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Old 11-07-2012, 07:30 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by KWAL View Post
I was with a woman in her early 20s some yrs back aand she confided in me that she has never orgasmed at all. I simply made her feel completly relaxed and comffotable with me over the course of a few days and slowly her secret desires started to surface and with some understanding we worked through them and as sex continued I slowly started to direct her more (oh and also worked extensivly on her self esteem including standing her naked in fron of mirror and showing her through touch and wrds just how attractive she is etc- which really wasnnt hard cuz she was very attractive) and give her some guidance and just let her enjoy then I wwas able to just tell her its ok to cum etc... when she did she was a squirter.
Of course she was.
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Old 11-07-2012, 07:46 PM   #52
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I can't get sexually aroused or orgasm please help me!!!!!!
No matter what I do or try I can't become aroused even a little except on rare occasions when I have a dream does anyone else have this problem and what can I do to fix it????:


I posted earlier in this thread about several things that helped me but smoking pot was very instrumental in my success. I would get high and read erotic material and "ta da" but again, not all strains of pot hit me that way though most do.... try it, you'll like it!
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Old 11-07-2012, 07:48 PM   #53
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Well, I can make myself come, but I never orgasm having sex with a guy (I do enjoy it though). I only really cum if I play with myself, or have sex with another woman
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Old 11-08-2012, 01:04 AM   #54
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I think I have a very good answer, but not one that's easy to put in play.

Non-genitalia touch can be extremely arousing, but only with a partner who knows what he or she is doing. Someone who takes time (even hours) exploring your body to find the places you react to and during time where the focus is on touching and not intercourse/fucking. Also, some light BDSM play like restraints, blindfolds and bondage can heighten the senses since you can't see or react to being touched. It forces your focus on amping up even the most delicate touches.

I once spent about nine hours playing this way and orgasmed several times. But then again, I'm highly orgasmic but was aroused in ways that no amount of serious hardcore intercourse/fucking could bring on. This has only happened with two men in my life and they were older, much more experienced, and enjoy the journey just as much if not more than the destination. That's something most men in their 20's aren't. They're still pretty cock-centric and some men will always be throughout their lives.

Seriously, it's more erotic than it sounds.
Thank you! What you just described is exactly what I've been looking for. My only problem is that I'm pretty sure it wouldn't end in sex the first couple times, and asking someone to do that is hard for me. I would be so afraid of the setback a refection would cause. Or worse, finally getting somewhere only to here "So, uhh, can we do it yet?" But really, I can't believe you hit it so much on the nose. Funny enough, though random, I keep hoping that if I put enough kickstart into working on this, when I'm thirty (twenty five right now) the mythical 19-year-old-boy-libido will hit me likea ton of bricks and voom! Orgasm land.

Also, what kind of pot? Of the two I've tried, one was a super heavy body high, and the other was a laugh fest. I just have to be careful, because after two drags, I can get that horrible spinny/too high feeling. Am I right in assuming that your talking about the more creative/psychedelic high? I've never tried it, but it does seem like something that would fit.
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Old 11-08-2012, 07:17 AM   #55
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MsQuote View Post
I think I have a very good answer, but not one that's easy to put in play.

Non-genitalia touch can be extremely arousing, but only with a partner who knows what he or she is doing. Someone who takes time (even hours) exploring your body to find the places you react to and during time where the focus is on touching and not intercourse/fucking. Also, some light BDSM play like restraints, blindfolds and bondage can heighten the senses since you can't see or react to being touched. It forces your focus on amping up even the most delicate touches.

