Go Back   Literotica Discussion Board > Main Literotica Forums > BDSM Talk > BDSM Cafe

Reply
 
Thread Tools

Old 12-09-2012, 11:35 AM   #1
Betticus
FigDaddy!
 
Betticus's Avatar
 
Betticus is offline
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 12,050
Betticus is no longer a Dom.

I can't really adequately explain exactly how this came to be but recently I've had some life experiences that have added some experience to my life that I hadn't been exposed to before and at some time after gaining that experience as happens with these things it became a part of me and changed the way I perceive human interactions. In time it resolved itself in my mind and became a bit of extra wisdom. All of us know how this works, we grow older, we have more experience and that experience grows into wisdom and for each of us we become more than what we were before.

It has changed the way I see people. Normally I just put together an image of a person that includes their body language and behavior, etc. Usually one looks for clues that reveal who people really are beneath the image that they portray to the public. You see who the person is. This little bit of wisdom although small in itself seems to have added a whole other layer to the person or people I'm looking at and now it seems that with the sum of my past experiences this has somehow let me put together ... oh fuck it, this isn't making any sense like this..

It has somehow wired together different parts of my lil man brain, connected those areas with their different memories and logic and sum experiences of people and body language and bearing and all of that stuff and with those parts all now seeing each other and sharing what they know and drawing logical conclusions based on much more data than before I somehow can see the person as before just fine, get a sense of who they are, if they are safe or dangerous, truthful or deceitful and that is a nice use of a lifetime of observation and learning but now, recently, in the last month or so (I did wait to feel this out and see if it was just a fluke thing)

Now I can see a lot of what the person I'm looking at is not a part of them. The simplest explanation is that now that I'm older and have a bit more knowledge and experience I can begin to see things in them that aren't a real part of that person but the product of outside influences. Like with an abuse victim when one can see patterns that were the cause of someone else mistreating them that shaped them into who they are now.

I'm pretty sure that I'm not alone in this here, on this particular forum as a lot of you have a lot more experience with this than I do but since I'm also a bit of a sadistic asshole to myself it was just in my nature to take a lot of time looking at myself and all the things that shaped me into who I am today.

When I saw how things had happened and the things that weren't me but just something someone else did to me and I saw how and where I had just let that shit happen and change me I was actually horribly ashamed of myself for letting that happen. The bright spot is this is that once one sees these things something inside you starts to work on letting those things go and making you more and more into who you should have been all along and with that comes an odd sense of peace.

It seems that with a sense of peace you just slip right into yourself and it feels nice and warm and comfortable. With that also comes a confidence that just seems to be a natural thing and anger or fear or doubt kind of just fade away but they are still there as memories and if needed you can pick it right up and use it and then put it away so I'm still me and still have all I was before but now instead of fighting those things to stay in control I'm just really calm and relaxed and just me. I'm pretty sure it is only a start of something and I'll keep learning and growing.

So now me being a Dom, the label no longer fits. In fact I'm seeing labels now as something like a box where you use a word to define part of you but the word and that box might just set in your psyche a limit that one accidentally sets upon ones self because you just may be a lot more than that label and there is a chance that you could stop yourself from growing into your full potential.

So now I've absolutely tortured you all with my rambling diatribe filled with grammatical errors and probably making little to no sense when I could have just said hey, the label just doesn't fit me any more and I'm busy seeing how this will change me. It's okay though as a lot of you tend to like things that are a bit painful such as reading this.

Maybe someone who is a writer could get the concept and rewrite it so it doesn't make your eyes bleed and give you a migraine.

Lastly. I may not be a Dom any more but that doesn't mean that I would pass up an opportunity to spank a cute ass.

I apologize for my wanton destruction of the English language. I'm in an odd place at the moment. Well, in my living room but I meant in an odd place mentally and it's distracting me a bit.

I want a cookie and a hug dammit. A good hug, not one of those cheap side hugs with one arm either. A tasty sammich wouldn't hurt either but I'm totally eating the cookie first and damn the rules!!!!

