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Old 11-13-2012, 08:56 PM   #1
nayia
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Dating websites

Have you tried it and would you recommend it?

Are paid websites much better than free ones?

What are the good ones (free or paid)?

Thanks in advance for your input!
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Old 11-13-2012, 09:00 PM   #2
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pof

in my opinion plenty of fish is undoubtedly the best
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Old 11-13-2012, 09:03 PM   #3
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Actually, I have a friend (seriously, a friend) who spend money on one of the dating websites. And he ended up with a REALLY good girl. I can't honestly remember which website he used, but he was matched with some really attractive and (obviously) serious girls.

Free dating websites might be cluttered with girls who aren't serious. If somebody pays to find a date, you know they're serious.

That's just from what' i've seen. Results may vary.

(No, I've never tried a dating website personally. Too scared somebody I know might see me on there)
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Old 11-13-2012, 09:05 PM   #4
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copy the following into google:
site:http://forum.literotica.com "dating websites"

and returns about 2,660 results
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Old 11-13-2012, 09:08 PM   #5
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thanks nightl, i looked in the blank manual but i might have missed it.
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Old 11-13-2012, 09:58 PM   #6
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FWIW, I met my boyfriend on OKCupid. He is a gorgeous, smart, funny, and sweet and we have been together for 9 mos. If you're looking to hookup, you can find it there. If you're looking for a relationship, you can find it there, but you'll have to look a little harder. I think that's more or less true for most dating sites.
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Old 11-14-2012, 02:22 AM   #7
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Meeting people using dating websites is more efficient than meeting them in real life, but not any easier. The truth is that there's like 1 person in 100 that any given one of us would care to date. A website just makes it easier to get the other 99 out of the way. It doesn't actually make dating itself easier.

I swear by OKCupid because of their questions system and the profiles. The profile prompts are things like what you're good at, what your average Friday night is like, your favorite books / music / movies, etc. People respond better when you ask them narrower questions, and they say more about themselves. Plus, the questions they ask you to answer in order to get a handle on your personality--specific ones like, "Should gays be allowed to marry" or "Is astrological sign important in a match"--gives you the option to write about your answer. You can even add your own questions. It's easy to learn a lot about the person very quickly on this site.

Zoosk and Plentyoffish, in comparison, are meat markets: you click on a photo you like and pray for the best, because every girl describes herself as some variation of the following:
Quote:
Originally Posted by sample profile
lolol hi
I love the beach and movies. I'm positive and love to laugh. Also love to dance. I'm into music. I'm looking for my other half.
LTR only don't wast my time, no creepers lol
At that point you might as well just proposition people you pass on the street, or bite the bullet and use one of the sex personals sites.

I have no idea about the paysites. I have heard that eHarmony is slanted towards people who are strongly Christian. I also know that I had the same problem at Match as I do with Zoosk and POF: people don't say enough about themselves to start a conversation with. Lady, if you want me to react to you as a person, you are going to need to say something about yourself as a person--something more than the kind of platitudes I could find in a fortune cookie. "I am a person who breathes." Congratulations.

What can I say? I'm a scrawny, bespectacled nerd, and eight years of in-person dating accomplished very little. Then I went on OKC and found the two women in the world (so far) who have been willing to fuck me. I'm placing my bets accordingly.
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Old 11-14-2012, 06:34 AM   #8
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CWatson's right about why OKCupid's the best.

I wasted money on eHarmony once. It ended badly. Although to be fair to them, I only tried it because a friend had gotten married to someone they met on it, and their 4th or 5th anniversary is coming up, so I'd seen somebody have success with it that I hadn't seen somebody have with any of the other sites.

I always used to have fantasies about being wealthy enough that I could afford to use one of the "international" dating sites. Not much of a point in a website introducing you to someone if you can't afford a few grand for airfare to visit them, after all.
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Old 11-14-2012, 08:36 AM   #9
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I've tried dating websites in the past, paid and free. I've never had anything more than a couple of relationships that ended after about three months ... and that was after vetting through about 100 responses.

I've always made it a point to say I was seeking an intelligent and articulate man. About 90% of the responses I've gotten were one-line responses that rattled off their vital statistics, where they lived, and, "You sound interesting, tell me more." Most of them couldn't write that much without making at least three grammar, punctuation and/or spelling errors. A few went as far to ask, "What does articulate mean?"

A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog post about writing personal ad profiles. If you can wade through the bullshit, giggles and sarcasm, I think there are some lessons to be learned.