I once spent about nine hours playing this way and orgasmed several times. But then again, I'm highly orgasmic but was aroused in ways that no amount of serious hardcore intercourse/fucking could bring on. This has only happened with two men in my life and they were older, much more experienced, and enjoy the journey just as much if not more than the destination. That's something most men in their 20's aren't. They're still pretty cock-centric and some men will always be throughout their lives.
Seriously, it's more erotic than it sounds.
You said it perfectly! Some of us older men take our time and enjoy the journey . We realize the entire experience of being with another in bed should be savored and enjoyed.
I personaly love seeing my partner aroused and lost in lust.
My orgasms will happen...
but I'm in no rush to get there.
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Old 11-08-2012, 07:32 AM   #56
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Interesting Thread, the thought of me not being able to climax would drive me crazy. Over the years my orgams have improved, from week little spurts at the age of 19 to great fantasic mind bogling explosions at the age of 74. I found that the older I became the better the climax, and the better the control. When I masturbate it becomes an urgent desire, when I have sex with a male it just lust, with a woman, its pure pleasure and I find that my needs are not as important as hers, so I can concentrate on fullfilling her needs. My main desire is to make her cum as often as she wants, using a varietry of different techniques.
I love giving oral, and rubbing her g spot while I suck her clit.

Just my thoughts
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Old 11-08-2012, 08:21 AM   #57
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Originally Posted by eric60red View Post
Interesting Thread, the thought of me not being able to climax would drive me crazy. Over the years my orgams have improved, from week little spurts at the age of 19 to great fantasic mind bogling explosions at the age of 74.


I never orgasm and never have. Yeah, not being able to climax like other people can drive one crazy, I can vouch for that.
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Old 11-08-2012, 10:10 AM   #58
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I never orgasm and never have. Yeah, not being able to climax like other people can drive one crazy, I can vouch for that.
I can understand perhaps how that can be, when I am tired, it takes me a long time to cum, but I have a deligthful feeling of pleasure inside me. After an hour or two, I still want to cum but cant, my cock goes limp and will not rise. I have learnt by carefull manlipuation to make my soft cock cum, ok its not a big one but its a soft sort of climax and fills a need .. Isnt sex wonderfull
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Old 11-08-2012, 10:38 PM   #59
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Jessica-
If I had to hazard a guess, it is probably an emotional issue due to your past trauma if nothing physically is wrong (hormone balance, T level, nerve sensitivity). I am not a professional but I went through this with my spouse, she was the victim of horrific sexual abuse from her father for a lot of years, and it leaves a lot worse scars then physical ones. It is a form of PTSD and it is particularly vicious. One of the things that often happens with children who have been abused, according to what the therapist said and I also read about, is that when they are abused the body reacts and then the kid reacts with shame and it kind of causes the body to shut down and can stop them from reacting sexually down the road, because they associate sexual response with the shame, they in effect feel guilty because their body betrayed them.

Like you my wife had no recollection of it, it came out in intense therapy to get at other issues. Our therapist used a technique called EMDR to work on it and it was fucking intense, whatever doubts I had about what happened, once she started doing the work and I literally had to carry her out of some sessions, I knew it was real. My wife had been orgasmic to a certain extent but was not overtly sexual, we had problems in our sex lives because of it, including at times her pulling back from me in terror (btw, to keep from getting confused, I am transgender, or at least I was,in transition, etc; at the time of the therapy, and now, I lived/live as a man) because it brought up what happened. I can't say to what extent that is driving what you experience with orgasm but I suspect it is at least part of it. I would try and find someone with experience with PTSD and techniques for dealing with it, the EMDR was a sledgehammer but it worked. One other point, it probably will mean getting at the parts you blanked out, actually going back and through body memory and other techniques bringing it up, it isn't pleasant but from what am led to understand it is the only way to heal.

It also can take a while, it took a good number of years before my wife's sexual response and drive came back to life, but what you are describing sounds familiar in some ways. In effect what it is about is your subsconcious/inner child realizing that what happened wasn't her fault and that it is okay to feel those things. I wish you luck,hopefully what others have written will help , and I strongly encourage you to find a professional to help as well. Again, all I can offer is what I learned supporting my spouse, hopefully sharing does some good, might make the sucky parts of going through this with her worthwhile if it helps someone else

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Old 11-10-2012, 04:40 PM   #60
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QUOTE: Also, what kind of pot? Of the two I've tried, one was a super heavy body high, and the other was a laugh fest. I just have to be careful, because after two drags, I can get that horrible spinny/too high feeling. Am I right in assuming that your talking about the more creative/psychedelic high? I've never tried it, but it does seem like something that would fit.


