a few of mine, diversity and regrets included

[DeepGreenEyes]

Originally Posted by chipbutty

ha, yeah thanks for the read and comment dge

it projects rather more animosity towards politicians than, in truth, i feel but the poem sort of required it (it told me so!)

whitman is far more elegantly eloquent than i

Possessed by the nuse, were we?

[butters]

Originally Posted by DeepGreenEyes

Possessed by the nuse, were we?

[butters]

they say

our moral compass wobbles
when imbibing alcohol
such as lowers inhibitions
(along with knickers, on a roll)

but this is nothing new and now
the public knew it well
from gutter-gin to fine champagne
the liver's living hell

it's not that we don't give a damn
our sozzled souls benighted
it's more a case of PARTAYY ON!
our lives beer-goggle sighted

[KathrynMartin]

I am not sure if it is intentional but the sour moral of the first two stanzas bites my tongue as I recite this to myself. I am not sure that your device of using the Caption as part of the poem works here. In the first stanza I would have enjoyed less professional language “such as” a more descriptive element of the lowering of those inhibitions. For me the last line of that stanza just falls off the language and content cliff.

The second stanza like the first recites facts although the third line is beautifully descriptive. I find myself sorting out words that seem to have used to fill a void and come up empty.

The third stanza I like a lot, but wish you had not used Caps and bastarded the word party. It distracts from the emphasis of the activity and looks too frat house for me. “sozzled souls benighted” is incredibly expressive for what you want to say. The whole stanza is in the end your justification, the crie de Coeur if you will of this piece. I would love for you to fix the first two.

So I will apologize for being entirely too forward and hope to find forgiveness.

[butters]

Originally Posted by KathrynMartin

I am not sure if it is intentional but the sour moral of the first two stanzas bites my tongue as I recite this to myself. I am not sure that your device of using the Caption as part of the poem works here. In the first stanza I would have enjoyed less professional language “such as” a more descriptive element of the lowering of those inhibitions. For me the last line of that stanza just falls off the language and content cliff.

The second stanza like the first recites facts although the third line is beautifully descriptive. I find myself sorting out words that seem to have used to fill a void and come up empty.

The third stanza I like a lot, but wish you had not used Caps and bastarded the word party. It distracts from the emphasis of the activity and looks too frat house for me. “sozzled souls benighted” is incredibly expressive for what you want to say. The whole stanza is in the end your justification, the crie de Coeur if you will of this piece. I would love for you to fix the first two.

So I will apologize for being entirely too forward and hope to find forgiveness.

hi Kathryn

seriously, no apologies accepted, no forgiveness required - this is just a holding place of some stuff; in this instance an irreverent piece that moves quite deliberately from 'up-tight' to just 'tight' as part of a challenge elsewhere, and the frat feel of Partayy was exactly the intention since I don't go in for drinking till I'm insensible D. it wasn't taking itself seriously, though I do approve of you putting forward your thoughts on anyone's writing, mine included should you have time and inclination to do so. thankyou!

[champagne1982]

bumping up for Annie

[butters]

VENOMOUSsssss


hiss-story
has given me something of a raw deal
i feel

the pair were sssweet
but not the brightessst
you know?
i offered education
hoping to broaden their horizonssss -
turnss out i did that, at leassst

sseemss to me
where they went wrong
was in not conssssuming the core:
everyone knowss the core iss where it'ss at
and a little knowledge can be a dangerousss thing

fig leavess aren't ssuch a hot look
either
not without perssonal grooming
and the very devil to ssstay put
ammiright?

and i'd jusst like to sssay
if one spendsss mosst one'ss time on one'ss belly
sometimesss
sometimessssss
*cough*
a little elevation can be nice

i told god
"you can't keep kidss kidss forever
jusst so you got someone to wipe your arssse when you're passst it"
he got a bit pissssed about that
called me a wissssearssssse
gave me thisss lisssp

heh
i can work it

and no-on ever ssaid it wasss an apple
sheeesh

[HarryHill]

Brilliant!

[butters]

Originally Posted by HarryHill

Brilliant!

hope it made you smile because it did me as i wrote it ty

[DeepGreenEyes]

Originally Posted by chipbutty

hope it made you smile because it did me as i wrote it ty

I found it months late, but it did make me smile.

And I agree that it's brilliant. I want to see it written in swoopy, serpentine lines.

[butters]

Originally Posted by DeepGreenEyes

I found it months late, but it did make me smile.

And I agree that it's brilliant. I want to see it written in swoopy, serpentine lines.

thankyou for this comment

[HarryHill]

Good to see you Chipper, long time and all that.

[butters]

Originally Posted by HarryHill

Good to see you Chipper, long time and all that.

hey Harry you too, dude, and yeah . . . not doing anything poeticky right at the moment - the muse and the flesh are unwilling for now. it'll return, and then just try shutting me up.

hope you're doing ok, baretender

[HarryHill]

Still pouring that vin 'ordinare

[DeepGreenEyes]

Originally Posted by chipbutty

thankyou for this comment

Always a pleasure.

And by always, I mean, you know, about 95 percent of the time.