Testing the Water and Drowning in the Dating Pool
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Old 11-14-2012, 08:46 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CWatson View Post

I have no idea about the paysites. I have heard that eHarmony is slanted towards people who are strongly Christian.
I once spent a couple of hours filling out an eHarmony interrogation ... err questionaire only to be told there were no matches for me. I found that hard to believe since I lived in the Detroit area. I called customer service to see if they had a glitch in their system. I was told they didn't and that I was unmatchable because I smoked.
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Old 11-14-2012, 11:13 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by MsQuote View Post
I was told they didn't and that I was unmatchable because I smoked.
I find that extremely hard to believe that all men (or women, if that's your persuasion) have said "I will not date a smoker". It has to be a glitch in the system, especially if folklore holds true and there's about 10 men for every one woman who signs up a profile.
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Old 11-14-2012, 11:33 AM   #12
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Oh where do I start? I've been on a few free sites, for a couple years (how embarrassing) and have been on few actual dates. I get probably 10-50 messages a day (yes 50, as soon as I put up a sexy Halloween pic) I'm not a hook-up girl, which explains the lack of actual dates. The few I've been on, the guy was very different in person. I try to stay positive, as I say, "even a bad date is a good story"
My last actual relationship was a guy I met on a chat app. That seems to be currently working best for now.
I have a thread about dating in the BDSM cafe. It's a funny read, I think?
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=792411
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Old 11-14-2012, 12:49 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by Loverskitten View Post
My last actual relationship was a guy I met on a chat app.
What's this "chat app" you refer to?
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Old 11-14-2012, 03:04 PM   #14
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I've had great luck with OKCupid, and completely agree with CWatson regarding the profiles, questions and quality of people. Maybe it's just me, but OKCupid seems to attract a larger number of highly intelligent, open minded people who are looking for all sorts of relationships, from platonic to poly and beyond.

Next to that, I know quite a few people who have done well with Match, for both casual and LT relationships.

Eharmony might be worth a try (especially during one of those "free communication weekends" they advertise every so often), but I know an awful lot of people who have had MsQuote's experience of spending a ton of time answering the questions only to be turned away/not matched for some reason or another. AFAIK, you're also SOL if you're not hetero, even if you're seeking a hetero monogamous relationship, and that seriously runs afoul of my values.

Justin, per the forum rules you agreed to when you joined Lit, you're not allowed to post any personal info here, including your email address(es). Even sharing your first name and specific location is extremely unwise; this is a public board and there are some downright bad people here and elsewhere online who wouldn't think twice about using the info you post to try to destroy your life. Plus, posting your email is just begging for a ton of spam and scam offers, and if you're looking to meet women here, nothing says "I'm desperate" like posting your contact info! I'd advise removing all of your personal info from your profile and signature ASAP, and simply making sure you have your Private Messages enabled so people can contact you if they wish to do so. Because of your username, it'd probably be best to ditch your current account and start over with one that does not contain your specific location. Think about what is wise and safe to share on a site like this and what's not (e.g. How hard would it be to track you down, given what you've posted thus far? I'm betting it wouldn't be difficult at all!), then act accordingly in the future.
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Old 11-14-2012, 04:03 PM   #15
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I myself have never used a dating site, but we have friends who have, with mixed results.

The ones who had the most success were the ones who put a little bit of their personality in their profiles, were honest in their presentation (didn't used a pic from high school or make false claims about appearances / behaviors), and were specific (as specific as such sites allow) not only about what they were looking for, but what they brought to the table.

All have commented about some of the "dead wood" they had to cull through, PMs and actual dates, before finding an ideal date, and from what I understand, most of these sites are a bit of a sausage party when it comes to the ratio of men to woman. Bit of a buyers market for women.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MsQuote View Post
I once spent a couple of hours filling out an eHarmony interrogation ... err questionaire only to be told there were no matches for me. I found that hard to believe since I lived in the Detroit area. I called customer service to see if they had a glitch in their system. I was told they didn't and that I was unmatchable because I smoked.
Your story MsQuote reminded me of this oldie:

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Old 11-14-2012, 04:19 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by SweetErika View Post
Even sharing your first name and specific location is extremely unwise; this is a public board and there are some downright bad people here and elsewhere online who wouldn't think twice about using the info you post to try to destroy your life.
SweetErika is absolutey right. The Internet is a huge bathroom wall and you shouldn't post anything, anywhere, that you don't want someone finding. Here's the horror story I tell people:

There's an author--let's call him Guy--that I did some editing for. Earlier this year he found out a friend of his, "Gal," was doing smutworks as well, and he actually recommended me to her as an editor (one of the nicest things anyone's ever said about me! ). Well, Gal was writing fictionalized adventures using herself, her older sister, and her older sister's ex-boyfriend (Guy, as it happens--hence the connection) as characters. (Amusingly, Sister actually appears as a character in Guy's writings too.)

Gal was also using the same screen name for herself in various places--here, photobucket, XNXX, xhamster--and a quick Google search not only allowed me to find both her first and last name, not only her FB and LinkedIn profiles, but also dirt on Sister--who is notable enough to have a Wikipedia article about her. Using that article I tracked down the business Sister owns--name, address, Yelp, everything.

