliance. I'll get there one day, if the good 'lawd' wills.

[harry8copeland]

Originally Posted by njlauren

The last line sounds innocuous, and a lot of the time hookups like this can end up not making a difference in the marriage, but a lot of the times it does. For one thing, unless the husband is a total sociopath, he is going to feel guilty about doing this, and it can leave signs his wife will pick up on, often people who have even a fling become distant, angry, a lot of things towards the spouse. Or maybe she herself might feel guilty afterwords, you never know the impact. The thing about cheating is there often is impact even if no one knows about it directly, it comes out in other ways, and it is something for the girl to ponder (and no, I am not blaming her if this happens, the guy is involved, too). I am all for living life, doing what you need to do, I am no puritan, but I also think the attitude that if no one knows what is the harm has its problems when it involves a third party, in this case the spouse, is pretty cold and uncaring, it is like the thrill little kids get when they sneak extra candy or something past momma or something. The answer is there is no such thing as a 'no harm' situation here, even if they 'get away with it' I would bet that there is harm to the guy's marriage over it, could even be the seeds of its destruction, secrets like that fester IME.

Hmm, a thoughtful and intelligent response. It gives me something to think about. Let me ask, is this a natural or conditioned response? I believe it's conditioned. Sometimes I feel a little guilty when I do something minor, masturbate to pics here on literotica when my wife doesn't know about it, but an hour later, I've forgotten it.

[harry8copeland]

Originally Posted by satindesire

How DARE you two Christian Fundamentalists come in here and rain on this parade? Go take your bible thumping holier-than-thou preaching elsewhere!

/somehowyou

AMEN!

[satindesire]

Originally Posted by nakdsub

I didn't know insane asylums allowed the inmates to have computers.

It's called SARCASM. Look it up.

Originally Posted by SurrealObsession

OK, I don't actually care about the arguing of this point that has been going on in this thread. But this still made me laugh.

Originally Posted by njlauren

I think the post your were responding to was sarcasm.

At least SOMEONE gets it!

Originally Posted by harry8copeland

AMEN!

Watch out, now, I'm on a roll!

[nakdsub]

It's only sarcasm if presented as such, otherwise it's just wild rantings of a lunatic.

[satindesire]

Originally Posted by nakdsub

It's only sarcasm if presented as such, otherwise it's just wild rantings of a lunatic.

Uhh, did you not read the entire first page of this thread?

Clearly not, because my extremely obvious sarcasm that was extremely obvious to EVERYONE ELSE was extremely obvious there.

Now shoo, the adults are talking.

[C2W]

I think its pretty funny to read all these responses to a question that the author has already answered in her own mind. She is 21, she's already been thru the high school drama stage where she has witnessed and more than likely honed her limits of seduction--, so then what? What is she asking? Seems to me that what she is desiring is for someone to excuse her behaviour and give her a pass or absolution---.
The only thing YOU need to do to entice a man is fill his eyes with the best of what you got and he WILL follow you anywhere. And just because he holds back once--, maybe twice from carrying out your desires doesn't mean he won't the next time.

[nfrrdscnnr1]

Did anyone answer the question? You simply do what women and men have always done. Let the other person know you are interested and seek permission to jump on his bones. We all just started working on the possible consequences. Hope it goes well.

[harry8copeland]

Originally Posted by satindesire

Watch out, now, I'm on a roll!

You on a roll sounds hot.

[njlauren]

Originally Posted by harry8copeland

Hmm, a thoughtful and intelligent response. It gives me something to think about. Let me ask, is this a natural or conditioned response? I believe it's conditioned. Sometimes I feel a little guilty when I do something minor, masturbate to pics here on literotica when my wife doesn't know about it, but an hour later, I've forgotten it.

Could be both or either I suppose. To give you an idea, I am not coming at this from the biblical, sex is between a married man and wife proscription, those things don't interest me because many of them were based in a social paradigm and times I find revolting (back then, the wife was property, and the reason they weren't allowed to fuck outside marriage (the wife I mean) was because they were scared shitless of having someone else's baby and ruining their 'line' and so forth; husband could have 10,000 bastards and they didn't care, though.....


My take is and this is based on a lot of reading, observation and yeah personal experience, and it is when most people of normal emotional makeup cheat, they create what shrinks call a compartment, they compartmentalize the cheating into a different area, whatever you want to call it because there, the normal restrictions you apply to your 'normal' self doesn't apply.....so when banging your tu tu you are feeling like joe stud, excited, in your joe stud mode....then you leave that, are back in joe normal mode, and suddenly you realize what you did..and in a sense, a piece of you goes back into that compartment, and there is a part of you missing in dealing with your wife, and she notices it, believe me......even if not directly feeling guilt (maybe because you put the part that feels guilt in the compartment, which takes that away from 'joe normal' the husband)......or worse the guilt is there, and then you start creating rationalization around it, it is no big deal (when deep down you know it is, you are asking yourself subconsciously "how could I lie to her like this"), or you create fictions, that it is her fault, she let herself go, she doesn't wear 5" heels and a push up bra, she doesn't suck you any more, whatever the fuck (and the same for the gals, this isn't meant as guy bashing)....and it comes back on her, and makes her feel bad because you are going to distance yourself more. I realize there are people who create such great fictions that their spouse never knows, but want to know something, I kind of think in those cases the spouse ignored the signs , deliberately or unconsciously, didn't want to know.

There is a parallel with masturbation or online sexting or whatever, though a bit different. If your wife isn't interested in having sex and you jerk off, or she isn't available, nothing wrong with that, if you are masturbating or doing online crap to the exclusion of her, same thing, besides denying her sex you get to the point when you have sex you are in effect masturbating yourself having sex with her...and yeah, guys who cheat can end up finding themselves in that state, jerking themselves off in their wife, so to speak, doing their duty while having sex with the fling......

obviously, it also depends on what you are talking about. A one time dalliance? The guilt will fade over time if you find yourself back and hot and heavy with the wife, but if you do it again soon, or repeat with the same partner, could end up being long term harm you may not even realize. Feeling guilty over masturbation when your wife isn't ready/available, is kind of silly, feeling guilty cause you look at porn is silly, feeling guilty because it is taking from your sex life is a good reaction, in that you know you are doing something to harm another. In one sense the religious nuts are on to something , in a sense when you do something taking away from another, it takes a piece of your soul, not in the religious sense, but rather locks that bit into another part of you and takes it away from your mate.

[harry8copeland]

Originally Posted by njlauren

....then you leave that, are back in joe normal mode, and suddenly you realize what you did..and in a sense, a piece of you goes back into that compartment, and there is a part of you missing in dealing with your wife, and she notices it, believe me......even if not directly feeling guilt (maybe because you put the part that feels guilt in the compartment, which takes that away from 'joe normal' the husband)......

Go to TED and check out Dan Ariely's video on why humans cheat. It's interesting: psychological research suggests just the opposite: humans are programmed to cheat, as long as we have some justification. It's OK to take a couple dollars out of the till if you need cab fare. It's OK to bang the neighbor's daughter if your wife is out of town and you're lonely. Very similar things.