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Old 11-02-2012, 09:36 AM   #1
southern_gal
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Time to schedule therapy?

I think I need professional help (only half kidding). I came to Lit a few short weeks ago after what must have been years of reading erotic stories from several sites. My desire when joining the forums was to be able to peel back a few layers of myself so to speak. I have always been a very conservative person in all aspects of my life but that does not accurately describe the real me. The issue I have always had is that in my fantasies I am quite the opposite and maybe more so than my real life. Since joining Lit I have begun to let a little of the "wild woman" :roll eyes: out and seeing where it leads. I have turned into the Frankenstein monster. I am finding that all I seem to have on my mind lately are scenerios that I want to explore with the hubs and seeing as how he is away more than he is home, we have to talk about them over the phone. He does like the transformation but I'm not sure if I am going too fast too soon. I have met a couple of lit folk that I adore and it has given me hope that we may actually be able to find both male and female lovers to join us in the future. It does not stop there. I want to explore light bondage among other things. Am I going bananna's? Is this a natural progression or should I schedule some time to lie on the couch and assure the man in the white coat that I do not have supressed feelings for either parent? Sorry I made this so long. Jumbled thoughts tend to ramble.
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Old 11-02-2012, 09:47 AM   #2
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sounds like you've let your hidden genie out of the bottle. too bad your hubby is not there all the time to help you explore. bet he likes it and will be home often to take advantage of the changes. and i don't think this is worth therapy!
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Old 11-02-2012, 09:51 AM   #3
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Relax and enjoy.
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Old 11-02-2012, 09:53 AM   #4
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Those are soothing words from both thank you. I am not ready for a padded room I don't think but I will be honest and say that there are times lately if I wonder if I am a closet sex addict or something. I really really wish we had the time together that most couples have but for the time being it will have to do.
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Old 11-02-2012, 09:59 AM   #5
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I would suggest caution, but go with the flow. And if you want some counseling session where you can just talk things out, I'm sure there's plenty of people here, including me, who would be happy to help.
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Old 11-02-2012, 10:04 AM   #6
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I would suggest caution, but go with the flow. And if you want some counseling session where you can just talk things out, I'm sure there's plenty of people here, including me, who would be happy to help.
Through the years I must have read every issue regarding sex from one forum or another. When you don't work and have no kidelts to dote on that leaves lots of time for reading. I mean there are only so many days to go to the beach. I have read so much sound and well meaning advice but never really considered myself abnormal until lately. I have read where folks develop an online persona that almost takes over their real life. Not gonna happen to this gal trust me but to say that I am not a bit concerned about my constant thoughts about my wants and so forth, would be less than truthful.
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Old 11-02-2012, 10:18 AM   #7
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I only get to see my guy only once every 6-8 weeks, so I can understand totally. It sounds like you and the hubs need to have a good, long and undistracted naked sit-down and have a talk about some of your ideas. There may be some fantasies you may want to pursue TOGETHER and some you or he may not want to. There could be some ideas that might be perfect for role play. In the meantime, find ways to share and keep your overactive imagination and desires with him while he's away ... try writing him a story, send a naughty text message when he least expects it, haul out Skype.

If you feel that you're going to act out without his knowledge or if your thoughts and drive are driving you to distraction or interfering with being able to function, it might be wise to talk with a professional counselor who specializes in sex and relationships.

Good luck!
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Old 11-02-2012, 10:29 AM   #8
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I only get to see my guy only once every 6-8 weeks, so I can understand totally. It sounds like you and the hubs need to have a good, long and undistracted naked sit-down and have a talk about some of your ideas. There may be some fantasies you may want to pursue TOGETHER and some you or he may not want to. There could be some ideas that might be perfect for role play. In the meantime, find ways to share and keep your overactive imagination and desires with him while he's away ... try writing him a story, send a naughty text message when he least expects it, haul out Skype.

If you feel that you're going to act out without his knowledge or if your thoughts and drive are driving you to distraction or interfering with being able to function, it might be wise to talk with a professional counselor who specializes in sex and relationships.

