Old 12-03-2012, 08:20 PM   #1
Mothbite
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Worried I'm getting gipped

Hello,

I recently commissioned someone to do a story for me. His own stories seemed written fairly well, so I thought I'd give him a chance. He charged $40 for a 5k word story, so I thought it was a good deal.

What I got was......kind of bad. At least in my opinion. So before I decide how to respond, I present this question to you: would you think this story is worth paying $40 for?

Note: This is after I suggested/asked him to edit and re-evaluate twice. He claims to have written this in one night...and complained when I told him it might need editing and work.
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Ben groaned and stood up straight, the weeding finally done in this section of the garden. The day was hot and his head was dripping with sweat. He had watched the news this morning and the weather report said it would get up in the nineties. He looked up at the sun beating down on him, not a cloud in the sky. He had long since dispensed of his shirt and shoes, now only wearing his cargo shorts. His tanned chest had a tone of muscle to it and it shone with sweat.

The house he was working at was owned by Dick and Trisha Tompkins, acquaintances of Ben's from years ago, Pastor Tompkins being the youth pastor at a local church.. Twenty years old now, almost eight years ago he had started going to the church's youth group. The kids were nice and it was a fun time.

During the summer, he told people about his services that he offered to the local neighborhoods. They consisted of yard work, garden work, cleaning gutters, roofs and siding as well as anything else that he thought within his capacity. So far his schedule wasn't really full, but it brought in some good money. He charged minimum wage and a few working expenses to do whatever his customers needed. In the case of the Tompkin's house, he mowed, weeded, cleaned their backyard and cleaned out the pool. It was a nice job because sometimes Pastor Tompkins brought him out a cold drink and they sometimes offered for him to take a swim to cool off. They were nice people.

Usually he showed up around three in the afternoon, this being his last house for the day. Sometimes Pastor Tompkins or Trisha greeted him and sometimes he just showed up and did the work without them knowing, only taking the time to mark down his hours. However, in today's case, Pastor Tompkins was home all day and he had a few other things for Ben to do. Ben didn't mind as the Pastor usually paid him some extra for doing more than his usual chores.

"Hey Ben, as soon as you're done there, I was hoping you could trim the hedges alongside the house. You work so hard to make some money, I thought you'd like a chance to make a little more." Pastor Tompkins said from his seat on the shaded patio where he was reading his bible.

He wore bland slacks and a button up short sleeve shirt.

"Alright Mister Tompkins. Do you have some trimmers or clippers?" Ben asked politely.

"Yes, they're in the shed with all the other tools. You need to do is trim the hedges level on top and on the sides. That shouldn't be too bad, right?" He said, pointing idly to the shed.

"Thank you sir." Ben nodded and headed to get the clippers.

Behind him the slider opened and Trisha Tompkins walked through. He listened as he walked back across the yard.

"Hi dear, I'm home." She announced and gave Pastor Tompkins a kiss on the cheek; his expression didn't change and he continued reading.

Ben started near the corner of the house, trimming the waist high bushes across the top first.

"Oh, hello there Ben!" Trisha said kindly, waving to Ben.

"Hello Missus Tompkins." Ben waved to her.

She was a nice enough lady, but Ben had never really paid much attention to her. He often saw her at church, being noticed by everyone because she was the youth Pastor's wife and she was pretty well liked by everyone. She was probably in her late twenties, almost ten years younger than her husband. He sometimes noticed her cute smile or the curve of her body when she wore nicer clothing. But it was hard to tell with the professional way she usually dressed. Usually it was high cut blouses and knee or longer skirts. Today was no different, her hair tied up and a well fitting blue business outfit.

"Sorry I had to be out today honey, but we got the grant approved." She said to Pastor Tompkins, "Also today was the only way I could see the new building."

"Alright. Sad it had to take up most of your Saturday " Pastor Tompkins said absent-minded, as if he were talking to himself.

"Well it was kind of important. I'm glad it's all done. This suit is warm, I'm going to go shower and change." She turned and disappeared into the house.

Ben felt a little guilty about hearing the entire conversation, but there wasn't much he could do since he was working near the house. Barring any further chores from Pastor Tompkins, he only had to clean the pool after this. He liked saving the pool cleaning for last because he often splashed himself with the cool pool water.