Oh.. is seems that the cat is up to something. She can't be trusted any more. I caught her eating beef jerky and I thing that's a bad sign.

You guys all have fun and someone go and rescue SW from the damn hospital. I bet they haven't even let him spank the nurses and we all know that would just be therapy for him. I bet he's thought about it too. Nurse outfit, little white hat projecting a sense of innocence. Poor guy must be going nuts. It would be like locking a fat kid in a candy store for a weekend but only giving him enough chain where his fingers could just slightly brush up against the candy bins... so close... so tempting.. need it soooooo bad.. maybe I should go read his post first, he might have already caught one and given a sound thrashing upon her backside.
__________________
Are you sad, are you mad because the things you feel are completely different from what you've been taught that you should feel?
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-09-2012, 12:34 PM   #2
graceanne
Literotica Guru
 
graceanne's Avatar
 
graceanne is offline
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Oregon, US
Posts: 27,457
*hugs*

*sandwich*

Cookies are all gone. Sorry!
__________________

Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world,
had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap.
~Barbara Jordan
*~*~*
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
*~*~*
A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs - jolted by every pebble on the road.
~Henry Ward Beecher
*~*~*
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old when you stop laughing.
~Michael Pritchard

*~*~*


My Stories
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-09-2012, 01:00 PM   #3
Betticus
FigDaddy!
 
Betticus's Avatar
 
Betticus is offline
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 12,050
Oh you know I got cookies... I'm no dummy, I know not to bite upon the hand that gives me belleh rubs and I now that cookies are some kind of magical subbie fuel so I always keep em stocked up..
__________________
Are you sad, are you mad because the things you feel are completely different from what you've been taught that you should feel?
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-09-2012, 04:32 PM   #4
Loverskitten
I bite
 
Loverskitten's Avatar
 
Loverskitten is offline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Lost
Posts: 2,182
Ok, sorry, your post was TLDR for champagne breakfast. I read a bit and I will read the rest later.

BUT, I really was expecting a funny kitty story here.
__________________
"I want your body as my toy, and your mind as my love." -ex Lover *sigh*
My wish.... purrrr

Last edited by Loverskitten : 12-09-2012 at 07:15 PM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-09-2012, 06:50 PM   #5
Betticus
FigDaddy!
 
Betticus's Avatar
 
Betticus is offline
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 12,050
It occurred to me that it is probable that someday I'll go to a munch and probably with a new pal who is a cute lil subbie and just relax for a while and enjoy the company of nonjudgemental people and it may happen that someone will ask me what I am and now I'm trying to come up with the wittiest answers...

Well, I used to be a Dom but I got better... (that might not go over well)

I'm a recovering Domaholic, hi, my name is the betticus but you may simply address my by handing me a sammich..

I could just say that I'm open to suggestion but while the sex is free the cuddling is fucking expensive..

I'm just here for the belly rubs..

so many asshole things I could say.. so little time to make them witty.
__________________
Are you sad, are you mad because the things you feel are completely different from what you've been taught that you should feel?
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-09-2012, 06:54 PM   #6
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
 
Stella_Omega's Avatar
 
Stella_Omega is offline
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Shaken, not stirred
Posts: 39,506
There's something about a Dom with a broken wing that is just catnip to certain types of sub women, yanno.

You could parlay this into something good!
__________________
"Oh woe, these be perilous times! Children no longer obey their elders, and everybody is writing a book!"
--Pliny the Elder, AD76

All about Stella; My AH profile
Stella's stories on lit

An essay for BDSM Newbies; Top, bottom, dominant, submissive-- and the differences thereof Now rewritten with extra sparkle!
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-10-2012, 01:50 AM   #7
meditation
Virgin
 
meditation is offline
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by Betticus View Post
I apologize for my wanton destruction of the English language. I'm in an odd place at the moment. Well, in my living room but I meant in an odd place mentally and it's distracting me a bit.
I have neither a "sammich" nor cookies, but i can offer a (((hug))) in exchange for the grin the quoted bit above gave me.

nothing was TL;DR about your post. i'm sure it's somthing many people go through, in one way or another, at some point in their lives; maybe even multiple times, for some. always remember, though, that your experience as a Dom helped to shape the person who was actually able, one day, to look back and identify how it all came about, and find that peace.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-10-2012, 02:45 AM   #8
Noor
Traveling trousers!
 
