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Old 10-18-2012, 10:42 AM   #1
Superman4978
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MFM threesome

Hey message board, looking for some advice. 32 year old happily married man. Looking for how to advice on MFM threesomes. I have heard horror stories and positive experiences. Just wanting honest advice on finding good partners from those who have been there and done that. Thanks!!
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Old 10-18-2012, 11:32 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by Superman4978 View Post
Hey message board, looking for some advice. 32 year old happily married man. Looking for how to advice on MFM threesomes. I have heard horror stories and positive experiences. Just wanting honest advice on finding good partners from those who have been there and done that. Thanks!!
The key is finding the right guy obviously. Which in part depends on the nature of the fantasy - is it to have you cuckold as a whimp why some bull does her or something more loving and sharing.

Assuming the later, given the nature of your post, finding a guy who is patient, respectful, comfortable with sharing and being with another naked guy up close, is integral. Be patient yourself. When you start finding guys - online or however you are searching - you will start to see patterns of behavior. Meet a few and those who appreciate the fact that this is ultimately about you and your wife and your fantasy, and not about him, will become apparent. Meet for drinks and make it clear that it is just drinks. If they are comfortable with that, it is a good first step. If they insist on jumping right into the sack, well, it becomes clear they don't listen... After meeting a few, then decide which one hits your fancy - both in attitude as well as someone she is comfortable with, attracted to.

Have fun! Play safe!
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Old 10-18-2012, 05:05 PM   #3
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Thanks for the advice! Definitely looking for a shared experience as opposed to the cuckolding thing. Unsure of how to begin searching. Any sites that you have seen work well?
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Old 10-18-2012, 05:23 PM   #4
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Only had one threesome about 15 years ago that was orchestrated and arranged by a lady friend who wanted it and brought in another guy she was seeing. She arranged a non-sexual meeting between all of us first to make sure all were compatible and that there wouldn't be any "surprises" like fights or jealousy or hurt feelings, etc. The other guy and I got along pretty well. The agreement was for no male to male contact. Unfortunately, the thing that wasn't discussed is if we would both do her simultaneously as I had fantasized. Basically she wanted us each one at a time, taking turns tag-team style. It was good and I'm not unhappy we did it, but I was hoping for some simultaneous oral and fucking or double ass and cunt penetration. Given that she liked anal, I sort of assumed that would be on the menu.

You say you're a happily married man which "implied" that the "F" in the mix is your wife. That wasn't the case with me so I didn't have any strong emotional attachment to the woman involved in my case. I'd say to make sure you and your wife are well on the same page of what will happen so you aren't "shocked" if she seems to be enjoying the other guy more than you might want. Also, make sure you and the guy are of similar temperments. The last thing I would want in such a situation is a guy going super macho on me, wanting to half rape my wife and beat the shit out of me if I tried to keep things in line. I'm not sure if you'd be better off with a friend, a casual acquaintance, or a complete stranger. There are advantages and disadvantages to all of the options. Good luck. I'm envious.
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Old 10-18-2012, 06:01 PM   #5
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Superman, I have not tried a 3some but think it would be sexy. Have you and your wife discussed it? Who do you have in mind for the other guy?
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Old 10-18-2012, 07:46 PM   #6
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Thanks amofiga, good advice. Lynn, I agree with you, very sexy. My wife and I have both had this as a fantasy for quite some time now. We have discussed it at length and have decided that it is something that we both want to try. Since neither of us has done anything like this before the obvious question became, how do we find someone. We are just now trying to go about finding someone that won't be a lot of drama. Both would prefer another married man but are open to alternatives if the fit is right, no pun intended.
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Old 10-18-2012, 10:38 PM   #7
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Thanks amofiga, good advice. Lynn, I agree with you, very sexy. My wife and I have both had this as a fantasy for quite some time now. We have discussed it at length and have decided that it is something that we both want to try. Since neither of us has done anything like this before the obvious question became, how do we find someone. We are just now trying to go about finding someone that won't be a lot of drama. Both would prefer another married man but are open to alternatives if the fit is right, no pun intended.
For finding a guy, besides the personals on here, CL is usually the best place. But you have to weed out a LOT of jerks, dickheads, pic collecters, time wasters, and on and on. But there are some real, decent guys out there who do use it, read the ads. Again, just be patient.

