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Old 12-07-2012, 04:15 AM   #1
ash423
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Pregnancy and play

So I am pregnant, 5 months into this business. I am overly emotional (obviously).

I need some advice here being new to all of this in general.
1. How do I overcome this constant need for affection (I have NEVER needed this kind of attention before)? Are there any things I can do to help reduce this neediness?
2. I feel bad about not being able to handle as much because of being so sensitive, any suggestions about how to reach this subspace that seems to help with this?

I've been trying to do a lot of reading in the library on this thread, and have found more information than I can imagine to start with so thank you.
Just want to be able to provide my Sir with the best I possibly can!
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Old 12-07-2012, 10:03 AM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ash423 View Post
So I am pregnant, 5 months into this business. I am overly emotional (obviously).

I need some advice here being new to all of this in general.
1. How do I overcome this constant need for affection (I have NEVER needed this kind of attention before)? Are there any things I can do to help reduce this neediness?
2. I feel bad about not being able to handle as much because of being so sensitive, any suggestions about how to reach this subspace that seems to help with this?

I've been trying to do a lot of reading in the library on this thread, and have found more information than I can imagine to start with so thank you.
Just want to be able to provide my Sir with the best I possibly can!
1. As you say you "have NEVER needed this kind of attention before," one can conjecture that the hormonal changes that come with pregnancy may be affecting your emotional state. As I've only experienced one wife's pregnancy and the affects associated with it on *her,* I'm no expert, but I can say that she did have some emotional changes through the pregnancy, and that not all of them lasted the entire period. You might inquire of your ob/gyn if the changes are seriously disturbing to you, but I believe in most cases they will avoid the use of any kind of pharmaceutical assistance to return you to "normal." More likely, the ob/gyn will just say, "It'll be over in another four months; you just need to get through it."

2. Again, hormonal effects can change your tolerance to pain and other sensory inputs. The wife who was pregnant found that certain stimuli that had never really done much for her pre-pregnancy were either intolerable or caused almost instant climax. We avoided the first, and enjoyed the second. Since she was one of only two partners I've had since adulthood that was *not* S/m oriented, or BDSM at all, I don't know if reaching subspace would have helped her at all. I presume from your phrasing that subspace is a territory with which you're not familiar; therefore, it's unknowable whether reaching it would help you deal with this unwanted enhanced sensitivity. You and your Sir might consider, however, trying some more subtle activities that would provide him the stimuli desired while not overwhelming you.

And, as your ob/gyn would likely advise: "It'll be over in another four months." Focus primarily on the process of bringing this new life the two of you have created into being, and have faith that your body will shortly thereafter return (pretty much) to normal. Good luck!
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Old 12-07-2012, 11:19 AM   #3
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Congratulations, ash!
Pregnancy is the pits! I remember people telling me that I was "glowing" and just wanting to punch them each in the face! Rage!! I took a hiatus from play while I was pregnant.
I guess all I can tell you is to take it easy and try to avoid stress. Also take what you need. You are undergoing so many changes, you may well need lots of extra love and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's all a natural part of the ride. It likely won't end in four months either. You'll still be hormonal for a while afterwards and, of course, you'll have a new baby and a new body to contend with. You and your partner may need to ease up for a while on the pain, because pregnancy does make you more sensitive. I wish you the best of luck and a healthy pregnancy. It's a trip to be sure.
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Old 12-07-2012, 12:34 PM   #4
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1. How do you overcome the constant need for affection? I'm afraid the bad news is that it is by giving birth. Hormonally, you are riding some pretty big waves. The reality is that you also are craving reassurance. Your body is changing. You want physical affection to prove your Sir finds you attractive still, etc. My ddh refered to it as clingy-ness. I just wanted to be cuddling with him 24/7.

How to reduce the neediness? Warm baths, fuzzy blankets, hot tea things that make you feel cared for... Cater to your quirks. We're all kinky so it shouldn't be a problem to admit that we're also all quirky as hades. What makes you feel safe, warm, loved? Do that!!

2. Subspace-- I don't know what to tell you. I am more apt to suggest finding some new ways to play. Tied up and tickled (for example) that give him the rush of power/control, while not over stimulating you. How to reach it is difficult because for me it happens when I am enjoying each stroke or smack and it's like my mind... let's go of everything but the sensations. It sounds like you aren't enjoying it... which is why I would be more apt to try different forms of sensation play that might be more pleasurable at this point.
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Old 12-07-2012, 06:11 PM   #5
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Congratulations.