The trimming went much faster than he had expected and Pastor Tompkins looked over, giving his approval. Ben cleaned up the trimmings quickly and was starting to get out the pool vacuum when he saw Trisha come back out of the house.

"That's a lot better." Trisha sighed, walking across the patio to stand in the sun.

Pastor Tompkins may not look at her much, but Ben just couldn't look away. He had almost dropped the vacuum hose when he saw her. A tight fitting blue one-piece that was cut up around the hips. He had never seen her in anything so sexy. It may not show off her belly or anything, but it was still drop-dead gorgeous. He watched eagerly as she stretched her arms above her head and brushed her loose hair behind her head.

She walked across the yard to the pool and turned to a white lounge chair. Ben's eyes are latched on her swimsuit and her long, slender legs as she sets her towel and drink on the chair. Her back faced him and his eyes were locked right on her butt. The way the light caught her supple, soft skin made him turn his head a little. The swimsuit was cut up right across her butt, exposing the outer edges of her soft, well-toned cheeks. He almost let his jaw drop.

Trisha rises up and turns to Ben. He was so enchanted by her amazing looks that he was slow to look away. Her eyes caught his and a smile split her lips. Her expression changed a little when she realized how long he had been staring at her. Not an angered or annoyed look, but one that was almost satisfied and appreciative. It was as if she were actually pleased that he had been staring intensively at her.

"So Ben, just the pool to finish?" She asked, smiling kindly towards him.

"Oh! Yes ma'am! I'm going to clean the bottom off the pool and that will be all!" Ben stammered, taking a step back.

He took one more step and yelled with surprise when his foot slipped off the side of the pool. He fell into the cool, clear water. It felt amazing as the water bubbled around him and it's cool, soothing temperature licked the sweat from his body. He kicked to the surface, coughing and sputtering.

"Oh my! Ben! Are you alright?" Trisha asked quickly.

"Fine ma'am. I just lost my footing." Ben said, clambering out of the pool quickly.

"You be sure to clean the bottom of that pool good! I don't want all the dirt and things that were on your shorts to get in the pump or filters!" Pastor Tompkins called from the porch after hearing the splash.

"Yes sir! I'm sorry sir!" Ben called.

"Oh no, I've got to go down to the church fast. There's been a break-in and the police are on their way." Pastor Tompkins said hurriedly as he pocketed his cellphone.

He had a worried look on his face as he hurried to collect his bible and head for the slider. It had been more emotion than he had shown in the entire time since Trisha had gotten home.

"Bye dear." Trisha called, waving to him, "Stay safe!"

He didn't stop to notice her and Trisha gave a sigh that sank her shoulders. Ben was starting to see how that Pastor Tompkins never seemed to pay any attention to his wife.

"I'm sorry about this ma'am. I'll get the pool cleaned quickly." Ben said, silently berating himself for being so clumsy in front of her.

"Oh it's alright dear, don't push yourself." Trisha said, "I'll just be over here sunbathing."

She pointed down at the lounge chair that she soon sat down in. He put the pool vacuum down to the bottom of the pool and started to move it around. It pulled the water at the bottom of the pool up through a long hose and into a filter before the water was poured back into the pool. As he walked around the pool he stole a glance up at Trisha. She had a towel rolled and laid across her eyes and her hands were at her sides. Her breasts wouldn't be considered big, but needless to say she filled out the swimsuit nicely. Her hips and legs were especially beautiful to him, their curve caught his eye well. At the last second, he noticed that she was lifting the towel from her face and he quickly went back to vacuuming the pool.

Trisha smiled at him as he vacuumed. She knew she had seen him looking at her from under the edge of the towel.

"So Ben, why do you work so hard for us in the summer?" Trisha asked idly.

"I need pocket money for school. Just to make things easier." Ben said, surprised at his own ability to keep his cool while she spoke.

"Oh. Well that's a good reason." Trisha said, returning the towel to her face.

Ben worked his way a little further around the pool before he glanced up at her again. Her legs were stretched out in front of her and her arms were above her head. This seemed to emphasize her breasts and her soft, flat stomach. He moved the pool vacuum idly back and forth as he looked at her, taking in the view like a man dying of thirst takes a glass of water.

