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Old 12-09-2012, 03:59 PM   #1
Dshannon
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Experienced Subs and Novice Doms

Hi - I've been a contributor to Literotica for maybe ten years now, but have not really availed myself of the forums before...
I've had a few novels published already, most with a BDSM theme, and am considering my next one, and I had the idea of subverting the usual tropes of a powerful and experienced dom initiating a relatively novice sub (I'm also wanting to get past the cliché of millionaires and industrialists and their secretaries in mansions and yachts, and have more realistic characters and settings, but that's a different matter).
I suppose my question is: what sort of problems would such a relationship face? When people meet in the vanilla world, they're rarely of equal experience, but I would expect additional considerations for those in the Scene.
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Old 12-09-2012, 04:55 PM   #2
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Read the essay in my signature, for one possibility,

I have read a number of sub-teaches-dominant-- or Bottom-teaches-top-- but you know what, they are all of them slash fiction, which sidesteps a fuckton of heteronormative issues.

I would REALLY love to see some stories like that with hetero couples. I have one in my files where the sub is the guy, who encourages his new girlfriend to take the reins, but I would really REALLY like to see something where a calm, confident woman walks her guy through learning to top her-- before they do all the falling in love-with-this-collar-I-thee wed. I won't be writing it, though-- maybe you could?

There are so many permutations in BDSM. It's a shame that popular culture has focused on the same damn Harlequin Romance tropes.

Which sure as hell do include the moneybags. To me, a real romance is two people who are invisible to the world, but gods and goddesses to each other. That's what touches my heart the fastest.

Also, welcome! And also, put a link to your story page in your sig because we are curious but lazy.
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Old 12-09-2012, 06:31 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella_Omega View Post
I would REALLY love to see some stories like that with hetero couples. I have one in my files where the sub is the guy, who encourages his new girlfriend to take the reins, but I would really REALLY like to see something where a calm, confident woman walks her guy through learning to top her-- before they do all the falling in love-with-this-collar-I-thee wed. I won't be writing it, though-- maybe you could?

There are so many permutations in BDSM. It's a shame that popular culture has focused on the same damn Harlequin Romance tropes.

Which sure as hell do include the moneybags. To me, a real romance is two people who are invisible to the world, but gods and goddesses to each other. That's what touches my heart the fastest.

Also, welcome! And also, put a link to your story page in your sig because we are curious but lazy.
Thanks for the comprehensive and intelligent reply! I'd love to write something that would blow away mainstream perceptions of the Scene, show for instance how much consensual activity and pre-planning goes on between the dom and the sub, the negotiations, the contract, etc... as well as other things that might surprise those mainstream folk who think they know what BDSM is all about from reading certain bestsellers which shall remain nameless
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Old 12-09-2012, 07:14 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dshannon View Post
Thanks for the comprehensive and intelligent reply! I'd love to write something that would blow away mainstream perceptions of the Scene, show for instance how much consensual activity and pre-planning goes on between the dom and the sub, the negotiations, the contract, etc... as well as other things that might surprise those mainstream folk who think they know what BDSM is all about from reading certain bestsellers which shall remain nameless
Or the small-negotiation and small-contract and being perfectly happy with very much consensual smaller activities at first, while they get to know each other, and while the top learns about what, how, and why, and comes into their ownership of their own sexuality.

Yes. (ETA the "yes" was in reference to that damn novel we don't want to name )
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An essay for BDSM Newbies; Top, bottom, dominant, submissive-- and the differences thereof Now rewritten with extra sparkle!

Last edited by Stella_Omega : 12-09-2012 at 07:34 PM.
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Old 12-09-2012, 07:20 PM   #5
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I've done this. With my couple actually. The main issue I faced was that he's too shy about hurting me. She on the other hand is a bitch with the crop, doesn't hold back, and I love every minute of it.

He also lets me get away with way more than anyone else I've experienced. For example, he has his nipples pierced, and I LOVE to play with them, so any time he has his shirt off, I make a move. He'll say stop, and he'll swat my hand, and he'll make little protests, but he never actually stops me. He hasn't quite figured out how to punish me yet, since all of the things he would normally threaten I enjoy. He used to threaten to get me worked up and then go fuck his wife instead, but I started getting off on that too, so now he's searching again. *giggles* And since he brings out the inner brat in me, I'm not letting him in on what it is that would keep me in line.

Our relationship quickly morphed from him dom/ me sub into a more subtle power exchange as well, so that might have impacted a great deal. *shrug* Still, I never backed off from saying, "hit me like you fucking mean it" when he was being too soft or "your wife hits harder than you" when I was feeling cheeky.
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Old 12-09-2012, 07:33 PM   #6
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OMG Wenchie, I love you to bits!
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Old 12-09-2012, 07:48 PM   #7
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*giggles and bats eyes sweetly*
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Old 12-09-2012, 08:39 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella_Omega View Post
Or the small-negotiation and small-contract and being perfectly happy with very much consensual smaller activities at first, while they get to know each other, and while the top learns about what, how, and why, and comes into their ownership of their own sexuality.