Noor's Avatar
 
Noor is offline
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Sadly looking across the river Hubur.
Posts: 18,969
"So now me being a Dom, the label no longer fits. In fact I'm seeing labels now as something like a box where you use a word to define part of you but the word and that box might just set in your psyche a limit that one accidentally sets upon ones self because you just may be a lot more than that label and there is a chance that you could stop yourself from growing into your full potential. "

I understand this completely. I am anti box/label. I have opinions of on why some people put themselves in them, I think its easier than self defining, maybe a barrier to the possible, maybe fear of the unknown, maybe a place to hide or maybe cowardice.
__________________
<img src=http://i115.photobucket.com/albums/n307/byroninexile/uu/Moog1_zpseae04596.jpg border=0 alt= />
5th of Tamuz

Byron's Wake and Super Cool Threads.

"You gave him a gift that so many people can only dream of experiencing, and he gave you one, too. You invigorated and soothed him; you helped him find his music again. You deserved more time, but I am so happy that the time you spent together was so joyful and special and full of laughter. You gave him bwankets and I could see his tail wag. He felt you, and he took you with him everywhere. I think he took part of you with him to wherever he is now. That's part of why it hurts so much." Phelia on Byron to me.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-10-2012, 02:48 AM   #9
SirLeo
Literotica Guru
 
SirLeo's Avatar
 
SirLeo is offline
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 928
Hey Dear Friend,
In truth, you are growing and growing doesn't mean you have to discard an old label for a new one. We are afterall the sum total of all of our experiences. Enjoy your new path and get the most from your new journies.
After 53 years I still feel like I have the wonderment of a child, albiet somewhat slower and perhaps a bit wiser.

Leo
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-10-2012, 10:38 AM   #10
rosco rathbone
great roscos of history
 
rosco rathbone's Avatar
 
rosco rathbone is offline
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: WTBC
Posts: 41,630
I'm kind of post-dom, post-bdsm myself these days.

idk if I've just lost the eye of the tiger or what. Part of it is, via the rise of the internet "bdsm" is just how we frame the gender-game issues underlying sex that were there all along.
__________________
Is a good thing for a man to beat his woman every now and then, but this man does do it like exercise, man -V.S. Naipaul Miguel Street

i hate you gringo sex perverts. you scums are not welcome in our country

planass: the pistol-whip of the machete
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-10-2012, 10:58 AM   #11
DeepGreenEyes
Suspended at Days Inn
 
DeepGreenEyes's Avatar
 
DeepGreenEyes is offline
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Bargain bin (reduced for quick sale)
Posts: 6,933
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella_Omega View Post
There's something about a Dom with a broken wing that is just catnip to certain types of sub women, yanno.

You could parlay this into something good!
Well, there IS that.

Listen to Stella!

Take heart, Betticus. The fact that you're changing is confirmation that you're alive and well. This passage from Stephen Mitchell's translation of the "Tao Te Ching" comes to mind:


Men are born soft and supple;
dead, they are stiff and hard.
Plants are born tender and pliant;
dead, they are brittle and dry.
Thus whoever is stiff and inflexible
is a disciple of death.
Whoever is soft and yielding
is a disciple of life.
The hard and stiff will be broken.
The soft and supple will prevail.
__________________
"I guess the hard thing for a lot of people to accept is why God would allow me to go running through their yards, yelling and spinning around."
--- Jack Handey