Pregnancy is a normal state for the female but it is an alternative state, for example only now will your breasts finally undergo terminal maturation, accept the inevitable, for a while you will have different needs; blue cheese, horseradish and banana pizza, with a side of chocolate chilli dip, here we come. Time, I think (making the obvious assumption) for sir to provide you with the best he possibly can, after all - and you might not realise this - very shortly you'll be looking the sexiest and most desirable you ever will, precisely when you think the exact opposite about yourself.

Sir is in for some new experiences anyway; when, during love making, he puts his hand on your tummy to steady you and your tummy kicks back, it's a bit of a shock. Breast play when you're lactating is equally interesting. Yes, sir is in for a whole new world of potential delights, providing that you are both uninhibited enough to embrace and enjoy them.

Eventually all will be as it was, apart from you both thinking that you are totally fatigued - the second one teaches you that with the first you weren't (second time around, my colleague had twins and she reckoned that I was a total winger with my mere two) - but it may be a few months after the birth before you return to what you consider to be your normal state; for us, twenty four years and we are still waiting for the last one to fly the nest.

If you really want to suffer, undergo child-birth without anaesthetics or analgesics (tongue placed firmly in cheek).
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Old 12-07-2012, 06:20 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ash423 View Post
So I am pregnant, 5 months into this business. I am overly emotional (obviously).

I need some advice here being new to all of this in general.
1. How do I overcome this constant need for affection (I have NEVER needed this kind of attention before)? Are there any things I can do to help reduce this neediness?
2. I feel bad about not being able to handle as much because of being so sensitive, any suggestions about how to reach this subspace that seems to help with this?

I've been trying to do a lot of reading in the library on this thread, and have found more information than I can imagine to start with so thank you.
Just want to be able to provide my Sir with the best I possibly can!

I'm no expert, but I'd say point B is directly influencing point A. Feeling bad about your tolerance level decreasing makes you feel as though you aren't a 'good sub' and probably makes you feel very insecure at a fundamental level. The need for affection may be a symptom of needing to still feel valued and desirable despite being temporarily unable to provide your sir with your usual service.

Unfortunately, pregnany, childbirth and breast feeding are hormonal buggers and there's not really any way to get around the physical / emotional changes they bring. This can take anything up to two years, but usually doesn't, especially if you don't breast feed long.

Talk to your sir, tell him that you feel like you aren't providing your usual service and that it bothers you. You'll probably be surprised at his response. After all, he doesn't love you just because you're a sub. He loves you as a woman and the mother of his child too. As Sir Winston and Red Sonja have said, find a compromise between you to keep the play alive until things can get back to normal.

Bottom line, it's all going to be okay as long as you keep the lines of communication open and clear. And congratulations.
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Old 12-07-2012, 08:49 PM   #7
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I'm sorry I guess I didn't provide enough information in my first set of posed questions, we have a slightly different situation here. The child isn't my Sirs, and I shall be blessing a family with the little bundle of joy I'm creating. So, there are a few emotional factors here that are difficult in itself. I did not meet my Sir until after I was pregnant, and am finding I get more and more sensitive, and as mentioned I think it's the thought of not pleasing him the same way I did in the beginning.
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Last edited by ash423 : 12-07-2012 at 09:16 PM. Reason: Grammar
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Old 12-07-2012, 09:26 PM   #8
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I see... congratulations are still in order. You are giving an incredible gift to a family. Don't forget that.

Your Sir knew you were pregnant when you got together, right? Has he said you aren't pleasing him? I don't know your Sir, but I know my ddh would definitely let me know. If I were worrying about it; I'd ask him directly. I suspect you'll hear... "I knew what was happening, and if I have a problem, I'll let you know." I think your fear of not pleasing him is the biggest issue.

Again, I'll say to cater to your quirks. What makes you feel safe, warm, and loved? It's normal, especially in these circumstances to worry and wonder about your relationship. Communication with him about how you feel as knot-sweet suggests really is the key. BDSM relationships are still relationships. All relationships require communication.
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Old 12-07-2012, 09:40 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by Red Sonja View Post
I see... congratulations are still in order. You are giving an incredible gift to a family. Don't forget that.

Your Sir knew you were pregnant when you got together, right? Has he said you aren't pleasing him? I don't know your Sir, but I know my ddh would definitely let me know. If I were worrying about it; I'd ask him directly. I suspect you'll hear... "I knew what was happening, and if I have a problem, I'll let you know." I think your fear of not pleasing him is the biggest issue.

Again, I'll say to cater to your quirks. What makes you feel safe, warm, and loved? It's normal, especially in these circumstances to worry and wonder about your relationship. Communication with him about how you feel as knot-sweet suggests really is the key. BDSM relationships are still relationships. All relationships require communication.
I've mentioned it before and I think it's just a lack of confidence on my part. He has assured me repeatedly I'm pleasing him. Thank you for all the information!
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Old 12-18-2012, 01:28 AM   #10
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So I have found... that I was extremely opposed to anal before meeting my Sir.