Yes. (ETA the "yes" was in reference to that damn novel we don't want to name )
Exactly, I want the characters as well as the reader to learn about each other, and about a more realistic version of the Scene.
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Old 12-09-2012, 10:47 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by the captians wench View Post
I've done this. With my couple actually. The main issue I faced was that he's too shy about hurting me. She on the other hand is a bitch with the crop, doesn't hold back, and I love every minute of it.

He also lets me get away with way more than anyone else I've experienced. For example, he has his nipples pierced, and I LOVE to play with them, so any time he has his shirt off, I make a move. He'll say stop, and he'll swat my hand, and he'll make little protests, but he never actually stops me. He hasn't quite figured out how to punish me yet, since all of the things he would normally threaten I enjoy. He used to threaten to get me worked up and then go fuck his wife instead, but I started getting off on that too, so now he's searching again. *giggles* And since he brings out the inner brat in me, I'm not letting him in on what it is that would keep me in line.

Our relationship quickly morphed from him dom/ me sub into a more subtle power exchange as well, so that might have impacted a great deal. *shrug* Still, I never backed off from saying, "hit me like you fucking mean it" when he was being too soft or "your wife hits harder than you" when I was feeling cheeky.
The wife always hits harder, my friend.

*Wistful Bunny sigh*
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Old 12-10-2012, 02:01 PM   #10
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I walked a friend of mine through Dom 101.

Started out with him reading through my library of relevant books and asking me questions.
Moved on to taking him to clubs where he could see BDSM 'in action' so to speak and letting him use me as a dummy to refine technique. Quite often with me in fits of giggles while he tried to position ropes or tie knots that would get all loose or snarled up.
Turned him loose with a professional sub under guidance of professional dom/mes a couple of times so he could get a feel for things I wasn't willing to be a dummy for.
The emotional aspect was harder. I tend to be very emotionally involved with my partners, so I was bottoming rather than subbing for him. Though he was the one who found my cheeky brat side., he didn't truly understand I wasn't being submissive to him until he found his sub and saw me with my dom.
I did consider taking the next step with him, and he did express an interest in being with me on that emotional level when my dom and I broke up, but by that point I'd worked out I like to switch and he's not the least bit submissive.
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Old 12-10-2012, 02:51 PM   #11
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Quote:
Quite often with me in fits of giggles while he tried to position ropes or tie knots that would get all loose or snarled up.
Hah! Trying to coach someone through tying oneself the the bed is a pretty funny experience... or frustrating. You end up grabbing the headboard so as to preserve the illusion of bondage.
I hate when that happens.
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Old 12-10-2012, 06:06 PM   #12
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Quote:
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Hah! Trying to coach someone through tying oneself the the bed is a pretty funny experience... or frustrating. You end up grabbing the headboard so as to preserve the illusion of bondage.
I hate when that happens.

. Frustrating, but worth the punishment for the uncontrollable giggle fit when you look them dead in the eye and make some wise crack.
And a good laugh reminds them not to take their almighty domliness too seriously.
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The follow you just received is a direct result of the lead you just gave. - my dance teacher (and true for both BDSM and ballroom)

Football isn't a contact sport, it's a collision sport. Ballroom is a contact sport. - I don't remember who said this.

What's life without whimsy? - Sheldon Cooper

Oh! The Places You'll Go - Dr Seuess

'panem et circenses'
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Old 12-10-2012, 06:49 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by knot_sweet View Post
I walked a friend of mine through Dom 101.

Started out with him reading through my library of relevant books and asking me questions.
Moved on to taking him to clubs where he could see BDSM 'in action' so to speak and letting him use me as a dummy to refine technique. Quite often with me in fits of giggles while he tried to position ropes or tie knots that would get all loose or snarled up.
Turned him loose with a professional sub under guidance of professional dom/mes a couple of times so he could get a feel for things I wasn't willing to be a dummy for.
The emotional aspect was harder. I tend to be very emotionally involved with my partners, so I was bottoming rather than subbing for him. Though he was the one who found my cheeky brat side., he didn't truly understand I wasn't being submissive to him until he found his sub and saw me with my dom.
I did consider taking the next step with him, and he did express an interest in being with me on that emotional level when my dom and I broke up, but by that point I'd worked out I like to switch and he's not the least bit submissive.
Interesting, I was hand picked around 15 years back. I lady in a chat room said I showed potentionial, and she started to groom me. She was looking for a new Dominant, we had lotes of discussions on line then on phone, I checked her out with others. She sent me articles that had been written my her first MASTER. She lived alone 100 miles from me, we meet and found an instant liking to each other, and she awoke desires inside me that I did not know I had, so she trained me, to her ways. From that I studied became a member of the Perfumed Garden and talked to others to develope my own personal ways and became a MASTER in my own right, with her help. Sadley because I had to move, and my computer crashed we lost touch.