"A little nonsense, now and then, is relished by the wisest men."
---Willy Wonka

~ Some poems

~ Save second base

Last edited by DeepGreenEyes : 12-10-2012 at 11:00 AM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-10-2012, 03:21 PM   #12
IrisAlthea
Literotica Guru
 
IrisAlthea's Avatar
 
IrisAlthea is offline
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,483
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeepGreenEyes View Post
The fact that you're changing is confirmation that you're alive and well. This passage from Stephen Mitchell's translation of the "Tao Te Ching" comes to mind:


Men are born soft and supple;
dead, they are stiff and hard.
Plants are born tender and pliant;
dead, they are brittle and dry.
Thus whoever is stiff and inflexible
is a disciple of death.
Whoever is soft and yielding
is a disciple of life.
The hard and stiff will be broken.
The soft and supple will prevail.
Could you please post this about once a week or so?
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-10-2012, 03:25 PM   #13
Loverskitten
I bite
 
Loverskitten's Avatar
 
Loverskitten is offline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Lost
Posts: 2,182
Quote:
Originally Posted by IrisAlthea View Post
Could you please post this about once a week or so?
Agreed
__________________
"I want your body as my toy, and your mind as my love." -ex Lover *sigh*
My wish.... purrrr
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-10-2012, 04:03 PM   #14
DeepGreenEyes
Suspended at Days Inn
 
DeepGreenEyes's Avatar
 
DeepGreenEyes is offline
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Bargain bin (reduced for quick sale)
Posts: 6,933
Quote:
Originally Posted by IrisAlthea View Post
Could you please post this about once a week or so?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loverskitten View Post
Agreed
It's a gorgeous little translation. My copy is tattered!
__________________
"I guess the hard thing for a lot of people to accept is why God would allow me to go running through their yards, yelling and spinning around."
--- Jack Handey


"A little nonsense, now and then, is relished by the wisest men."
---Willy Wonka

~ Some poems

~ Save second base
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-11-2012, 05:46 AM   #15
Stag of Oberon
confabulous
 
Stag of Oberon's Avatar
 
Stag of Oberon is offline
Join Date: Sep 2000
Posts: 2,553
I've found that I've had to change how I self-identify this past year as well.

It's rough, but sometimes you have to find ways to adjust, change within just to stay sane.

Sooo... i'm not really "switch" anymore; i've found that to be a critical part in the greater struggle to cease identifying as "sexually active."

now I'm "periodically abstinent."

And yes, that means I turn down sex when given the option, at least as often as not, but I find in this space I obsess over sex a lot less, achieve emotional stability sooner, if not homeostasis, & maintain that equilibrium both longer and easier.
__________________
"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so." ~ Mark Twain

Last edited by Stag of Oberon : 12-11-2012 at 05:54 AM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-11-2012, 01:22 PM   #16
DVS
Your Sexual Tormentor?
 
DVS's Avatar
 
DVS is offline
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Basking in the kinky Midwest
Posts: 10,942
OK, Bet I'm not saying you aren't correct, because you know yourself better than anybody...except maybe the cat. But, we go through times in our lives when we think we are changing. I wouldn't toss out the whips and chains for a while. In fact, I think I'd keep them around, as long as they don't take up too much space. There might be a time when the urge comes back. It does happen. I've been there.

And, if you never do get the urge again, at least you can give the toys to the cat.
__________________
DVS

Electroplay is a shocking experience! My humor can be, too!
But my posts are all totally PC!! Well, kinda sorta


Devious Stories
Rules are not meant to be broken!
Some of my tunz are here, if you care to listen => currently 20+ songs and more to come
Is Raw Anal Lust a desire of yours? The full story "My New Boss" begins here<=
and here is the latest installment ==>08/17/10

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill,
That we shall pay any price, bear any burden,
Meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe,
To assure the survival and success of liberty. -- John F. Kennedy
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-11-2012, 07:34 PM   #17
RubenesqueAphrodite
Botero Beauty
 
RubenesqueAphrodite's Avatar
 
RubenesqueAphrodite is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 14,435
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeepGreenEyes View Post
Well, there IS that.