Unfortunately, i don't live in an area where I have control over what kind of weed I buy and usually don't know what strain I've gotten. So, it's trial and error for me. (fortunately, I love to practice, lol.) If I find something I like, I try to get more of it while it's still around. But in general, you want something with more sativa (cerebral high) than indica (couch-lock) effects. I have had a good response with multiple types.
Obviously, start slow so you don't get dizzy. Each type has a little different strength, so how much you'll need varies. The other thing is that when you got high before, you were likely not working toward the goal of sexual enhancement. So when you next try it, set the mood. Warm bath, nice music, candles, toys, and a way to read LIT stories or other erotic material. The most important thing is to arrange enough time and privacy to relax. Remember, the goal is to sink in to the sensations, enjoy everything you feel without worrying about orgasm. Once I started getting lots of pleasure with my play, I thought of little else for quite a while, lol.
As I said before: practice, practice, practice; by yourself or with a friend. Give yourself permission to go out and find what you need without throwing up moral roadblocks. And, as someone else mentioned, there are lots of men who are so in to a woman's pleasure that they'll invest the time with you. In general, they aren't 25 though! Older, wiser, and more experienced has a lot to offer. There's nothing to say you can't find a way to please them a bit later… ;-D
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Old 11-13-2012, 01:59 PM   #61
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Ohh yeah the types of pot you smoke all the difference in the world. Like Kduffy said correctly sativa dominate types are body high with clear mind high while indica types (most common) is clouudy head lazy couch lock type. If your lucky enough to live in a somewhat mj liberated state you can choose one of or a combo of them. Like a 60% sativa and 40% indica would give you a opening mind effect with the physical aspect ya want. Something along the orgins of apollo 13 I would recomend to start with.
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Old 11-14-2012, 10:51 AM   #62
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I have never felt a need to take stimulents, not even viagra, but isnt there a hormone drug that can help women, to feel sexier? If not someone needs to invent it. something like a love potion perhaps
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Old 11-14-2012, 11:15 AM   #63
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I've known a few women like this and theres a couple pieces of advice I can offer both jessica and the others.
1) Go see a doctor and talk to them. There's a whole string of medical issues that can screw with your sexual desires and things. For that matter some medications (anti depressents come to mind) can affect it. After the medical stuff gets ruled out:
2) talk to a therapist: again a lot of issues are psychological. Don't start there because you don't want to miss something dangerous on the physical side.
3) Touch yourself: Is it not at all or just not with a partner. Try different toys and ways of rubbing yourself see if one thing works better then another.
4) Tell your partner what youv'e found out

If it is physical scarring from a rape from what I know there are some treatments they are working on so it may not be hopeless. Again all the more reason to talk to a doctor.
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Old 11-20-2012, 05:32 AM   #64
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For those interested

Having an orgasm is no doubt one of the most pleasurable sensations known to humankind. For many individuals the ultimate goal of a sexual experience, whether it be alone or with a partner, is to have an orgasm. Although orgasms are a paramount part of many sexual experiences, relativity little is known about the underlying physiological mechanisms that control orgasmic responses.

The word "orgasm" is derived from the Greek word orgasmos, which means "to swell" or "to be lustful." There is no one universally accepted definition for orgasm, and we don't know why humans evolved the capability to have orgasms. In both males and females, an orgasm brings about numerous physiological and neurochemical changes in the body. The intense feelings of pleasure associated with orgasm are the result of the release of built-up neuromuscular tension known as myotonia.

If you want I can carry on in more detail.
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Where have all the adorable ladies gone, who like being told that they are desired, sexy, and wanted? Come let me help you to show you how you can achieve untold pleasures.
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Old 11-20-2012, 10:47 PM   #65
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a lot more common than is admitted

Maybe not among this crowd, but among the female populace in general. It's a hard thing to admit, especially when pretty much 99.9% of the stories posted here focus on the woman's mind blowing, well timed (usually simultaneous) and usually multiple orgasms. Orgasm during sex becomes normal in this lit world, but the facts don't line up with fantasy. Statistically there is a large part of the female population who does not orgasm during sexual intercourse. Most men do not understand this problem unless their SO has experienced it and they worked through it with them (this describes myself). Even women who have never had this condition do not understand it. And the real world is often very cruel, insensitive, and arrogant, as you can see by some of these posts.