"Look," I said to Gal, "this is really dangerous. It didn't take me very long to googlestalk Sister. If I were of a mind to do something bad to her, you've given me every tool I need to do so. XNXX is FILLED with skeevy types who will think your fiction about yourself and Sister is reality. Please, please reconsider your approach to anonymity, before something bad happens." And she hasn't posted anything since, but last I checked, she hasn't cleared out anything historical either--so all that old information is still there for the taking. (There's a reason I've used nothing but pronouns in this retelling.)

Justin, you're a tad bit less vulnerable because you're a guy... But not much so. When on the Internet, assume that anything you ever say about yourself ever will be catalogued for posterity. If you don't want certain things known about you, either obfuscate to dissociate those things with your other identities or just don't say them. You cannot be too safe.


Also, back on topic...
Your opinion on Match.com may vary. I found it difficult to respond to, but that's just me: I'm a picky son of a bitch, and I've just been discussing with a friend that I have some sort of personality defect that makes me only attractive to women who are just rebounding from serious relationships and are emotionally inert. (Seriously--five of my last six dates.) (And then they do the whole "I'm not ready to date yet" thing, which always ends up meaning, "I'm just not interested in you," because less than a month later they're hooking up with someone else.) Maybe people with different standards and a functional heart would do well on it. I just know that it doesn't work for me. But I also know that OKC is not only more comprehensive, it's free, so the business decision seems obvious.
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Old 11-14-2012, 04:19 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by justin_in_cary View Post
I find that extremely hard to believe that all men (or women, if that's your persuasion) have said "I will not date a smoker". It has to be a glitch in the system, especially if folklore holds true and there's about 10 men for every one woman who signs up a profile.
Yeah, I found it hard to believe, too. If they didn't want my money, I didn't feel compelled to force it in their hands.
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Old 11-15-2012, 11:20 AM   #18
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ancestry .com is good if you want to keep it all in the family.
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Old 11-15-2012, 12:38 PM   #19
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Dating Sites are nothing more than Shark Tanks so people who are on the sites should keep that in mind. I say it time and time again that I would much rather be the guy than the gal on these sites. The fact is your looks will get you much further just because of the visual so be ready to deal with that. But looks only go so far and when you see what you actually have it will put you in a headspin Lol.

From my point of view I enjoyed either talking to or meeting the women. I didn't need to have sex with them though but in all honesty it was there for the taking within no more than 2 dates. Most of the women I went out with had been treated unfairly in their prior relationships and just about all of them just wanted to have some stability in a man.

The girl I am with currently was from POF. And she is a great girl who got caught up in the drama of finding someone for a strong relationship. Men are pigs Lol and I wish all the women who are looking all the luck in the world.....

I would not put a dime into the Paysites. If someone is on one they are most likely traveling the circuit either looking for something long term or putting notches in the belt which is crazy easy to do.
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Old 11-16-2012, 11:20 AM   #20
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ancestry .com is good if you want to keep it all in the family.
LMAO!!!

Thanks! I needed that laugh!
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Old 11-16-2012, 11:41 AM   #21
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I must say, my main issue with dating sites is the lack of dating. Guys will send messages back and forth for weeks, then just stop???? Even if it goes as far as exchanging phone numbers, there's some texting, then that stops too.
A few times guys have admitted to not using their photos in their ads and that's why, but other than those I don't know why guys don't get to the actual meeting stage.

When I first joined, I thought I'd have like several dates a week and be on there for only a few months. Wrong!
I'm a pretty attractive woman, with my shit somewhat together (job, car, house, friends, hobbies...) and I keep telling myself, "hey I'm a good catch and I'm on here, there HAS to be others" but I really feel like throwing in the towel. Online dating is extremely frustrating!
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Old 11-16-2012, 11:56 AM   #22
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Whatever you do, avoid Craigslist!

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Old 11-16-2012, 12:56 PM   #23
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Oh man... during some bouts with insomnia (cats, ya know) I checked the Craigslist personals. People are nuts, putting their addresses and stuff! Ted Bundy is probably cursing from hell because he had to wear a sling, now a crazy just needs to show up.
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Old 11-16-2012, 02:26 PM   #24
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I haven't been on the bodybuilding.com message boards for a while, but a lot of the younger guys there would troll PlentyOfFish and strike up conversations with women whom they considered to be unattractive. They'd lead the women on, all the while posting pics and private conversations on the bb.com boards just for laughs. Then when they'd had their fun, they'd cut off all correspondence.

I like this site. It's kind of like the asshat awards threads we have here.
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Old 11-16-2012, 03:00 PM   #25
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I haven't been on the bodybuilding.com message boards for a while, but a lot of the younger guys there would troll PlentyOfFish and strike up conversations with women whom they considered to be unattractive. They'd lead the women on, all the while posting pics and private conversations on the bb.com boards just for laughs. Then when they'd had their fun, they'd cut off all correspondence.

I like this site. It's kind of like the asshat awards threads we have here.
Oh no, did I just get called unattractive???
Well if that's what is going on with me, it must be on the "clean cut white guy" boards because I don't like bodybuilders. You just gave me another reason not to like them.
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