Listen to Stella!

Take heart, Betticus. The fact that you're changing is confirmation that you're alive and well. This passage from Stephen Mitchell's translation of the "Tao Te Ching" comes to mind:


Men are born soft and supple;
dead, they are stiff and hard.
Plants are born tender and pliant;
dead, they are brittle and dry.
Thus whoever is stiff and inflexible
is a disciple of death.
Whoever is soft and yielding
is a disciple of life.
The hard and stiff will be broken.
The soft and supple will prevail.
Wise man, that Lao-tzu.. I think I may cross-stitch this and frame it.... or even better just memorize so I can pull it out whenever I'm feeling like I can't make it through another day. Very beautiful and appropriate quote, DGE.
__________________
~♡Indubitably Indomitable♡~
"Don't turn the key if you can't drive. .."

I'm not your average groupie...

My Awesome Personal





  Reply With Quote

Old 12-11-2012, 11:20 PM   #18
DeepGreenEyes
Suspended at Days Inn
 
DeepGreenEyes's Avatar
 
DeepGreenEyes is offline
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Bargain bin (reduced for quick sale)
Posts: 6,933
Quote:
Originally Posted by RubenesqueAphrodite View Post
Wise man, that Lao-tzu.. I think I may cross-stitch this and frame it.... or even better just memorize so I can pull it out whenever I'm feeling like I can't make it through another day. Very beautiful and appropriate quote, DGE.
Lao Tzu was often called the Mr. Rogers/Bob Dylan of his day by those who knew him. Even though Rogers/Dylan would not be born for many centuries, and the people who called him that had no idea what it meant.

He was THAT good.
__________________
"I guess the hard thing for a lot of people to accept is why God would allow me to go running through their yards, yelling and spinning around."
--- Jack Handey


"A little nonsense, now and then, is relished by the wisest men."
---Willy Wonka

~ Some poems

~ Save second base
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-12-2012, 10:22 AM   #19
Shankara20
~~O ~~O
 
Shankara20's Avatar
 
Shankara20 is offline
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Kansas
Posts: 25,940
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeepGreenEyes View Post
Lao Tzu was often called the Mr. Rogers/Bob Dylan of his day by those who knew him. Even though Rogers/Dylan would not be born for many centuries, and the people who called him that had no idea what it meant.

He was THAT good.
*smile*


  Reply With Quote

Old 12-12-2012, 10:31 AM   #20
Shankara20
~~O ~~O
 
Shankara20's Avatar
 
Shankara20 is offline
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Kansas
Posts: 25,940
Quote:
Originally Posted by DVS View Post
I wouldn't toss out the whips and chains for a while. In fact, I think I'd keep them around, as long as they don't take up too much space. There might be a time when the urge comes back. It does happen. I've been there.
I agree. Much of my retirement account has been spent repurchasing items I found I yearned to once again have after tossing them out. Then I go out and purchase replacements.

I have gone through this binge and purge cycle several time

Now when I find I have cycled out of an interest I uses storage boxes until the urge returns.

  Reply With Quote

Old 12-12-2012, 01:43 PM   #21
Velvet Bubbles
Literotica Guru
 
Velvet Bubbles's Avatar
 
Velvet Bubbles is offline
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: South UK
Posts: 1,191
Just be yourself, sweets. We don't care what you want to label yourself as. Enjoy the inner journey.
__________________
Good music is the soul's life blood.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-14-2012, 05:18 PM   #22
Betticus
FigDaddy!
 
Betticus's Avatar
 
Betticus is offline
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 12,050
I had an odd conversation with someone I know about this, a guy who is a masochistic painslut. A friend/acquaintance but it did make me consider a twist to this whole thing. I had told him that in being able to see where past events not under my control had shaped me in seeing the causes and effects and that I didn't want the past to stay with me I let it all go. With those things no longer a personality defining factor the need to be a "dom" went away.