One interesting thing to note is that most porn does not demonstrate a woman reaching a real orgasm either. They hoot and holler, scream and yell, but they're often not reaching orgasm. It's understandable since the woman is performing under bright lights, with a director possibly yelling instructions at her, surrounded by studio hands who are watching/evaluating her performance. Even a nymphomaniac would have trouble reaching orgasm under these conditions.

And to a lesser extent this can happen with your favourite guy. "A watched pot never boils". This can be true when it comes to orgasm. You may want to reach orgasm with that special someone, but if you think he's expecting you to orgasm, it becomes a performance, and it probably won't happen.

A few have already said to try alone. From my experience with my SO, this has worked the best. Get a clit stimulator and a vibrating dildo and experiment. Be sure your environment is as safe and comfortable as you need it to be (lock the door, turn down the lights, burn incense, cover yourself with a blanket, etc). It will take practice and consistency. Do this each day at the same time of day, when you aren't tired or stressed. Be disciplined about it. Soon you will be anticipating your time alone at that same time of day and will be aroused even before you start. Don't make orgasm your goal, but self pleasure. Yield to your pleasure and enjoy it as you experiment. If things aren't progressing, remember that if you don't change something (like your setting, technique, etc), nothing will change. Feel the longing build up and increase your capacity for lust. I have found it is like exercise. You can't run 10 miles if you've never trained for it. Build up slowly, find those encumbrances that are preventing you from submitting to your lusts, whether they be physical or psychological.

Hopefully, your experimentation, patience, and training will pay off and you'll reach orgasm at some point. This can take a while--months of training. Applying that skill you've developed alone to work in the presence of another person will be a challenge. It may happen in a mutual masturbation session, with absolutely no expectation from your partner. Or it could happen during sex with clitoral stimulation. From what I've experienced, it will rarely happen if your partner expects it to happen, or you feel judged by him (what's wrong with her?). If you can find that special someone who has the love required to see you through, however long it takes, you may have a keeper!

That's my two cents based only on my experience.
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Old 11-22-2012, 08:39 AM   #66
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That was a really thoughtful and helpful post, polcam. Thank you.
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Old 11-24-2012, 11:24 AM   #67
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I don't mind sharing here.

Yes something did happen to me when I was younger. I don't have any memory of it, but found out from my Grandmother and my doctor that someone in the family had abused me when I was around three years old. It was apparently bad enough to leave a decent amount of scar tissue to be found when I was fifteen. And then my brother molested me from around five to thirteen. But then I was taken from the house, sent to a residential facility for behavioral therapy until I was sixteen. Now I have a wonderful relationship with my family, even my brother. It's like we were two different sets of siblings, (then, and now). I have no memories of the granfather who (physically) scarred me.

I know I spent a while trying to have sex with people to feel wanted, but now I'm pretty damn healthy. A touch of body dismorphia and some self esteem issues from being overweight, but nothing I can point to that would account for this. I'd assume I had some sort of mind block, but if I do, no amount of hypnosis, self exploration or therapy has budged it.

I aslo know that the only time I feel arousal is when it's mental, like reading things hear on lit, and when it's in anticipation of the physical. Anything touches me with more weight than a feather and everything - even the mental arousal - is instantly gone, and not coming back for a good long while. This is very frustrating. Especially because I love sex. I tend to feel all the time like I should be getting much more out of this than I am.

I know that this stuff takes time, but with the work I've put in, damn if I'm not pissed to still be waiting on the returns. >.<
I recommend that you find a therapist skilled in EMDR. the body and brain do wonderful but long-lasting and dysfunctional things to protect itself when abuse happens. We cannot possibly get to the core of the problem here but I know several folks for whom EMDR has done wonders and the investment in time has not been onerous. My further opinion is that using weed using a band-aid for a major wound.
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