Safe writing - condoms in stories

[johneb87]

Can't really say from my stories since they take place in a fantasy world. But for what I've read, I agree with most of the commentators on here. If you're going for realism, then you should acknowledge safe sex or the consequences of the lack of safe sex. Sa they have sex without a condom and he cums inside of her, even if she panics because she's afraid of getting pregnant but doesn't get pregnant. Then I think that counts.

[TinyBeth]

In two of my stories condom use was irrelevant because it involved women. In my first story there was a long-term committed couple so I omitted condoms. None in with my period piece either. And I figured a semi-mystical orgy probably wouldn't allow for them so there were none in my current story.
However I felt the need to include their use in "Psychology of a Groupie." It didn't feel right without them. Mostly because I know too many musicians and know that they play it safe in general-child support on their salary is a bad idea and no one wants to touch the guy known for having had a disease. Every male musician I know wraps it when they pick up women and I reflected that reality in that story. I tried to make it an erotic component rather than a distraction and I think it sort of worked. I think safe sex is definitely important, especially in gay male, but I think reality is the most important determinant when deciding to include condom use.

[Cruel2BKind]

Originally Posted by TinyBeth

In two of my stories condom use was irrelevant because it involved women. In my first story there was a long-term committed couple so I omitted condoms. None in with my period piece either. And I figured a semi-mystical orgy probably wouldn't allow for them so there were none in my current story.
However I felt the need to include their use in "Psychology of a Groupie." It didn't feel right without them. Mostly because I know too many musicians and know that they play it safe in general-child support on their salary is a bad idea and no one wants to touch the guy known for having had a disease. Every male musician I know wraps it when they pick up women and I reflected that reality in that story. I tried to make it an erotic component rather than a distraction and I think it sort of worked. I think safe sex is definitely important, especially in gay male, but I think reality is the most important determinant when deciding to include condom use.

Reality is important, and you can even say things about your characters with condoms.

If they are wary, or practical, or afraid of getting pregnant/diseased, have them be worried about condoms. If they are sleazy, or impulsive or just inconsiderate, you can get that across by having them forget about condoms, or insist on not using one.

Safety is a character trait. It's not like I'm adding it on just to fit my view of what's right or wrong.

[electric1]

My stories rarely have actual intercourse. When they do, the characters generally use a condom. I don't emphasize it, but I'll mention it at least once. Why not? If someone has such an aversion to responsible behavior that one mention of a condom ruins the fantasy for them, too bad.

[NaokoSmith]

What a great discussion, I'm enthused by all these differing viewpoints.

From this unrepresentative sample, it seems that in m/f stories pregnancy is the main if not only concern so the pill will do while m/m are highly conscious of the possibility of AIDS/HIV and f/f stories of doing the right thing. (No known case of f/f transmission of either AIDS or babies so most are in agreement that we don't need to use dental dams for f/f oral sex.)
Range of views on whether the story takes precedence
from:- if it in any way takes away from the story don't have it,
through:- if the story is contemporary real then it should have safe sex,
to:- you should have safe sex in your stories.
I love (imagine heart smiley here) this discussion board. I hope some more views come in on this topic, and that all are as helpful and as courteous about differing approaches to ways of writing.

Sorry about the quoting directly below the post and thank you sr7plt for the possible defence. As soon as I'd done it, I thought, Oh that was unnecessary. (Bit of a posting virgin, still trying to work out how to get icons into a post rather than just at the top of them, in spite of helpful advice in earlier thread.)

Just to add my own praxis, I've taken to always having condom usage in my stories although they are fantasy, except where it's a necessary part of the plot to get someone pregnant. As mine are fantasy stories I make it an act of extreme disrespect and outrageously discourteous not to protect your sexual partner (I don't bother to specify protect from what).

[Bramblethorn]

Originally Posted by TinyBeth

In two of my stories condom use was irrelevant because it involved women. In my first story there was a long-term committed couple so I omitted condoms. None in with my period piece either.

FWIW, condoms have been around a long time. By 1605 the Catholic Church was complaining about the immorality of using them to prevent pregnancy.

[NaokoSmith]

That's interesting as I recently read a hot historical gay guy story where the author apologised in a note at the end for not including safe sex.