However, better than CL, depending on where you live, there are also lots of websites that cater to "alternative"/swinging lifestyle. Many of them are couples seeking other couples, but there are also lots of single men there. Those who have been actively involved in the alt lifestyle tend to be more respectful, understand the limits, know that no means no, etc. It has been a few too many years since I sought out others that way, thus can't remember the websites, but sure you can find them easy enough.

There are also places like pof and okcupid where there are in fact profiles allowing you to get a better sense of a person than just a few emails...
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Old 10-18-2012, 10:43 PM   #8
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Thanks, we will look at that, I think that a couple or another guy that has done this before would be good because like you said they would probably be more respectful and understanding. Again, thanks for the help
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Old 10-18-2012, 11:04 PM   #9
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Do you prefer a stranger, or have you considered a friend of some sort? Or would that be too awkward?
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Old 10-18-2012, 11:07 PM   #10
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Thanks, we will look at that, I think that a couple or another guy that has done this before would be good because like you said they would probably be more respectful and understanding. Again, thanks for the help
I've long held that finding a compatible couple would be the best solution. For one thing, it would offer the opportunity of both MFM and FMF threesomes as well as simple sharing. Unfortunately, my wife is completely unwilling in this area. Unfortunately I say because there is a couple that we see socially that could be so ideal if they were so inclined as well as if my wife were. They are actually similar to us in appearance so the natural physical attraction would be there. They are very similar to us in political views, things they like for recreation (golf, theater, etc) and similarly educated. I think how wonderful it would be to share sexually as well, travel together, etc. If you could find such a couple who were also sexually inclined, it would be a perfect solution. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how one goes about this other than dumb luck.
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Old 10-18-2012, 11:14 PM   #11
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We are leaning towards a stranger. Just don't want to lose a friend if something doesn't work out.
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Old 10-18-2012, 11:23 PM   #12
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I'd strongly suggest going the swinging route then, and avoiding CL and sites like adultfriendfinder. Quality is one reason to avoid both; with AFF specifically, google "adultfriendfinder scam" to see why you should not give AFF's parent company your credit card info.

You'll have a much better chance at finding people who are on the same page quicker and avoiding drama with swingers and other sex-positive folks who are also honest. IF you're more comfortable with married/attached men, it's wise to bypass guys who you know are lying by going behind their partners' backs. After all, if they're willing to risk destroying a loved one with lying and cheating, they're not going to give a second thought to lying to and hurting people like you. Plus, spurned partners/lovers may very well seek to involve you in getting revenge for helping their guy cheat - how's stalking, harassment and/or someone trying to destroy your life for drama? There's a risk of that with swingers/poly/et al, but it's MUCH smaller because the wife/gf is usually right there for you to verify stuff with (avoid any men/couples who aren't happy to have you talk to the female half, ask you to keep secrets, etc. - EVERYTHING should be totally above board and done ethically).

Anyway, you can check out your local swinging/lifestyle and even polyamorous scenes and sites like SLS Personals and SwingersBoard to meet potential partners and get more info on events, etiquette, tips, etc.
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Old 10-19-2012, 01:57 AM   #13
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Thanks Erika!! Very sound advice. Drama is at the top of the do not want list. I could see how some of those popular sites could be over run with creepers. Thanks again for the insight.
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Old 10-19-2012, 11:57 AM   #14
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I am curious Superman, what do you imagine happening in your threesome? Full sex? Just oral? Both guys at the same time or one at a time? Have you talked about this? Would a condom be required for the other guy?
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Old 10-20-2012, 02:36 AM   #15
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Well Lynn, we would like to get both guys involved at the same time. Whether that's one fucking while the other gets oral or double penetration. Would also like to try double vaginal. Would really have to be discussed once a partner is selected.
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Old 10-23-2012, 11:46 AM   #16
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We talked about it for about year and half.. ours sort of just happened. Have a very good friend and he was over one night, one thing led to another and it happened. We are fortunate to have the friend and have the 3somes every couple of months.
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Old 10-23-2012, 02:46 PM   #17
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We talked about it for about year and half.. ours sort of just happened. Have a very good friend and he was over one night, one thing led to another and it happened. We are fortunate to have the friend and have the 3somes every couple of months.
Wow Ginger, sounds cool. How "serious" were your prior discussions? Was it just "that would be hot" type of thing or did you really discuss things?
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Old 10-23-2012, 03:07 PM   #18
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You bet