"Wouldn't a regular job be easier?" Trisha said, moving a corner of the towel to look down at him.

Ben quickly turned and took a step around the corner of the pool and moved the vacuum further. Trisha smiled, recognizing that look on his face.

"It would be easier, but I find yard work more enjoyable." Ben explained, trying not to meet her eyes.

"Oh, well okay." Trisha sighed, putting the towel back down.

Ben finished the last side of the pool, only taking occasional glances at her now. He groaned as he pulled the vacuum out of the pool. His back was to Trisha and he worked quickly to pull the equipment back up out of the water. As he rolled up the hose, he thought he saw Trisha move out of the corner of his eye. He glanced slightly back at her just in time to notice her hand settling back above her. He blinked and went back to his work, his imagination running wild at the thought that she might've been looking at him. Could she have been checking him out as well? No, it was impossible, she wasn't interested in him.

He rushed to put everything away and close up the shed. He feared that if he stayed here any longer, he would say something foolish to Trisha. As he was walking back across the yard towards the house, Trisha spoke up, "Ben? Would you like a cold drink?"

"I couldn't impose on your relaxation time." Ben said, shaking his head and holding his hands up.

"Nonsense. I don't mind. You work so hard around here." Trisha said with a kind smile.

"Thank you ma'am." Ben said.

"Ben, you can just call me Trisha." Trisha said as she looked over at him.

"Alright Trisha." Ben said.

"Go ahead and sit by the pool. I'll be back with a drink in a minute." Trisha said, walking towards the house.

Ben nodded and sat by the pool, carefully glancing out the corner of his eyes at her. The way she walked away, the way her hips swayed, had Ben almost hopeful that she wanted him to look. But every time he even considered that she might be interested in him, his mind reeled back and reminded him that she was a married woman. He waited a few minutes and she came back with a cold glass of soda for him.

"So how did you come to be a gardener?" Trisha asked kindly, sitting back down on her lounge chair.

"I needed money. I used to only help my family, but my grandma started suggesting my work to people at church." Ben explained quickly, fumbling with his hands in his lap.

"That's nice. I've met your grandma before. She's a sweet lady." Trisha smiled sweetly, "So what're you going to do after school? Do you have a girl you fancy or somewhere you want to move?"

"No, not really. I was just going to try and start my career." Ben said simply, "What about you? How did you get where you are?"

"I went to college like you...and...needless to say I wasn't the girl in college that I am today." Trisha said, "I...Oh...It's really not important."

"I'm sure it is. Go ahead and tell me." Ben said eagerly.

"Really? Alright. Well in college I was...well...I was a bit different than I am today. I liked to..." Trisha blushed and glanced up at him , "...tease boys a lot."

"Really? You?" Ben said in surprise.

"I know. I mustn't look it today, but in college I was quite a beauty." Trisha said with a smile.

"No, that's not what I meant. You...You're quite...actually...beautiful." Ben stammered, "I just meant...you're the pastors wife and you're such an upstanding lady."

"I am? You think I'm beautiful." Trisha said with a hopeful tone.

"Ma'am, you're gorgeous. If I may say so, I think it's a crime that the Pastor doesn't pay you any more attention." Ben said a little too strongly; the moment it came out of his mouth, he immediately wished he could've taken it back.

"Oh aren't you sweet...well...I love my husband. We may have trying times, but I am married to him." Trisha said with a sigh that almost seemed regretful, "I mean...in the last few years he has become a little more... enamored with his work, but it's nice to see him happy."

"Um..." Ben mumbled, trying to figure out exactly what to say, "I suppose he does have a difficult job, doing so much work at the church. Do you never speak to him about it?"

He watched her toy with her fingers, as if she didn't know what to say next.

"I don't know...I'm not sure if I should tell you." Trisha sighed, letting her hands dangle in her lap.

"I won't share. It's alright." Ben assured her, putting a hand gently on hers.

"Alright...Ben...My husband and I...we don't...make love anymore." Trisha said slowly, twisting her hands together nervously as she spoke.

"You...You don't." Ben stuttered, his eyes wide in surprise.

"Not in quite a few months." Trisha sighed, looking up in the sky, "It makes me wonder if...no...sorry...I'm blabbering."