[sr71plt]

Egyptians, linen sheaths, 1,000 B.C.

http://www.undercovercondoms.com/condom-history.asp

[topace]

Originally Posted by sr71plt

Egyptians, linen sheaths, 1,000 B.C.

http://www.undercovercondoms.com/condom-history.asp

I doubt those linen sheaths were very effective.

[sr71plt]

Originally Posted by topace

I doubt those linen sheaths were very effective.

Which, I guess, explains there still being Egyptians around after all this time.

[Stella_Omega]

Originally Posted by Cruel2BKind

Reality is important, and you can even say things about your characters with condoms.

If they are wary, or practical, or afraid of getting pregnant/diseased, have them be worried about condoms. If they are sleazy, or impulsive or just inconsiderate, you can get that across by having them forget about condoms, or insist on not using one.

Safety is a character trait. It's not like I'm adding it on just to fit my view of what's right or wrong.

This, so much this!

Originally Posted by sr71plt

Which, I guess, explains there still being Egyptians around after all this time.

Okay, that's on your list of the ten funniest things you've ever said.

[HeyAll]

Condoms do ruin a story.

but....

Sometimes I'll have the female character mention that she's not on any birth control and has no protection her....to which either she or the guy suggests the use of anal. Then of course, they have anal sex.

It obviously doesn't protect against std's, but it's still very hot.

[NaokoSmith]

Too many interesting posts to use my inadequate quoting skills on!

At first I did think condoms were too realistic and would spoil my stories, causing readers to lose the mood and pull out of the story (!!). However for various reasons safe sex is really important to me and I felt bugged about not using it in my stories so I took it on as a writing challenge. How good a writer could I be? As Cruel2beKind says, could I put safe sex in as part of the characterisation? Could I just slip it on, I mean in there without the reader noticing so much that they dismissed the whole story?

I managed to make it part of the world that I write about and to find various ways of signalling that there might be condoms about, e.g. mentioning them before the sex so that when the sex came the reader would be expecting them. In my gay story, I had the character pull one hurriedly from his pocket then get embarrassed when a whole handful falls all over the floor, 'but the lad knew he was a slut', it becomes part of his character and also part of the excitement and rush of the action rather than 'What? He's putting on a condom while taking his sword-belt off?'

[Stella_Omega]

I wrote a picaresque fantasy adventure of a butch dyke who gets all the girls at a renaissance faire with her trusty strapon. Mention of safe and hygienic practices just came natural in that one. After all, they were all modern women...

And you don't have to make a big deal about putting the condom on, either-- you can mention rolling it off;

The Damsel Roseanne and I carried off our tryst on a darkened stage. As ordered, I gave her my full attention, ignoring my mistress who sat in state nearby, burning smoking holes into my flesh. I had a lithe little body to hand, passionate dark eyes to stare into. Kneeling, I held her hips as she rested on the hay bales, lapped at her fragrant pussy. She slid onto my lap, held my head while she kissed me, my hand up her skirt, buried in her heat. She unleashed my cock, turned her back to me, leaning on the hay bales, and I wrapped it and pulled her back onto it, with her skirts covering the truth, save my pumping hips proclaimed it far and wide. Oh, and she twisted and danced upon it, and I slid down my hand to her little clit and then she held still, shuddering, till I brought her to the bridge between heaven and earth, with sweet hoarse cries. I lay on my back so as not to pin her between my weight and the scratchy hay… looked over at my Mistress, a statue in the dark. If that didn’t make her lose it, I was out of luck.

Mistress sat still awhile longer. I pulled out of my little darling, and discreetly unrolled the rubber off my dong.

Since she's mentioned rubbers and such a few times already, I don't think it comes as a big surprise to the reader.

[NaokoSmith]

Oh excuse me, I only just logged on but now I have to go and lie down quietly for a moment!
xxx

[TimothyM]

Originally Posted by NaokoSmith

Sorry about the quoting directly below the post and thank you sr7plt for the possible defence. As soon as I'd done it, I thought, Oh that was unnecessary. (Bit of a posting virgin, still trying to work out how to get icons into a post rather than just at the top of them, in spite of helpful advice in earlier thread.)