Have been is several MMF's over the years (I'm 56) and really get into man to man oral. Drives the ladies hotter to watch us. Want to expand the next experience to include the men getting behind each other, with the lady directing. Anyone have good or bad to say of that? PM's are welcome.
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Old 10-23-2012, 03:24 PM   #19
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I'd strongly suggest going the swinging route then, and avoiding CL and sites like adultfriendfinder.
I agree with Erika on this. My wife and I have discussed having another guy join us. We looked through some of the online avenues and never felt comfortable making a connection for sex online. We did go to a couple of swing clubs and while we haven't yet had success in finding a suitable partner for an MFM threesome, in time I think we will. Going to a club did allow us to engage in some voyuer/exhibitonist activities and some light FF play for my wife. Also, going to a club has allowed us to explore the lifestyle at our own pace. Good luck with your search, have fun.
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Old 11-03-2012, 03:52 AM   #20
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How about some to watch?

Maybe an easy way to test the waters would be to have a stranger watch the both of you before you find a fuck candidate.

Haven't tried it but we have often talked about having a male observer in the room while we perform for him.

Again, the logistics are a little frightening but it could be a great way to test the fantasy or potentially be the ideal compromise.

Thoughts?
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Old 11-04-2012, 07:54 PM   #21
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Hey message board, looking for some advice. 32 year old happily married man. Looking for how to advice on MFM threesomes. I have heard horror stories and positive experiences. Just wanting honest advice on finding good partners from those who have been there and done that. Thanks!!
Curious of what has come of your explorations? Having any luck? what medium have you pursued for finding another?

Would be very curious of some of your reflections on what you discover along the way...
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Old 11-05-2012, 11:15 AM   #22
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Old 11-05-2012, 02:12 PM   #23
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Old 11-05-2012, 10:36 PM   #24
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All this analysing I read in so many threads about this subject of having a threesome would have me a nervous wreck before anything happened.

I have had FMFs and MFMs and moresomes with three partners over the years - all spontaneous with never a moment of planning. They were all wonderful experiences for everyone.

Nights of dancing and socialising just evolved. Contrary to popular advice they always involved friends. I do not believe it had any impact on the continuation of the friendships or relationships. As the moments were never planned they were not expected to repeat. Some did a couple of times more, but they all developed from the heat of the moment.

There was never any discussions of rules. In fact I can't ever remember having a conversation "what would happen if...?". Just common sense prevailed with respect and awareness of desires and limitations.

I still remain in friendships with the partners involved and some of the people who joined us. The time-frame spans many years.

There was never any analysis of past events - sometimes the memories were used to heighten future moments. There was never any real discussion about the occasions with the people who joined us beyond "I/we had a wonderful evening - thank you".

While there was never any planning for the occasions that actually happened, one of my partners and I did sign up for a swingers site but realised that was not what we wanted. It all seemed too intense and desperate from the people involved so we pulled our profile off. It was the socialising that was always the main attraction - going out dancing and laughing with a little flirting thrown in.

Another suggestion would be to find a club that is not totally all about swinging - a fetish club (a chance to dress-up) - or a club that has members only rooms where the main rooms are just about dancing and socialising. A sex positive club rather than a sex only club. May take the pressure off, just attend with the desire to have a fun night out. Take away the pressure of "It's going to happen tonight!" and all anxieties that could lead to.
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Old 11-08-2012, 06:00 PM   #25
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Maybe an easy way to test the waters would be to have a stranger watch the both of you before you find a fuck candidate.

Haven't tried it but we have often talked about having a male observer in the room while we perform for him.

Again, the logistics are a little frightening but it could be a great way to test the fantasy or potentially be the ideal compromise.

Thoughts?
I think this would be a perfect way to start off- everythnig could evolve, but nothing has to happen. I guess the logistics are as easy or difficult as with any other type of involvment of a 3rd party...
Very arousing thought, anyway!
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