Old 10-14-2012, 02:22 PM   #226
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Originally Posted by XdOu View Post
what makes a good poem?

answer: put extra feelings to it
well if you do decide to post more, make sure they are yours this time, ok? we'll be fair enough based on the poem; do what you did before and you will be found out.

i wish you well.
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Old 10-15-2012, 12:15 PM   #227
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Originally Posted by chipbutty View Post
well if you do decide to post more, make sure they are yours this time, ok? we'll be fair enough based on the poem; do what you did before and you will be found out.

i wish you well.
now, now chip, plagiarism often makes the best poetry, plus you get that feeling of deja vu, that is often missing from original material, here is one of mine

sonnetI

From fairest creatures we desire increase,
That thereby beauty's rose might never die,
But as the riper should by time decease,
His tender heir might bear his memory:
But thou contracted to thine own bright eyes,
Feed'st thy light's flame with self-substantial fuel,
Making a famine where abundance lies,
Thy self thy foe, to thy sweet self too cruel:
Thou that art now the world's fresh ornament,
And only herald to the gaudy spring,
Within thine own bud buriest thy content,
And, tender churl, mak'st waste in niggarding:
Pity the world, or else this glutton be,
To eat the world's due, by the grave and thee.

almost gives you the feeling of Shakespeare, huh?
mak'st waste in niggarding: i should change that line

oops found it here also
now how did he manage to rip me off, hundreds of years before i was born?

on a more serious note, I'm not a fan of the sonnets, they do seem rather old (duh), but Will, if i may call him that, was quite revolutionary in his time, and English as we know it does owe him a considerable debt. We're just lucky it wasn't compounded daily and he's not here to collect it.
oooh debt/collect it, i feel a sonnet coming on.
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Old 10-16-2012, 05:44 PM   #228
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Originally Posted by twelveoone View Post
now, now chip, plagiarism often makes the best poetry, plus you get that feeling of deja vu, that is often missing from original material, here is one of mine

sonnetI

From fairest creatures we desire increase,
That thereby beauty's rose might never die,
But as the riper should by time decease,
His tender heir might bear his memory:
But you, compacted in your own slight eyes,
Feed'st thy light's flame with self-substantial fuel,
Making a famine where abundance lies,
You selfish hoe, you little slutish fool,
Thou that art now the world's fresh ornament,
And only herald to the gaudy spring,
Within thine own bud buriest thy content,
And, tender churl, mak'st waste in niggarding:
Pity the world, or else this glutton be,
To eat the world's due, by the grave and thee.

almost gives you the feeling of Shakespeare, huh?
In barest features we increase desire,
That thereby beauty's rose might never die,
But as often the ripper does retire,
His tender heir might bear his memory:
But you, compacted in your own slight eyes,
Feed'st thy light's flame with self-substantial fuel,
Making a famine where abundance lies,
You selfish hoe, you little slutish fool,
Thou that art now the world's fresh ornament,
And only herald to the gaudy spring,
Within thine own bud buriest thy content,
And, tender churl, mak'st waste in niggarding:
Pity the world, or else this glutton be,
To eat the world's due, by the grave and thee.
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Old 10-16-2012, 06:48 PM   #229
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Quote:
Originally Posted by twelveoone View Post
In barest features we increase desire,
That thereby beauty's rose might never die,
But as often the ripper does retire,
His tender heir might bear his memory:
But you, compacted in your own slight eyes,
Feed'st thy light's flame with self-substantial fuel,
Making a famine where abundance lies,
You selfish hoe, you little slutish fool,
Thou that art now the world's fresh ornament,
And only herald to the gaudy spring,
Within thine own bud buriest thy content,
And, tender churl, mak'st waste in niggarding:
Pity the world, or else this glutton be,
To eat the world's due, by the grave and thee.
1201 - this sounds like something out of the Sot-Weed Factor.
Now I'd like to see you write a poem in the persona of Ignatius Reilly. Be sure to start it with O! Fortuna and include something about that minx Myrna Minkoff.
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Old 10-16-2012, 07:34 PM   #230
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Quote:
Originally Posted by twelveoone View Post
In barest features we increase desire,
That thereby beauty's rose might never die,
But as often the ripper does retire,
His tender heir might bear his memory:
But you, compacted in your own slight eyes,
Feed'st thy light's flame with self-substantial fuel,
Making a famine where abundance lies,
You selfish hoe, you little slutish fool,
You that are now a foul predicament,
Cashiered as small change in a shady spring,
Within thine own bud buriest thy content,
And, tender churl, mak'st waste in niggarding:
Pity the world, or else this glutton be,
To eat the world's due, by the grave and thee.
In barest features we increase desire,
That thereby beauty's rose might never die,
But as often the ripper does retire,
His tender heir might bear his memory:
But you, compacted in your own slight eyes,
Feed'st thy light's flame with self-substantial fuel,
Making a famine where abundance lies,
You selfish hoe, you little slutish fool,
You that are now a foul predicament,
Cashiered as small change in a shady spring,
Iced baby, now as in winter's discontent,
And, tender churl, mak'st waste in niggarding:
Pity the world, or else this glutton be,
To eat the world's due, to the grave with me.
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Old 10-16-2012, 07:39 PM   #231
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Originally Posted by Desejo View Post
1201 - this sounds like something out of the Sot-Weed Factor.
Now I'd like to see you write a poem in the persona of Ignatius Reilly. Be sure to start it with O! Fortuna and include something about that minx Myrna Minkoff.
hush, woman i'm doing Shakespear's Night of the Ripper King