You can always go back and edit your posts if you made a mistake. The button is next to the quote button in the bottom right corner.

I haven't worked the-icon-into-a-post technique out either. So when you do find out, please let me know.

Good summary of the various viewpoints. And I agree with you that it's more fun if you see condoms as a challenge to your writing skills rather than as a duty you have to do.

You should try to read stories of some of the people commenting here, that may give you some inspiration. Even those who say they do not include condoms, then the challenge is to imagine how you would add this if you had written the story.

[drteetho]

Just to add to what everyone else has said... for me the usage of condoms depends on the story.

The Halloween contest story I submitted was in the First Time category, where both lead characters were just over 18 and still in high school. Personally, it would have felt wrong for me to write that story without the usage of condoms in the sex scene, with the characters being so young and inexperienced in life, etc.

Other stories I've written between older, consenting adults don't mention condom use (and by the same token don't mention lack of condom use). Readers can decide to fill in the blanks, or not, as they see fit.

To me, context and setting are key in deciding whether or not to include condom use in a story.

[NaokoSmith]

Originally Posted by TimothyM

You should try to read stories of some of the people commenting here, that may give you some inspiration. Even those who say they do not include condoms, then the challenge is to imagine how you would add this if you had written the story.

I am absolutely going to do this, not least because it looks like there'll be some hot stuff for me to list on my Feminist Erotica review site among these authors. And some stuff that is just hot and I think I should check out for the sake of humanity. I'm doing a bit of work on a set of stories I found about high school romance and then I plan to sit down and go through this thread and discover everyone's fascinating sounding stories before Christmas holidays come and I have to shut the netbook and make biscuits and watch Pingu at Christmas on a loop. (We do it every year although my daughter and I are actually bad buddhists.)

See, I have learned to do the quote-y thing. One day I'll find out about icons in posts and no longer be a virgin!

[NaokoSmith]

Oh! I see that I am no longer a virgin. I feel quite nostalgic, there was a kind of hilariousness about being a virgin on an erotica site. Well that was quick.

[MsQuote]

Personally, I don't include condom use in my stories. My stories are fiction and fantasy and nothing quite interrupts the flow of a story quite like, "Hold on a sec, let me grab a condom."

What's next? "Hey, dear, go into the nightstand and get my lube?"

[MsQuote]

On a similar note, I don't refer to safe words in my D/s stories, especially if it's implied that one wasn't needed anyway.

[Stella_Omega]

Originally Posted by MsQuote

Personally, I don't include condom use in my stories. My stories are fiction and fantasy and nothing quite interrupts the flow of a story quite like, "Hold on a sec, let me grab a condom."

What's next? "Hey, dear, go into the nightstand and get my lube?"

You know how we sometimes talk about how men generally have trouble writing erotica for women in general?

One of the things that women often appreciate in a sex scene is context. In the hands of a writer with that sensibility, condoms and lube are context.

Instead of thinking about interrupting the flow, think about establishing a rhythm...

[NaokoSmith]

It's about our skills at the art and craft of writing. Some authors I read whom I admire for attempting to create a context which is safe and to give information while writing their erotica do end up sounding like a how-to-do-it manual. But if we are truly skilled as writers we can create an ethos in which our stories are contextualised where the safe sex is a natural part of the story. As Cruel2BeKind said it, whether or not a character uses condoms can be part of how you build their character: considerate of their sexual partners or risk-taking/intent only on their own pleasure.

[sr71plt]

And as some others have noted, it may not be needed in a particular story any more than any other preparation needs to be included (there being several of them that should be performed but that rarely are mentioned). If you just have to mention safe sex procedures in every case you have a sex scene, then, yes, I think you are being too clinical--and are just a bit too conflicted about the whole erotica thing.

[Cruel2BKind]

Originally Posted by sr71plt

And as some others have noted, it may not be needed in a particular story any more than any other preparation needs to be included (there being several of them that should be performed but that rarely are mentioned). If you just have to mention safe sex procedures in every case you have a sex scene, then, yes, I think you are being too clinical--and are just a bit too conflicted about the whole erotica thing.

What if they put it on in a sexy way?

In a couple of my stories, it's the partner putting on the condom. So they can tease, or make it sexier. It adds to the trust, I think.