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Old 11-07-2012, 02:14 PM   #51
Netzach
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Quote:
Originally Posted by samanthaswitch View Post
I've had a few over the years. Currently its one (my guy and I are both gamers its a nerd thing if you've played D&D you probably get it if not oh well). So far (we're still fairly new together) I haven't used it much mostly because he's new to bdsm play and I have more trouble getting him to be rough enough with me then with him being to rough.
At play parties a lot of people use traffic light "green" to mean "amp it up I'm enjoying this, more please"

depending how intense your power dynamic is, you might benefit from something like this - it'll help him learn how what he's doing is working.
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Old 11-07-2012, 03:28 PM   #52
2981notrohrm
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The wife and I don't actually use safewords, though if she taps the pillow like a wrestling referee, I know to stop. (Which is inevitable, because she lets me - nay, encourages me - to choke her.) If I used a safeword, it would have to be something unusual. Perhaps "popsicle" as used in Fifty Shades to Grey (she's a fan; I thought it was boring.)

I don't know why "banana" is such a popular safeword except for the fact that Lois and Peter used it in Family Guy (episode "Let's Go To The Hop.")
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Old 11-07-2012, 03:41 PM   #53
Emerson40
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Originally Posted by 2981notrohrm View Post
I don't know why "banana" is such a popular safeword except for the fact that Lois and Peter used it in Family Guy (episode "Let's Go To The Hop.")
*makes note to contact that Seth guy and ask about royalty check*
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Old 11-07-2012, 05:08 PM   #54
samanthaswitch
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Netzach View Post
At play parties a lot of people use traffic light "green" to mean "amp it up I'm enjoying this, more please"

depending how intense your power dynamic is, you might benefit from something like this - it'll help him learn how what he's doing is working.
I've seen that before it just didn't occur to me. Maybe 20 to keep with the theme. thanks.
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Old 11-08-2012, 12:08 AM   #55
njlauren
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Originally Posted by Netzach View Post
Does this even need pointing out? Would you check out the situation if you were standing in a movie line and this happened to some random chick you don't know? I would.

Why are we so eager to make "regular dating" stuff into magic BDSM woo? Why don't we encourage people to capitalize on extant sense, other than to reinforce some kind of exclusivity?

Also, it's true, a sub cannot be responsible for something they don't know, but neither can a dominant be, by default. That's what we call "shit happens" and yes, the onus is on the not-tied-not-passed-out person. What if the Dominant has an unexpected medical emergency? Is the sub completely free from any responsibility in that event?

The first time I saw sounding, I almost passed out. It later became something I enjoy doing to people, it was just a one-off reaction. No one helped me process this, and no one had to guard me from my own bad reaction or talk me through it

I'm glad no one had to pick me up off the floor either, but had that happened, I hope someone would, rather than standing around because that doesn't happen to Dominants!

No one can be 100 percent sure how doing something to someone else is going to affect them in advance either. We are all going out on a limb to certain extent, only for half of us it's seen as "sexy helpless" and for the other half it's a liability and a shame.
Yes, shit happens, but given that a dominant has more control over the situation, is presumably more 'there' so to speak then someone let's say that has been tied up and flogged or whipped, they have a perspective the sub probably does not have. I am not saying a submissive is just a lump lying there saying "do me and protect me, daddy", I am saying that by the very nature of what a dominant is in scene play (and here I am assuming they are playing in private), that they are in a better position at times to judge when things have gone too far then a sub. It isn't about total responsibility, but rather it is about who may be in a better position to judge what is going on. This doesn't just apply to BD/SM, it applies to chain of command on a ship, for example, where the captain is ultimately responsible for the safety of his ship, if something happens a ship's captain cannot say 'shit happens', it is their duty to be aware of what is going on and make decisions when things go bad. A Captain is not alone on a ship, they have officers with delegated responsibility for the ship, but ultimately it is his responsibility that things go well.

A dominant is not a ships captain, but the reason a captain as that responsibility is that by nature of having risen through the ranks and gained experience, he is deemed to have the best view and knowledge to make those decisions. In scene play, because a dominant is ultimately controlling what happens (I don't give a shit that a sub can stop play with a safeword or whatever, if a dominant stops flogging the sub, or stops tying them up, or whatever, the scene stops) and because of that, they ultimately are in control of the safety of the sub and in that they may have to make decisions if they feel the sub is in trouble, and that is common sense, only the person driving the car can stop it. Again, as a ship's captain relies on his crew to keep him informed, a dominant relies on the sub to keep them informed, but at times a ship's captain will see something unfolding that his crew may not see as a threat and act, a dominant may have to act if they think the sub doesn't realize they are in trouble.
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Old 01-21-2013, 09:18 PM   #56
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We use yellow and red. (We would probably qualify more as top/bottom than D/s in any case.)

I agree with Netzach. It's not fair to put that on my partner to be in charge of my safety. Yes, he knows me, etc., but our bodies are always changing. What I can take/enjoy on Monday may be different than what I can take/enjoy on Tuesday. Although my life would be a lot easier if he were a mind reader, he's not.

And I refuse to see the use of safewords as a sign of failing on either part.
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Old 01-22-2013, 12:53 AM   #57
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Ours is the name of any city. When I get excitable I can clearly think of what I would like to say, and say something completely opposite. For example, the ever popular banana would become avocado or yellow. My brain can be as spastic as it likes!

Our nonverbal command is a snap, or a hum depending.
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Old 01-22-2013, 10:16 PM   #58
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Call me naive, but I've only done serious S&M with two men, both are worthy of my full trust. I prefer to be bound and gagged during heavy sessions, so a safeword is useless, besides, I want my Dom to take me a little past my comfort zone each time. Has this gone too far on occasion? Heck yes. Am I still alive and well to talk about it? Heck yes. To me being a sub means not telling my man when to stop, but that's just me. YMMV!
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Old 01-23-2013, 07:32 PM   #59
dreamykitten2
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I like this idea!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Babyslave View Post
Our solution for the ability (never been a necessity, to date) to express a safeword while gagged? Found in most any store, and cheap. A squeaky toy. Also works when restrained. He places the toy in my hand after I'm in position and no matter what, gagged, restrained, or the rare times I'm blindfolded. I have the ability to stop the scene if I need to.
My safe word is purple ! Ive only used it once but I'm going to tell him about this and see what he thinks! I like it!!!thanks! Kitten
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:34 AM   #60
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interesting

this is interesting to me as I'm about to take my first steps into this world, having done some on line for a while.

It's a bit scary, but I've built a relationship with him and feel it will be ok, if I trust him to take the lead.

This thread has encouraged me to mention a safe word if he doesn't first, when we finally meet up.

thanks for the information
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Old 01-24-2013, 07:31 PM   #61
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Ours is "safeword" (yes) and it can only be used when we're trying something new. If she were to use it while doing something we've done before I would stop for a moment to take it into consideration. It's never allowed during a punishment whether it's the usual spanking or something new.

She's never used it.

I don't think we need a nonverbal safeword as we don't use gags. I never got the appeal; I like to hear her plead with me.
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