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10-23-2012, 10:30 AM
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#1
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ground zero
twelveoone is offline
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 3,885
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The opening line
was thinking about this
and sure as shit, ya didn't fail me
Primarily for newbies, but really for everybody... even though if you have a name, i.e. a Tzara will be read more than New1
You have about two seconds
to smack the reader in the head because if he starts to yawn, he'll move on
and i couldn't come up with examples - ya didn't fail me
Toga clad F.B.I. agents - ok, wtf, where is he going...
Eat pizza beside a burning van - wtf, i'm hooked
from
smoke. in Up
byHarryHill
interesting title also
this is a short one, i'm done, got though it. i'm not going to pretend it's great poetry but he sustained an interest.
this relies on an unusual image, there are other ways to "grab"
so here is a question, what grabs you?
what two lines drive you on?
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10-23-2012, 11:43 AM
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#2
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Really Really Experienced
HarryHill is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: 7 miles from Backwater
Posts: 474
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Oh! a new game.....
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My hand was trapped like a monkey's in a bottle;
I'm glad it's not my cock in there
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10-23-2012, 03:29 PM
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#3
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Really Really Experienced
Desejo is offline
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Earth
Posts: 310
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1201 - for a guy who at least goes on walks in Jersey, you show some remarkable gaps in Americana. Please don't tell me you haven't seen Up In Smoke or the various other Cheech and Chong films? That is almost as bad as never having read A Confederacy of Dunces. Or never having tasted a RingDing, or seen a little league game. These are institutions that mean more than that ridiculous debate last which I was forced to watch by friends.
Joking.
I agree that the first line/s are critical in a poem. But I am too brain dead today to come up with an example.
Harry - I am not even going to comment on that monkey hand thing, other than to say you may want to avoid becoming the stuff of an urban legend.
__________________
“I am at the moment writing a lengthy indictment against our century. When my brain begins to reel from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip.”
― John Kennedy Toole, A Confederacy of Dunces
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10-23-2012, 04:35 PM
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#4
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I am a river to my people
bronzeage is online now
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Deep South, USA
Posts: 44,916
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Desejo
1201 - for a guy who at least goes on walks in Jersey, you show some remarkable gaps in Americana. Please don't tell me you haven't seen Up In Smoke or the various other Cheech and Chong films? That is almost as bad as never having read A Confederacy of Dunces. Or never having tasted a RingDing, or seen a little league game. These are institutions that mean more than that ridiculous debate last which I was forced to watch by friends.
Joking.
I agree that the first line/s are critical in a poem. But I am too brain dead today to come up with an example.
Harry - I am not even going to comment on that monkey hand thing, other than to say you may want to avoid becoming the stuff of an urban legend.
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If you can't remember "Up in Smoke," you probably saw it. |
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10-23-2012, 06:01 PM
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#5
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ground zero
twelveoone is offline
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 3,885
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bronzeage
If you can't remember "Up in Smoke," you probably saw it.
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i thought that was woodstock, but i forget |
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10-23-2012, 07:32 PM
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#6
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I am a river to my people
bronzeage is online now
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Deep South, USA
Posts: 44,916
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Quote:
Originally Posted by twelveoone
i thought that was woodstock, but i forget
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You have to consider that except for the people who were born there, most of the people who attended Woodstock were born before 1950. This means they are all now 60 or older.
Soon, the lack of any memory of Woodstock will be just another symptom. |
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10-24-2012, 10:51 AM
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#7
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ground zero
twelveoone is offline
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 3,885
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Desejo
1201 - for a guy who at least goes on walks in Jersey, you show some remarkable gaps in Americana. Please don't tell me you haven't seen Up In Smoke or the various other Cheech and Chong films? That is almost as bad as never having read A Confederacy of Dunces. Or never having tasted a RingDing, or seen a little league game. These are institutions that mean more than that ridiculous debate last which I was forced to watch by friends.
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so many cultural holes
so little time to fill them
i assume you mean new jersey
some parts you really don't even want to drive through
you came to america for ringdings?
or is this an ins question? airport security?
do you have any ringdings on you?
yes
wave 'em though, he's an american
ok quick name the 50 products that the stars on the flag represent
north ringding
south ringding
coca cola
tampax
burgers
fries
depends...
once the us could hold it's head up high with good products like the louisville slugger, the sherman tank, muscle cars, beer in glass bottles that you could throw out the window at stop signs...
now it's all aluminium
or so i'm told *wink* |
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10-24-2012, 04:19 PM
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#8
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Really Really Experienced
HarryHill is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: 7 miles from Backwater
Posts: 474
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Commenting under also
Yeah, hard finding a dirt road to park my trailor on too.
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West ringding, 7 Eleven
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VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV ...........great allusion D
Last edited by HarryHill : 10-24-2012 at 07:22 PM.
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10-24-2012, 04:52 PM
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#9
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Really Really Experienced
Desejo is offline
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Earth
Posts: 310
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I don't think you want to get me started on the fall of America.
If the men on our money could see where we have ended up bills would start spontaneously combusting left and right.
However, it is still the only place in the world you can get a perfect turkey club sandwich.
__________________
“I am at the moment writing a lengthy indictment against our century. When my brain begins to reel from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip.”
― John Kennedy Toole, A Confederacy of Dunces
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10-25-2012, 10:52 AM
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#10
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Really Really Experienced
HarryHill is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: 7 miles from Backwater
Posts: 474
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Back to opening lines...check out 'Corrine' by ktfal
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10-25-2012, 10:53 AM
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#11
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ground zero
twelveoone is offline
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 3,885
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Desejo
I don't think you want to get me started on the fall of America.
If the men on our money could see where we have ended up bills would start spontaneously combusting left and right.
However, it is still the only place in the world you can get a perfect turkey club sandwich.
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Chico]
Everyone Says I Love You
The great big mosquito when he stings you
The fly when he gets stuck on the fly paper too says
I Love You
Every time the cow says moo
She makes the bull-a very happy too
The rooster when he hollers cock-a-doodle-doodle-doo
says I Love You
Christopher Columbus he write
the Queen of Spain a very nice little note
He write "I Love You, baby"
and then he gets himself a great big boat
He's a wise guy.
What do you think Columbus do
When he come here in 1492
He said to Pocahontas "Acki Vachi Vachi Voo,
"That means "You little son of a gun, I Love You."
Harpo]
------------------------honk, honk
i think the marxes said it bestest
how a turkey got a club i'll never know
or is this any sandwich at the turkey club
which beggars the question, why are you there
and just what are you looking for
turkey club
indeed |
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10-25-2012, 05:06 PM
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#12
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Really Really Experienced
Desejo is offline
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Earth
Posts: 310
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Quote:
Originally Posted by twelveoone
b
which beggars the question, why are you there
and just what are you looking for
turkey club
indeed
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You know, that is a very good question. I think I shall retreat for a bit to think about it.
__________________
“I am at the moment writing a lengthy indictment against our century. When my brain begins to reel from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip.”
― John Kennedy Toole, A Confederacy of Dunces
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10-26-2012, 03:50 PM
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#13
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ground zero
twelveoone is offline
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 3,885
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Quote:
Originally Posted by twelveoone
i think the marxes said it bestest
how a turkey got a club i'll never know
or is this any sandwich at the turkey club
which beggars the question, why are you there
and just what are you looking for
turkey club
indeed
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btw des, groucho templates, your words fitted to
much, much better than cheech & chong
check this out |
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