"Trisha, you sound worried about this. Is there anything I can do to help?" Ben asked, looking up into her eyes.

"Well...there is Ben...but I don't know if you would." Trisha said nervously.

"But I would Trisha. Just let me know, I'll help you in anyway I can!" Ben said hurriedly.

"Alright..." Trisha took a deep breath in preparation "I want to feel the touch of a man again."

"What?" Ben said, a little confused.

"I need the loving touch of a man. It's been too long since I've..." Trisha took his hand, "Felt a man touch me in that way."

"Oh! So you want..." Ben's head started to spin in surprise, unbelieving that Trisha could be asking this of him.

"I want you to fill me with pleasure Ben." Trisha pulled his hand forward and put it on her breast, "Do you know what a woman feels like after her man has physically abandoned her."

"But Pastor hasn't..." Ben started.

"He doesn't even look at me in a loving way anymore. He barely looks at me at all." Trisha sighed, putting her hands on his sides, "But you do Ben. I saw you looking at me."

"I didn't mean to! I swear...I just..." Ben stammered nervously.

"I like it when you look." Trisha whispered, getting closer to him, "I like to know that my body can still excite a man."

"Well of course it can. I mean you are...are...I...Tr...Trisha!" Ben fought to find his tongue as she started to kiss up the side of his neck.

"Come on Ben...my body is aching for it...I need you." Trisha breathed gently in his ear, "I know you want to be with me."

"But what about your..." Ben started to argue feebly as her hands touched his body.

"He'll never know. We needn't tell him. I just want you to pleasure me." Trisha said, her tongue playing around his ear.

His head buzzed and he found himself getting warm. The way she played with his ear and the way her fingers trailed over his body was exciting him very much.

"Think of it as helping our marriage...you make me happy by loving me and in turn I make him happy by not bothering him." Trisha said with a very enticing tone in her voice.

"Okay...alright. I'll help." Ben said to her slowly.

She leapt to her feet with a squeal of joy and he was yanked to his feet. He cried out in surprise as she rushed across the yard, dragging him with her. She pulled him inside and up the spiral staircase to the upper floor.

They rushed into the Tompkin's bedroom and she turned to him. He saw a feral nature in her eyes that hadn't been there earlier. It was as if the knowledge that she was going to have sex with a man was making her truly come alive. She put her hands on his hips and played with the belt loops around his waist.

"Come on Ben. Touch my body...kiss me. Make me feel like a woman again." Trisha breathed as her hands felt up his sides.

He pulled her lithe body against his and kissed her. She seemed to moan with relief as his hands touched her back and squeezed her body in his tight embrace. They kissed and her tongue pushed into his mouth. Ben wasn't a virgin, but this was the first time he was with a woman more experienced than himself. Her hands pushed down the back of his wet shorts and she felt his bare butt. He daringly did close to the same, grasping outside her swimsuit. She moaned happily at the touch of his fingers.

"You're grabbing my butt...I saw you looking earlier. Were you staring when I bent over?" Trisha said into his ear as he felt up her butt.

"I was. You're incredibly sexy. I'm starting to get erect feeling you like this." Ben said as he felt his cock growing.

"Ooooh...I feel it...I want to see it!" Trisha said, dropping suddenly to her knees in front of him.

She undid his shorts and pulled his erection out quickly. She squealed happily when she saw it. Ben felt her warm hand grasping his throbbing member and her fingers seemed to increase his desires. He grew harder and longer. In an instant, her lips were around his shaft and was sucking him all the way to his crotch. He moaned out loudly at the wonderful pleasure her warm, wet mouth was giving him. Her hands wrapped around his waist and she moved her head back and forth, eager to pleasure him.

"Ohhh! Trisha...that feels marvelous! I've never had a girl do this before!" Ben moaned happily, his hands hanging at his sides as she sucked him off.

He felt her tongue playing around his cock as she pulled back. She sucked just on his head and her tongue toyed with the tip of his cock. It sent shivers of pleasure up his spine and made him moan again. Her hand wrapped around the base of his cock and her other played with his balls. She sucked eagerly on his head and jerked him wildly, aching for his release to fill her mouth with youthful, delicious semen.

"Ahhh! Ahh Trisha! I can't hold on! I'm going to cum! I'm cumming!" Ben cried out, clenching his hands.

