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Old 11-28-2012, 04:02 PM   #51
JohnZee
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bailadora View Post
Who told you that lie?

Dude - I'm pretty old school when it comes to relationships and such, but I gotta tell you, even "way back when", if someone had started expecting/declaring relationship status after a mere 2-4 dates, I'd be running for the hills.
Hi,

You’re misinterpreting what I wrote (along with most of the other replies, which are choosing to in order to accuse me of something totally out of character). I meant that, usually, in my experience, if you get past the second date, a ‘relationship’, be it long or short, will result. This is not because I am claiming I am ‘in a relationship’ with this girl (far from it…); simply that most peoples’ radar will reject unsuitable candidates by the end of second date.

I only came back to this thread for shits and giggles, to be honest. I’m 99% sure she will call / text me with the ‘you’re a nice guy, but I’m going to move on’ skit in the next 48 hours. If the date goes ahead, I’ll play it by ear.

BTW – it’s your prerogative to be old-school, but I’ll bet you that, for nine out of ten people in here, when they were dating, they went to bed some time around the third or fourth date. It’s pretty normal. As a guy, if you don’t show some sexual interest by that point, many - if not most - girls will probably take it as a bad sign*

* I respect a girl if she says ‘no’ at any point, even if she’s naked beside me (I just wanted to put that in for fear of worse ad-hominem accusations being thrown at me by the 60-posts-a-day ‘experts’ here)
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Old 11-28-2012, 04:17 PM   #52
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I don't know how I missed on this gem of a thread.

But here is something I was told years ago by a girl. It was regarding my tendency to be a know it all, arrogant prick. I think you can take something from this too.

Wise blonde girl said:

"You may be the smartest person in the room, but you're not smarter than everyone in the room."

I want to be clear, you're not the smartest person here. Not even close. However, you should listen to the rest of the advice. A lot of people here with some wisdom and perspective are giving you some good advice. Collectively, our collective left testicle has more knowledge than you.

You're making way too much of this "3rd date" thing. It's three dates, mate. And you met on a dating site. Where people look for dates. Of course she's looking at other guys. She's probably paying for this service. It would be silly not to look.

And as for going to your house... Are you mental? As a guy, I wouldn't even go to a girl's house after the third date for dinner. Not an Internet person. Hell, I raise an eyebrow when my wife wants to cook me dinner at home. I make her taste the food first because I'm certain that bitch is after my money.

Listen to the advice here. There is lots of good advice. Just listen to it. No one is being judgy. Just trying to help you see the picture here. You might not be a stalker. But you are a classic over thinker. And that comes from me, who over thinks the shit out of things.
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Old 11-28-2012, 04:21 PM   #53
Eilan
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Ad hominem? If you were being attacked, it was based on what you posted. To avoid further confusion, perhaps you should think about what you write before you hit "Submit Reply."

Furthermore, no one who posted to this thread averages more than about 26 posts per day; the people with the highest post counts actually average 3 to 6 posts per day. But if you know what an ad hominem is, I'm sure you know what hyperbole is.
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Old 11-28-2012, 04:25 PM   #54
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Because your date has been married for years (and is now divorced) she is going to be more cautious about any warning bells about a guy - including wanting to take things to a sexual level too soon. (Say, the arbitrary 'after the third date' rather than 'when you're both comfy'. You've been together, what, 2 months? What's wrong with sexual interest being expressed in a toe-curling kiss and a promise of more such?) What has she said about her ex-husband?

The point is that while YOU think and YOU say that if she says no, you'll respect it, she doesn't have any evidence to back that up, and she can't afford to test it. Your insistence on having the date at your home is a warning sign to her - if you want somewhere more quiet to get to know her better, what's wrong with a weekend date at a park?

If you want to believe she's crazy, that is your prerogative. But hers is to look after herself. She tried to be polite about explaining her reasons, and you insisted anyway that the date be at your house. I would suggest that if you wind up going on this date, you back off sexually - apologise for freaking her out, even, and just say that it's because you really like her, and promise to be more empathetic from now on.

Put yourself in her place, and you might be able to salvage this.
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Old 11-28-2012, 07:47 PM   #55
bailadora
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnZee View Post
Hi,

You’re misinterpreting what I wrote (along with most of the other replies, which are choosing to in order to accuse me of something totally out of character). I meant that, usually, in my experience, if you get past the second date, a ‘relationship’, be it long or short, will result. This is not because I am claiming I am ‘in a relationship’ with this girl (far from it…); simply that most peoples’ radar will reject unsuitable candidates by the end of second date.
Now that you've clarified a bit, I can kind of see what you are saying. It may be semantics, but I think the better word here is association. The word 'relationship' connotes deeper meaning/feeling than most people would expect to be formed from a mere handful of dates.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnZee View Post
BTW – it’s your prerogative to be old-school, but I’ll bet you that, for nine out of ten people in here, when they were dating, they went to bed some time around the third or fourth date. It’s pretty normal.
Really? Sex expected by the third or fourth date? Holy shit, Batman. One more reason to be really, really happy that I don't have to deal with all that dating shit.
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Old 11-28-2012, 08:36 PM   #56
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Just one more thought JohnZee, instead of expecting that women should love you try learning first what it takes to love a woman. That has nothing to do with you trying to cajole a fuck after 3.5 or even 10 dates.

Lets get real here - you are after a fuck - not a relationship. You will be prepared to show off your wonderful porn WWE skills providing she is faithful and committed from two dates in.

Last edited by NightL : 11-28-2012 at 09:59 PM. Reason: had to update WWWF reference to WWE - been I while since I took any notice of that style of educational porn
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Old 11-28-2012, 09:26 PM   #57
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What the hell is WWF???? I know it as Words With Friends, a game in which I seem to lose a lot lately.
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Old 11-28-2012, 09:35 PM   #58
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World Wildlife Fund?

na - was actually meaning World Wrestling Federation haha

hell when I was a kid it used to be WWW - they certainly got their arse whipped over the use of those Ws

...just looked up - it is WWE now
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Old 11-28-2012, 09:48 PM   #59
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When you go into any relationship with preconceived notions of how it is going to develop you are going to make that person run for the hills.

They will sense it regardless what you actually verbally say.

Try approaching it WITHOUT any preconceived notions, judgements / prejudices, etc. with the ONLY intention of both of you learning more about each other. Be an open space for her to share about herself and be TOTALLY honest with her about yourself.

Always remember to REALLY listen to what she shares about herself. There may be red flags there that you need to address with her as they may be something that are total deal breakers for you. IE: send you running for the hills.

Forgot - there is a second intention - having fun.
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Old 11-28-2012, 10:04 PM   #60
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NightL View Post
World Wildlife Fund?

na - was actually meaning World Wrestling Federation haha

hell when I was a kid it used to be WWW - they certainly got their arse whipped over the use of those Ws

...just looked up - it is WWE now
Ah wrestling it is. I was just thinking of the wildlife one and didn't know about the wrestling one so it didn't make sense.
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