Good luck!
Thank you MsQ for this. I should have said that most all of my fantasies involve my husband. In fact I don't really have much of a desire for real life sexual activities that do not involve him. We have been married for years and are close enough that neither worries about the distance seperating us currently. I have started having fun with him on our nightly phone calls and really like getting him worked up just before he gets home for a weekend. I would be fibbing if I said I had not shared a couple of fantasies with the occasional guy and gal from Lit but there will never ever be a time when it goes past that. I simply do not even want that to happen. When I typed this thread I guess I was more concerned with me becoming something of an obsessed person rather than exploring things with a new partner because rest assured that simply will not ever happen. To all of those that have give their thoughtful advice this morning, thanks so much and hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
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Old 11-02-2012, 12:18 PM   #9
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as long as you're experimenting...how about a web cam or skype with each other, video might be more fun than just a phone call?
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Old 11-02-2012, 12:55 PM   #10
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Part of exploring is the rush when you first start. That kid in a candy store feeling,wanting to run around and try everything! That is completely normal. Trust me. Completely normal.

I would second the idea of writing your ideas and fantasies out. Take a deep breath and then really look at them. And remember this. You have all the time in the world to explore. I think we get this rush to try everything, taste everything because we feel like we are on a deadline. Like we are going to miss the opportunity if we don't hurry. So we want it all, and we want it NOW!! [laughs}

Think of it this way, you have the advantage of being married so for you the candy shop doesn't close, it's open 24/7. [laughs]

Does that make sense?
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Old 11-02-2012, 01:57 PM   #11
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Perfectly normal. You're not nuts and I have serious doubts as to whether there is really such a thing as 'Sex Addiction'. Too much of anything can be bad for you - that's not new, news, or surprising. For all the health benefits associated with an active sex life I think even the most active of us is probably a good way off from being in danger from over indulging.

The good news is that you are telling your husband about all this. That gives him the opportunity to be in on the fun. So long as everything is safe and consensual I'd say sit back and enjoy the ride.

It's such a thrill that we can be 'normal' to everyone else in the world but a total freak when the shades are drawn (or thrown open if that's your kink...). Most of my friends and co-workers would consider me to be pretty conservative. I don't see this as a deception or a betrayal of who I am. People are multifaceted and my friends and co-workers get to see one side of me. I'm comfortable with that and I think it's appropriate.

Personally I get a kick out of knowing how crazy things get at home with the wife while I navigate an unremarkable and very normal work environment on a daily basis. Most of my co-workers would be astonished to know some of the things the wife and I get up to. It's our secret and it's wickedly fun!

Good luck. Have fun. Be safe. Stay kinky.
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Old 11-02-2012, 03:11 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by blulilacgrl View Post
Part of exploring is the rush when you first start. That kid in a candy store feeling,wanting to run around and try everything! That is completely normal. Trust me. Completely normal.

I would second the idea of writing your ideas and fantasies out. Take a deep breath and then really look at them. And remember this. You have all the time in the world to explore. I think we get this rush to try everything, taste everything because we feel like we are on a deadline. Like we are going to miss the opportunity if we don't hurry. So we want it all, and we want it NOW!! [laughs}

Think of it this way, you have the advantage of being married so for you the candy shop doesn't close, it's open 24/7. [laughs]

Does that make sense?
Exactly what I was thinking, blu! It's that awesome gift that's just been opened. Eventually it will find it's rhythm, but right now it's overwhelming!

I don't think you need therapy. (Especially when there are so many of us in here to talk to for free!) I don't think you're addicted, either. Life runs in seasons; you have just entered the season of "Oooo-laa-laa!"
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Old 11-02-2012, 03:59 PM   #13
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as long as you're experimenting...how about a web cam or skype with each other, video might be more fun than just a phone call?
I would but most of the time when they are on a job he rooms with someone. That in itself can be funny. He gets to listen while I have all the fun telling him what I am doing and what I want to do to him. He told me last week all he could do during my call when I did this, was pace around while his room mate thought he was having a nervous fit. I loved every minute of it.

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Old 11-02-2012, 04:03 PM   #14
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Part of exploring is the rush when you first start. That kid in a candy store feeling,wanting to run around and try everything! That is completely normal. Trust me. Completely normal.