He missed it completely and said he didn't get how a doms need to abuse and hurt other people could just go away. I was thrown off by this and I just said that as deep as he was into hardcore play I had just assumed he knew his shit and was at least knowledgeable about bdsm. Sadly, he said all he needed to know was that it made him happy and fulfilled to be controlled and beaten for the pleasure of others. I informed him that some day he will meet the wrong person and without being well informed he will get killed or hurt so badly that it will ruin his life..

It was his assumption that a doms purpose was to abuse and hurt others and he had also pointed out that it seemed that I was perhaps faking it since I didn't seem driven by need to find a submissive. I told him that my need to be a "Dom" didn't have anything to do with playing with others but that in fitting with my personality type and past it gave me the tools I needed and access to others who could help me to then train myself to control the rage and violence inside me to the point where self control became normal.

I understand that this isn't normal for everyone but I needed the label and what came with it not to play with or dominate others but for self control so I wouldn't abuse and hurt others again. Until that particular conversation I assumed it wasn't just me but now I'm not so sure.

Now that it's in the past I suppose it no longer even matters.
__________________
Are you sad, are you mad because the things you feel are completely different from what you've been taught that you should feel?
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-14-2012, 06:20 PM   #23
DVS
Your Sexual Tormentor?
 
DVS's Avatar
 
DVS is offline
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Basking in the kinky Midwest
Posts: 10,942
Quote:
Originally Posted by Betticus View Post
I had an odd conversation with someone I know about this, a guy who is a masochistic painslut. A friend/acquaintance but it did make me consider a twist to this whole thing. I had told him that in being able to see where past events not under my control had shaped me in seeing the causes and effects and that I didn't want the past to stay with me I let it all go. With those things no longer a personality defining factor the need to be a "dom" went away.

He missed it completely and said he didn't get how a doms need to abuse and hurt other people could just go away. I was thrown off by this and I just said that as deep as he was into hardcore play I had just assumed he knew his shit and was at least knowledgeable about bdsm. Sadly, he said all he needed to know was that it made him happy and fulfilled to be controlled and beaten for the pleasure of others. I informed him that some day he will meet the wrong person and without being well informed he will get killed or hurt so badly that it will ruin his life..

It was his assumption that a doms purpose was to abuse and hurt others and he had also pointed out that it seemed that I was perhaps faking it since I didn't seem driven by need to find a submissive. I told him that my need to be a "Dom" didn't have anything to do with playing with others but that in fitting with my personality type and past it gave me the tools I needed and access to others who could help me to then train myself to control the rage and violence inside me to the point where self control became normal.

I understand that this isn't normal for everyone but I needed the label and what came with it not to play with or dominate others but for self control so I wouldn't abuse and hurt others again. Until that particular conversation I assumed it wasn't just me but now I'm not so sure.

Now that it's in the past I suppose it no longer even matters.
You know that isn't a guarantee. While it is possible, it is also possible to step off a curb and get hit by a bus. As long as he knows who he plays with, the odds are in his favor.

As for yourself, keep an open mind. I'm speaking from a voice of experience. I too have had a couple times when I thought BDSM wasn't for me, for whatever reason. But, I always came back. Not knowing for sure what you are experiencing, it might not be the same.

And, there's nothing wrong with changing your mind, as long as you are happy. That's the primary thing, to be happy. Vanilla ice cream is pretty tasty. And from time to time, you can add things to it for some different tastes.
__________________
DVS

Electroplay is a shocking experience! My humor can be, too!
But my posts are all totally PC!! Well, kinda sorta


Devious Stories
Rules are not meant to be broken!
Some of my tunz are here, if you care to listen => currently 20+ songs and more to come
Is Raw Anal Lust a desire of yours? The full story "My New Boss" begins here<=
and here is the latest installment ==>08/17/10

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill,
That we shall pay any price, bear any burden,
Meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe,
To assure the survival and success of liberty. -- John F. Kennedy
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-14-2012, 06:37 PM   #24
Betticus
FigDaddy!
 
