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Old 11-12-2012, 06:41 AM   #1
Theclickofheels
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Advice please - female doms only

My girlfriend works as a dominatrix. its her business. I'm not into it at all but she seems to spend loads of her time doing it. When she comes home she likes to be pretty in pink and all loving. She likes me to be the dominent part of the relationship and is actually very submissive. She says that I keep her sane. Can someone tell me wtf is going on here because i love her very much
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Old 11-12-2012, 07:12 AM   #2
wicked woman
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Why the need to swear? It's not uncommon for people who are dominant in their public life to not be dominant in their private life. And vice versa. It's called balance.

What's your issue with it?


ETA: I'm not a fem dom and don't know why you think they are the only people who can comment on this. It's a public site for all to post on and you know, someone else might have something to offer.
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Last edited by wicked woman : 11-12-2012 at 07:22 AM.
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Old 11-12-2012, 07:29 AM   #3
Theclickofheels
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Apologies for swearing was just an internet expression. I really dont know what my issue is with it hence my desperation for advice. I knew what she did when I met her and it doesnt affect our relationship. i suppose i just need to chill out more. I suppose i Struggle to recocile her two personas
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Old 11-12-2012, 09:01 AM   #4
Sir_Winston54
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Why do you feel a need to reconcile her two personae? If she were the CEO of a medium or large company at work, and wished to shed *that* sort of responsibility when she came home and have only the responsibility of serving and pleasing you, would you still feel the same compulsion to understand her desire to balance those activities?

I suggest that, since you claim "it doesn't affect [your] relationship," you consider her work life and your personal life as two separate things that really have no relationship to one another. If you can't do that, then perhaps you've been trying to lie to yourself - and her - about your feelings in regard to her profession.
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:31 AM   #5
Netzach
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It's a job.

Some of us get into it because we have a passion for SM or for domination in our personal lives and it just makes sense, do what you love. It's just an extension of a logical thing.

Some of us have a passion for...acting. Pretend. And could give a shit on a personal level. I mean a role can be satisfying, the adoring fans can be stimulating, but at the end of the day it's not real.

Some of us need lots of balance and counterbalance and are totally submissive in our personal lives and blah.

I have seen all three types be excellent pros.

Because...it's a job. And all of us have a passion for being not-homeless and not-hungry.

You asked for female dom insight into GF there, but I caution you this: do NOT extrapolate other women working as dominatrices' motives and values based on those of your GF, when it comes to them you have no idea. Ask, don't assume.
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Last edited by Netzach : 11-12-2012 at 10:37 AM.
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:32 AM   #6
Netzach
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir_Winston54 View Post
Why do you feel a need to reconcile her two personae? If she were the CEO of a medium or large company at work, and wished to shed *that* sort of responsibility when she came home and have only the responsibility of serving and pleasing you, would you still feel the same compulsion to understand her desire to balance those activities?

To be fair to dude, yes, yes, almost everyone is obsessed with this kind of a narrative, powerful person likes to be boned in the ass on all fours and squeal like a monkey, yes, we love that mystery.
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Old 11-12-2012, 02:45 PM   #7
Theclickofheels
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thanks some good answers there. I suppose its all just a bit new to me.
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Old 11-12-2012, 08:34 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Theclickofheels View Post
thanks some good answers there. I suppose its all just a bit new to me.
For someone that it's all new to, that's an evocative handle you picked there.

Just saying.
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:11 PM   #9
samanthaswitch
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Theclickofheels View Post
My girlfriend works as a dominatrix. its her business. I'm not into it at all but she seems to spend loads of her time doing it. When she comes home she likes to be pretty in pink and all loving. She likes me to be the dominent part of the relationship and is actually very submissive. She says that I keep her sane. Can someone tell me wtf is going on here because i love her very much
As has been said its an issue of balance. Think about having to be constantly in control. To have to keep your mind set in a "I'm the top dog" sort of place like (again has been said) a CEO. The strees that involves even for someone who has an alpha personality. If thats what you did as your normal 9-5 job every day how would you escape from the frustrations it brings? For many (not all probably but many) the answer is to let go of that control. Granted again as has been said your gf's mileage may vary everyone's different but its probably a likely explanation. Many of us (inside or out of the BDSM community) need to at least let go of who we act like some times. For some its through acting or role playing games or the like for others its sexually.
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Old 11-13-2012, 02:55 AM   #10
Theclickofheels
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Smile

Thanks sam i think you nailed it. I wrote the question when I was a bit smashed but now ive sobered up i'm fine with it.

I said i was new to this particular situation not new to a lady in heels
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Old 11-20-2012, 02:36 PM   #11
monkeyman057
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I'm admittedly not a female dom but I do feel compelled to comment, so forgive me if I'm intruding...

I think if I were in your situation I'd be very flattered that the woman that came home to me was someone that the rest of the world didn't get to see. It would indicate to me a very high level of trust and respect. I think it's pretty great that she opens up to you on a level that she's not comfortable with around other people. Love her for all she's worth and take some things at face value. She'll appreciate you all the more for it.
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Old 11-20-2012, 04:10 PM   #12
Stella_Omega
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Originally Posted by monkeyman057 View Post
I'm admittedly not a female dom but I do feel compelled to comment, so forgive me if I'm intruding...

I think if I were in your situation I'd be very flattered that the woman that came home to me was someone that the rest of the world didn't get to see. It would indicate to me a very high level of trust and respect. I think it's pretty great that she opens up to you on a level that she's not comfortable with around other people. Love her for all she's worth and take some things at face value. She'll appreciate you all the more for it.
Oh, this. Love it.
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Old 11-20-2012, 07:47 PM   #13
2981notrohrm
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A lot of people become the opposite in bed that they are in the rest of their lives. My wife is controlling, demanding, and neurotic in her everyday life, but sexually, she lets me do anything I want. I'm the opposite - self-critical and a pleaser. But in bed, I demand to be called Master and do as I please to her.

Your GF just sounds like she's her opposite at her most intimate. It's nothing unusual.
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Old 11-21-2012, 04:19 PM   #14
IrisAlthea
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Originally Posted by Stella_Omega View Post
Oh, this. Love it.
Seconded!
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Old 11-21-2012, 09:06 PM   #15
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I agree with the poster, you are very lucky that she can be so open and yes, vulnerable with you, that is very touching!

I can understand the jarring nature of what you are seeing, how can someone who is a professional dominatrix, who is this aura of bitchy/cruel/sexy/demanding/controlling woman be so sub at home....and the responses that came in all hit the nail on the head, there are a variety of reasons why, but in the end, what matters is she comes home to you and is comfortable with you and can let herself go, and that rocks. Pro dommes are like any other profession, some of the people are great at play acting and do it for the money (akin to the person doing a job that doesn't really set their gears in motion, but it is a living), some do it because the are into the scene and know how to be the dominant because they are sub in their own life, some are quite passionate about it and it is more then just a job or career, and all can be pro dommes clients love (I preferred the type into it personally, where it was an avocation as well as vocation, but that was me).

To paraphrase Tennyson (only a poet could make one of the worst military blunders in a war that was one of the worst blunders in history, into something memorable) "Ours is not to question why, ours is but to moan and sigh" *smile*
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