I would second the idea of writing your ideas and fantasies out. Take a deep breath and then really look at them. And remember this. You have all the time in the world to explore. I think we get this rush to try everything, taste everything because we feel like we are on a deadline. Like we are going to miss the opportunity if we don't hurry. So we want it all, and we want it NOW!! [laughs}

Think of it this way, you have the advantage of being married so for you the candy shop doesn't close, it's open 24/7. [laughs]

Does that make sense?
This says it all. (thank you) It makes me feel normal again. I cannot thank everyone enough for the thoughtful advice and the security that comes from knowing that others have been where I am going and offer advice on the journey.

P.S. To the wonderful person that sent me the incredible pm with advice from experience, a big hug and a thank you. I promise I will NOT get into that hot tub.
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Old 11-02-2012, 04:44 PM   #15
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Exactly what I was thinking, blu! It's that awesome gift that's just been opened. Eventually it will find it's rhythm, but right now it's overwhelming!

I don't think you need therapy. (Especially when there are so many of us in here to talk to for free!) I don't think you're addicted, either. Life runs in seasons; you have just entered the season of "Oooo-laa-laa!"
Yeah sadly I just passed from "Oooo-laa-laa" to *pant pant* "Hold on let me catch my breath" [laughs]

How many seasons are there? I wanna get back to Ooooo-laa-laa!

Southern_gal

I'm glad that you are feelin' better. There is also I think this immense sense of power that comes with discovering this part of ourselves, reawakening and owning our sexual nature. Admit it, you really liked knowing that he couldn't do a damn thing about being so turned on while you were on the phone with him. God I love doing that to hubby. [laughs]

In some ways it reminds me of when we were teenagers and dating. Those panting hot makeout sessions, where we would have to stop and both of us would want to just let loose but we couldn't because of curfew.

I will freely admit that some of what really gets to me during this discovery/reawakening phase was how these things mirror our dating/courtship phase.~ from long long looooong ago. The teasing, the exploration, the newness of our relationship (or at least some aspect of it). So just go with it. Recognize that it is an evolution of you AND in some ways your relationship.
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Old 11-02-2012, 05:29 PM   #16
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He does like the transformation but I'm not sure if I am going too fast too soon. I have met a couple of lit folk that I adore and it has given me hope that we may actually be able to find both male and female lovers to join us in the future. It does not stop there. I want to explore light bondage among other things. Am I going bananna's? Is this a natural progression or should I schedule some time to lie on the couch and assure the man in the white coat that I do not have supressed feelings for either parent? Sorry I made this so long. Jumbled thoughts tend to ramble.
IMHO, I wouldn't see a therapist unless this is causing you distress. I have had mixed experiences with therapists; some are awesome and open-minded, others will try to convince you that any desires outside the straight and narrow are a sign of deep-seated unhappiness. (I got really fed up with constantly saying "no, me being poly is NOT the issue, can we get back to the point?" and being charged a hefty hourly rate for the privilege of attempting to educate a closed-minded counsellor... didn't stay long with that one.)

Nothing in what you've said sounds unhealthy to me, just as long as you take it slow enough that you don't trip over yourself, and that you make sure your husband's on the same page. Stuff like multi-partner sex that seems sexy and exciting as a fantasy can get a bit intimidating when suddenly it turns into a reality; lots of communication and negotiation are good ideas.
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Old 11-02-2012, 06:25 PM   #17
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Yeah sadly I just passed from "Oooo-laa-laa" to *pant pant* "Hold on let me catch my breath" [laughs]

How many seasons are there? I wanna get back to Ooooo-laa-laa!

Southern_gal

I'm glad that you are feelin' better. There is also I think this immense sense of power that comes with discovering this part of ourselves, reawakening and owning our sexual nature. Admit it, you really liked knowing that he couldn't do a damn thing about being so turned on while you were on the phone with him. God I love doing that to hubby. [laughs]

In some ways it reminds me of when we were teenagers and dating. Those panting hot makeout sessions, where we would have to stop and both of us would want to just let loose but we couldn't because of curfew.