Betticus's Avatar
 
Betticus is offline
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 12,050
Quote:
Originally Posted by DVS View Post
And, there's nothing wrong with changing your mind, as long as you are happy. That's the primary thing, to be happy. Vanilla ice cream is pretty tasty. And from time to time, you can add things to it for some different tastes.
Woah there buddy... hold up..

This vanilla thing of which you speak. BLASPHEMY!

Let's not go crazy here. It's no longer a need, now it's a choice.
__________________
Are you sad, are you mad because the things you feel are completely different from what you've been taught that you should feel?
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-21-2012, 02:07 AM   #25
Homburg
Daring greatly
 
Homburg's Avatar
 
Homburg is offline
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: SE VA
Posts: 13,578
1) Don't fuckin die. (cause I always say this to you)

2) Growth is GOOD. We are all works in progress. That progress should only stop once constant elevation is reached.

3) Labels are useful only in 30 second pseudo conversations when, for whatever reason, you try to soundbite yourself.

You mentioned what would happen if someone asked you what you were. That has happened only once to me, and it was someone wondering what flavor of dominant I was (dom, master, great high mcnasty boots, etc). I offered my hand to shake and said, "I'm 'Homburg'. Pleased to meet you." The topic came up again and I explained that I and the person I was speaking to weren't fucking or otherwise in a relationship, so how I fuck was not particularly germane to the conversation.

I think labels are useful early on. In that initial swirl of emotion where you're finding out that this rough, hitty sex thing is cool, and that other people like it too, that having labels to sort your own thoughts is a right handy thing.

Oh, okay, so a dominant wants to modify the behavior of others, maintain control of a situation, exercise power, etc. And a sadist likes to hurt people for his or her own enjoyment. Well, shit, that sounds like me, so maybe I'm a dominant sadist, or dom, or whatever other term rings true. same goes for the other sides of the discussion as well.

But some folk get to a point where "dom" becomes a limiter. Where you do feel like it's a box. I am not a "dom". I haven't described myself as such for years. After years of not really getting leather terminology, I think they handle it better by referring to tops and bottoms and leaving it at that. A dom can do his thing by text on a screen, while a top does his thing in person. I like that line, and being on the "top" side of the divide. Nothing wrong with the other end, but it's not me.

Is "top" me? No, but I'm happier with it because, at least to me, it denotes a role, not an identity. An auto mechanic is a mechanic because it is what he does for a living, not who he is 24/7. That's like "top" to me. It's a mantle assumed when you pick up the crop or whatever. "Dominant" as a word, is a descriptor of a personality, and, again, to me, denotes "who I am" as opposed to "what I do".

I am more interested in "what I do" than in "who I am" when it comes to labels. Why? Because I know who I am, thus I don't need the labels. The labels are a tool to close the comprehension gap for others. Frankly, I don't want to tell random people "who I am", but I'm more comfortable, in this context, with saying "what I do".

In the end, I like rough sex, and I like to get my way. That's my personal relationships in a nutshell. The rest of it is window dressing.

And, yeah, empathy, and seeing past the outer skin does make the hitty sex thing more complicated. Been there, said "Thanks, but no," because I saw too much going on.
__________________
"more than an awesome talking Cock."
-myinnerslut, from the Ropework Photos thread...


I am not usually one for titles. In my world, titles are reserved for relationships.
Millificent (aka "viv") and myinnerslut both call me "Master".
You can call me "Homburg". Still accepting Rope Bunny applications, of course.

Disclaimer: Live your life how you want to live. Be secure enough in what you do that _my_ words won't affect you. Because my opinion has no material meaning in your life beyond what you let it have.
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:05 AM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.