She opened her mouth and jerked his cock off so he could see his spunk shooting into her mouth. He grunted and moaned, spurting a thick, scrumptious load in her mouth. Trisha felt herself getting wet as she swallowed his load.

"It's been so long since I've tasted something that delicious." Trisha sighed, sitting back on her ankles, "I just wish I hadn't been in such a rush."

"Why?" Ben asked as she looked up at him and licked her lips.

"Because I'm dying to have you inside me and you just came. We've got to wait a while now." Trisha said, sighing sadly.

"Why?" Ben said, looking down at his cock, which was starting to get hard again.

"Oh! Youthful men! I forgot how resilient you were!" Trisha squealed happily, clapping her hands.

"May we continue in your swimsuit?" Ben asked.

"Oooh? Like my swimsuit do you?" Trisha said, getting up and bending over her bed, "Well please do. Just slip it deep into my aching womb."

She ran a hand up and down her butt, over the swimsuit playfully, before she pulled it aside to expose her pussy to him. He put his hands on her waist with a touch of nervousness licking at his toes. She one hand to hold the swimsuit aside and the other to pull her pussy lips open.

"See how wet I am? Don't wait." Trisha sighed as her fingers pulled her lips apart further.

"Here I go." Ben warned and he slipped the head of his cock into her.

"Ahhhh! God! That's so goood." Trisha moaned out happily, "Ohhh! I forgot how good this was...you're so big. I love it...push it deeper! I want to cradle your cock completely inside me."

"Okay." Ben said, sliding completely inside her.

Her insides were spongy and hot, pushing on his cock from all sides. Her muscles squeezed around his erection and he moaned. Her insides were wet and very pleasurable. He ran his hands over her swimsuit slowly as he pulled back. The sensation of her pussy pulling on his dick was powerful. She was really starved for sex, the way her body reacted powerfully to his touch. He slipped himself inside her again and her pussy clenched tightly around him. Pleasure surged up his shaft as her insides massaged him all over.

"Trisha...Trisha...your vagina...it's so hot...so tight..." Ben moaned, "You feel so wonderful inside."

"Ahhh! Ben...I've not heard talk like that...for...years..." Trisha breathed heavily as she ran a hand through her long hair, "Please...do me harder. I can take it...I want to."

He gripped her waist and penetrated her again and again, reveling in the increasing pleasure from her wet hole. Her moans filled his head and he couldn't believe what he was doing. This gorgeous, sexy woman was cooing and moaning his name again and again. He let his fingers slip under the edges of her swimsuit and he squeezed the bare flesh of her butt. His cock slipped in and out of her again. Her juices were starting to run down his cock and drip off his balls. She was getting louder and wilder as he pushed it.

"Ben! Oh god Ben! I haven't felt this good in so looong~!" Trisha cried happily, "Your erection is amazing! You're so hard inside me!"

Ben felt her pussy squeezing around him as if it were trying to eagerly milk his cock. He had never been with a woman this wild and crazy for him before. She was pushing back against his cock, trying to get him deeper inside her. The bed shook with her body's motion and his humping. He grunted and his orgasm neared, feeling her pussy continuing to squeeze him. It was a most marvelous sensation as her insides seemed to grip him at one end and then the tightness almost moved down him. Her insides rippled and convulsed in this manner as he rested entirely inside her.

"Trisha...Trisha that's amazing...you're...it's like you're pulling me in...oh god...I'm gonna cum...Trisha...I'm gonna cum! Let me pull out!" Ben grunted and yelled fearfully as she dug her nails into his hips.

"No! God no! I want to feel it! I need it!" Trisha moaned, "I want to feel you cum inside!"

He grunted and cried out, his cock shuddering and his balls convulsing. He clenched up and spurted cum into her pussy. Her insides continued to ripple around him and it felt as if she were pulling the semen eagerly from him. He moaned loudly and shot another bit into her. She sighed happily and let go of him. He almost fell backwards and he stumbled into the dresser behind him.

"Oh Ben...that was amazing..." Trisha sighed happily.

Ben walked back over next to the bed and looked at her as she turned over and sat up. Fear crawled up his spine as he realized that he had done it inside her, he had planted his seed in her womb.