Slowly given the idea to play with it by my Him, I have been working on it. And tonight I took the plunge while making him a video (that I requested to make for him).

I'm not sure if it is the pregnancy or what, but the sensation has changed entirely since the last time I did play anally, which was a few weeks ago.
It did assist (ha no pun intended) in pushing me over the edge.

Any other sensations you can think of that may have changed for other women while pregnant I can possibly benefit from?
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Old 01-09-2013, 02:05 AM   #11
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I found during my pregnancy, that nipple play threw me off the f-ing cliff in a hurry!
I always enjoyed it, but during pregnancy, it was *INSANE*.

I'd suggest maybe some role-playing, too.

My BD (baby-daddy) and myself both thoroughly enjoyed playtime during my pregnancy after he got over his initial "poking the baby" fear. Orgasms were a lot more easily attainable (huzzah for my first multiple orgasm!) because of increased sensitivity *AND* my heightened emotions.

Don't work for your emotions, precious - Make your emotions work for you!

Congrats!
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Old 01-09-2013, 05:20 AM   #12
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Congratulations!
I would just mention that later on in pregnancy when your hormones are producing something to make your joints relax, take real care with positioning during bondage. It suddenly becomes very easy to dislocate bits which can cause issues down the line. Listen you your body, it will tell you what it needs.
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Old 01-10-2013, 03:27 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SwitchMami View Post
I found during my pregnancy, that nipple play threw me off the f-ing cliff in a hurry!
I always enjoyed it, but during pregnancy, it was *INSANE*.

I'd suggest maybe some role-playing, too.

My BD (baby-daddy) and myself both thoroughly enjoyed playtime during my pregnancy after he got over his initial "poking the baby" fear. Orgasms were a lot more easily attainable (huzzah for my first multiple orgasm!) because of increased sensitivity *AND* my heightened emotions.

Don't work for your emotions, precious - Make your emotions work for you!

Congrats!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweetdaisymae View Post
Congratulations!
I would just mention that later on in pregnancy when your hormones are producing something to make your joints relax, take real care with positioning during bondage. It suddenly becomes very easy to dislocate bits which can cause issues down the line. Listen you your body, it will tell you what it needs.
SwitchMami- Thank you... I have found my nipples to be much more sensitive, and everything else for that matter. A wand is much more of a torture tool than someting I enjoy after orgasm one ha. My emotions are all messed up. I can't control myself and I've never had these kind of severe mood swings. As mentioned by another posted earlier, the urge to punch people mentioning my "glow" is amazingly strong, and then I need a bath and to cry ha.

Sweetdaisymae- I just learned about this last night, funny you mentioned it. My body has been amazingly alert and responsive to everything, so it is a lot of the emotions I think I have to learn to play around at this point. And getting ready for that painful delivery ha.
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Old 01-17-2013, 09:46 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SwitchMami View Post
I found during my pregnancy, that nipple play threw me off the f-ing cliff in a hurry!
I always enjoyed it, but during pregnancy, it was *INSANE*.

I'd suggest maybe some role-playing, too.

My BD (baby-daddy) and myself both thoroughly enjoyed playtime during my pregnancy after he got over his initial "poking the baby" fear. Orgasms were a lot more easily attainable (huzzah for my first multiple orgasm!) because of increased sensitivity *AND* my heightened emotions.

Don't work for your emotions, precious - Make your emotions work for you!

Congrats!
I am 32 weeks into my pregnancy and my nipples are off limits right now. They itch and no matter how lightly I try to rub or scratch the itch away it hurts and not a fun kind of pain either.
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Old 01-17-2013, 10:09 PM   #15
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I love pregnant women... congratulations. I would love to chat with you about your pregnancy and/or explore sexual desires and experiences. I am 37/mm
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Old 01-19-2013, 05:27 PM   #16
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congrats on the pregnancy, what a gift you are giving to another family!
As for how you get through the next months, communicate, communicate, communicate. What you need and can handle will change from one day to the next as will what you desire. All of my pregnancies have been different on what I needed and what I could perform.
As for the neediness, well there is a lot you are just going to have to put trust in the fact that your Sir wouldn't be with you if he didn't find you worthy and pleasing and believe that he would not lie to you about it. As long as he still wants to participate in the lifestyle with you and respects what you need at this time then I say you are doing just fine.
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Old 03-13-2013, 02:53 AM   #17
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preggers

I have had 3 stooges, and other then the wear and tear left over. it was an amazing experience. everything tingled, everything was hypersensitive and i couldn't get enough.

good luck and have fun.
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