Old 10-28-2012, 07:09 PM   #1
HunterR87
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Dominant advice.

So I have been a Dom for most of my adult life but like some I was introduced to this lifestyle as a sub. I do not like the sub role do to my personality type. I need advice though from other Doms. and from subs as will if they like. My sub has brought up some fantasies that she has about being the Dom or top. this makes me very uneasy do to that I as I have said do not like being the submissive. any advice on how to handle this would be very helpful. I do not want to tell her no and take away her interest in this relationship or in this life style but I can't really bring myself to let her be the one in control.
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Old 10-28-2012, 07:24 PM   #2
thelovingsadist
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Most dominants I've known would be fine with letting her top, but not dom (and others would happily switch). Let her have her fun, let her think she's in control for a bit--even though in the end she's still only doing what you want, and only with your permission.

I personally do not submit or switch, least of all to a sub. But letting a sub come up with ideas, show initiative, or do all the work in sex for a while isn't really submission. It's just letting them contribute to the relationship in an active way. And when they have the ability to do so, it can be very useful and fun.
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Old 10-28-2012, 10:38 PM   #3
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Have you considered finding another sub for her to top? That way you don't have to put yourself in a position that makes you uncomfortable, but she can still explore those dominant fantasies.
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Old 10-28-2012, 11:34 PM   #4
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It's really odd to me, the way hetero Doms seem to expect women to never change. Once a (female) sub, always a sub seems to be the notion.

Women go through a lot of changes, actually. Although most women retain a receptive sexuality, many women begin to feel that being receptive is not the same as being passive, and that a preference for being done unto is not submissiveness, and that taking care of someone isn't necessarily submissiveness either.

For what it's worth.
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Old 10-28-2012, 11:42 PM   #5
richard_daily
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella_Omega View Post
It's really odd to me, the way hetero Doms seem to expect women to never change. Once a (female) sub, always a sub seems to be the notion.

Women go through a lot of changes, actually. Although most women retain a receptive sexuality, many women begin to feel that being receptive is not the same as being passive, and that a preference for being done unto is not submissiveness, and that taking care of someone isn't necessarily submissiveness either.

For what it's worth.
I don't think that's true of all hetero doms. SUre, I do think there are some that are rigid and un-imaginative, and just want their subs all slutty and submissive all the time, and basically want to have their cake, and eat it too.

But a quality dom/top will grow with a partner. I think that's true of someone who's hetero, gay, bi, or anything else.
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Old 10-29-2012, 12:57 AM   #6
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Security and comfort is something you should have no shame in being strict about. A dominant can have limitations as well.

If you really feel like you just can't do this for your sub. I would hope she would respect that, yeah?
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Old 10-29-2012, 08:17 AM   #7
Aurelia_Malys
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imnauti View Post
Have you considered finding another sub for her to top? That way you don't have to put yourself in a position that makes you uncomfortable, but she can still explore those dominant fantasies.
This is exactly what I was going to suggest too!

I am my owner's slave .... but enjoy topping other women, so I understand your sub's interests.
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Old 10-29-2012, 12:18 PM   #8
Mrs_Foxtrot72
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella_Omega View Post
It's really odd to me, the way hetero Doms seem to expect women to never change. Once a (female) sub, always a sub seems to be the notion.

Women go through a lot of changes, actually. Although most women retain a receptive sexuality, many women begin to feel that being receptive is not the same as being passive, and that a preference for being done unto is not submissiveness, and that taking care of someone isn't necessarily submissiveness either.

For what it's worth.
this is kinda where me and my husband started, but now we switch. if i am feeling in a dom way that day, i start off on top, even tie him up, but usually before the end, he is in control
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Old 10-29-2012, 05:07 PM   #9
Netzach
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella_Omega View Post
It's really odd to me, the way hetero Doms seem to expect women to never change. Once a (female) sub, always a sub seems to be the notion.

Women go through a lot of changes, actually. Although most women retain a receptive sexuality, many women begin to feel that being receptive is not the same as being passive, and that a preference for being done unto is not submissiveness, and that taking care of someone isn't necessarily submissiveness either.

For what it's worth.
THAT slicer slices both ways. I spend a LOT of time with the male casualties of never-be-anything-but-the-headofhousehold-fantasy-I-married-at-twenty.
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Old 10-29-2012, 05:10 PM   #10
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I think it all depends.

Maybe "find her a girl toy that nobody takes really seriously as an intense relationship and let her 'dominate' how quaint" is fucked up advice if there are certain things in play.

Likewise I think it might be the perfect advice if other things are in play.

Let me put it this way: do you think that you have asked her to go outside of her comfort zones for you? I realize you're the Master, it's your right, and blah...but just think about what it entails for even a submissive to submit - MOST people are not in complete comfort at all times doing that.

Maybe it's just completely nauseating to you for good reasons, that's cool...I just urge you to consider that this is not some random woman, this is someone who's trusted you to fuck around with her vulnerable spots over however long...?
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Last edited by Netzach : 10-29-2012 at 05:12 PM.
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Old 10-29-2012, 11:02 PM   #11
HunterR87
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Thanks

Thank you all for your advice and your opinions. I have gone over several thing s with my sub and how we could do if she really wanted to find out what is like to top or to Dominate someone. from what we have discussed getting her another sub would be be the option that we take.
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