"That felt very good." Ben agreed and a tone of fear filled his voice, "But I don't want to be a father."

"Oh don't worry about that, I'll take care of it." Trisha waved him off.

"No! I don't want you having my baby and having to deal with your husband about it!" Ben cried.

"Boy, have you never heard of contraception? I'm not getting pregnant." Trisha laughed, patting him on the face.

"God I was terrified there for a minute." Ben sighed with huge relief.

"You aren't a virgin, are you?" Trisha asked, staring at him flatly.

"No, I've had sex...just...I always wore a condom." Ben huffed, "Can we do it some more?"

"What? You want more?" Trisha's eyebrows went up in surprise.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to take advantage." Ben said, turning to grab his shorts.

"God no! You're not leaving! I was just surprised that you can go a third time!" Trisha cried, "Two is youthful, three is endurance!"

"So we can do more?" Ben asked.

"Yes! Of course we can!" Trisha laughed, "On the bed, lay down! Just let me get this bathing suit off."

"Yes ma'am." Ben said, crawling up on the bed and laying on his back.

She stripped the one-piece suit off and crawled naked up on the bed. Ben stared at her bare body as moved towards him. Her body was that of a woman his age. She was gorgeous and her breast jiggled with a sexy appeal. His eyes feasted on her beautiful body as she moved closer to him.

"This is my favorite position." Trisha said, straddling his cock, facing him, "It gives me the best pleasure because it rubs your cock against my insides in just the right way. Ohhh...yea...that's it."

She sank down on him and Ben moaned, pleasure radiating outward from his erection. He put his hands on her legs as she lifted herself up and set down on him. Her pussy felt entirely different in this position. Her muscles gripped him differently and quite a bit tighter. It felt amazing.

"Ahhh! Trisha, that's awesome!" Ben moaned, running his hands up her soft thighs, "God you're even more gorgeous naked!"

"Ben! Ben, deeper! I want to feel you deeper in me!" Trisha moaned loudly.

"How do you do that?!" Ben gasped.

"What?" Trisha moaned.

"You move your insides as if...if you're milking me!" Ben moaned loudly as she did it again.

"Years of trying to make myself sexier to my husband...I tried everything...I've spent days walking around naked in front of him just trying to get him to take notice..." Trisha cooed, "I did everything I could in case if he were to actually sleep with me...everything to try and keep him in bed as long as I could."

"I'm sorry." Ben grunted.

"Don't be! You're fixing the problem~!" Her voice got higher as the pleasure rose.

"Ahhh...haaa...I don't know...how long I can last this time! You're moving so wildly." Ben groaned and clenched his eyes, trying to hold back his orgasm.

"Don't hold it Ben...cum...cum all you want. The feeling of your cock inside me will keep me happy and masturbating for a month!" Trisha cried happily.

"Gaaah!" Ben moaned as his third orgasm erupted through him.

Intense pleasure burned up his spine and made him squirm. His cock dribbled what bits of cum it could after two previous orgasms. He groaned and huffed, his head falling back on the blankets. Trisha sighed happily and laid down on his chest.

"That was marvelous Ben. Thank you." Trisha sighed, putting her face against his shoulder.

"So...about next month." Ben started.

"If you're waiting until next month to sleep with me again, I'm going to smack the crap out of you. I expect you to do this every time my husband is gone for long enough." Trisha said, sitting bolt up right on him.

"Ow! OW! OW! It's not entirely soft yet!" Ben cried in pain as she pushed his cock at a weird angle.

"Oh god I'm sorry!" Trisha said, quickly getting off him, "Are you okay?"

"Fine...just don't think I can go again." Ben cringed, looking down at his cock.

"It looks fine...but remember what I said...don't wait. I want you every single time I can have you." Trisha whispered, kissing up his neck playfully, "You can even add the time you sleep with me to your hours...let my husband pay for your sex."

"Isn't that wrong?" Ben asked in surprise.

"No...he refuses to pleasure me...so you have to do it. It's only right that he makes up for his short comings." Trisha huffed, crossing her arms.

"Alright then. I will." Ben smiled.

"Good boy. You have a nice day honey." Trisha smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek.