I will freely admit that some of what really gets to me during this discovery/reawakening phase was how these things mirror our dating/courtship phase.~ from long long looooong ago. The teasing, the exploration, the newness of our relationship (or at least some aspect of it). So just go with it. Recognize that it is an evolution of you AND in some ways your relationship.
This just made my day. I got up this morning with more than the usual insecurities and put out this thread after I'd allowed myself to worry about something that perhaps isn't worth it. You folks are wonderful. Yeah I did and still do get a sneaky smile thinking about him pacing around the room hearing me whisper and moan (ok it is a fake moan but.....) and knowing he cannot even allow himself the pleasure of an erection let alone a release. He said he actually liked that part too. (men??)

And a side note: I am not really going bonkers and was really just trying to be a bit light or tongue in cheek. I was seriously wanting the more experienced folks to offer their advice and for that, many thank you's and hugs to all. (ok not to the guy that insisits that I really reallllly want to see his naked self). Hubs is home midweek for a few days and I am going to take him thru this part of Lit. He has seen the stories side for years, and see how he responds to some of the threads about topics that I want to bring up.
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Old 11-02-2012, 07:07 PM   #18
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Hubs is home midweek for a few days and I am going to take him thru this part of Lit. He has seen the stories side for years, and see how he responds to some of the threads about topics that I want to bring up.
That is an awesome idea! I know that whenever I see something interesting or that I think he will find interesting I direct hubby to it. I find that if I let him read the thread himself it gives him time to really think about it and he gets a chance to see all the responses. Sometimes that answers any questions he has or even allays any fears or concerns he may have.

Good luck to ya honey!
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Old 11-02-2012, 08:52 PM   #19
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southern gal, have a blast! there's so much territory to cover, isn't there? :>

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Old 11-02-2012, 11:05 PM   #20
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Yes

My advice is going to be just a bit off center. First, yeah, I agree with most the people here that it is a natural progression of your sexuality - as we go through life we all pass through peaks and valleys (again and again).

However, based on years of experience, I've come to this conclusion - the moment you think "should I talk to a counselor", you should make the call and set up the appointment(s). Why? I think the subconcious starts surfacing things long before we become consciously aware of them - and a good counselor can help to bring those things to the surface in a controlled and safe environment.

There is nothing wrong with what you're experiencing - but it does sound like it is a fairly significant change and that is where a good counselor can become invaluable.
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Old 11-02-2012, 11:10 PM   #21
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If my years of therapy did anything for me, it is that I can say with some assurance that you probably don't need it. Others put it well, you are in the kid in the candy store phase of things, you have discovered this new world, opened up, and man it is a rush that no drug can duplicate. Prob most people on here have been through that kind of thing, I went through it when I opened up to my spouse with BD/SM and it became part of our lives, and it happened when the pandora's box of working on my gender identity happened. The only thing you would need therapy for is if it was causing you problems, if for example your explorations in fantasy and such was interfering with your 'normal' life or if what you were finding yourself attracted to caused a fundamental conflict of some sort, then maybe. You sound like you are perfectly rational and aware with this from reading your posts and it doesn't sound like you in the heat of the moment are going to go out and do something stupid.

It seems to be something catching, by the way, over the last couple of years my wife has started reading these 'adult' romance kind of books, where they seem to be a bit more adult then the old harlequin swill, and it has opened her up to things (It cracks me up when she reads about something new, and asks me, and I am like "yeah, I have heard of that, of course, so what do ya want to know about it"....like reading in one story about a woman who loves doing MMF threesomes where the guys are into each other, too and finding it interesting. Another friend of mine, an older woman, said it also is you get to a point in life when you kind of sit back and say "ya know what, what is there to be afraid of any more? What do I care what others think?".