besides, i'd have to read it

but you could,
simple word substitution
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Old 10-16-2012, 08:06 PM   #232
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You haven't read A confederacy of Dunces?!!!!

That is....just.so.wrong.
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Old 10-16-2012, 09:08 PM   #233
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You haven't read A confederacy of Dunces?!!!!

That is....just.so.wrong.
i was afraid they might have been talking about me
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Old 10-17-2012, 09:46 AM   #234
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Originally Posted by twelveoone View Post
In barest features we increase desire,
That thereby beauty's rose might never die,
But as often the ripper does retire,
His tender heir might bear his memory:
But you, compacted in your own slight eyes,
Feed'st thy light's flame with self-substantial fuel,
Making a famine where abundance lies,
You selfish hoe, you little slutish fool,
You that are now a foul predicament,
Cashiered as small change in a shady spring,
Iced baby, now as in winter's discontent,
And, tender churl, mak'st waste in niggarding:
Pity the world, or else this glutton be,
To eat the world's due, to the grave with me.
alright here i am halfway though and I realize i have a farm implement in here.
hoe
ho
'ho'
'ho'e
and i don't know
where to
go
what think'st thou, finish, ripp'd from unseem'd bowels
or save it for a 'winter's discontent' challenge?

anyway if you must
do the penti
this, new to the Iamb, may be rather painless, maybe even fun
take a shake (most are in iambic pentameter, two or three aren't)
and substitute
what this will do is imprint, like a finger exercise on the guitar (or lute, if thou'st prefer)
just remember
he did it better (shakespeare, not 1201)
and then you can get Tzara, Demure101, bflsst, Empie etc. to check your work
but not me
for 'tis not my religion


ripp'd from unseem'd bowels
now how is that for extra feelings?
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Old 10-17-2012, 12:50 PM   #235
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I agree. Poetic technique, like any skill, will come eventually to those who persist and enjoy the artful way language can be expressed. (One might say the same for stand up comedy which I sometimes think is the closest popular expression we have of modern poetry.) But the essence of poetry and what keeps it alive comes from discussions such as this.

As a reflective learner, I don't often contribute directly to the threads, but I read a lot of opinions about poetry on this site. While I may not agree with everything, I would like to let the frequent contributors know, and I mean all of them, how much their thinking has influenced my writing for which I'm very grateful.

In fact, this thread has stirred my creative juices and has me thinking about my next poem.
well, after mining this thread a voice of reason, after so mush (sic) of the pontiff and the pontiff's little helper...


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Originally Posted by Epmd607 View Post
MacLeish was a librarian, he knows about Dewey Decimal System and the early years of microfiche. Somehow he won a bunch of poetry awards. Modernism is probably as surreal as the genre 'surrealist'. TS Eliot, Ezra, especially EE Cumm seemed like they wanted to say some things but weren't very clear about what they were saying most of the time. Poets haven't been very good at describing poems over the course of poetry, specifically good poems. I couldn't really describe a good poem. I don't like most poems I read, and don't really like most poems I write. I'm just a negative creep.
and who be i to argue?

so how do you lads feel about the use of colour in poetry? poesy? do you think red is a good colour for rage? cliched, eh? thank you for de-cliching my H's. ka-ching.
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Old 12-09-2012, 04:23 AM   #236
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Dude... do you ever refer to women as women rather than as males? Taking the time to figure out who you're talking to is the first step in communicating. It probably would make it easier to read through your post as well. Since you refer to a woman as "dude" and all those other male centred nouns and pronouns, you tend to alienate all who are in fact not men.

Just sayin'... go off and enchant yourself now.
You're right - the central most important thing I should have been doing, was identifying if the unknown avatar I might be having a conversation with - is a man or a woman. That's what's most important.

I'll do that now... ignorant cunt. Is that better? Did I get it right? Did the subject matter change?
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Old 12-09-2012, 08:18 AM   #237
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maturity's decided to take a day off?

good poetry? nah. cheap shit like acid-inducing fake cider
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Old 12-09-2012, 10:34 AM   #238
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Originally Posted by XXplorher View Post
You're right - the central most important thing I should have been doing, was identifying if the unknown avatar I might be having a conversation with - is a man or a woman. That's what's most important.