Last edited by Mothbite : 12-03-2012 at 08:22 PM.
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Old 12-03-2012, 10:04 PM   #2
lovecraft68
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Just a quick question.

Why would you pay for a story, when this site has thousands upon thousands for free?

I didn't read all of it, but I wouldn't pay for it. The dialogue was really bad 70's porn.

What is the specific premise you want written?

PM me and maybe I can help you out.

For free.
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Old 12-04-2012, 03:28 AM   #3
Bramblethorn
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On the one hand, I don't think it's very well-written. If it's not at the same standard as the author's other works, you probably have cause to be disappointed.

On the other, I wouldn't be expecting much for $40. You're paying less than 1c/word; back when I wrote semi-pro magazine columns about 10 years back, I was getting 3c/word, and a professional writer would expect more than that. Five thousand words - if he's writing at 20 WPM (which would be REALLY fast), you're paying about $10/hour.
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Old 12-04-2012, 01:12 PM   #4
sr71plt
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If you commissioned it, and the other party fulfilled what you specified in the contract, you should be stuck with paying for it. Did the contract say you had to like and accept the story before fulfilling your end of the bargain? If not, you went ahead and paid for it, didn't you? I didn't read what was written, because you didn't include what you contracted for, so there's no real way to know if what was delivered fulfilled the contract.

I think this paying for a private story is a pretty silly idea anyway, and that you're pretty much setting yourself up to be taken. Live and learn?
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Old 12-04-2012, 02:16 PM   #5
barrymanilow
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Here's an idea:

In the future have the author submit it to the site and set up score/ratings incentives for a certain day to determine the payscale. E.g. state that the pay will be determined by the score the story receives on a certain date (say, two weeks to the day after submission) or something. If over 4.50, pay 50, if between 4.25 and 4.50 pay 40, if below pay less etc.
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Old 12-04-2012, 03:01 PM   #6
BonnevilleFlats
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It was written in one night. That is enough time to come up with a 5,000 word draft. It reads like a first draft: lots of adverbs which in subsequent drafts are replaced by description. I don't think you got gyped. You got a forty dollar story.

I spend lots of time on my stories; constant reworking of descriptions, pace, etc... It takes me at least six months of work before I submit a ten thousand page story to a site. For that amount of time on a commisioned story I would probably ask for at least $500. That is about what I get for a magazine feature.

I put stories on this site because I like the challenge. It also improves my non-erotic fiction. I don't get any money from it but I am writing exactly what I want to write for my own reasons.

If you would like that story to be better you will have to pony up more money. Or take the time to develop your own craft. Actually, I would suggest that instead of commissioning stories.

Last edited by BonnevilleFlats : 12-04-2012 at 03:04 PM.
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Old 12-04-2012, 03:08 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Mothbite View Post
Hello,

I recently commissioned someone to do a story for me. His own stories seemed written fairly well, so I thought I'd give him a chance. He charged $40 for a 5k word story, so I thought it was a good deal.

What I got was......kind of bad. At least in my opinion. So before I decide how to respond, I present this question to you: would you think this story is worth paying $40 for?

Note: This is after I suggested/asked him to edit and re-evaluate twice. He claims to have written this in one night...and complained when I told him it might need editing and work.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you have not paid for the story, what right do you have to post his story?

Please correct me if I am completely looking something over here.
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Old 12-04-2012, 03:15 PM   #8
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If you have not paid for the story, what right do you have to post his story?

Please correct me if I am completely looking something over here.
Because this is a closed commission and would not have been posted anyways.
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Old 12-04-2012, 03:32 PM   #9
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Because this is a closed commission and would not have been posted anyways.
You didn't answer the question. Did you pay for it? If so, it's your story to do with it as you want. If you didn't, it's the writer's story to do with it what the writer wants.

As far as the "how to respond," what were the conditions of the commission? What did the other party have to do? Just deliver 5,000 words or deliver 5,000 words that you judged to be acceptable before you paid? How is the contract worded?

Sounds to me like maybe both of you are in over your heads on this.
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Old 12-04-2012, 03:41 PM   #10
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You didn't answer the question. Did you pay for it? If so, it's your story to do with it as you want. If you didn't, it's the writer's story to do with it what the writer wants.

