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Old 10-19-2012, 05:04 PM   #26
Stella_Omega
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kimuk View Post
Hi wenchie hope your ok?

No i dont think they do?

I think you have to test the waters first.

So..............................therefore does the Dom have a responsibility to ensure she does her homework first? to talk and make sure it "fits" waht she thought she wanted?
Or do subs have to take responsibiltiy for themseleves?
It would be nice if Doms took responsibility for their submissive partner's understanding-- -- and many do.
It would be nice if subs took responsibility for their own learning-- and many of them do.

When neither partner does, you've got hell going on.
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Old 10-19-2012, 05:22 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by Netzach View Post
Everyone over the age of 18 who is mentally capable in the eyes of the law has to take responsibility for themselves. If the Dominant *also* does this, chances are lower that something goes splat.
Yer
So what happens if its his"first time " too and he dosent understand the impact hes having, the lasting effects it will have?
Playing with fire?
Althoughthe has got a bit off track from the original discussion lol
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Old 10-19-2012, 05:24 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella_Omega View Post
It would be nice if Doms took responsibility for their submissive partner's understanding-- -- and many do.
It would be nice if subs took responsibility for their own learning-- and many of them do.

When neither partner does, you've got hell going on.
but there is a vast differance between reading the "theory" and putting it into practice?

There is no subby problem page...................is there?
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Old 10-19-2012, 05:37 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kimuk View Post
but there is a vast differance between reading the "theory" and putting it into practice?

There is no subby problem page...................is there?
I'm starting to get the sense that these are not merely hypothetical questions you are posing. I am also beginning to be a bit worried about you. There isn't a separate "subby problem page". Best advice? Ask here... both the PYLs and pyls will respond and you'll benefit from both sides.
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Old 10-19-2012, 05:44 PM   #30
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Lets say it's a theoretical discussion.

I just wonder if it has happened to anyone .....dipped their toe into the D/s BDSM waters and got scalded and scared?
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Old 10-19-2012, 06:01 PM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kimuk View Post
Yer
So what happens if its his"first time " too and he dosent understand the impact hes having, the lasting effects it will have?
Playing with fire?
Althoughthe has got a bit off track from the original discussion lol
I don't think that a clueless first timer is going to be capable of the kind of systemic persuasion stuff we're talking about.

In my opinion we are all grown-ass adults responsible for our own happiness, end of story. Something shit goes wrong. It's an exception to the rule, which is more often things just don't quite mesh, no one dies.
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Old 10-19-2012, 06:09 PM   #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Netzach View Post
I don't think that a clueless first timer is going to be capable of the kind of systemic persuasion stuff we're talking about.

In my opinion we are all grown-ass adults responsible for our own happiness, end of story. Something shit goes wrong. It's an exception to the rule, which is more often things just don't quite mesh, no one dies.
mmmmmm...........wise words.
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Old 10-19-2012, 09:13 PM   #33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kimuk View Post
Hi wenchie hope your ok?

No i dont think they do?

I think you have to test the waters first.

So..............................therefore does the Dom have a responsibility to ensure she does her homework first? to talk and make sure it "fits" waht she thought she wanted?
Or do subs have to take responsibiltiy for themseleves?

I'm grand dear.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Netzach View Post
Everyone over the age of 18 who is mentally capable in the eyes of the law has to take responsibility for themselves. If the Dominant *also* does this, chances are lower that something goes splat.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella_Omega View Post
It would be nice if Doms took responsibility for their submissive partner's understanding-- -- and many do.
It would be nice if subs took responsibility for their own learning-- and many of them do.

When neither partner does, you've got hell going on.
And I think these ladies said it perfectly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Sonja View Post
I'm starting to get the sense that these are not merely hypothetical questions you are posing. I am also beginning to be a bit worried about you. There isn't a separate "subby problem page". Best advice? Ask here... both the PYLs and pyls will respond and you'll benefit from both sides.
Yeah, I got that feeling a while ago too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kimuk View Post
Lets say it's a theoretical discussion.

I just wonder if it has happened to anyone .....dipped their toe into the D/s BDSM waters and got scalded and scared?
Um...yeah, did you read my first post? *giggles* It happens.

This is one of the major reasons I prefer a dynamic where my domly type wants my thoughts with out having to ask permission to speak freely, or with out me having to worry if I hurt his domly pride.

If something worries me, if I have a concern about something, I will voice those to Jounar (or who ever is playing with me). With Jounar, I always have the freedom to express anything I am thinking or feeling. Now we have agreed that he gets ultimate say over everything, but that's just what we've agreed to, and I'm always free to either ask for reconsideration, or to walk away if need be.

Me, I know I need a domly type who won't let me wiggly out of something. I want some one who's going to make me gag on his cock after I've bragged about being able to deep throat. I need some one who is going to make me go a full hour with the tack board when I've said that I want to be pushed to tears. And more importantly, I need some one who is going to stick it through when I try to talk my way out of something. I like having that control over me. Doesn't work for every one.

If you need to, you know you can always PM me.
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Old 10-20-2012, 07:30 AM   #34
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kimuk View Post
Lets say it's a theoretical discussion.

I just wonder if it has happened to anyone .....dipped their toe into the D/s BDSM waters and got scalded and scared?
yes of course that happens.

But no one else put the hot knife to my skin. I did that myself. It's my scar, not hers or *hers* or anyone else's. I feel the same way about my other learning experiences with BDSM.

No one learns by casting blame.
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Old 10-20-2012, 11:54 AM   #35
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No one learns by casting blame

Sorry it was never ment to be casting blame at anyone. I started the thread because of something I read in a novel and just thought it might provoke some discussion and then my enquiring mind made it veer off course lol
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Old 10-21-2012, 07:05 AM   #36
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I didn't think you were casting blame, no apologies necessary.

the time stamp on that post is 4:30 am my time (and... it's 4am this time as well...) I don't always post coherently that late, but I think what I was trying to say was that I try to take responsibility for where ever I let an adventure take me. My choices were mine to make, even if I got burned. That's not something I try to ascribe to others, more a personal rule of my own.

maybe I can explain it better some other time; when I've had more sleep.
(in a year or two).
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Old 10-21-2012, 05:09 PM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stag of Oberon View Post
I didn't think you were casting blame, no apologies necessary.

the time stamp on that post is 4:30 am my time (and... it's 4am this time as well...) I don't always post coherently that late, but I think what I was trying to say was that I try to take responsibility for where ever I let an adventure take me. My choices were mine to make, even if I got burned. That's not something I try to ascribe to others, more a personal rule of my own.

maybe I can explain it better some other time; when I've had more sleep.
(in a year or two).
Yes well . I have learned the same lesson.
I guess who have to suck it and see?
One Dom dosent fit all?
So if a sub has a bad experiance , through ignorance or whatever , she can walk away and pick up her own personal pieces.
And sometimes with a bit of help along the way
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