I'll do that now... ignorant cunt. Is that better? Did I get it right? Did the subject matter change?
Just noticed this. Don't be abusive you eekle Twah yeh.
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Old 12-09-2012, 11:44 AM   #239
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Cheap poetry is not like cheap wine. It doesn't get better the more you ingest. Although throwing up the next morning seems very similar.

Good poetry, now there is a rare thing. Exacting use of language, extracting a visceral emotion and a fundamental sense of reality.

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maturity's decided to take a day off?

good poetry? nah. cheap shit like acid-inducing fake cider
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Old 12-09-2012, 01:20 PM   #240
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Originally Posted by KathrynMartin View Post
Cheap poetry is not like cheap wine. It doesn't get better the more you ingest. Although throwing up the next morning seems very similar.

Good poetry, now there is a rare thing. Exacting use of language, extracting a visceral emotion and a fundamental sense of reality.
the 'cheap' reference was to the post above mine, KM though I agree with your thoughts here.
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Old 12-09-2012, 02:36 PM   #241
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Dude... do you ever refer to women as women rather than as males? Taking the time to figure out who you're talking to is the first step in communicating. It probably would make it easier to read through your post as well. Since you refer to a woman as "dude" and all those other male centred nouns and pronouns, you tend to alienate all who are in fact not men.

Just sayin'... go off and enchant yourself now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by XXplorher View Post
You're right - the central most important thing I should have been doing, was identifying if the unknown avatar I might be having a conversation with - is a man or a woman. That's what's most important.

I'll do that now... ignorant cunt. Is that better? Did I get it right? Did the subject matter change?
You seem to be kicking a dog that's 2 years' dead, XXplorher... I see you have succeeded in enchanting yourself since now you're a true ass. Does it hurt when your tail gets pulled?
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Last edited by champagne1982 : 12-09-2012 at 02:43 PM. Reason: to add the other relevant quote to this post
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Old 12-09-2012, 08:02 PM   #242
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Originally Posted by XXplorher View Post
You're right - the central most important thing I should have been doing, was identifying if the unknown avatar I might be having a conversation with - is a man or a woman. That's what's most important.

I'll do that now... ignorant cunt. Is that better? Did I get it right? Did the subject matter change?
If your intent was to demonstrate that you can do no more than vomit up an epithet, as opposed to using language to actually say something meaningful, you got it just right.
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Old 12-10-2012, 12:03 AM   #243
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The real question is what makes a poem well?
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Old 12-10-2012, 11:19 AM   #244
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If your intent was to demonstrate that you can do no more than vomit up an epithet, as opposed to using language to actually say something meaningful, you got it just right.
I'll try and say something meaningful Angeline, though you might think otherwise. Is your avatar really a picture of you? Because I'm fancying it.

And I'm imagining it angry in a strict teacher mode. Grrrrrrrr sexy hot stuff.
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Old 12-10-2012, 02:45 PM   #245
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The real question is what makes a poem well?
I have plenty that need healing.
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Old 12-10-2012, 02:49 PM   #246
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You seem to be kicking a dog that's 2 years' dead, XXplorher... I see you have succeeded in enchanting yourself since now you're a true ass. Does it hurt when your tail gets pulled?
..
The correct term is 'Dudette' ..I'll use it in a sentence for you.
..Dudette make that easier?
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Old 12-10-2012, 04:37 PM   #247
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The real question is what makes a poem well?
Hah! bronzeage, you make every thread better.
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Old 12-10-2012, 08:32 PM   #248
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I'll try and say something meaningful Angeline, though you might think otherwise. Is your avatar really a picture of you? Because I'm fancying it.

And I'm imagining it angry in a strict teacher mode. Grrrrrrrr sexy hot stuff.

Thank you K. That is an avatar I've used at Second Life. I put the look together, but it's just a drawing. She does have a kind of dommy vibe, doesn't she?
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Old 12-11-2012, 04:03 AM   #249
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Thank you K. That is an avatar I've used at Second Life. I put the look together, but it's just a drawing. She does have a kind of dommy vibe, doesn't she?
But is it based on you? I'm thinking so, I am sure you have used a photo of yourself before.

Anyway, all I can think of is, beat me up you hot thing, hit me hit me hit me, use me, abuse me, show me who's boss! Hmm, I've never considered myself a subbie before.
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Old 12-11-2012, 02:17 PM   #250
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But is it based on you? I'm thinking so, I am sure you have used a photo of yourself before.

Anyway, all I can think of is, beat me up you hot thing, hit me hit me hit me, use me, abuse me, show me who's boss! Hmm, I've never considered myself a subbie before.
Well yes, it is based on me. The hair and the eyes and the glasses, for sure. And I can't count how many guys over the years have said I'm a dom type. I always thought of myself more as bossy lol. eagleyez caught it right away.

Now grab your ankles and let me spank the bejesus out of you, you bad, bad poet.
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