As far as the "how to respond," what were the conditions of the commission? What did the other party have to do? Just deliver 5,000 words or deliver 5,000 words that you judged to be acceptable before you paid? How is the contract worded?

Sounds to me like maybe both of you are in over your heads on this.
Sounds like it. All we agreed upon was the set amount of words, price, and that I would have a say in how the final product turns out.


I did set a detailed outline on every single that happened in the story (the stupid stuff, like Ben freaking out over contraception and getting his organ bent, was NOT part of the outline). I also asked that he use not much dialogue but use characters actions to show instead of tell.
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Old 12-04-2012, 03:55 PM   #11
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Here's an idea:

In the future have the author submit it to the site and set up score/ratings incentives for a certain day to determine the payscale. E.g. state that the pay will be determined by the score the story receives on a certain date (say, two weeks to the day after submission) or something. If over 4.50, pay 50, if between 4.25 and 4.50 pay 40, if below pay less etc.
I suspect authors would figure out that multi-voting is less effort than writing a top-quality story :-/

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Originally Posted by BonnevilleFlats View Post
It takes me at least six months of work before I submit a ten thousand page story to a site.
Assuming you meant "ten thousand word" there, but I like this version better.
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Old 12-04-2012, 08:47 PM   #12
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Well, we came to a deal, two sets of edits later. We cut the price to $30 and called it a day.

Never again, commissions.
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Old 12-05-2012, 04:03 PM   #13
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Good idea to stay away from commissions. Only leads to two unhappy parties.

My analogy is this. I might paint my own living room for free. But unless you are a close friend of mine I would expect to be compensated for my time if I was to spend an evening painting yours. And a five hour block of my time is worth between fifty and one hundred dollars to me.

If you want to have some idea how long it takes the better writers on this site to complete a story look at the amount of time between submissions. Even the more prolific writers who get high ratings seem to take at least a month between stories. A work of fiction is very different from a newpaper article or a term paper. All that matters in a term paper is that you support your thesis, the information is accurate and the grammar correct.
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Old 12-10-2012, 01:01 AM   #14
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stay away from commissions?

bonnevile flats and mothbite, regarding your conclusions.

i think they are ill founded. moth, you have only a single case, whose disagreement was apparently resolved; the author apparently trying in good faith to satisfy you.

moth, your procedure and specifications were never laid out for us, nor likely for him. a series of specified sex events told in a hot way? you likely got what you paid for, both at first and at the last. i'm assuming his time was worth a penny a word.

there are published pros who take commissisons in this area; google them; dare i guess that you don't want to pay 5-10 x what you did? you're like the guy buying $1 sandals at Walmart and wondering why they didn't last the summer. or, more relevant, taking an offer of a $40 hand job from girl on the corner, and complaining of not the greatest experience.

one idea. besides detailed specs, have a preliminary production and assessment of one chapter, to see if it's a go.

it (making contracts for services) is admittedly a minefield and a buyer beware situation: BUT as in any other area, those who act carefully, with safeguards in place, often succeed. many contractors are honest, whether it be in home renovation or providing sexual services.

there is no reason to think porn writers are any different. likewise there are difference as to offering and capabilities (i.e. quasi independent of honesty), hence if a carpenter with only small scale experience offers to build an additional room onto your house for $1000, based on sketches agreed on, you may have only yourself to blame, (unless there is outright fraud), if it's a bit flimsy and not to code.

i will glance at the story, now, but presuming it's adequate and apparently executed in good faith, i doubt i'll change my opinion.


========
PS. I've read parts and do not change my opinion. i think you got what you paid for, so far as we can tell, a series of predictable events leading to an inexperienced, well-built (yourself?) teen fucking an experienced, 'starved,' hot preacher's wife.

i do agree with posters, that if that's the level you wanted, **or even somewhat higher** it's available for free, e.g. at Lit. even for more 'unusual wants,' the free stuff is pretty good and Lit's search engines work well. i might add that some authors, if you have a really neat or unusual idea will write something 'for you,' i.e. with you in mind, but retaining ownership and publication rights.

as an editor, i must say the author's phrasing, regarding a cunt, is rather unappealing!


Her insides were spongy and hot, pushing on his cock from all sides.
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Last edited by Pure : 12-10-2012 at 01:21 AM.
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