Monkeyman had a great post about not being afraid of this stuff or somehow because it is a fantasy or different from the way you are in life with other people, that somehow it is wrong. Everyone does different things in different places and times, context is everything in our lives. So the relatively conservative lady who donates time at the animal shelter, plays bridge on thursday night with a group of friends, can also love to be tied to a bed and get ravaged by two guys (hopefully one is her husband *lol*) while listening to Montavani music.....same person, different context, all fine
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Old 11-04-2012, 07:48 PM   #22
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I think I need professional help (only half kidding). I came to Lit a few short weeks ago after what must have been years of reading erotic stories from several sites. My desire when joining the forums was to be able to peel back a few layers of myself so to speak. I have always been a very conservative person in all aspects of my life but that does not accurately describe the real me. The issue I have always had is that in my fantasies I am quite the opposite and maybe more so than my real life. Since joining Lit I have begun to let a little of the "wild woman" :roll eyes: out and seeing where it leads. I have turned into the Frankenstein monster. I am finding that all I seem to have on my mind lately are scenerios that I want to explore with the hubs and seeing as how he is away more than he is home, we have to talk about them over the phone. He does like the transformation but I'm not sure if I am going too fast too soon. I have met a couple of lit folk that I adore and it has given me hope that we may actually be able to find both male and female lovers to join us in the future. It does not stop there. I want to explore light bondage among other things. Am I going bananna's? Is this a natural progression or should I schedule some time to lie on the couch and assure the man in the white coat that I do not have supressed feelings for either parent? Sorry I made this so long. Jumbled thoughts tend to ramble.
You are certainly not in need of therapy. You are actually quite healthy. The fact that you can discuss your desires with your partner is one of the healthiest things that you mentioned. As long as your desires involve consentual adults have fun. Your partner can help slow you down if necessary, but my guess is that he is going to enjoy the flow. Have a great time!
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Old 11-05-2012, 12:46 PM   #23
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You are certainly not in need of therapy. You are actually quite healthy. The fact that you can discuss your desires with your partner is one of the healthiest things that you mentioned. As long as your desires involve consentual adults have fun. Your partner can help slow you down if necessary, but my guess is that he is going to enjoy the flow. Have a great time!
Thank you and lots of others for the thoughtful comments that have made me feel like perhaps there is hope for me yet. I feel exactly like someone posted earlier, like a kid in a candy store. Actually just deciding to let go of the constant worry of not measuring up to or acting the way I have always thought I should act has been so liberating. I guess the last couple of years of having my husband away so often has left me not only frustrated but forced me to rely on my fantasies more and more. I have always had a vivid imagination and lately it has begun to get to me that I have short changed both my husband and me in our sex life because of my uptight rear end. That is certainly changing and I have lots of folks here to thank for helping me along the way.
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Old 11-11-2012, 05:24 PM   #24
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i'm excited for you. opening up to new experiences is an amazing journey. i feel like i relate to you really well. i start to overthink things on occasion and worry also. letting go of the worry and trying to just go with it has really helped out. it sounds like you and your husband are talking a lot and you're both on the same page, so just keep talking and enjoy your journey. for me, it's very liberating to share some of my desires that i've kept hidden for many years and i hope you're finding the same thing. i wish i would have shared more with hubby sooner but i just didn't know how he would respond.
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Old 11-15-2012, 09:22 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by southern_gal View Post
I think I need professional help (only half kidding). I came to Lit a few short weeks ago after what must have been years of reading erotic stories from several sites. My desire when joining the forums was to be able to peel back a few layers of myself so to speak. I have always been a very conservative person in all aspects of my life but that does not accurately describe the real me. The issue I have always had is that in my fantasies I am quite the opposite and maybe more so than my real life. Since joining Lit I have begun to let a little of the "wild woman" :roll eyes: out and seeing where it leads. I have turned into the Frankenstein monster. I am finding that all I seem to have on my mind lately are scenerios that I want to explore with the hubs and seeing as how he is away more than he is home, we have to talk about them over the phone. He does like the transformation but I'm not sure if I am going too fast too soon. I have met a couple of lit folk that I adore and it has given me hope that we may actually be able to find both male and female lovers to join us in the future. It does not stop there. I want to explore light bondage among other things. Am I going bananna's? Is this a natural progression or should I schedule some time to lie on the couch and assure the man in the white coat that I do not have supressed feelings for either parent? Sorry I made this so long. Jumbled thoughts tend to ramble.
Take a deep breath and keep the communication with your husband going. Let him know your new desires. If he loves you, then well he and you get to have some fun with the new you.
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