Since then I have several subs and love to care for them
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Old 12-10-2012, 07:44 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by knot_sweet View Post
. Frustrating, but worth the punishment for the uncontrollable giggle fit when you look them dead in the eye and make some wise crack.
And a good laugh reminds them not to take their almighty domliness too seriously.
I am the dom. I like to bottom sometimes.
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An essay for BDSM Newbies; Top, bottom, dominant, submissive-- and the differences thereof Now rewritten with extra sparkle!
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Old 12-10-2012, 08:21 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella_Omega View Post
I am the dom. I like to bottom sometimes.
Yep, Stella, this I knew from your other posts.

S'ok, even domly dommes who sometimes bottom like to laugh. So do cheeky switches who enjoy the 'I can't believe you just said that' look on their dom/top's face.

But I won't tell if you won't
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The follow you just received is a direct result of the lead you just gave. - my dance teacher (and true for both BDSM and ballroom)

Football isn't a contact sport, it's a collision sport. Ballroom is a contact sport. - I don't remember who said this.

What's life without whimsy? - Sheldon Cooper

Oh! The Places You'll Go - Dr Seuess

'panem et circenses'
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Old 12-10-2012, 08:47 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by knot_sweet View Post
Yep, Stella, this I knew from your other posts.

S'ok, even domly dommes who sometimes bottom like to laugh. So do cheeky switches who enjoy the 'I can't believe you just said that' look on their dom/top's face.

But I won't tell if you won't
Well-- I like to laugh sometimes, which is why I said funny-- but other times I like my bondage to bond. And get my subspace on. And then it's simply frustrating.

We're working on it. It's mostly a fear of failure on her part, which she disguises as "I'm too lazy to bother."
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Stella's stories on lit

An essay for BDSM Newbies; Top, bottom, dominant, submissive-- and the differences thereof Now rewritten with extra sparkle!
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Old 12-10-2012, 09:10 PM   #17
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Quote:
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I am the dom. I like to bottom sometimes.
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Originally Posted by Stella_Omega View Post
Well-- I like to laugh sometimes, which is why I said funny-- but other times I like my bondage to bond. And get my subspace on. And then it's simply frustrating.

We're working on it. It's mostly a fear of failure on her part, which she disguises as "I'm too lazy to bother."
Can sympathise. Have similar trouble with J. So afraid he's going to get it wrong and dissappoint me. He beats himself up enough about his perceived flaws, I prefer to remind him to laugh and enjoy it. Sure it's frustraing, but he doesn't need me to make him feel my irritation. He has past history of nothing but negative re-enforcement from lovers, I get better long term results with laughter. Guess it might be different dynamic with you and your girl, so whatever works best for you both is most certainly up to you. (That totally sounded condescending, but I
absolutely don't mean it that way)
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The follow you just received is a direct result of the lead you just gave. - my dance teacher (and true for both BDSM and ballroom)

Football isn't a contact sport, it's a collision sport. Ballroom is a contact sport. - I don't remember who said this.

What's life without whimsy? - Sheldon Cooper

Oh! The Places You'll Go - Dr Seuess

'panem et circenses'
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Old 12-11-2012, 02:52 PM   #18
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Before I forget, thanks to everyone who responded, you've given me some great ideas to help shape the story, your input's greatly appreciated
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Old 12-22-2012, 04:31 PM   #19
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Red face new fem dom

Hi, I'm new here and am looking for advice. The man I love lives 1200 miles away from me and although we r not "together " currently we have been talking about me dominating him. This has been a fantasy of his for 30 years. I want to make his fantasy a reality. I have read stories on here and a book I picked up at my local toy store but am hoping someone who has alot of experience will give me more ideas of delicious things I can do to him or make him do. I am planning a trip to live out this fantasy next month so any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance :-)
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Old 12-26-2012, 12:02 AM   #20
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Hi, I'm new here and am looking for advice. The man I love lives 1200 miles away from me and although we r not "together " currently we have been talking about me dominating him. This has been a fantasy of his for 30 years. I want to make his fantasy a reality. I have read stories on here and a book I picked up at my local toy store but am hoping someone who has alot of experience will give me more ideas of delicious things I can do to him or make him do. I am planning a trip to live out this fantasy next month so any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance :-)
Anticipation is the key. Whatever you guys are into, whatever you want to do to him, make the man wait and anticipate it. Tell him what you're going to do before you do it, and make him wait. Shake it up. Don't let him expect and dictate what you're doing. Patience is necessary for a top. Good luck, and have fun sweetie
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